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Joined: 8/30/2010
Msg: 73
Women asking Men outPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

What is the ratio of women asking men out compared to men asking women out? Is it becoming more common? Should it? Why?

I dont know what the broad statistics are, and I dont know how you would find them. Perhaps PoF might have some stats on how many of their female members send initial emails vs males. Personally, I feel more comfortable with approaching guys now, especially on email. It seems to be more a society norm than when I was younger. However, starting a conversation is one thing, asking someone out is another, and I dont know that I feel confident about that.

I'm not very big on 'shoulds'. Too many of the things that come under that heading are parental or archaic and not necessarily sensible. I'll give it a go :) ....people should do what feels right for them because being authentically themselves is a good start in finding the right partner.
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 74
Women asking Men out
Posted: 3/23/2012 9:35:43 AM
Go 4 it girl, us blokes want u 2 make 1st move.
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 75
Women asking Men out
Posted: 3/24/2012 5:32:54 AM
he is young therefore knows it all !!!

So now you're using the same blanketing generalisations that you are tearing shreds from TMU over...?
First and foremost, I take great offense to that statement and I seriously question the validity of an opinion from someone who can illustrate so easily how hypocratic one can be subjectively.

As usual, MrsNamaah has been the voice of reason in this farce, though I can see where TMU is kind of coming from, and can see the angle of his arguement.

I tend to agree with a fraction of what he says, that there is indeed a sector of women who WILL hold the mindset that they deserve a free ride. But this is such a sweeping generalisation on a small minority that it renders the arguement null and void. These women (and men for that matter) are easy to spot and even easier to avoid. To call them whores or hookers or perceive them as such is giving them far more credit than they are due... let some poor desperate fool deal with them as you move on to bigger and better things.

Now, as the thread has progressed, and personal feelings have been allowed to influence and indeed become part of the arguement between a few posters, this thread has become a total joke. And all that has been brought to light is how arrogant and blinkered some people can be once they have an idea in their head.

TMU- if you read through the responses very carefully, you’ll see that no-one has been directly having a crack at you to begin with and you have made yourself your own worst enemy... regarding Mrsnamaah especially. In fact, she has been the only one who hasn’t personally attacked you, and has tried to remain a voice of reason and logic... and yet you hone in and attack her like she is vilifying you. A little decorum on your part would be appreciated for her effort.

I hear what you’re saying mate, truly... But you’ve taken a small percentage and applied it as a blanket to the rest of the population. Here’s a different perspective for you to consider;
You’re a youngish man, like me (which does not suggest that stupidity or arrogance plays a part here Pookie)
So let’s say that you’ve met someone (be it on here or elsewhere) and you both want to go out on a date... But she’s a uni student or something. Maybe she just paid a massive bill or something, and she can’t afford to go out with you... meaning that your arguement is brought into play here, as the date cannot go ahead unless you pay (or at least not this week, fortnight... whatever)
So does that mean she falls into the category of one of those women you are trying to bring to the spotlight? Or is she simply a victim of circumstance, and you are in the position to nullify that circumstance?

The OP was in regard to women making the first move regarding going out on a date, and I’m all for it. I find dates are rarely initiated by any one person anyway, but more from a mutual desire to be in each others company.
But I’m just an elitist bumpkin. What would I know?
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 76
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 3/24/2012 7:02:08 AM
I think the mistake we all made in this thread is caring what a guy who has no interest in dating has to say about that very subject.

If there's ever a thread about bloodplay or watersports I'll be all ears for his opinion though.
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 77
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 3/24/2012 5:56:49 PM
me....wait around!? no way - if I am interested in someone - then they know it!! simple! I often ask men out and yes they accept! the days of the female waiting for a man to ask her to dance is well over!!! thank goodness! - but I have always been like that - I find that alot of men are really indecisive too - and I dont have time for indecisions - just get on with it!!
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 78
Women asking Men out
Posted: 3/26/2012 5:24:25 PM
Oh yeah… this…. bangs head on wall

But I don’t want to have hairy armpits and a penis

If that’s your answer when you have it in comparison of paying on dates, using your logic, no one should be offended when someone says women shouldn’t get equal pay in the workplace.

*sigh* I was mocking the fact that you said men and women have to be identical in order for equality to exist. Following the actual conversational flow may assist you.

It seems that she thinks it’s so important to be married, like it’s the be all and end all.
Your indignant interpretation and subsequent over the top defensiveness are your own. Don’t try to make them Hilly’s. Look at what you’d said just before she wrote the comment in question…some tough-guy comment telling me that if I didn’t like your viewpoint, then it was tough sh1t for me… (goodness, that really showed me, eh! :laugh:) …as if I would be expected to suffer(?) in some way from you retaining your particular perspective. So it was in response to that where she laughed and used a classically succinct Hillyesque response to convey that I probably wouldn’t care, let alone suffer, no matter what your viewpoint was because it’s hardly likely to have any bearing on me whatsoever given that I am happy with my life (which happens to include being married) …whereas your viewpoint indicates quite a degree of discontent. I assure you, any hangups about marital status are all your own.

What's the hold up? I am waiting.

Gosh I hope you didn’t wait by your computer all weekend. Although if you spent the weekend alone, think of the money you will have saved. :wink:

So, cue music for when they do those ‘back-in-time memory grabs’ on soap operas…
ID said: I for one am pretty comfortable with the default position being that the guy pays.

In your very next post following his you said: That means you have no spine and no respect for your gender. It also means that you are desperate.

So ID puts his hand up as an example of a guy happy to pay on date, and then you say that means he is ‘spineless’ and ‘desperate’. So why would you later expect me to believe that you were not equally applying that same convicted conclusion to all other men who are also happy to pay? Unless you would like to admit that you only meant it to apply to ID for the purpose of baiting/flaming him just because you two don’t get on. The moderators might not like that very much though. Bit of a catch 22 for you really.

Then we had this one…

ID said: If in the future I come across one who doesn't that's also okay as I still go into a date expecting to pay.

In your very next post following his you said: The reality is that I find it hard to feel anger when I am laughing at people such as your self who seem to love double standards due to your desperation in dating. It's not much different than paying a hooker for sex as you are desperate for sex.

So you used the phrase ‘people such as yourself’ in this one (and in the context it appeared, it indicated a reference to all men who, like ID, are happy to pay on dates) and said they were desperate. You also equated them paying for the date with paying for a hooker, thereby clearly having concluded that the women concerned are indeed selling their time and affection for the price of a drink and a meal…as in, not much different to how hookers accept money for sex. So yes, you did indeed accuse all men who are happy to pay on a date of being desperado types who have to pay women to go out with them, and you did indeed assign women the role of hooker. You can deny it til the cows come home crack open a beer and sit down to watch The Simpsons, but it doesn’t alter the fact.

As I wrote in my very first post, “ both chipping in is a perfectly valid concept, but this notion of reducing the dating dynamic to some kind of 'cash for human interaction' basis is laughable.” You are repeatedly arguing with me as if I am in favour of society expecting men to pay, when that is not a belief I hold nor a view that I have expressed. If you actually read my words instead of being so guarded due to an assumption that the world is against you, you’d perhaps see that, and maybe even find your way to stop casting aspersions on everyone over a view that some people may hold. But whilst it is likely that you will still be posting about this for many weeks, months or years to come, I’ve now reached the point of having no further interest in responding to your ongoing rants, having sufficiently reminded myself of why I generally much prefer to participate in discussions about things other than petty dating dramas oozing with damaged egos and festering indignation. It’s just so cringeworthy to watch, but I should have resisted the temptation to try to suggest harmony between genders to anyone who is just not in a place where they can be receptive to it.

Now that we've established the whole thing is a simple misunderstanding, perhaps we can get back to the topic?

:laugh: When exploring attitudes, perceptions and the general climate of dating expectation and gender-associated roles, discussing the issue of who pays is not entirely disconnected from the issue of who asks. Both could be deemed to be a bit of a barometer for current social norms, and exploration of one may well offer insights to the other. Besides, there is so much to be learned from all this, and really,why should those dating be the only ones to benefit from all this wonderful equality…so hubby and I have been looking at adopting this concept in our relationship. Like, we went out to lunch yesterday…it was my suggestion but he decided to pay. So then he said that meant I had to put out…but as I pointed out to him, given the events of the morning, I had in fact, pre-paid. He suggested a debit/credit system, which would necessitate keeping a ledger of course, but our concern is now that if he tries to balance the columns with providing drinks and food, I’m going to end up an alcoholic the size of a shipping container. Also we weren’t sure what meal value to attribute to oral, or whether prepaying should come with an entitlement of more food, or another drink…and given that really, we’ve locked into a contract, possibly there should be some sort of cap in place…and we aren’t sure whether this would be on the food or the sex. This whoring for food is way more complex than I ever suspected so hats off to the purists who do manage to make their personal relationships … “fair”. It must feel, awesome.:laugh:

Regardless…. I’ll close the door on my way out :smile: I certainly don’t want to impede on any subsequent highly engaging and thought-provoking discussion that this topic is likely to inspire. :wink:

Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 79
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:08:42 PM
Geez I have been away from the forums for a long time and look what come across.. LOL. I am glad to see that the lady of reason is still about. Good for you Ms Naamah.
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 80
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/3/2012 6:41:59 PM
I like to date in graduated steps... like chatting online for a while, then seeing how we get on, and then meeting up after a few weeks.... lots of small steps and safe and sane reflection time between each stage.

It's like living in Africa....

The emotionally healthy people set up a series tall fences and progressively lower them as the questions are asked and the proof or viability is provided.
This is called a "healthy style of relationship building".

The lunatic fringe simply swing the gates wide open and take whatever comes running in....
This is called "an addictive style of relationship building".

I have had a few women contact me out of the blue - and they never respond to my greetings, they show no initiative and make no effort to communicate, and after a month or two, they contact me out of the blue telling me that they want to meet - without so much as even having said "Hi" before hand.

I call these "little red flags" or "what you see is what you get - and you had better believe it.", because BAD openings to relationships, are a pretty damned good indicator that the person has REALLY BAD relationship skills. And if relationships have BAD starts, with people who have BAD relationship skills, generally all you are going to get is a BAD relationship... QED.

As one of my advisors said, "As far as I am concerned lots of little problems are as bad as one big problem". As I am inclined to point out, "As far as I am concerned, lots of little red flags, are the same as one big red flag".

One of the women who did the "out of the blue, under the radar" contacts with NO prior reciprocation or communication - I looked at her profile and she had a HARD face, no smiling in her pictures, she has NO laughter lines on her face, her eyes are not smiley, she drinks more than 3 times a week... and she looks like a serial killer.

And the drinking, is that a glass of red with dinner 3 times a week or is that 3 flagons of cheap fortified wine, 3 times a week?

Her style is a "Gates wide open" with NO Pre-Screening, or communication - and that is just inviting trouble.
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 81
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/3/2012 11:17:40 PM
If women live in a age where they can work like a man, have the same rights as a man, go out and party without men, then they can bloody well ask men out as well.

I cant stand how women want all the 'male' rights yet still expect to be treated like they are still in last century due to biological automatic programming.
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 82
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/4/2012 2:22:35 AM
Hey Razza, help me out here... is there something specific about their position on the subject that you're objecting to, or is it just a general inter-personal thing thats got you going? I can't really see where all this is coming from. Are you just generally venting or are you making a point about women asking men out?
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 83
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/4/2012 2:36:09 AM
I imagine he's an existing member who has re-registered in order to troll.

His old profile was probably being ignored, hence his bolting out of the "for the love of god NOTICE ME" gates so quickly.
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 84
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/4/2012 4:50:13 AM
hey rassmuss I think internetdating is on to you-that profile picture u HAD posted looked like a troll,crawl back under yr bridge loser and leave those who choose to voice an opinion free to do so- even if heaven forbid they don't agree with you...... waiting now for your verbal attack on me- yr probably one off those men who can not face another and have to do it on here so go hard,have fun
Joined: 3/17/2012
Msg: 85
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/4/2012 5:12:29 AM

if the old duck can be here for the Forums *than* so can I!

It's then, not than.
Joined: 3/10/2012
Msg: 86
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/4/2012 8:37:40 AM
Hmmm, technically a 'Yes' to doing the asking if you get your licks in first; as you're using that great psychological, 'Jedi mind trick' of implanting the suggestion in our head... ' she said I should meet her sometime, green light to ask her out if she wants to meet sometime'. I may have done the 'asking', but I may not have 'asked', if it was unclear that I was not going to be flatly rejected if I did (to use/sync with what you had said previously). Sorry if someone already answered this, I just liked your post.
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 87
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/5/2012 9:51:26 PM
MMmmmmm I live in Western Australia and your post means what exactly ???

What are you reading that Im not ??
How does a imaginery state line, change things between us and say NT or SA?????
What stories told ? Is someone ranting about a urban myth ?

Let me tell you a little about WA

Perth is the most isolated capital (and almost the most expensive) capital city in the world......this state without the benefits of mining is completely ^&^&)*)* (btw we are propping up the whole country) ...there is approximately 38,000 more men in the city of Perth than women, but most are passing thu on their way to work in the mines - most are partnered but will happily cheat if given a opportunity !!!

We have aweome beaches and weather - but we also have lots of shark attacks....4 fatals in 7 months so you can pretty much only sit on our beaches and admire the sunsets........we have only just recently gotten Sunday trading and no way in the world will we ever have day lite saving....we are nicknamed WA - Wait Awhile ..for a reason !!!!!

WA women, are simply awesome..we have many men to chose from and will not settle for less ... deal with it !!!

How do we view foreigners ?? annoying., too many of you.....we dont understand you and dont want to !!!

No we arent attracted to you...we only want to marry cashed up mining bogans who have way too much money and no finesse..they definitely have to be Australian, wear flannies, uggies and drive a 4WD drive...and preferably named Jono .....this is our preference..he has to have a boat, a mate called Danno and prefer to fish than spend time with us...our ideal man

No we arent liberated, we are still barefoot pregnant chained to the sink and love nothing better than to get on our knees and do you know what to you !!! - we have no thoughts or desires of our own..our bogan men are our gods that we must worship...

Where's Europe ???

No no way are we into fitness..the longest trek we make its to the fridge to get our old man a Fosters when he demands .....prawns on the barbie ??..forget it..we live for McDonalds and Dominos....but partying oh yeah 24/7 when our man comes back from his FIFO stint earning lots of money courtesy of Rio..we looooooooooooooooooooove to party !!!!...till like 10.00pm cause everything closes in Perth by then..except Northbridge..but really would you stop off in Northbridge on a Saturday nite ????

Yep all we care about is money......(whose shallow ??) we are all excited about those pink little shiny sparkly rocks that come out of the mine up in Argyle and getting our bogan man who earns like $8475.90 a week driving a truck and working for BHP to slip one of those onto our fingers ....WHOOO HOOO !!!

Whats work ?

Written by a US expat (who was born in Ozstraaaaaaaylia !!!!! living in WA and wondering what are teaching in Canadian schools)

Now Im off to see who is spreading rumors about us WA ladies and wondering why the US didnt invade Canada when it had the chance......sheesh !!!!

PS Julian X - I will always ask you out ...MWAH !!! xx
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 88
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/5/2012 11:45:29 PM
A nice piece of sarcasm there pookie, my you are learning the Australian trait of having a very dry humour, now all we have to do is get you cheering for WA teams in the AFL and you would be almost perfect..

The beer choice just keeps you from being perfect but hey if you want to be chained to the sink then so be it but I for one am not into chaining women as the clinking of the chains is so distracting in so many endeavours.
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 89
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/6/2012 4:27:30 AM
Aghast Qld Blue....cheering for a WA team !!!!.........................................................are you insane ?????????????? that WILL NEVER HAPPEN !!!!!!!!!!desert my beloved Geelong.............(yes Im still smarting over last weeks loss..but glad that Ballantyne got two...cheeky litle sod that he is !!) and hell, we will be back..the only game that really matters is the last one, which we have a habit of winning !!!

Yeah Fosters wasnt probably a good choice for the beer comment, but better than XXXX..over here they still like Corona (of which there is a current shortage of or accounting for taste !!)

Mmmm sitting here having visions of me "chained up".............................mmmmm...time to go !!!..

whistling Rhiannas S & M !!
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 90
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/7/2012 6:31:32 PM
Yes you are correct, there is only one game that counts and that is the Grand Final, every other game is just a training match in comparison.

I am not a big fan of XXXX, but then again being a Sandgroper my taste does tend to involve Swan.

On one of my trips back to WA a friends father introduced me to Emu Mid Strength and I found it to my liking but alas I cannot get it over here.

When I was in Victoria, I could have a choice between Carlton or Fosters, I chose Carlton, when desperate times call for desperate measures I think.

I think with your religeon you are or have been partaking of your Passover and I hope you are enjoying the pleasant side of it.

Oh by the way, I will be holding you to your invite for a date when I arrive, so you have a couple of years to plan for this momentous account, at least the conversation won't be boring, Dockers and Cats, hmmmm maybe we should find a more suitable place, like a boxing ring, hahahahahahahaha
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 91
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/8/2012 8:48:01 PM
Of course I ask men out. I was raised to believe that I have equal rights and opportunities. Why let gender bother you? I get as many acceptances and knock-backs as my male friends. Which is fine. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 92
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/9/2012 2:43:58 AM
Ring side seats have been reserved..Dockers might have even made it to a GF by then !! (although did you catch the Geelong/Hawthorn game today - what a ripper !! bet Buddy wishes he could kick strait !!

and we can wander down to Little Creatures in Freo and have a locally brewedbeer...and some pranws..seeing you have a aversion to crabs !!!

Lovely weather here today...29....ah do have awesome temperatures !!!
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 93
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:12:07 AM
or pick up some of those yabby thingys at the growers markets
then cross the road to the local field in swans jerseys lol
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 94
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:19:14 AM

or pick up some of those yabby thingys at the growers markets

Marron. The critically endangered cherax tenuimanus and the species which is outcompeting it, cherax cainii. Can also be found on Kangaroo Island, SA (farmed and feral).

then cross the road to the local field in swans jerseys

Swans supporters are not especially endangered in their eastern habitat and could definitely be feral elsewhere.
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 95
Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/10/2012 3:51:44 AM
well i guess it was a good thing i only watched last years NRL grand final on the big screen at the Mandurah offshore fishing and sailing club then .lol
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 96
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Women asking Men out
Posted: 4/24/2012 2:35:02 AM
I agree. In fact I think that the women should be the ones doing the chasing. If they find a guy cute or attractive and they want to date them, they ought to be well within their rights to ask them out.
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 97
Women asking Men out
Posted: 5/3/2012 10:30:58 PM
feminism has stufed this up, studies show men r unlikely 2 aproach women these days, i dont personally 2 many femis n lickers out ver nowadys, ive been asked out twice in wat 20 yrs by a girl, why do u think were online.
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