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 AUTHOR
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 26
Open Marriages NaughticalPage 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Finally back to the topic....merci!

"Do you and your wife talk about your lovers?"
Absolutely. Even offer advice.

"Do you each know when the other has a "date"?
I would become damn worried if she was expected home at 3p and I hear nothing until she comes in at 8a the next morning. so of course, but I try not to pry, if she wants to tell me something, I'm happy to listen.

Are these "dates" all nighters or even week ends........or are they just quick sex and nothing else? Though we've set rules so far about being home nightly, they are not 'quick sex'.

Do you and your wife share a bed?
Absolutely. We live together and we're married, so it just seemed like the 'right' thing to do lol. I think you may be hinting around to if...we have our dates come here. yet another rule, home is home, period.

Do you use a condom when having sex with your wife?
I do not, but when sleeping with others, it's an iron clad rule (for both of us). But we will be getting 'tested' much more frequently.

Do you have children and are they aware of your lifestyle?"
Excellent question...we do not have children. but if we did, they would be made full aware, I would refuse to keep my children in the dark about anything, I would not tell them lies.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 27
Open Marriages TDH46
Posted: 8/7/2007 9:46:18 AM
The Op is in a marriage with some issues. I think most marriages have issues that need to be worked on. But the Op and his wife instead of working out their problems, choose the path of least resistance, the quick fix.

The Op needs to really really think about the consequences of taking his marriage down this slippery slope. I honestly can't see how this could end well. People are not robots and no matter how we try to avoid it, emotions always get in the way at some point in these situations.

The Op stated earlier that they are not swingers, But those kind of marriages works because of the lack of emotion involved most of the time, it's just about sex.

If i am reading the Op correctly, he wants an on going relationship with someone other than his wife. Anyone thinking that arrangement is going to be harmonious and without jealousy is very naive. The Op might very well be putting himself on the fast track to divorce court and needs to think about his marriage and his wife.

The Op is a very intelligent and well spoken man, Maybe the Op might be better served if he turned his attention to serious communication with his wife about those issues in his marriage, instead of potentially bringing more problems into his already very fragile marriage.
 CEO of Hoagie Inc.
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 28
Open Marriages TDH46
Posted: 8/7/2007 9:50:24 AM
OP you confuse me as I am sure others who are paying close attention to your posts. First you say you have not slept with anyone then you say that you and your wife talk about your lovers. Which is it? Please clarify, because you constantly tell people to refer to other posts and now that I am I would like to know the truth.
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 29
Open Marriages TDH46
Posted: 8/7/2007 9:53:24 AM
"The Op is in a marriage with some issues."
I'm sure some professionals would disagree with you.

"I think most marriages have issues that need to be worked on. But the Op and is wife instead of working out their problems, choose the path of least resistance, the quick fix."
Have you been in an open marriage? If not, how can you say that it is in fact a 'quick fix"...you can't, you're merely speculating.

"If i am reading the Op correctly, he wants an on going relationship with someone other than his wife. Anyone thinking that arrangement is going to be harmonious and without jealousy is very naive."
This has been covered several times...

"Maybe the Op might be better served if he turned his attention to working out his issues in his marriage, instead of potentially bringing more problems into his very fragile marriage."

The thing with the above statement, is everyone seems to think that, and I could be wrong, if I am, do correct me, that this is the setup:

Me: I'm not happy in our marriage.
Wife: Me either.
Me: Let's screw around randomly in the hopes that it will repair itself!
Wife: um....
Me: *picks up hammer*
Wife: great idea!!!!

our marriage is not on the rocks lol this is not a way to 'fix' us from divorce, we've had several discussions about it and we have absolutely no intentions of leaving each other.

(sidenote: TDH you never did mail me for her profile mate oh, or IM...I forgot we could do that here)
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 30
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 9:56:29 AM
"on one hand you say you are not just looking for sex on the side, but on the other hand you say it originated basically from your more than normal sex drive"
this has been covered several times prior.

"Is this suppose to entice women to want to get involved with your "open" marriage? "
ditto.

"
I am sure your wife appreciates your relationship being compared to a LONG car ride. "
actually she thought it was pretty funny....I had a better one (in my humble opinion) but it didn't seem very ....appropriate.

add humour in all things, if you can't move on to other things.
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 31
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:05:08 AM
Do correct me if I'm wrong madam, (and at this hour, my english tends to take a dive here and there, so mistakes will happen) this is what I get:

"Then again, it might not end so rationally. You can't control the actions of another."
From this, I get "She could become violent or a stalker or a psycho of sorts" too true, i cannot, nor would I ever consider attempting to control the actions of another, but I will not just 'allow' myself or those around me to be abused or intimidated.

"What if your lover found another before you were ready to end it?" HIGHLY original question, bravo. It is like any breakup, I would wish her well and simply move on, of course, I would be simply lying if I said there would be no hurt or heartache, that would be an utter lie...but I've been dumped before, we all have, I survived it, and odds are I will survive it again.

"This kind of situation changes the dynamic of a relationship."
oh absolutely it does! we don't just have to learn 'new rules' and 'new mannerisms' but we have to go so far as to UNLEARN some conditioned ones as well, it will take a lot of work, as will any relationship.

"Qualities in yourself that would NEVER surface otherwise" I don't know the proper words for this, but there is a very particular phrase in Latin, Know Yourself? and to me, once we stay in a particular state, we no longer learn anything....so we must venture out, try new experiences, test ourselves, only when we risk complete failure is when we truly learn.....and when we learn about ourselves, that is, in my opinion, the richest rewards.
 CEO of Hoagie Inc.
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 32
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:06:41 AM
OP you confuse me as I am sure others who are paying close attention to your posts. First you say you have not slept with anyone then you say that you and your wife talk about your lovers. Which is it? Please clarify, because you constantly tell people to refer to other posts and now that I am I would like to know the truth.
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 33
Open Marriages Iris
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:18:22 AM
I do appologize for not answer madam, it is simply because I didn't see it, allow me to hit upon both now:


I'm with message 34 and 45 on this one....woman are different than men when it comes to our emtionally bonding, I would be concerned at the pandora's box that you are opening inviting your wife to an open marriage. <--I did not invite her madam, she invited me.

What happens when she starts to have feelings for this new guy and can't seem to preform with you as she does with him.....
lol there are no sort of 'performances' at all, sex isn't always about jumping through the window wearing a bobby's hat and a ladle and speaking in Aramaic. if we're together, then it's right, there's no issues of "well you're only speaking 3 languages with me and 5 for him!" that goes back to the jealousy issues that were covered prior.

you don't think she will feel guilty because he brings a little sump'in sump'in to the table that you don't, she is having mind blowing orgasms he gets her to tap into your wild nasty side.....now all of the sudden she is wondering about this open marriage with you and why you lead her believe that she wasn't woman enough for you
I have never once ever made her feel that way. She is the type of person who would tell me straight away if she did. This is an assumption that was been carried over from a previous post.

, when apparently this guy believes in all that she is as a woman......her confidence builds and pretty soon you are moving out and he is moving in....
the guy had better pray to whatever deities he sees fit to worship that he treats her every bit as a woman and with respect and love and kindness, he should and will do nothing but build her, not tear her down....I'm very large and very protective, I have absolutely no worries about going back to prison.

"could it be the OP is over-intellectualizing his situation. He feels all relationships eventually become the long car ride" this is very possible, I do have a tendency of looking to deeply into situations and over analyzing things. but it's how I cope, I never venture into anything without trying to see things from all viewpoints and scenario as possible.

"relationships are not without pain and growth but that is what real committment takes"
so very very true.

"If he speaks like he does here in the forums and his wife is not as intelligent as he is...."
I laughed so hard at t his one....my wife makes me seem as if I eat dirt daily....she's the most intelligent person I've ever met.

"especially if her confidence is low and she is somewhat tired of not being enough woman for him." it is not low, this is just the assumption for previous posts.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 34
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:24:17 AM
The Op would be a very good used car salesman. The Op could sell honey to a bee.


If the Op can have me thinking there might be some validity to his argument, I can only imagine what he could do with an easily manipulated spouse and all the time in the world to convince her.
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 35
Open Marriages TDH46
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:24:33 AM

it would make it easier to read. It gets a little confusing when you are quoting several people in one post..... as to whether you are saying it or someone else has said it.


thank you very much for that info, and I do apologize for any misleadings due to my inability to post correctly.
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 36
Open Marriages TDH46
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:32:34 AM

If the Op can have me thinking there might be some validity to his argumen

I do not wish to to convince the masses that this is the 'thing to do', thats not at all what I'm trying to do, I'm simply bringing this issue to surface to be discussed openly.


but bottom line the majority do not they think an open marriage is a quick fix for a dull marriage or other problems and its not

I completely agree, I don't think there is such thing as a 'quick fix' for anything in life, least of all something as complex and intricate as marriage.
 vhdc
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 37
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:33:22 AM
You can put any spin on this you like (and you do)
So you’re going to cheat on each other? If you are taking a test, and the teacher lets you use the book, is that cheating? Hell no, that’s a great grade! If you use the book or notes when you’re not supposed to, without permission, then THAT’S cheating. There’s a big difference.


Why even bother to post this?
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 38
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:37:20 AM

OP....I just looked at your profile.........I was surprised to see you are only 27 years old. Maybe you just got married too young and didn't "sow all your wild oats" first.

lol madam, I can safely say that every single one of my oats has been properly sown lol...several times over. and as for the "only 27" lol I just have to say that, age has no bearing on intelligence, maturity or worldly experience, it's merely the odometer of the soul.


Question: Is your second picture a mug shot

lol +10 pts what gave it away if I may ask?


Why even bother to post this?

because it makes a point.
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 39
Open Marriages TDH46
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:38:55 AM

You have selected “dating” for relationship type and that is extremely deceptive. If you’re into being “open and honest”, then be forthright in your profile.

I do apologize if my profile is at all misleading, but it does clearly say 'married'.
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 40
Open Marriages TDH46
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:49:44 AM
Mahogany:
all of this has been covered previously. simply go back and re-read and therein lies the answers.


U nMe:
OP , to be able to be in an "open marriage" I believe you have lost your 'soul'. .. isn't that what binds us?
I love with all my soul..which means that I makelove with all my soul. Would you do that with someone your are just pinning to a bed? eg having sex with (not making love)
I have no intentions on planning to 'bed' anyone at all.
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 41
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:50:30 AM
The Op is really only 27 been married for for 7 years and by his own admission has also spent some time in prison. Seems to me that all of the Ops adult life has been spent with his wife. Maybe this might better explain the OPs fasination with exploring other options besides his wife.

I honest believe the Op started this thread not for any kind of validation but rather a way of getting his message out there to potential partners. The Op knew he would take some heat for his stance, But he is trying to attract like minded individuals and figured this was the best way of doing it.

I have no issue with the Op or his lifestyle. As long as his wife knows and accepts it(I think she does) and as long as the women that choose to get involved with the Op also knows about it. Then what consenting adults do behind closed doors i really none of my business.

But in the interest of full disclosure, the Op really does need to change that "dating" in his profile to "other relationship". That in my opinion would better reflect the situation as put forth by the OP.


Op i tried e-mailing you for your wifes profile name but alas i am not allowed to e-mail you. must be those damn restrictions. (Or did you already know that? )
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 42
Open Marriages TDH46
Posted: 8/7/2007 10:55:27 AM

You ARE being deceptive

deception has to have intent, this does not.


Try “other” as your relationship type and let potential suitors know just what they truly can expect from you

Changing the relationships status is an idea, but I'm not looking for an 'other' type of relationship, I'm looking for the same sorts you are. to me, 'other' means deviant of a 'normal' relationship.


and let potential suitors know just what they truly can expect from you

I do not keep anything from them, as soon as the question arises I answer truthfully and honestly.


(i.e., I am seeking an addition to my “open marriage”)

I'm not 'seeking' anything, like everyone else, I merely look for people that I can connect with and develop first as friends, and after that, before any sort of romantic stage is step to, we have a discussion. so to me, that would be false.

besides, what does my profile have to do with the discussion of Open Marriages?
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 43
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 11:04:02 AM

Maybe this might better explain the OPs fasination with exploring other options besides his wife.

simply talking about something does not make it a fascination, it simply makes it a subject.


but rather a way of getting his message out there to potential partners

lol no, I'm not 'advertising' thats why I have a profile and why I email people.


The Op knew he would take some heat for his stance

absolutely right I knew I would. Discussions where everyone is in agreement make for a pretty boring discussion doesn't it? I chose this particular topic because 1) it's a button, and 2) I honestly don't know what people think about this, it's something that isn't discussed.
people (not you) people seem as if having a discussion, for it's own purpose is just horrid, whatever happened to the lost art of communication, open and free flow of ideals and thoughts and an exchange of wisdom and opinions?

TDH I do apologize about the restrictions, I'm fairly new so, I screw up quite a bit, how about this: my yahoo id is Genghis_John2005
 CEO of Hoagie Inc.
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 44
Open Marriages TDH46
Posted: 8/7/2007 11:09:49 AM
your post is about open marriage which is adultery in any language it is not off topic

I am not attacking you I would just like clarification like I asked for earlier and you ignored me
here's the definition of adultery
: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband; also : an act of adultery
OK I am enough of a man to apologise for that mistake then but it still does not excuse the fact that what you are considering is adultery
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 45
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 11:20:35 AM
If I did ignore you, I do apologize, I simply did not see it. as far as my referring to you as 'madam' or 'ma'am' I meant absolutely no disrespect, I just seen your long hair and not having my glasses on, assumed. I do apologize for that.


voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband; also : an act of adultery

too true, and I'm sure Mr. Webster would agree happily, but there is a key word. 'intercourse' which has yet to happen. ergo, this is not about adultery


so OP as I said in message 89 ... many do not survive this lifestyle as they get older they go their seperate ways .. can you explain this ole wise one of 27

I cannot, you will have to ask those people who didn't 'survive' it. they are not my concern. I hardly think we can base any decisions on what a handful of people did, all of whom I know absolutely nothing about their personalities, profiles, marriages or anything of hte kind.
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 46
Open Marriages (call me luv)
Posted: 8/7/2007 11:23:43 AM
mom of 2

most of your post was simply your personal feelings and what little wasn't, was questions on which things have been covered. As for your assumptious statements of what I 'want', they are just that...assumptions.

granted I didn't read all the posts


no...you didn't. you should do that madam
 Genghis_John
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 47
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 11:30:19 AM
Carol

first and foremost, again, as stated previously, most of what you're saying is just assumption, ignorant and of absolutely no relevance. you madam lack the intelligence to do anything other than make assumptions and cut people down because they see things differently than yourself, I find that you are an ugly person, whom I do not wish to speak with again, so do refrain from posting here if at all possible, as they will be ignored.

Any other questions about my past, feel free to mail me, I'll be more than happy to tell you all the details since your life is so boring, that you must come up with your own little stories in your head as to what happened and them put them into context.

It is my honest opinion that you should have above a 5th level reading comprehension before attempting to speak on your own, unsupervised.

you should attempt to evaluate yourself before trying to do it to someone else, some of us will be more than happy to assist you on that front madam.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 48
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 1:01:00 PM

Do you have children and are they aware of your lifestyle?"
Excellent question...we do not have children. but if we did, they would be made full aware, I would refuse to keep my children in the dark about anything, I would not tell them lies.


This is nuts. There is NO reason for children to be privy to their parents sex-life. NONE. Take it from someone who was unwillingly privy to info about her parents sex-life by way of a nasty divorce.

THIS IS NOT info a kid needs.

You'd not be LYING to your kids.. it is actually NONE of their business.
 vhdc
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 49
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/7/2007 6:02:30 PM
Sorry Codeout 3 people in a marriage is one two many no matter how loving and caring you try to paint it.
 CEO of Hoagie Inc.
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 50
Open Marriages
Posted: 8/8/2007 12:41:23 AM
Since Mick and Code seem to be well versed and articulate in this "lifestyle", perhaps one or both of you can answer this question, what led to you wanting this "lifestyle"?
What was it that your s/o wasn't providing you with all of a sudden to make you seek outside love/satisfaction?

I would really like to know as I am sure others here would as well.
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