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Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand      Home login  
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 lynx-1950
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 171
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-standPage 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Ive been thinking long and hard about this and put myself in this situation.

If I had a one night stand and got pregnant I would blame myself for not protecting myself. I would get checked out for sexual diseases and then decide what I was going to do. I might not even tell the father but would deal with it as I saw fit. Its a little different if you are in a serious relationship but I certainly wouldnt blame the other person for a drunken grope any more than I would blame myself. At the end of the day it is me left holding the baby and my life that would be majorly affected and me that put myself in the position in the first place. I'd say the responsiblity would lie mainly with me.
 Pud78
Joined: 4/29/2010
Msg: 172
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 2:50:29 AM
I am responsible for my sexual health and mine alone, like in most things in life the decisions we make have consequences. I make poor decisions and I face the fall out as it is my responsibility to do so.
I am not responsible for any pregnancy, that responsibility belongs to the woman and only she can decide what she wants to do. I though am responsible for any life that I have helped create even if I have done everything right. The creation of life shouldn't be about blame and any sexual encounter regardless of how safe you think you are being can lead to pregnancy, the only completely safe method is no sex.
You buy a car and the seller tells you it is perfect in every way, you part with your cash and you find out you've bought a lemon, how much is your responsibility? People lie, we know this - we don't risk our money unless we are certain.
You risk your sexual health and protection on someone you don't know? You are as responsible as you have been naive and rash.
 finbarrsaunders
Joined: 1/26/2010
Msg: 173
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 4:56:56 AM
Tomorrow on the Jeremy Kyle Show -My next door neighbour's cousin's cat looks like Hitler. Don't miss those all important DNA results.
 loula lou lou
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 174
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 10:26:35 AM
i personally think if a woman has lied about being on the pill then it is her own fault ... simple .... she should take responsibiaty ... why would you lie about it ??? trapping a man is never a good idea ... best to have a baby if that baby is wanted by both people .... but men who are not bothered about using a condom .... thats not clever either
 ~Unique~54
Joined: 3/17/2010
Msg: 175
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 10:42:28 AM

I am not responsible for any pregnancy, that responsibility belongs to the woman


How do you work that out? ...you are not responsible if the woman you sleep with falls pregnant? Who is? That bloke that looked at her c0ck-eyed?
BOTH are responsible, what's so hard for men to comprehend about that. If a man and woamn have sex and neither uses contraception, they are jointly responsible

That just about sums up most male attitudes on this thread.
 loula lou lou
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 176
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 10:48:43 AM
yep well said BOTH are responsible ... well not being rude but most of the blokes on this site lack basic intellegence ..... i dont think they seem to realise it takes two people to make a baby awwww bless them LOL
 ~Unique~54
Joined: 3/17/2010
Msg: 177
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 12:50:30 PM
Agree with what you are saying ^^^ and I don't think you have to tell any single mother who ends up being responsible for a child.

I was trying to make the 'joint responsibilty point' to the 'saying she is on the pill when she isn't' brigade...HE shouldn't trust her and cover it himself for several reasons...she is a stranger in this scenario...if a prenancy results I re-iterate its both that are responsible for the pregnancy...the OP's question was who is responsible for the situation...not who is left lumbered.
 Korotky
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 178
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 1:24:03 PM
How about a pre-coital agreement?


"I... {insert bints name here} the undersigned, being sound and fit totty, do duly attest and swear to accept total responsibility for employing personal contraception, and to take every reasonable step prior to, during, and after intercourse, to ensure a pregnancy does not occur, whether presently sober or drunk, high as a kite, or otherwise. I accept {insert studs name here} has agreed to wear a condom solely to protect both of us from sexually transmissible diseases, but that I shall not now or later claim to rely upon that device as reliable contraception and shall not bring any claim against {insert studs name here again} should I become pregnant as a result of bonking him, and to absolve {insert studs name here again} of all and any future contrary claims I might be inclined to make.

Signed______________________________ Witnessed by {leave blank, stud to complete later}

A. Bint ______________________________ A. Nother"


 ~Unique~54
Joined: 3/17/2010
Msg: 179
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 1:45:05 PM
However - and this is the bit that grates - if the woman decides she doesn't want it, in many cases (especially one night stands) all of a sudden, the whole "equally responsible" thing gets thrown out of the window.

Her body; her decision; what the bloke may want is irrelevant, as it's nothing to do with him now


Ok, lets say she doesnt want the pregnancy and he does, how will that work if she had the baby...for him.
This is me in post 148.


And would that same fellow give up his job to raise the child? Would he be prepared to stay home an inordinate amount of time to care for that child? Would the guy give up his worklife, his social life, his disposable income, and do everything a mother does for that child? School runs, doctors trips, parents evenings, managing shopping and a baby day in day out in busy supermarkets when that child is screaming it's lungs off, pay to put that child thru university...would he really do all that?
We are talking about a one-nighter here after all?

Would you? Cos thats the sh1t end of the deal the woman would get...but she wouldn't see it that way...but I'm almost positive a man would


Can you even imagine the woman handing over the newborn child to him and he raised the child as a single mother has to?
Would he be as self-scarificing and give up the next 18 years at least, as a woman would or would have to,to raise this baby? So that the woman could walk away, not contribute in any way, emotionally or financially and carry on with her life?

I don't see that happening except in extremely rare circumstances. Is this what you would ask of women in this position?

For the last time , I say he should not allow a stranger to be impregnated by him if he wants to be sure of securing fatherhood.


EDIT; vvvvv

If it's that easy why dont more men do it in that case?

Not heard of any 14 yr olds getting flats or benefits actually, can you give us a link or examples please? They are usually at home with mum supporting them and the baby.

And your post is outrageously inflammatory on so many levels. Getting used to men here having ignorant, narrow,over-simplistic, generalising views on women.

And if you know too many people living well on benefits, maybe you should report them as they are definitely cheating the system in that case. if they truly lived on benefit they would be very poor indeed.

This subject gets raked up too often, and it's not what this thread is about, see several other threads for input...just another small point...who makes these young girls pregnant/...oh of course, it's boys or men...feel like slating them too...or are they not as bad because they dont end up with the baby?
 flatline78
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 180
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 1:55:39 PM
Well it can't be that hard otherwise so many 14 year old girls wouldn't keep getting up the duff.
And would I be happy being offered a nice council place for me and the kid then an even bigger one when I had more kids and get benefits as well mmm I'll swap with them anyday.
I know too many people who live very well on benefits.
 Trident3163
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 181
view profile
History
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/9/2010 4:28:08 PM
You both choose to have sex, you both knew the risks - you both take responsibility.

However, its growing inside the woman, so at the end of the day, its her choice whether the pregnancy follows through to term. If she chooses yes, then the gent is in part responsible for maintenance.

I have had offers and insistence at times of sex without protection, let alone contraception. When I was younger I knew the risks but accepted the consequences. Now older, there are a few times where I have walked away. But what does it say about the woman who is so desperate to get pregnant?

As I said above: you both choose to have sex, you both know the risks - you both take responsibility.
 Pud78
Joined: 4/29/2010
Msg: 182
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/10/2010 12:30:44 AM

I am not responsible for any pregnancy, that responsibility belongs to the woman


How do you work that out?

I am responsible for the conception and I think I make it clear that I am responsible for any child but the pregnancy? Well I can't decide if it is aborted or kept, I can't look after the feotus that the woman is carrying, the woman can take further precautions that I can't with the contraception pill and morning after pill. The situation here is it a fling, a one night stand and ultimately a mistake and the onus of what is right with the feotus is with the woman, hopefully with my involvement and support but I might not even know.
I also made it clear any consequences of my actions is my responsibility.


...you are not responsible if the woman you sleep with falls pregnant? Who is? That bloke that looked at her c0ck-eyed?

Percentage wise? Could be 50/50 and I don't think it is particular helpful laying blame

BOTH are responsible, what's so hard for men to comprehend about that. If a man and woman have sex and neither uses contraception, they are jointly responsible

For the conception, the pregnancy and what happens? Well ultimately the woman. Any child? Clearly both.

yep well said BOTH are responsible ... well not being rude but most of the blokes on this site lack basic intellegence ..... i dont think they seem to realise it takes two people to make a baby awwww bless them LOL

You are being rude, there is no question about how babies are made. A difference in opinion doesn't mean a lack of intelligence.
 Carm0n
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 183
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 11/10/2010 7:15:48 AM
can't be bothered to read bickering
just like to say
I have womb,
I can get pregnant
I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT

Yes, there is also STD's so you also need condoms, so what is the problem?
If you use condoms so you do not catch anything, then you don't get fooled into gedtting her pregnant.

Surely for both sex's you need condoms?

Its not just pregnancy your wanting to stop, have you heard that Syphilis is out htere aswell as the rest of the common ones you have heard of
Not being a teenager does not stop you getting these things
 lulu1402
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 184
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 6:49:54 AM
I agree with above post ....a women knows the risk of getting pregnant if she has sex with out using birth control .....and both sexs know the risk of catching std if having sex with out a condom .There was a women this week on This Morrning had caught HIV fron a guy she was seeing and also got pregnant when asked did you not think to use protection she said did not think .
 misshapenlol
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 185
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 7:27:19 AM
If this happened to me, I would accept it as a blessing and get on with it- I'd give the gentleman in question the option to be part of it- if he refused I wouldn't want someone like him being part of my child's life anyway. I've been a single parent before- I would happily do it again if it meant the joy of having another little person in my life. x
 Waynie_Vunderba
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 186
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 9:44:33 AM
I always like to carry a coat hangAr around with me for those awkward moments.

VVV Spelling lames. The last bastion of the desperate.

 Emma_Dilemma65
Joined: 5/4/2011
Msg: 187
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 9:48:13 AM
What a heart-warming post 215 - you truly sound a beautiful person inside and out!

... and for those among us unable to do basic spellling it's coat hangEr - happy to help the needy :D
 Nutty_Bat
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 188
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 9:50:42 AM
Lets face it most women do a fantastic job of bringing up the kids alone anyway ,,, im not saying fathers dont do a good job , im talking about the dads that dont want the kids and the mother decides to keep the child ...
 misshapenlol
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 189
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 9:56:22 AM
Aww thank you for that comment 217- made me smile
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 190
view profile
History
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:00:56 AM
My view on this is about as politically correct as making all africans dress up in gollywog suits would be nowadays lol

I do infact believe BOTH people are EQUALLY responsible for an accidental pregnancy. It would seem silly to suggest otherwise

However, from that moment on society has taken the path that ONLY a woman has any choice or say in what happens next. So, to me that means ONLY the woman can ever be "responsible" for a birth resulting from that pregnancy, as a pregnancy isnt by any stretch of the imagination a "baby"

A fertilised egg can happen by accident, but a baby happens by choice,

Although I cant see a reasonable way that "choice" could be shared that doesnt mean responsibility has to be. So I have always believed that where a pregnancy is either accidental or "accidental" (meaning deliberate but claimed to be an accident in the second instance) the man should have the ability to choose if he wants to be a part in childs life physically and financially as that is the only reasonable way to have some degree of choice where its unreasonable for a man to have a say in what happens to a foetus inside someone elses body

That way the woman still has the "choice" of whether or not to continue with a pregnancy knowing she would be solitarily responsible for it on all levels including the financial ones. Which I think would see an increase in pregnancy initially, then a reduction as fewer women would see having a baby as a "deliberate accident" as not being a very wise way to either lock a man into a relationship, repair a failing one or as a vehicle to subsidised single parenthood

The arguement that when a man agrees to have sex he is ALSO agreeing to anything else that might happen as a result however is to be honest pretty vaccuous.

BOTH people are infact agreeing to have sex, nothing more. And if people are going to apply the previous mindset to the act then that should ALSO be applied just as easily to women. So women would also have to choose abstinance UNLESS theyre prepared to accept "all" consequences, including having a child they dont want.

So that inane mantra really just suggests maybe abortion for anything but rape or medical grounds should be banned so women rather than just men are made "accountable" for their choice to have sex

Although most people who do try to use that arguement WILL infact only apply it to men, which I think often reflects their personality and outlook in general.

As for the financial side of things hows this for "equality"

If a woman has the right for a man to subsidises her "choice" in unilaterally breeding its also just as fair for women who abort to also spend the next 18 years of their life compensating the "would have been" father for killing their child surely?

That would seem to be much "fairer" so if fairness is whats actually being sought rather than just defending a womans right to breed without consent whenever she feels like it that should also be a reasonable and more balanced approach shouldnt it? lol
 misshapenlol
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 191
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:15:51 AM
Can I also gently point out that my single parenthood was paid for entirely by my hard work in a career which I was lucky enough to have carved out prior to my son arriving and my ex-husband leaving? He has maintained his son financially in fairness to him, however, I did not need his money to be able to look after my son and I did the rest of the hard work with the support of my wonderful family.

That said- I was lucky. It is no life being a single parent and not having a well-paid job to get you through- my sister struggled with it when her ex-husband (who chose to have children) decided he'd had enough of being a father and left.

Just as well we don't rely on men to populate the earth but I wonder how many of you would struggle with the very difficult decision of terminating the life growing inside you. I take my hat off to women everywhere who have had to do just that, and the many men who do step up to their responsibilities instead of making pitiful excuses for avoiding it.
 straycat7
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 192
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:27:58 AM
i always like to wear two condoms for safety.but i always give the lassies i pork a false name and abode just incase of any accidents.any mention of pregnancys and babys ta me and im off like a bat oot of hell.
 cc7up
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 193
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:37:54 AM
Then there are the teenagers who won't reveal who the baby's father is because it might well just turn out to be their good old dad, their Uncle Fred or they can't be sure which one of the local rugby team it was that scored on her blind (drunk) side.

Ohhhh,The Shame of it....
 kirkstmoritz2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 194
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 10:43:48 AM
Can I also gently point out that my single parenthood was paid for entirely by my hard work in a career


Ok


He has maintained his son financially in fairness to him


So which is it, you did it yourself or you did it with help from the father? i'm confused....maybe you stuck it all away in his piggy bank for when he was older? didn't spend a penny of it?




decided he'd had enough of being a father and left.



Just as well we don't rely on men to populate the earth


I'm noticing a theme here




I wonder how many of you would struggle with the very difficult decision of terminating the life growing inside you. I take my hat off to women everywhere who have had to do just that


Excluding medical or other honourable reasons why would you take your hat off? sounds like another form of contraception to me.


and the many men who do step up to their responsibilities instead of making pitiful excuses for avoiding it.


There you go again, so why when a man doesn't want to be involved he's "pitifull" and yet when a woman goes through the same thought process, comes to the same conclusion and terminates a pregnancy you take your hat off to her for the "very difficult decision"?
 hellynbackagain
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 195
Responsibility for pregnancy from a fling or one-night-stand
Posted: 10/15/2011 11:35:50 AM
Oh lordy lordy, another male versus female spat.....


Today there is absolutely no need for unplanned pregnancies, and it was the same almost 30 years ago when it happened to me, so no excuses, I knew there was a risk of getting pregnant, even though I was a bit pissed I still knew but went ahead regardless, the only difference was I was engaged to the fecker and really kinda expected him to hang around and help, but he didn't so what.

I raised my girl on my own, also without the help of state benefits, at one point I had 4 jobs and was out most of the day, a necessary evil in my eyes as wee girls can be quite expensive and luckily for me my mother was a great help in looking after my girl when I had to work. My whole point is if you **** up and get pregnant to a one night stand you surely don't expect him to pay do you? good luck with that one.

Would be better if you just learned from other womens mistakes and never got pregnant in the first place.
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