Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 498
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?Page 20 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
Johne, supposed you do meet the woman of your dreams but she can not have children. Do you know for certain that you yourself can have children? What happens then? Don't say you will adopt because you've already said you would not pay to support another man's child. This would include raising another's child. As you have already stated several times over, this is not an option for you. Does this mean you would never have children? What if your partner wanted to adopt? What then? Would you lower your standards for her then? Would you compromise yourself?
 NITC
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 530
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:56:37 PM
I agree I was wondered why guys won't date women with children, when they could be the best catch ever but for women to go after men that have children and think it's perfectly fine just makes me so mad I think it should go both ways, I really don't care if guys don't want to date me for my kid's they are more important to me then some guy thinking he won't give me a chance.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 534
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:19:23 PM

I don't think it's shallow. It's a life style issue. Now If someone has children and refuses to date someone else that has kids THEN I say it's shallow.


If someone believes they would not make a good partner to someone because they couldn't love another person's child like their own, why would they be shallow? Why would anyone care why someone doesn't want to date them? Wouldn't time be better spent moving on to someone who is on the same page as they are?
 Bran317247
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 540
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:26:12 PM
They may get tired of the women using the kids as excuses not to see them is why. I know I did on one of the pay sites. I've saw one profile on here that said "my children are my first priority but not CEO's of my household," that woman had the right idea.
 heterotic
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 542
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:37:39 PM


my kids and I are a package deal


Why do people say this? Do you really think that anyone thinks you should trade your kids for a relationship?
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 548
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 2/27/2011 6:25:32 AM

I recently ended a relationship with a 'single parent'. After two years of coming second to her daughter, and second to her daughter's real dad, I decided that I had given it a fair try but it just wasn't for me.
Women are quick to criticize but very few of them would date a guy with kids. What's more, there are lots of profiles ruling out short men, bald men, fat men, and they're often posted by women who would take real offence at being ruled out because of their own size, appearance etc.


He just HAD to necro the thread.........
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 549
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 2/27/2011 8:01:31 PM
It would seem to me that a decision to date or not to date someone who has children is anything but shallow. Having kids is not a superficial quality, by any means. To the op, my experience here is that those who chose not to date single mothers are not attacked for the simple fact that they made a choice. Those who are "attacked" here are those who pass judgment or speak of single mothers as if they are all the same. There are additional difficulties that come with choosing to date someone with children, few will deny this. The people who have children, however., are not all the same, and it when someone comes in to the forums posting as if all single mothers are whores, used goods, lazy golddiggers, etc. that the problem begins. You are not shallow for making any decision that you feel best for your personal circumstance; you are shallow if you are unable to make a decision based on anything other than stereotypes. Does that answer the question?
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 550
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 2/27/2011 8:32:08 PM

After two years of coming second to her daughter, and second to her daughter's real dad


Yea, I've been through this.....to the point that I actually put a disclaimer in my profile that "if your kids come first, don't bother contacting me"..........

Really, women (or men - it doesn't really matter) should NOT be dating if their kids come first........do you really want a mate that puts you second, third, or fourth? Come on.......who would accept that type of condition. Can you say DOORMAT?

My current GF and I both realize that our kids have needs, but we both respectively come first with each other which makes for a very satisfying relationship............that said, though, I did have a really hard time finding that special lady that thinks this way......most do indeed put their kids first, which ultimately spells doom for any kind of long term relationship.......unless of course you're ok being a doormat..........
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 553
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 2/28/2011 7:48:18 PM
To each their own, silverhawk, but I would be suspicious of anyone who doesn't put their children first, on their list of priorities. Certainly, a child's sleepover can be put off, if you have made plans for the night, but we are talking REAL priorities here. Being a doormat has no place in the equation whatever. One's children are one's children for life; partners come & go. Certainly I would never risk my relationship with my children for any man, but that doesn't mean that the men I choose to have relationships with are having my feet wiped on them, by any means. Allowing your children to run your life os not the same as making them a priority, except to the most insecure among us. Children or not, I have no desire to have a relationship with one so needy as to act like the children they allude to as impediments.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 554
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 2/28/2011 10:30:37 PM

One's children are one's children for life; partners come & go.


.....uh, yea.......I really don't want to be that partner that comes and goes........I want to stay - with the one that commits to me the same way I commit to her. Fully, completely, and first.


I have no desire to have a relationship with one so needy as to act like the children they allude to as impediments.


Perfect!! Have fun with those "come and go" doormats!!
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 557
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/1/2011 12:03:11 PM

It's a matter of balance. Of course, there are times when the children's needs are paramount. There are times when the parent's needs are greater. And there are times when the couple's needs are greater. Children - other than very young children - do not need your attention continuously. You have to balance them with work and your own needs anyway, so adding a date or partner into the mix readjusts the balance, as do changing circumstances. If you cannot put yourself and your partner first some of the time then you really don't deserve a partner.


Perfectly said!! My GF and I try to put each other first most of the time. Of course, our kids have needs that require us to be there for them.....we don't relegate them to the dungeons like slaves.....come on!! There is indeed a balance, and my GF and I have struck one that seems to work for us. Its this balance that alot of ladies out there just don't get........

Sweetness, holy cow - you need to chill.......either that, or you really need a doormat.....lol......
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 560
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/2/2011 8:35:10 PM

.I want to stay - with the one that commits to me the same way I commit to her. Fully, completely, and first.


Ah, but there is nothing in commit that even connotes "first". Needs come first, individuals do not, as a rule. The individual with a "need" to come first, even to have the thought process leading to the comparison, is not for me, that's all. It's the judgment call that prompts my response; choose your priorities, but allow others to do the same without passing judgment as if you have a clue as to their insight.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 562
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/3/2011 1:44:30 AM
^^^^^^^^^ what a silly question!!! Women get pregnant, men don't. Thus the result of unprotected sex on BOTH sides results in pregnancy in only ONE gender.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 563
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/3/2011 9:26:16 AM

^^^^^^^^^ what a silly question!!! Women get pregnant, men don't. Thus the result of unprotected sex on BOTH sides results in pregnancy in only ONE gender.


There's more to it than just "women get pregnant."
There are a lot of "accidental" pregnancies.
There are a lot of women that just don't want a man to "tie them down" once they are pregnant.
There are a lot of men that bail once they find out she's pregnant.
There are a lot of widowed mothers out there.


Why are single men called shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?

That kind of a quote sounds like it came from a bitter single mother that is struggling to find a "good" man. This is the kind of thinking where if you can spread the idea of something being bad (i.e. not dating single mothers), then people will change it.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 564
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/3/2011 9:48:45 AM

Needs come first, individuals do not, as a rule.


Who's rule? Your rule?


but allow others to do the same without passing judgment as if you have a clue as to their insight.


With respect to your "rule", I think you need to adhere to your own suggestion here......

I pass judgement for myself and myself only. I certainly have my opinions based on my dating experiences which I am happy to share and have shared on these forums. Take them for what they are worth. They have served me quite well and I will continue to offer them. Whether you consider them to be judgemental or not is really quite irrelevant and inconsequential to me!! I call 'em like I see 'em!

A doormat is a doormat. Most single moms aspire to get one, and I'm totally fine with that.....I'm just not one of them.......mmkay?
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 565
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/3/2011 4:19:25 PM
Not my rule at all, fairly well known, as pertaining to the definition of needs. Also related to psychology; ever hear of Maslow?

As for me & my rules, well, while I don't think my preferences should rule you, nor should yours be the basis for judgment of others. I freely admit that I think it unhealthy to make any one person "come first". Priorities are determined, often and especially when you have others for whom you are responsible, ie. kids, on a daily basis, sometimes even an hourly basis.

Your statement regarding what most single moms want is way off base, a blatantly ignorant generalization, and simply not true. One wonders about your definition of "doormat", as it seems as if anyone who might expect you to think of someone other than yourself for a moment is asking to wipe their feet on you. You are correct, you are entitled to your opinions, I simply wish that you were able to state them in a way that didn't attempt to degrade anyone who doesn't share your views.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 567
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/3/2011 5:51:15 PM
I see I struck a nerve.......

Just to clarify - while I personally don't condone being a doormat and have no wish to be one, I certainly don't want to degrade those that are doormats or those that wish to have them.......doormats are useful items in maintaining cleanliness and order in the household and as such play an important part in our lives...........without them, we would have alot of dirty feet and alot of unhappy single moms........thanks to all of you doormat type guys for stepping up here..............seriously!....:)

Did that help, ohwhynot?
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 568
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/3/2011 7:08:36 PM
I have no need of your assistance, silverhawk. If it helped you, all the better for you, then. Quite simply, you seem to have a distorted notion of the term doormat, in addition to your maturation retardation. All the best to you.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 569
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/3/2011 7:57:27 PM

mrcs84 how many negative things have you said about single mothers?

Millions upon millions!!! Is that the answer you're looking for?


You think a woman wouldn't be legitimate in coming to the conclusion that you might be shallow because you decide not to date single mothers based on your posts?

How did this turn into a post about me? Interesting that your first post in almost a month is one where you're bashing me.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 570
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/3/2011 8:45:18 PM

I have no need of your assistance, silverhawk. If it helped you, all the better for you, then. Quite simply, you seem to have a distorted notion of the term doormat, in addition to your maturation retardation. All the best to you.


lolololol......ah, I see.....lol.....

In that case, you just have yourself a fabulous evening, Ohwhynot. All the best to you as well!!
 KiwiBassist
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 572
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/4/2011 4:12:33 PM
porcquepine


That is not limited to just single mothers you know. Many men and women all whine about their exes, you too are probably guilty of that. I believe everyone is to a point.

It happens regardless if someone is a parent or not.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 573
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/4/2011 8:19:38 PM

I have yet to date a single mother who doesn't start with something about her ex before the evening is out.


How many women have you dated who HAVEN'T complained about their ex? Seriously, I am curious.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 577
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/5/2011 9:15:12 PM

That's the difference between hooking up with jerks and hooking up with decent people - the maturity level is vastly different.


Well, MYI, I thank you, as that was my point to the op. It is likely the level of maturity of those you date, rather than their status as single parents, that is the determining factor.. His response to my question may indicate that those with children are more open, as he relates the discussion of exes to the level of friendship. Perhaps it is easier for parents to be open, feel free to expose themselves? Who knows, but I doubt that complaining about an ex has much to do with whether or not one made a child with that ex.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 580
view profile
History
Why are single men caled shallow for not wanting to date single mother's?
Posted: 3/6/2011 4:54:00 PM
You have a strange method of interpretation, MYI, but it suits your purposes, I have no doubt. Certainly, posts on the single parent forums pertain to single parents, but logic tells me that this has little to do with how people feel about other people in general. I do find it amusing (in some way) that any utterance about the difficulties of parenting or being single, or single parenting is always stated as "complaining". Do you think it is complaining if I make the statement that being left handed makes it more challenging for an individual who is so?

As for me being a misandrist, well, perhaps you are correct; please adjust your meds.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >