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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mothe      Home login  
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 zombie_geek
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 301
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?Page 13 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
(quote) Here is why, In a lot of states and in Cananda if a mom who has a child and the biological father is unknown dates a guy for a "substantial" time and creates a "bond" with the child.....he can end up having to pay child support for a kid THAT ISN'T HIS!!!!! (/quote)
AHEM, SAY WHAT? i never heard of that, and it's a very stupid law if it's true
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 302
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 6:13:24 AM
first to waterbaby: my friends and I will spend time together at each other's homes. They pay their portion of any bill if we go out.

To Disney, yankee and Canoe as well as Ms Blaise:

If you read this thread many (such as yankee and Blaise) feel by choosing not to date single moms I am shallow. Disney feels I should not date them at all.

If someone has legit reasons not to date someone from a certain group why does it make them shallow?

It is well documented I have had tyrouble dating single moms...not all are like that but it is unfortunate some are..plus you have the child support laws in Canada, so let me ask you ladies this: IUf you kept dating men who beat you would you not after a while ewxclude men who had a criminal record or thse with bad tempers from your dating pool?

I do realize in my age range many people have children so it may be difficult to find a woman without children but they are out there. I know a few 36 year olds with children 18 years of age. So I realize I may not date much but the trade off for financial resources is woth it to me.
 *DisneyMom*
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 303
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 7:03:14 AM

Disney feels I should not date them at all.

You seriously pick and choose what parts you want to hear huh? Yes. I did say that, and it is because all you are doing is b.itching and moaning about it. You yourself have given your reasons to avoid them, soooooooo, to make it easy on everyone, just dont date em. There. Problem solved.


IUf you kept dating men who beat you would you not after a while ewxclude men who had a criminal record or thse with bad tempers from your dating pool?

Thats a no brainer.
Obviously you have trouble following your own advice and analogies.
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 304
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 9:25:57 AM
Johne, go back and read all of your threads again. I haven’t had enough coffee this morning yet to do it myself. You will see that I have specifically stated somewhere in these threads (they’re all starting to blur together) that I have had some bad experiences yet I choose to keep an open mind and accept each male as an individual and NOT group them into any type of stereotype. For the record. My ex-husband was abusive. I found out a few years ago that he did have a record for assault. BUT that is him. That is not every male on the planet. Would I avoid someone because they had a record? I think that would depend on what the charges were and what they had done to improve themselves since the conviction. What were the circumstances? Had they made any changes? Have they done anything to improve themselves or their situation? If they have and they have been clean for quite a while, then why not? They’ve done the work why continue to hold it against them? Screwed up your theory again didn’t I.

I have suggested that you don’t date ANY women for a few months. Your trouble is not the single mom’s. Your trouble is women in general. You allow them to take advantage of you. Some of those women just happen to have children.

If someone does not want to date me because of my personality, that’s okay. I can live with that. Not everyone can handle me. I’m blunt. Not everyone wants to hear the truth such as in your case. I am not intentionally cruel. I’m not their ideal, yet if it’s because they are using an excuse such as the CS laws here in Canada. It’s their loss. My history already shows that it does not appear to apply to every situation. So I will repeat myself again Johne, stop stereotyping. Stop making excuses for your poor judgment and inability to avoid women you allow to use you.
 yankee_belle
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 305
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 9:42:36 AM
Johne,

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE show me where I wrote that I thought you are shallow. I'd love to see it, which I know I won't. I have said that I feel you WANT me to call you shallow and that I feel that you may believe yourself to be shallow, but are using stereotypes to not have to recognize that, but I have not ever in these threads called you shallow.

I will, however, level this- I think you have some serious issues that need addressed and I think you are closed-minded and dillusional. Feel free to quote me on that- since I actually wrote it- all you want.
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 306
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 2:40:15 PM
Stop blaming others for your own errors. It's your own need to "buy off" these women that is getting you into the spot you are in. If you don't want them using you for your money, stop telling everyone about it and stop giving it to them. They can not take advantage of you unless you want them to. Obviously you must want this for what ever reason as you seem to continue to do it. STOP IT.

So I realize I may not date much but the trade off for financial resources is woth it to me.
This is a very cold and lonely statement. I can tell your future will be warm and fuzzy, financially speaking. Have you considered a paid companion? This would protect all your assets. They would be an employee. You would not be subject to CS if they had children. Just a thought.
 Earthen_Angel
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 307
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 2:58:24 PM

Are you seriously suggesting that if you were to meet the most amazing women imaginable, someone who completely takes your breath away, you would not want a relationship with them because they have a child.
If thats the case then all single mothers should breath a sigh of relief as you flee in the opposite direction.


I'm sorry, this just made me laugh -hangs head-

i think i love this man!
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 308
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 5:06:34 PM
yankee you have not cal;led me shallow but you have implied that you think I am shallow.

Canoe: I have stated why I have a fear of dating single mother's based on past experience and current CS laws in Canada. It would make anyone consider if it was worth the risk.
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 309
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 5:15:40 PM
Johne, I know you have used the law as an excuse. However, I am Canadian. I live in Alberta which is in Canada. My divorce was in Calgary, Alberta which is in Canada. My ex pays NO child support for his step daughter. How can that be if the law says he must? Obviously it is up to the discression of the courts. I know I am not the only single mother in all of Canada who has an ex who is not the bio father of a child. I know that I am not that unique. I am not a fluke. You are scared to death for your finances over a law that may or may not apply to you. I will repeat since you obviously have trouble associating the meaning of the words with what you are reading. It is not the single mothers, it is the women you are choosing. BE PICKY. Stop advertising your bank statement. Stop allowing yourself to be used.
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 5:37:21 PM
The law was tested in the last 18 months... and it is being pursued more and more.. its not automatic.... but as it comes up more and more, it will become tabled as well.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 311
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 6:41:32 PM
canoe: I live in Ontario. Alberta has a law in effect that does not make step parents automatically liable for cs, Ontario is differant. I know in British Columbia a single oarent can collect child suport from multiple ex's from the same child. My point is that I refuse to put myself in a position to be forced to pay support for a child that is not mine..I do not see this as shallow, I see it as financially sound. I will be open to dating single mom's again after the loco parentis law is changed so it makes more sense.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 312
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 6:45:19 PM
Another point: fpor some rasonthese single women who happen to be mother's only date me as l;ong as I spend money whern I suggest something cheaper for an activity for a date they move on...so what do you call that? I know what I call those women. To prevent this in the future I have my criteria.
 *DisneyMom*
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 313
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 6:54:49 PM
Canoe, hun, you tried. Some just want to hide behind a label. It masks their stance. I think youve done all you can do. Its time to walk away and spread your knowledable wings to someone who actually LISTENS.
ps, btw, we SOOOOOOOO need a smiley icon with the smiley hitting his head on the computer desk.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 314
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 6:59:25 PM
I respect Canoe and Disney.
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 315
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 7:34:03 PM
Okay Johne, say this with me so that we all know that you understand. WOMEN (any woman) who takes advantage of a guy whom they are dating in any financial way is a tramp. Plain and simple. IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE IF SHE HAS A KID. That's just a coincidence. She is using you for your money. Whether she had children or not...SHE WOULD STILL USE YOU!!! What part of that do you not understand. You let a gold digger know you are a sucker and she will suck you dry. You do understand this do you not? It doesn't matter if she's got kids. She will do it anyway because YOU LET HER. Stop dating for a few months. Get your head on straight. Stop worrying about something that may or may not affect you. Johne you seem like a nice guy but you are a little thick here. If you stop dating gold diggers and start dating women who like you for you, you will be far happier. You should not have to worry about anything until you get to the point where you may or may not decide to make a commitment. That's when you can start to have your melt down. Until then, it's just dating. Leave your wallet at home.

disneymom, you are so right. I am banging my head against my desk in frustration. This is something even my 9 year old son understands. As he would say "apples and oranges equals fruit salad." I'm sorry Johne, I am not calling you a fruit salad.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 316
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 8:06:40 PM
Canoe: I do agree with you that any woman who uses a man is a tramp...I also agree that not all single mother's are users. One of the many single mom's I dated actually told me it was "in the best interests of her children" that she used me and was trying to get suport from as many men as she could when I asked her why she used men. So now let's say this woman does not show signs of being a gold digger and things look fine for 6-12 months..then suddenly she decides to move on leaving the poor guy to pay support for her kids. I have come across too many of these types of women for my liking. The problem is more with the courts than anything else.

I have also noticed a pattern with some women who just happen to be single moms...they never seem to want to go dutch as the can not afford it. I know not all are like that but I keep meeting ones that are....plus as I said before that insane law needs to be changed or eliminated.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 317
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/20/2007 8:08:29 PM
do not bang your head in frustation Canoe...I mostly agree with your points but it is a few that spoil it for many. I wouild rather not find out too late that someone was just after my money.
 dahmensm
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 318
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/21/2007 6:31:56 AM
Here is a thought Johne...

Since Canada seems to be the only place that I know of to have such a ridiculous law, maybe you should move out of Canada. Then your fear of getting involved with a single mom and having to take care of her child/ren financially if you two split won't be there anymore. Problem Solved.... I am a genious!!!
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 319
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/21/2007 7:50:01 AM
To Canoe Disney and Yankee: It is not bad women that would taken advantage of a man and make him pay suport for a child that is not biologically his. The same applies to women who marry single father's. It is the law that is the problem. These parents are not taking anything they are not legally entitled to. Let me give you a few examples:

Let's say I start dating single mother A. Single mother A and I love each other and get married and do our best to make the marriage work but after 5 years of marriageit does not work. I like her kids...she takes me to court and gets child support for her kids andallows me to visit her children after the divorce. Sounds okay right?

Now let's say after my divorce I meet single mother B: Single mother B is a manipulator and knows the laws and how to work them, she lets me think she loves me..shortly after we have lived together for 1 year (that's 12 months) she decides to leave me because she can now get everything that the law will grant her at this point so it is useless to stay with me much longer. She goes to court and get acourt order to force me to pay support for her children that I have no right to see..I can't even request visitation from the courts. It uis simply not a legal option but is the decision of the biological parent if the kids see the ex step parent, the ex step parent has no choice but to pay support.

In both scenarios I am paying support to children that are not mine....the first situation is what I think is fair and should be what a relationship is about, the 2nd is well...you know what I think that is.

See I respect all of you..Disney I still like you, Canoe you are a great lady and yankee..I respect your views. Let's say that I travel on vacation and each of you saw me and wanted to say hi to me. I would have no problem having lunch with either of you (I may even buy and not consider you using me as I would offer) if we became friends that would be great. If over time you wanted me to be a friend to your child as well I would think that would be great too. I just do not see why people who draw the line at friendship are called shallow?
 *DisneyMom*
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 320
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/21/2007 8:15:33 AM
I give up.
For the 284638254382746239847329753278946283746823764 time.

Why these "scenerios" if youre done with single mothers like you said, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 321
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/21/2007 10:00:19 AM
john if you are that concerned then if you do HAPPEN to marry a sm, and are terrified to be caught in a financial pickle........SIGN A PRENUP!!!!!!!!

This will lay it all out the table.......that you will not be responsible for her children only the biological one is to pay support. It will protect you later if anything vindictive was to happen.

but on the other hand...john if you are that paraniod then leave the SM be...they need to be loved with your entire love and devotion...and not to be concerned that you are looking over your shoulder all the time...
 MelodyinFlorida
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 322
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Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/21/2007 10:50:54 AM
"One of the many single mom's I dated actually told me it was "in the best interests of her children" that she used me and was trying to get suport from as many men as she could when I asked her why she used men."

She literally said that in those very words? "It's in the best interest of my children that I use you"? "I'm trying to get support from as many men as I can"? Is this in response to some conversation that you had, like "Why are you using me?"
I'm having a hard time believing that anyone would be dumb enough to literally say that to your face, but if so, obviously, not only should you dump her instantly, but she's got a ton of other moral issues you need to worry about...like she's lazy, unambitious, a glorified prostitute, and looking to spend her time sponging off men rather than improving her own position in life so she can provide them with a decent lifestyle.
But as to your original question...not EVERYONE thinks men who don't want to date single mothers are shallow. Frankly, before I had kids, I wouldn't have wanted to date a single dad. You have to share the other person's time and love and attention, you can't be spontaneous...I completely understand why someone would not to make those sacrifices. And not everyone likes kids. If they don't, I don't want them dating me.
But I do think the reasons you are giving for not dating single mothers are pretty paranoid, and paint all single mothers with the same brush. There's a difference between the kind of woman you're evidently running into, over and over, somehow, and a successful, independent career woman who happens to be divorced and have kids. But if you really view all single mothers as gold-digging leeches who look at you and see dollar signs - then for the love of God, never date them. (That doesn't really indicate a lot of faith in yourself and your ability to draw a decent woman who loves you for yourself, though, does it?)
 chef8471
Joined: 6/21/2005
Msg: 323
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/21/2007 11:47:08 AM
Trikers;

john if you are that concerned then if you do HAPPEN to marry a sm, and are terrified to be caught in a financial pickle........SIGN A PRENUP!!!!!!!!

The divorce act in Canada does not allow for the rights of the child to support to be signed away via a prenup or any other contract. In other the divorce act when it comes to children supersedes all other contracts.

As for John, take each case on an individual basis, not all single moms are like the ones that you have met I can assure you. Yes, there are financial risks going into the relationship for but there are also other risks for the single parent (ie: what if the relationship doesn't work out what kind of effect would that have on the kids etc...). The financial concern is just one aspect. If the risk is too great for you then don't take it and choose not to date single mothers. Just like that is your preference a deal breaker for me would be the young woman in another thread who is 22 and has had 3 kids by 3 different fathers (of course if I was closer to her age).

As canoe has said judge each person individually not as a whole. As for the laws in Canada, write your MP to change the support laws with regards to step children. I have said this in another thread the original intent of the law was good but it is being applied too broadly by the courts and judges. Factors that should be included when deciding whether child support should be paid for step children should include; will the standard of living for the child materially diminish as a result of the breakdown in the relationship, is the custodial parent receiving adequate child support from the bio parent to maintain the standard of living etc... This is how I feel the law should be tighted.
 zylozx
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 324
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Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/21/2007 2:46:52 PM
Well I think it stinks....There are alot of Single women and Mothers out there but do not understand why it is so hard to find any who wants to date single fathers. I have been looking for a while and i see all of these sweet women and all pretty much have the same story but what is the problem.....

Tim....
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 325
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 8/21/2007 8:16:09 PM
MelodyinFlorida: Please read my post, I asked the woman why she used me and she relpied "It is in the best interest of my children" she said she wanted to have a baby and told me perviously that she gets support from 3 men for one child, you do not need to be an accpountant to figure out her game.

Here is another question: Why are women not called shallow who will not date single fathers?
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