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 tiny_wonders
Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 8
Artist dating artist experiencesPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
tricky. tricky people
 charlotte17
Joined: 8/30/2004
Msg: 9
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/25/2010 4:23:08 AM
I don't think she meant to say artists are more special, just different.
When I am at work (surgery) my co-workers do not relate to me on the level of being an artist. When I am in my "other" life, those friends do not relate to me on a difficult surgical procedure I may have had that day.

The real problem is when you have a double life and they don't cross pollinate.
Would I rather date an artist or a medical person? I think an artist, because an artist is what I am (comes from the inside out), surgery is what I do.

I don't think you can honestly say you are a spreadsheet, but you might be happier with a mathematician or physicist (left brain/right brain thingy.) I dated an accountant on here, and at dinner, on our first date, he told me I was too bohemian for him and asked if I had a less "creative" friend, who I did fix him up with.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/25/2010 5:13:34 AM
Someone has already stated that obviously the "non-artists" in the group have no idea what the OP is talking about or where she is coming from. And as more than one have mentioned it's all very hard to explain with words alone.
An "artist"will have a different thought process than most,,,,all in vary degrees relative to their skills and convictions. With that, comes some very very different actions that most would find "disturbing" or somewhat "destructive" to an actual relationship,,,though the artist himself is not doing it to be destructive at all. In fact the artist will sometimes have no clue (or care) that the relationship would be taking a step back in priorities in his/her life. The need to create sometimes is the ONLY thing in a artist's mind.
If you don't understand this,,,and are in a relationship with an artist, you would assume that the artist doesn't love you, doesn't care about you, etc,etc. Not the case,,,,but again,,,,the "creating" will be first and foremost in an artist's brain at times, and EVERYTHING else taking a backseat. This is what the "non-artists" must understand while in a relationsip with those artists.
On the other hand,,,,having two artists together there can be an understanding when one decides to go off into their creative world for a couple of hours,days,weeks,,,,sometimes months. Then again,,,,some can't "understand" because of the vary degrees of the different artists out there, and trouble can still brew.

The long and short of it is, that artists are weird! They do and think differently than most, and it does take some understanding to hang around them for any length of period of time without going a little nutty yourself. Sometimes I do think I need to find another artist type to hang with,,,,and then there are other times when I think it would just become a natural disaster.
 sarniafairyboy
Joined: 6/19/2010
Msg: 11
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/25/2010 12:38:10 PM
[quote ] I totally agree. I can get along much better with someone who is creative in their life then say an accountant who works with numbers all day.

That is why I know lawyers who are married to other lawyers or people in the law field.

I have two friends who are accountants and their lives are wonderully boring to me but they get along just fine.

So, yea I get it.

huh? never heard of "CREATIVE" accounting?

that's what Enron, Worldcom, Nortel & others (mostly 'high-tech' companies) excelled at! :)

or course the executives of many of those companies are now doing a little time in prison, but what the hey. (Ken Lay, CEO of Enron, took the wussy way out & died..)
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 12
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/29/2010 2:19:24 PM
Sounds as if you are missing your husband and the rapport you two shared. Chances are the men you will be attracted to in the future will be of a similar temperment as you. People generally gravitate towards others of like-mind and interests. Birds of a feather, etc. I think you are worrying about it way too much.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 13
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 7/29/2010 4:13:07 PM
I absolutely have no idea what you're talking about.

I was an art student for a number of years. None of the guys I dated were art students. I've been a photographer. I've never dated another photographer.

I'm a dancer. Most of the guys I date are not.

I'm a musician. I've dated a few musicians. They were flakes. I am not. Although we had music in common, there was no shorthand language. I do know musicians who are not flakes but I haven't dated them, usually because they aren't single. I don't feel weird dating non-musicians.

Date whoever appeals to you and don't fret about the details.

Conventional suburban corporate guys - they bore me within 10 minutes. That's an entirely different issue. It's about whether a person is interesting. Creativity comes in a variety of ways. I enjoy many of them and am not real narrow about what it has to look like. I need someone who is creative, who has depth, who appreciates the beauty there is in life, but they don't have to fit into a certain profession or mold to do that. Creativity is not the exclusive domain of "artists."
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:18:39 AM
As an artist- I've dated an artist and while we had a good understanding of one another's need for art and shared interests, I found it no different than dating a non-artist due to his personal issues and not having good communication.
The guy I'm dating now is quite the opposite from an artist and we get along well- communication is off the charts. His personality is open, but he is very analytical and has what I consider to be an "opposite" personality, yet with some of my personality traits and vice versa. He's just a great guy. He has a creative side, ie, problem solving and design, etc, so there is good balance with our "blended" personalities. Time will tell.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:30:22 AM
My SO is an engineer. He processes information differently than I do, tends to over think things and will occasionally suffer from analysis paralysis. I make quick decisions based on life experience and trust in my own good judgement. I would rather be wrong than spend half the day determined to get it right. Life to me is too short to sweat the small stuff. He will spend days pondering a decision.
Yet we get along beautifully and I learn from his wonderful brain every day. In short, I embrace our differences. A man that can appreciate the minutia of matter can also appreciate beauty.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 16
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:40:31 AM
As an artist/creative type..I find more balance with a non artist.


A man may understand my drives and passions about my art without being able to draw a straight line. He may have passions of his own or occupations that keep him centered and in a timeless state so that he can relate to my desires to need to be creative.


Well said, also........

I have learned not to ask.."What do you think of this ?"to much
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 17
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:40:54 PM

Even artists need a "day job". Sheeeesh.
The term "starving artist"????


I don't have, need, or want a day job and I eat very well. I've been a fulltime professional artist for more than a decade. Struggled really bad financially when I was right out of college, but once an artist gets his/her career off the ground, starvation won't happen.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 18
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:56:59 PM

With other artists, I found more a matter of creative differences than non art people. I prefer non art people for serious live in or marriage... since I then get to pick the decor.


Ditto!!! I have never got along well with another artist - nothing but arguing about style and "creative differences" -- what a headache! I get along so much better with businesswomen who have their heads in books.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 19
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/8/2010 11:03:01 AM

For the record I hate artsy fartsy people. They give too much of a snobby attitude. Is that a generalization? Yes, but that's exactly what you're doing.


You've also just gone on record as a hypocrite.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 20
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/12/2010 4:48:20 PM
One thing I will say is that any man I date needs to understand that I need to play music and dance, that I stay out late doing these things, and that I'm usually doing this with other men. They need to be very secure in themselves. They don't have to do it themselves but they have to know they are important in my life and they are a lot of what keeps me fun and interesting. If they try to control or suppress me, it isn't going to work.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 21
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/22/2010 9:27:04 AM
it depends,. I'm one of those "tortured-lost-soul" type artist Manic, depressive and usually praying for death..I could probably ruin your evening, not to mention your life> Still,.. sometime I crawl up out of the slimey depths of despair to sun myself apon the corpses of my lives I've lost,..and it can be a semi-good day...
I don't worry about dating artists...just dating something soft to touch once in a while will keep me going a couple months at a time,..besides you date other artists and your projects always suck away the free time that you could actually be enjoying eachother. The sad & crazy thing is, You don't realize you're actually missing it either. I suppose you could both lay in bed & paint each other in the nude..
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 22
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/22/2010 9:37:13 AM
hehe,.. I just like to look at the bottles, they won't let me have anything that can break into sharp shards here,.. I get my beer in plastic cups.. (on the artsey side, you can glue all the cups together, & make a great globe light,.. but again, they won't let me have impliments of electrical stuff here either ) I believe Alice Cooper said it best:" They got this place, where they've been keepin' me, where i can't hurt myself, can't get my wrists to bleed.." Actually, that's me on Dollar-nite,..(last night) I'm nursing one at school,.. trying to do homework before the weekend, and I have a drawing I have to get ready to submit to a jurored art expo gallery type thingie,..but the hang-over has dampend my enthusiasm a bit...

Hmmmm can't respond to that below me,.. except for here,.. sounds like a great plan,.. I could use a 'canvas" for that body pant errr "paint",..would you like to volenteer? I could count your thorns..
 Shoni56
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 23
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 11/23/2011 3:08:20 PM
I am an artist, and I have never dated another artist. Since my career is not involved with art, I must be creative in my free time. This has always interfered with relationship efforts in the past. My desire to date/ marry another artist certainly includes the shared way of thinking and lifestyle, but it goes beyond that to include someone willing and able to lend a hand in the foundry occasionally. Someone who understands that sometimes being creative comes in "binges", and when the creativity is flowing, I commit my all to it non-stop until it plays out. Some people enjoy going to a movie for a date, others to a ball game, or what have you. I would enjoy a day out sketching together, staying up late painting, sculpting, carving, or going to an art class together. Better? No... just different.
 Shoni56
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 24
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 11/23/2011 3:10:47 PM
Well said. You hit the nail on the head.

It is a compulsion, and even more. It is an extension of our persona. It has deep, profound meaning to us that non-artists cannot understand.
 Morpheal
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 25
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/1/2012 7:09:53 PM
Attempting to establish and maintain close relationships with non artists has proven worse than futile. There is always one or another conflict of interest. It all tends to involve how one's resources, including one's time, are spent. Unless the other person loves art more than most people tend to do, or is unusually tolerant of an artist's devotion to their art, conflict is inevitable. Not only that but is it someone who really cares about one's work and the tools used to make it that they would respect those adequately, or better yet care for them if need be ? Big questions, but important ones to consider. As one's body of work expands and becomes more mature and complex, that becomes an ever larger issue. It tends to need someone who can be trusted.

I work at photography, experimental video film, write (mostly poetry), and do occasional other things such as the odd sculpture, installation piece, or painting.

I also have a home and studio to take care of and a day job that pays the bills.

Unless a woman genuinely shares something of my interests, there are going to be conflicts. Not only would there be conflicts but she would not win. Nothing else has won thus far, so why would she ? It's a fight I don't want to get into.

M.
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 26
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/1/2012 11:14:09 PM
obviously a lot of posters don't know what it's like to be an artist. I don't mean that in a negative sense, just that some people can't understand how your creative works are who you are, how your passion for what you do IS who you are, it's in every fiber of your being and it alone is your greatest source of excitement and enrichment. yeah. I totally got ya :)

I agree for the most part with #6, but I know for myself that I much prefer dating artists. they don't have to be a musician, in fact, I prefer them not to be the exact type of artist I am, but rather have a different expression, like a writer or painter, web designer, actor. or maybe a chef, something where you can see that what they create is an expression of who they are. that passion for something is ultra attractive. I understand that. I find with creative people like myself I need less words and there is just an implicit understanding of similarity. hard to explain but you know what I am talking about.

I wouldn't be nervous about dating non-artists, just go in with an open mind. for ie, I love dating professors because I love intelligent men. one of them was funny and creative and gave the best lectures, always something new and different. the other did acting and comic con on the side. they were both awesome! I think if they have the heart of an artist you will recognise that in the similarity you are talking about. I wouldn't accept anything less :)


I'm certain that all combinations of people can work. But, a non-artist will have difficulty not only understanding the creative process and compulsions, but taking your "hobby" seriously.

Because to the average non-artist, that's all it is until it's making money.


couldn't agree more.
 Outsideofthebox1
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 27
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/2/2012 6:21:09 AM
LOL you know you cant ask this in a crowd where most arent artistic , especially on a professional level.. Unless you're a true artist you'll never understand it, the drive, the sacrifice required, the entire being of an artist. The responses you'll get are the same as the interactions of daily life with those who dont live a creative lifestyle. They just dont understand. And its not their fault, its just so far out of the norm.. makes it very difficult to relate.

I have a hard time relating to people who arent creative with a passion , not in daily life but in a relationship. It's more difficult than one would imagine.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 28
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/2/2012 7:53:37 AM
LOL you know you cant ask this in a crowd where most arent artistic , especially on a professional level.. Unless you're a true artist you'll never understand it, the drive, the sacrifice required, the entire being of an artist. The responses you'll get are the same as the interactions of daily life with those who dont live a creative lifestyle. They just dont understand. And its not their fault, its just so far out of the norm.. makes it very difficult to relate.

I have a hard time relating to people who arent creative with a passion , not in daily life but in a relationship. It's more difficult than one would imagine.


This is completely true. While I -can- be with a non-artist; my most fulfilling relationships were always with fellow artists. There's just something "missing" in those that don't do art - it's like the creative energy and expression and fulfillment that we get out of creating things is "missing" in them, but then gets filtered through relationships, so that a lot of them put an over-importance on the relationship itself to make up with the lack of fulfillment that they get from a lack of creative output.

(and by "artists" I'm including musicians and writers as well, since the creative drive is the same)

My job is art, my side jobs/freelance are art, and I do art on the side. I draw, paint, create music, write, do photography, program and design games, and other stuff I'm forgetting at the moment - all for a living and as a hobby. So I pretty much live and breathe the various arts. And like other people have said, I get so into stuff that I can disappear for more than a day and forget to eat and drink anything.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 29
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/2/2012 9:50:52 PM
heARTTeacher- I can 'draw" a similar picture with my love of music.
Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.
To open up your chances, open your mind to the different meanings of art and take a chance.
Life is what you make it and you hold the canvas.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 30
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Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/2/2012 10:14:53 PM
The original post is 5 years old...(why don't people read threads?)
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 31
Artist dating artist experiences
Posted: 10/2/2012 10:28:08 PM
abmccray- Well, just speaking for myself, if I dedicated that much time to this forum, I would stay single FOREVER.
Even if a thread is old, the point and the debate can still be relevant and interesting.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 32
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Posted: 10/2/2012 10:37:21 PM
The point is that it's pointless to reply to someone 5 years later since the chances they'll read it is close to nill unless you personally message them. When a thread is 3+ pages long, even, it's normally pointless to reply to the original post because chances are, someone has already said what you've said multiple times over. You typically should only be replying to the last few posts or posts in the last couple of pages for that reason.
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