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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?      Home login  
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 Seavoyage
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 45
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Chemistry is not what keeps a relationship together. I met this one girl who if she were interested in going out with me, I would, though I didn't feel much chemistry. I thought she had great values, was easy for me to talk to, and I felt comfortable with her, and she looks decent enough. Does he or she look good enough to you? Remember, sometimes friendships turn into love. And you don't usually consider those friends that you fall in love and realize you're in love with them. Chemistry is very nice to have, though.
 justme1124
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 46
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:28:58 AM
I've pretty much been there,met a nice looking girl from lava,nice body ,really good pr skills with family,but unfortunatly I just didn't have a thing for her ?,and one night several months in ,seeing her once or twice a week,she saw me surfing this site when i was suppose to be calling her that night,lol,it didn't end it but it definitly undermined things from that point on,fell apart soon after.now i'm in a situation with a girl that you mention in the second half of your email,she has the friendliest bubbliest personality and she makes me laugh,till now its always been a forced laugh with a girl,its very refreshing,shes 5 7",110 lbs,very slim,I could sleep with her no problem,but untill I'm in love ,won't do it, instead I mostly take her places and hang out with her instead,buy her things here and there,and generally treat her nice.She knows I'm not out for anything
this has been going on for a year,sex hasn't been a deal breaker yet for us,she also has this ex that falls by now and then,their just friends,he stops by and watches tv and he makes himself popcorn,lol.I think its good she has other male friends,I think without the sex ,your lovers on hold,chow
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 47
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/6/2008 8:20:30 AM

(Msg 139) That certainly IS a chemical substance secreted that influences the attractants of the opposite sex. Pheromones enhance the natural chemistry between a man and a woman, and give the perception of increased compatibility, not to mention charisma and beauty which are not due only to aesthetics or physical appearance.


That might explain why a "coke whore" found me so attractive after my release from hospital. She probably picked up on the scent from my potent pain medication.
 tess100
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 48
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:55:53 AM
for me...absolute deal breaker... chemistry is there or it isn't
 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 49
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:21:04 AM
I'm defining "chemistry" as love or something along the lines as having a hunger to be with someone you share chemistry, a much stronger bond than just a friendship(which is very necessary too). I tried having a relationship(a marriage actually) with out"chemistry" and it felt very empty. I thought I could manage it and it just about killed me.
 Desi1955
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 50
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:39:54 AM

I was JUST thinking about this. I met a very nice guy who was literally EVERYTHING I'd ever described to my friends that I wanted. Every single thing. But I just could not feel attracted to him much. I feel angry and annoyed at myself, but there was just missing chemistry and I couldn't force it to happen.

In time, you may grow to love someone romantically that you felt ZERO for in the beginning. But eh, not sure how likely that is. I'd make real sure though that you really weren't into him before dumping him.


That's one of the toughest situations to deal with. The kind of love that grows over time is the strongest kind. But I think if there's no real passion and zing in the beginning, it will probably never be there. The older I get, the more I wonder if I can live without the passion if I have the deep love. Kind of like the sexy shoes (that hurt your feet after a while) vs. the comfy old pair of slippers...not very sexy, but feel good.
 sandra19
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 51
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:48:45 AM
yes ...actually i have

i always had a dream guy ..that was just perfect for me ..but i was never able to find him ..untill one day .i met him and he was great everything i always wanted ...but no chemistry ..i could talk to him for hours ..thought he was funny and smart and i loved being with him...but i could never see myself being sexual with him at all ...even though i thought he was a good looking guy ...we didnt have That connection ..for me he wasnt more than just a friend ..because of lack of chemistry ..so yes i think its possible and no i dont think a relationship like that could work..its like dating your friend :s .....
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 52
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/8/2008 12:01:48 AM
RE: First post.

Wait wait wait... shes your perfect woman AND theres no chemistry... good lord dont let this one go. THats EXACTLY what I think is perfect. CHEMISTRY IS BAAAD. Not a good thing. Chemistry keeps a relationship going when it should die. It creates a ridiculous level of dependence and symbiosis. You know all those old couples out there who;ve been married forever? They arent happy. Their love died AGES ago. But they were too intertwined to seperate. Too COMFORTABLE. Too DEPENDENT. They fit too well together. They had too much CHEMISTRY. So now they spend the rest of their days together. Not truly happy. Not truly enjoying their lives. Just... comfortable. THATS what chemistry is. If you had posted this saying that the chemistry was there as well... Id have told you to run for the hills as fast as possible, carrying a shotgun for protection and decoy cosmo magazines to toss out if she got too close.
 lbowli2
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 53
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:12:36 AM
I have done the same thing... I met a man that was great to me and he was everything that I wanted in a man BUT NO CHEMISTRY... so we dated for 1 year and then we got married and stayed married for 5 years and it was the worst thing that I have every way...IF THERE IS NO CHEMISTRY YOU CAN NOT MAKE IT AND IT WILL NOT WORK..Never again if it's not there I will walk away...
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 54
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/12/2008 8:06:20 AM
*sigh*

Different now - what with meeting people of the net, but still a little story:

Met a gal when I was in highschool, friend of a friend, no attraction to her whatsoever.

Fast forward to university. The friend (who had become my bestfriend) had met a boy and so was withdrawing from me. I turned to the gal and began to see her in a new light. As I got to know her better, my attraction to her grew and grew so that, by the time we began our "relationship", I thought she was beautiful. Never got past 2nd base with her (she was terrified of her own sexuality) but it's the closest thing I've had to having a girlfriend.

So yes, physical chemistry CAN grow in time. Few people are willing to put that time in any more.
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 55
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:06:58 PM
No chemistry is an indication of some subtle incompatibility that will eventually come back on you. Best just to be honest about how things are.
 1477
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 56
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/3/2013 1:06:24 PM
What if the woman treats you better than any woman you have ever met but you cannot over come her dog breath.
We have discussed this before and she refuses to see a dentist. It is very overwealming and I can even can smell the nastyness in her car. And she can't smell crapy stuff or channel # 5 so she never bothers to wear any nice smelling stuff at all.
Believe me it is very touchy subject. How would you all deal with the dog breath?
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 57
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Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/3/2013 1:28:57 PM
It will probably not work.

When I was a lot younger, I dated a lady for several weeks who was nice, friendly and everything I thought at the time that was perfect for being married to in the future. But...when I kissed her, I just could not get past her chemistry and body taste. We never made love and she was clean and had fresh breath, but I just was not compatible with her chemistry. So I had to be carefully honest with her and broke it off. She was really a very beautiful and great lady, but the physical chemistry just was not there. It happens.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 58
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/3/2013 1:45:06 PM
It's doomed to fail.

I met a guy from another website. We talked for many months via phone and send pictures back and forth and watnot.

He was attractive in the picture, and I didn't read too much into it and everything seemed fine. We met in person and honestly I have to say, I wasn't attracted to him one bit. Why? Cuz he was too skinnny. I like meat on men. And he had buck teeth.

The way he carried himself was kind of wimpy. He didn't scream 'man' to me. I was perhaps his first love not sure but he fell hard for me. I tried to make things work despite him being a very loving, attentive, great guy. But physically I wasn't attracted to him one bit. Needless to say, I broke his heart into pieces but I knew had I continued on any longer I would be unhappy.

He's married now and is very happy! And I'm happy for him too.
 meowkatt2012
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 59
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/3/2013 3:28:46 PM
No, it wouldn't work for me. I have tried at various times in my life, sometimes there was a small spark but I knew even that wouldn't grow. This is one reason people end up in loveless marriages.
 cashleys
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 60
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/3/2013 11:06:26 PM
I have gone through that, looking at a person's fine qualities and yet no chemistry. I thought well maybe it would happen, it never did. But after reading a whole lot about this in new scientific research on chemistry and attraction two people have, it is much more complicated. Has to do with things in our DNA that we have no control over.
I guess it depends on what is your priority I guess. I find that without chemistry the day to day living with someone that you aren't attracted to will turn out badly.
Always seek that special attraction and chemistry. There will be someone that you have all the things you admire in a person and want can't wait to be intimate with also.
Don't ever settle. It can lead to many problems down the road.
 RandomFish123
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 61
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/3/2013 11:10:02 PM

I was wondering if anyone has had the experience of meeting someone who was everything they wanted in partner but that elusive feeling of chemistry wasn't there. It's very difficult to find someone with 100% of what you're seeking. So... what happens if you find someone who is extremely close to what you are looking for but there isn't any chemistry. If there is a mental, intellectual and spiritual connection but no physical chemistry is that a deal breaker or does it mean that the relationship is doomed to fail? Has anyone met someone felt no physical attraction but given time the chemistry happens?



This sounds like a case of "looks-good-on-paper-but-doesn't-add-up-to-anything-in-real-life"
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 62
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/5/2013 8:54:33 PM
No, this will NOT work. There must be chemistry between two people if the relationship is to work. I suppose if both people are not interested in having sex, than it could work. Other than this type of frigid scenario, the relationship will be lack luster, banal, and lacking passion.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 63
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/5/2013 9:13:58 PM
I find the title a bit ridiculous. The only way to find out if a person would be a perfect partner and have all of the qualities on your check list is to date them for a while-some people swear by the one year rule-and see if you can live with or put up with their worst side as well as all of the good qualities and know the person inside and out. If there's no chemistry, they would never get to that point.
 blueskies_atx
Joined: 12/24/2012
Msg: 64
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/5/2013 11:07:50 PM
For me there HAS to be chemistry, but also for me that starts in my brain. I absolutely have to click with someone on an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual level to feel a physical chemistry. And we absolutely have to have the same sense of humor. Looks don't really matter, it's everything else, and if I don't feel that from the beginning, I know I will never be able to fabricate it in time. I guess I am like this quote:

"It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations."
Kahlil Gibran
 lovestoride001
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 65
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/6/2013 6:48:28 AM


Nope.... period... nope.. lived with someone for a year and a half.. she was great, very attractive, very attentive, very very very good in bed everything I liked she liked we did everything together. But the chemistry was not right... and it failed to work, I was stubborn and held on much longer than I should have... but I knew it would not work in the end...

Jim
 nirvanawithu
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 66
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/6/2013 8:30:15 AM
Nope, not going to work. They call it chemistry for a reason. To be more precise, Brain Chemistry.

There's a certain set of unique attributes very few other people have that will trigger your receptors, and make you feel good. It's like a key to a lock and if someone doesn't have it, they never will. The other things can be ignored, adjusted, worked on or changed. Finding someone with Chemistry is the most difficult challenge, IMO.

You'll pretty much know in first couple hours of meeting someone, if they have it.
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/6/2013 4:20:07 PM
OP:

One thing I'll say is that you need to do something that few seem to do for some odd reason - question, understand, and develop your understanding and experience of the whole "chemistry" thing in the first place.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 68
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/10/2013 7:56:32 PM
We are at the mercy of our pheromones and so often I have wished that we are not - because I've turned down some good men - and have hurt others - when I've tried to deny or resist it, or hoped that it would develop over time - but it's either there or it's not - and it's not logical or rational, it's a primal subconscious instinct.
 DevilfromToronto
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 69
Everything you want in a partner but no chemistry--will it work?
Posted: 1/10/2013 8:10:32 PM
after reading the original post, I have question, the OP said there were everything except physical chemistry, I thought what the OP meant was lacking of physical attractions from his partner. On my mind, chemistry is something about mental
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