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Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 7
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Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Heres how it goes. She's gonna do what she wants to do. If she decides to keep the baby, give her lots of love and support. If she decides to give up the baby, give her lots of love and support.
Whats done is done. Getting mad at her will not change or help anything.
My bestfriends daughter had a baby at a very young age...we were all so worried, about her the baby, if she had made the right choices. She's a briliant mom now, lives on her own, raising her baby, and putting her life in order. Thats what u will help this young mum do. She will love u and and appreciate u for it!
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 8
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 5/10/2005 11:13:47 AM
I think that they are going to play house for a bit and then hit that cold reality, they really needed guidance before they had sex. If you wanted to be there for her you should have told her about birth control, and made her aware of condoms and stds and stuff. Now she is going to have to learn to be a mother reguardless if the dad is there or not. I think that she needs to hear the truth about young parents and then get her guidance from another parent. Parenting class, and other sorts of things will prepare her for this. She needs more guidance than before, she just started high school it sounds like and she is going to be an example of teen pregnancy. She will be stronger because of it, but be there for here when she really needs it like when she has her child, go with her to a birthing class. Help her pick out clothes and diapers so she can see how much work it's going to be and that you'll be there. Once you have kids all your single friends move on. She needs a good friend to help her more than ever. You rock
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 9
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 5/10/2005 2:58:24 PM
If I had my gf locked down, and guaranteed we were spending life as one; I would offer to go through screening to adopt. :( (But I dont have "her" tight enough yet)


That lil girl needs a wakeup call. (any lil ones you can let her do everything for over the next week...consistently?) THAT may wake her (especially if you tell her she can pay for all the supplies or something?)

That lil girl REALLY needs a wakeup call!!


But my advice isn't the best to take here; I'm not a parent, not a girl,and have never had this situation in my life.

I'll just watch...but...that girl really needs to learn some things fast....k?
Joined: 1/3/2005
Msg: 11
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Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 5/10/2005 4:36:05 PM
She really does need your love and attention. She will need someone to talk to that isn't judgemental towards her. They are both going to get the anger from her parents and they are going to realize that this isn't as easy as they think it will be once things start moving along. If the babies father sticks around PLEASE make him feel welcome and not like he is a rotten person for ruining her life. Talk about adoption and the good things that can come from it and talk about the expenses of raising a kid alone and how hard it is to be a parent.
Joined: 1/20/2005
Msg: 15
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Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 5/10/2005 6:49:55 PM
Don't be silly ... I'm a parent and let me tell you she will manage. It sounds like she wants to keep the baby. If that is true then giving it up for adoption would be the most tramatic event of her life. The boyfriend may stay or go. My friend was in the same situation with his girlfriend 10 years ago. He's now married 27 and 3 kids 10 8 and 6. It sounds crazy but when his youngest is out of the house at 20 he will only be 41 ... wow. He may even live to see his great grand kids get married. Now that is amazing.

Your friend is in the same situation. Having children very young doesn't have to be a bad thing. It depends on the support of friends and family and raw determination to make the difference.
 casino man
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 18
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Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 5/11/2005 1:11:15 AM
sry guys ...but i think she needs to give it up..or something...tough love honey she'll thank you in a few years.....
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 23
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 5/11/2005 8:43:42 AM
Do you know anyone else with a baby who'd be willing to let this girl "babysit" for a while, so that she KNOWS what her decision will mean if she decides to raise this child herself. Maybe a family couple with a young baby, where she could act as a "nanny" with supervision for a few days or weeks?

She will make a choice, but she needs it to be an INFORMED choice. She needs to know that she'll be giving up the rest of her childhood to be a mother.

poor kid....I have a fourteen year old now, and I just couldn't begin to imagine.
Joined: 11/8/2004
Msg: 25
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 5/12/2005 1:51:13 AM
I dont know if this will help but here goes.
i have a cousin who is deffinatly like a little sister to me. she means the world and always has.
she went trough the same thing when she was 16, i know she was older but at those ages we realy had no idea about the world. i sat down with her and had a heart to heart, NO HOLDS BARD, i asked her a 1000 questions what do you want to be, do you want to travel in life, go to university own a home, enjoy friday nights with your friends? i asked what made her happiest in life? what would she not want to give up? what does she think she could not live without? now some of the awnsers i got were based on her situation and age of course like she couldnt live without her boy friend! heres her back ground at that age. A student reading well over her head with a vocabulary that would bewilder most adults,sweet kind and verry funloving, one of the most outgoing people i knew. I can't tell you how happy I am that
even after hours of my lectures on what she was going to be giving up, that she had confessed that she would not want to do with out that she decided to keep her child.
Stephanie her is now 7, straight A student top in the class, she is going to be a heart breaker.
My cousin now also has a son hes 4. she is also still with the father of both her children who was only 17 at the time.
they had hard times as we all do. but got through with determonation and tough love as well as unconditional love from family.
I dont know who/how she would be today if she chose to abort or give up for adoption her daughter. But i know one thing is for sure, if I asked her now what she would not be able to live without she would deffinatly awnser, her family!
not every story ends this way but theres did, and i am glad to be wrong!
I hope everything works out for you and your family.
Joined: 9/2/2012
Msg: 31
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 9/15/2012 9:34:54 PM
So the adults in her life were so stupid and ignorant as to let a 14 year old girl and a 17 year old boy just carry on like bunny rabbits, but didn't care enough to talk about safe sex, teen parenting, STIs, etc. etc. etc....Hmmmm you were SO close to this girl, yet YOU, as a mentor, did NOTHING to help her prevent this from happening. Take some of your self-righteous anger and throw it on yourself, honey. Considering ditching her in her time of need does not surprise me, considering you've abandoned your responsibilities to her before she even got pregnant. Also, why isn't anyone considering giving this little boy a swift kick in the butt?!?! Who lets a 14 year old date a 17 year old anyways, or date at all??? WAY too young. Your thinking is completely backwards, self-centered, selfish, and immature. Get over your issues, what's done is done. Show her as much love and support as you possibly can, in whatever decision she and the father make, and try to help her raise this baby with a more responsible attitude than you did with your poor niece (or whatever relation she is to you).
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 32
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 9/15/2012 9:42:24 PM
Be hurt, pissed and scared over some wine with friends. Be supporting, loving and nurturing to the relative.

Lament all you want to friend about how she should have used protection or whatever. But when you talk to her be loving and tell her how you will help her however you can with this and you will help her avoid a second one. Also, I'd take her to the store and have her price out how much baby stuff costs, then ask her whats in her bank account. Ask her what she will do if the baby's father leaves., but gently. Like I hope you two do stay together, but what will you do if he doesn't? Teach her how to cook and do other mom-type stuff so she's not completely surprised when she has to do them.

Who lets a 14 year old date a 17 year old anyways, or date at all??
This I totally agree with!! My son is 13 and he's not allowed to "date" although he talks about girls a lot. I'm way to nosy and intrusive in his life for him to get away with dating behind my back or sneaking out the window. (oh and he has tried it.. and I caught him halfway out the window and he's never tried it again) A 14 year old is not a responsible adult, and cannot make the choice to date a man who is nearly and adult.

That being said.. the damage is done..and she need love and support and guidance..

Also. i'm not sure what state you live but but 17 with a 14 year old is usually considered statutory rape.. to various degrees depend on state.... just food for thought there..

As for the babysitting thing.. try again. She needs to understand life with a real baby.
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 33
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 9/23/2012 10:01:52 PM
14 is too young to be an effective parent. This is/should fall on her parents.
She has no clue, she's 14!
She needs to finish school, high school for god's sake...guess where that baby's going when she's at school? Her parents (or you?). Her parents are going to have to step up big time, imo.
I could never tell someone what to do, but I'd be pulling for adoption. Which would kill me if I was her disaster with a capital D.
Two words - birth control. Too late, I know, but you wanna see her have 5 more?

I swore, SWORE, if I had girls, they'd be on birth control at 15.....I guess I would have missed it too....
I think something like this has the potential to bring a family into a teamwork effort. What's the family like? The parents? The boy, his family?
She's not the first, for sure...sry. What's done is done.
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 34
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 9/26/2012 6:45:16 PM
Songbird- Getting mad is understandable given the situation, but what's done is done, so let go of your anger and be there for her. She is going to need you.
Before the baby comes, encourage her to stay in school.
This will be key for her future and the future of her child.
There are programs that can help her, look into WIC and food stamps.
I promise you she's way more scared than you are, be there for her, you will be glad you did.
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 35
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 9/27/2012 2:35:11 AM
We, as a global society, should really stop the sexualizing of girls in our media and blaming them for a problem the society perpetuates. There are far too many very young adolescents that are groomed when they're prepubescent children that they should look sexy and feel they're only worth more the sexiness they exude. The other component to it as that they are made to think they're special, princesses, queens when that sexiness is exchange for sexual favors.

This situation is so sad because not only a baby is involved, a baby is about to be born before the mother gets out of the stages of playing house,,,and how interesting that the blame seems to be placed solely on the pregnant girl, even in the OP's thoughts.
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 36
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 9/27/2012 4:50:07 PM
I completely agree. I was not raised that way, didn't even use make up until like 10th or 11th grade or something and even then I used little and still do. But I saw so much of it in life, on tv that I was always self conscious about my looks. You grow out of it when you grow unto adulthood, but too often the damage is already done. Especially if you have children/girls esp/at a young age. Pushing make-up bikinis, diets on young girls is just wrong. I never talk about looks with my son. i ask him about girls all the time, asking why he likes certain ones, what things does she like that he likes and I'm happy to report that his "girlfriends" (or what he calls girlfriends at his age, which is cute lol) are all over the looks spectrum. He likes them for them and I can only hope it stays that way.
Joined: 9/25/2012
Msg: 38
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 10/6/2012 10:44:31 AM
That was then, how is it 7 yrs later?
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 39
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 10/11/2012 7:22:26 AM
My mother raised 6 kids. She was born in 1944 and had the first in 1962 at 18 and the last in 1968. so thats 6 in 6 years. she turned out pretty good and so did we.

You know how? God and Prayer. Thats what that young lady will need no matter how old she is.
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 40
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 10/11/2012 1:07:55 PM
This thread was posted 5 days before I gave birth to my son.............LOL

My son is now in the 2nd grade.

So I would assume that the 14 year old girl is now around 20 or 21, and the baby that was on the way is in now around 7 and in school.
And hopefully doing well, God bless them.

But damn, this is a really old thread.
Joined: 4/27/2011
Msg: 41
Hurt, Pissed, Scared?...What?!
Posted: 10/20/2012 12:26:14 PM
you need to help her and be there for her! She doesn't need another person(especially someone she thought she could turn to) judging her every decision. If she wants to keep the baby then you should be supportive of her decision and be there for her. Throw her a shower and let her know that you will be there to help with the baby in any way you can. btw how would you feel if you talked her into giving her baby up or even worse aborting it and then she couldn't live with herself or her decisions that YOU helped her make?!?!?!? When I found out I was preg I didn't want to be and didn't know how to cope with it someone gave me advice to give my baby away (I didn't cuz I couldn't do that) ....To this day I can't stand believing anything positive they have to say about me and my son cuz I know they never had faith in me and if I had listened to them I would be missing out on so much and wouldn't have my amazing little boy.
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