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 BB King
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 99
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????Page 2 of 40    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)
No doubt, that losing the 30 pounds would be good for her. But so would kicking his ass to the curb

SUBLIME
 cupidstrikes
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 103
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:28:27 AM

Nancy, where is it stated in the op that this is what he requires of her to prove her love to him?


EXACTLY!
See how people see what they want to see?
Funny isn't it?

Nowhere in the initial post did I read anything about anyone proving their love to anyone else.
 NancyC123
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 105
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:31:23 AM
Very true, Mako Sharc...Good Point...

But, that being the case, then the post should've been worded differently, don't you think? I mean, look at the Subject title alone...that, initself gets my gander up (obviously)!

But, trying to view this objectively, I see where you're coming from....

Okay, I've calmed down now....(still upset with Chump 55 though...)
 cupidstrikes
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 109
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 10:40:40 AM
Are people in today's age THAT lazy that they can't make an effort to go walking/jogging/cycling/hit a gym or just exercise (as well as watch what they eat) in order to be healthy?

If someone can't care that much about themselves then who can they really care for?
As the saying goes "if you can't love yourself you can't love anyone else".

Yes while it may be benefitial for him to have her lose weight (MAYBE he prefers slim women OR maybe it's something different all-together...perhaps he cares that much that he just wants to see her healthy) it'll be even more benefitial for her than anyone else.

SHE'S the one that will be happier in the long run as she will feel better and will be healthier too.

Am I the only one that looks at this from a health point of view?
 cupidstrikes
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 117
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 11:40:57 AM
Imagine a woman saying to a man, sure I will marry you, if you increase your income by $20,000 a year, same difference. Or better yet, she tells him she will only accept his ring if he has a penis enlargement.


IT'S NOT THE SAME DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FAT PEOPLE DIE SOONER!!!!
FAT PEOPLE HAVE MORE HEALTH PROBLEMS/COMPLICATIONS THAN HEALTHIER PEOPLE.

ANYONE WITH 1/2 A BRAIN WOULD KNOW THAT.

A DIFFERENCE IN PENIS SIZE OR BANK ACCOUNT SIZE IS NOT THE SAME AS A DIFFERENCE IN ONE'S HEALTH.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
WOULD YOU RATHER SEE YOUR KIDS FIT/HEALTHY OR FAT TUB-OF-LARDS?
IF YOUR KIDS WERE FAT TUB-OF-LARDS WOULD YOU STILL FEED THEM HO-HO'S, TWINKIES AND HOTDOGS OR WOULD YOU TRY AND BETTER THEIR DIET?
WOULD YOU STILL GIVE THEM MONEY TO GET TREATS OFF THE ICE CREAM TRUCK?

HOW COULD YOU EVEN COMPARE THE 2????
 cupidstrikes
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 120
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 11:47:11 AM
First the average woman statistically runs between a size 14 -16


Ok just out of curiosity, where did you get these stats from?
Also, "average woman" where?
In America?
Statistically speaking americans are also overweight!

Did you factor in those stats too?

Ever see the "average" person's size who lives in Texas?
They're 3-4 times the size of me!

They're right about one thing...EVERYTHING's bigger in TEXAS!
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 132
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 12:46:10 PM
Hmmmmmmm..... I thought true love was supposed to be unconditional, silly me. Already there are way to many conditions (over 1). What happens after she gets married and the weight comes back on, will he then serve her with divorce papers???

It's a proven fact that the older you get the harder it is to get the weight off and keep it off. Why should she starve herself because he's a superficial a$$hat??? And why oh WHY this incessant need to be married?? That piece of paper will not further validate the beutiful woman that she already is.

If it were me...... I'd tell him to take his silly conditions and shove them along with his head straight up his judgemental a$$. If he doesn't want to marry the person she is now than he really isn't worth it. Tell this 61 year old juvenile to grow up. Gawd what a p rick.

:))
Witchy
 simply_peachy
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 138
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 1:45:57 PM
I understand that in late 50's, it may be harder to find a decent guy, but this guy is seems tactless and disgusting to me. He may seem nice on the outside, but if his condition is for her to lose 30 pounds as a stipulation for an engagement ring, that's a form of control, what the hell happens when she has the ring and he finds something else he wants to change about her? Will he threaten to take it back? From my perspective it just seems that if this is the first step, and things can only go downhill...I've been with a guy like that, and an engagement ring would not have been worth it for that. I'm only 23, and again, I realize her age probably factors more into the equation than mine would in the same circumstance, but I don't think that it's worth it for a ring. She should hold on to find a man who truly loves her for who she is, every last pound.

And by the by, as a large woman, I would kill to be a size 16, if I got down there and someone told me to lose more weight, things would end violently.

As for the annullment, which is a little harder for me to tackle because I hold no involvement in any organized religion of any kind. If he wants her to do something so important to him, I think it's a bad sign that he won't change something so seemingly simple for her. Again, I'm not sure...but I would think that getting a marriage annulled, especially after the divorce has already been gone through, can't possibly be much harder than losing 30 lbs. If he really loved her he should be willing to do anything for her, and wouldn't be asking her to change.
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 142
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 3:13:28 PM

So he should also tell her to take her silly condition and shove it up her @$$ as well? After all, if you don't need to be married and get that piece of paper, why the need for an anullment, right?


Well Black Belt, I can't really help with the Catholic Dogma as I don't do dogma well. Basically I was responding to question asked.


He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????


Don't do conditions well either and I believe I stated "more than one" so in essense I was pointing the finger in both directions as being unhealthy. Personally I don't believe he really wants to be married at all. However you do make a valid point.

:))
Witchy
 BB King
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 145
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 5:49:38 PM
This is really sad. Another case of her low self esteem, and his manipulative behavior.
I hadto revisit this. This is......She's everything.....But! Everything but 30 lbs. lighter. In the dating world, We have choices. You can be everything to yourself, or everything........but !, to someone else. It's ****ed up.

SUBLIME
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 148
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 7:53:30 PM

BMI has been proven REPEATEDLY to be inaccurate because it does not take into consideration muscle mass in the least. Even doctors (who are mostly owned by drug companies who all have diet pills to sell) are shying away from BMI because it is so inaccurate.
^^^^^^^^^ AND..... muscle weighs aprox. 6 times more than fat.

:))
Witchy
 Lynsteph74
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 150
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/24/2007 8:11:15 PM
HELL NO!! dump him, period. What will his excuse be after she loses weight?
 gonzofanmel
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 157
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 7:18:40 AM

And being a fat slob is not unhealthy in itself?
Being a fat slob can't cause problems within one's own body?



Oh PUHLEEZ.

I never said being overweight was a good thing. BTW--size 16 is hardly a "fat slob."

I said TELL HER TO STOP TAKING DIET PILLS BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT A HEALTHY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT. The OP said that they make her friend irritable.
Most of those pills contain unhealthy amounts of caffeine, which can increase your heartbeat and cause insomnia, nausea and dizziness. This was a reason why drugs like ephedra were taken off the market--sure, it helps people suppress appetite and burn fat, but it can also kill you.
Does this sound like a healthy way to lose weight to you? Are these side effects really worth the end results? Sure, she may end up weighing less, but she could have other problems--such as heart and even liver damage--as a result of it.

As someone who has struggled with the weight issue all of her life, I have either tried or seen my friends try almost everything out there--from diet pills to laxatives to starvation. And half the time they did this was because their lame-a** boyfriends or husbands told them they had to be a certain size in order to stay in the relationship. (I never had that kind of boyfriend, thank God--my ex accepted me no matter what my weight was, whether I was up or down the scale). I worry for the OP's friend because she is taking diet pills. Because speaking from experience, they do more harm then good.

It took years for me to finally get on a healthy diet and exercise regimen. (And even then I don't always succeed. ) The thing I found to be one of the best aids was a POSITIVE attitude to begin with--a person who wants to lose weight should NOT be made to feel he or she is unattractive and incapable of being loved without looking a certain way. Because I can tell you, even if that person does lose the weight, on the inside they will still feel unattractive because they have been told time and time again that's who they are.


If the OP's friend wants to lose weight because SHE thinks it's necessary (or her doctor has told her to do it), then that's one thing. If this man really cares about her, and he is trying to get her to lose weight because he cares about her health, then he needs to reassure her that he still finds her beautiful and appreciates her no matter what.

If, on the other hand, she is losing weight because her boyfriend has some unrealistic idea that she should be some skinny little size 2 Barbie doll (and from what I'm reading, that's what it sounds like--the OP says that he "wants a SKINNY girlfriend"--it doesn't say anything about him being worried for her health), then THAT is a serious problem. And she needs to get out of that situation ASAP.
 raelxraelx
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 163
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 8:01:45 AM
Truer words were never spoken. Be who you are, yeah, yeah, try and keep it healthy. communicate,communicate,communicate! Weight? YOu know the answer too as a statement, no need to ask. But please remember this above all else......You are not to be made into what someone wants......what....this week, this or that. KICK HIS ASS TO THE CURB! If it would make you feel better that is your choice, if that is healthier for you, your choice. But I also am instilled with this, KICK HIS ASS TO THE CURB. Have a great day and be at peace with yourself.
namaste
michael
 joesey
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 165
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 8:56:20 AM
why the women are worried about engagement rings ,, the men are looking at skinny women.. this is my honest opinion ! if a guy that I had been with for 2.5 years said he would give me a ring if I lost 30 lbs, I would be heart broken,, obviously he's a bit of a jerk,,, but when a man says he loves you ,, thats exactly what he is suppose to do LOVE U and the size 16 is all part of that.. let me just say that I am not a arrogant person, but if it were me I'd find a man who loves me and my big butt... thats like telling a short man to grow 6 inches so you can be happy with him.... just can't see myself doing anything like that, have to make yourself happy first and if shes happy being size 16 then tell her to get off the diet pills, they will hurt her eventually ... sounds like they already have... which does he want a crabby skinny woman or a happy size 16? he's got a problem ... let him figure it out,, and stay healthy ... diet pills are not the answer and he needs to drop back and regroup ... tell him to look inside first ... sounds like shes a wonderfull caring person, to risk her health to make him happy is just plan stupid no one is worth that
 Lisa6767
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 168
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 9:25:49 AM
If he truly loves her the weight would not be an issue. Love is unconditional! She should just leave the engagement ring thing alone and just enjoy what they have. She also needs to be real about the fact that his love for her IS conditional!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 170
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 12:20:06 PM
HELL, NO!

Tell him to lose about ten years off of his age and then she might accept a ring from him.

She is desperate and he is taking advantage of her desperation.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 172
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:20:29 PM

So wont hurt to get rid of it! And you love the person, but doesnt mean you like the fat blob of a body that person resides in. Its a bit a harsh, but probably will be good for her, and maybe it his way of trying to help her get fit lol. [/qupte]

Last Knight, when you have a bit more understanding of people and life in general, come back and post a comment that shows you have some common sense.

When people try to change in order to please another person--especially in an instance such as this--it is doomed to failure. So she loses 30 pounds to satisfy this man, what happens when she gains it back after they are married? Does she have the right to ask him to change something about himself?

She will constantly fear gaining weight back, which, in turn will almost guarantee that she will gain it back. Personally, I wouldn't live with someone whose criticism I fear or worry about. Life is too short for that.
 gonzofanmel
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 173
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:22:45 PM
Well if he wants her to lose 30lb, than she is clearly seriously overweight!


According to who? To her boyfriend? To a BMI index? To a doctor? How exactly is
this wonderful man of hers determining that she is overweight?

If memory serves, Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14-16. And I've never heard anyone call her "seriously overweight."

One of my best friends had a boyfriend who thought she was overweight and wanted her to lose 20 lbs or so...and she was a size 6-8. He wanted a girl who was a size 4 or less. It had NOTHING to do with her health. It had to do with his obsession with what he thought the "perfect body" should be like. She was a beautiful healthy girl with some curves, and he wanted some anorexic stick figure. He constantly belittled her about how much she ate, and how he would find her much more attractive if she would just "lose a little." For HIM . When she finally broke it off with him, her self-esteem was in the toilet for a long time.


Grow up!
 welshpetal30
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 174
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:26:31 PM
i would lose the 30lbs and then lose him!!!
 Flipper Jones
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 180
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:20:46 PM
"He's really a great guy.......EXCEPT he wants me to drop 30 lbs. before he'll buy me a ring." This is the kind of marriage I'd try to avoid. If he doesn't LOVE her just the way she is why would she want to be with him? I'm guessing she can do much better for herself.

If she needed to lose weight for health reasons, as someone mentioned he should be there to really help and support her. Eating healthy, exercising with her, etc. Not dangling a ring in front of her like a carrot in front of a mule.

maybe I'm nuts.....


flip
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 181
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/25/2007 7:06:00 PM
Ya know, the thing that bugs me about this situation is that he is with her, was attracted to her when she was at this weight when they met, but now it is not good enough.

If her weight bothered him, he should never have started a relationship with her. We are all entitled to our preferences in the looks department, but to date her and then tell her to lose weight . . . nah, that isn't right. If the weight is a problem now, it was a problem from the beginning and he overlooked it--for whatever reason.

If she is "good" enough to date while being overweight, then she is good enough to marry in the same state. It really sounds like he is taking advantage of her or is slumming in order to get something he wants.

She should push him off in a burning boat.
 cabindude
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 195
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/27/2007 5:44:17 PM
The man is a playing her. He has no intention of marrying her. Two conditions? You're joking. It doesn't matter is she does lose 30 lbs. He's got a back up plan." Ohhh my cold feet"!!!lol. "I'm sorry honey, I just don't feel like getting my marriage annulled". Why is this guy divorced? She should tell him if his penis grows 3 inches she'll consider it.lol. Just my opinion. Of course as many have suggested, lose the weight, take the ring and walk.
 Sweet_but_in-charge
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 201
He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:25:35 AM
LOVE this response!

That's my feeling exactly...

Lose some weight, lose the loser and find someone more appreciative and loving.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 207
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He Says Lose 30 lbs and He Will Give you an Engagement Ring.....Would Ya????
Posted: 8/5/2007 8:50:04 PM
she should just tell him..that she can lose 175- 200 lbs (what ever his weight is)...by telling him to get lost!!

if this man cant accept her and love her for who she is...then he is always going to find some faults with her even if she does lose weight..

He sounds like a control freak and even though she may not be able to accept it..she would be better off without him.
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