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 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 52
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^^^ Nope, I was refering to the 2004 survey of single men/women age 40 to 69.

The 2010 survey included -- apparantly because of push-back from a sizable percentage of the AARP customer base -- men/women in committed relationships.

Even in the 2010 survey, it might be noted, about half of all women -- single or in committed relationships -- over age 45 (as compared to age 40 in 2004) had three or __less__ sexual thoughts in any given month (yes, "month", not week, or day, or hour).

My observation is that a woman who says she "is waiting" is most likely waiting forever. NOT valid advice on how to establish or maintain a relationship between hetrosexual men and women.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 53
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Posted: 11/27/2010 8:20:15 PM
Wayde, you're basing your post and your hopes on an AARP study, sorry buddy if you took a poll of the over 45 women on POF you'd find few AARP members..
Maybe that 25% are hanging out here...;)
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 54
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Posted: 11/27/2010 8:28:27 PM
^^^The AARP survey appeared to be a statistically random sample of the general population.

POF seems to be a self-selected sample of POS selectees.

So, which is more likely to show what you or I might find on the corner of Main Street and Sycamore?

If you don't like the data, the data is wrong, right?

BTW, the 2004 survey showed that only about one woman in eight wanted any appreciable sex life (compared to one in two men) while one women in fifty wanted an active sex life (comaped to one man in five).

A woman who says she "wants to wait" is indeed most likely waiting forever. NOT someone one wants to ask for advice on just how hetrosexual relationships are former or maintained. It's like asking a priest for advice on how to spit shine shoes.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 55
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Posted: 11/27/2010 8:44:42 PM
POF seems to be a self-selected sample of POS selectees.


Ouch...
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 56
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Posted: 11/27/2010 8:50:49 PM
All these pluses and minuses and pools of fishies shrinking and expanding and do's and don'ts and will's and won'ts and surveys of this or that kind or source.... and all those laundry lists, can't forget the lists and red flags, either.

Last I heard, it does still take two, right? In a thread long ago someone said something about the right partners being on the same page of life experience - as far as I can tell, not only am I not on anyone else's page, I'm not even in the same book. I am so scr*wed.

Methaphorically, not (and probably never again) physically.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 57
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Posted: 11/28/2010 5:00:26 AM
What a positively ghastly thread! My own experience has been that there are many women I know who are in the over 50 gang who will probably never have sex again, but its not because there are no interested and, at least reasonably suitable, men who are making efforts in their direction. Its because they can't be bothered to make any changes in their lives. They are not "waiting" for anything.

Now, this may be because they are not interested in sex, but that is not what they tell me. My conclusion is that they are not interested enough in sex.

I meet less men with that kind of attitude, but there are a few. They are usually in the 70+ group, and they mostly observe that there are a lot of women out there always making moves on them which they find rather disconcerting. Too much of a good thing, you see.

Presuming the right mind set, there are no people, male or female, who are more than an hour away from a sexual encounter. If its been longer, its because you are blocking it from happening, and its because of reasons that you have and value. Nothing whatsoever to do with statistics, surveys, what sex you are or anything else that could be listed. Its simply because you would rather not have sex, and there is nothing at all wrong with that, as long as you recognize that the situation is entirely your fault......or your pleasure!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 58
Sexually Active Seniors
Posted: 11/28/2010 8:19:48 AM

My own experience has been that there are many women I know who are in the over 50 gang who will probably never have sex again



...You're scaring me. I dont "ever" want to be in that group.


Presuming the right mind set, there are no people, male or female, who are more than an hour away from a sexual encounter.


...An hour you say? * Looks at her watch* Better go have a shower.



...mae
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 59
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Posted: 11/28/2010 9:16:02 AM

Presuming the right mind set, there are no people, male or female, who are more than an hour away from a sexual encounter.


Yup.

All one has to do is accept what is eagerly available to them.

Problem IS however, what is "eagerly available" is usually what is to them "low fruit on the tree".

In other words, and addressing only physical attractiveness (one consideration out of maybe a couple dozen for most people), a 6.0 on a 1-to-10 scale may WANT themselves want to reach for "high fruit", a 7.5, (and be willing to throw themselves instantly at a 7.5 who allows contact), yet the 6.0 finds only "low fruit", 4.5's, throw themselves at him/her. In the meantime, the 7.5 is him/herself "reaching for the high fruit" of a 9.0, who might if they feel hard up accept the low fruit 7.5. Also, the 4.5 "might accept" the low-to-them-fruit of a 3.0 if THEY feel hard enough up.

All this assumes that ONLY those with an "urge to merge" even bother to show up. Lots of dried fruit stays home.

Yup. All one has to do is accept the fruit that is eagerly available to them. Any port in a storm.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 60
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Posted: 11/28/2010 10:25:27 AM
Maybe that's why Viagra (Sildenafil) is now being prescribed for women too!
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 61
Sexually Active Seniors
Posted: 11/28/2010 2:14:27 PM

I have never met a woman who said she was "waiting" who ever seemed to have found what she was waiting for at any point in the future.
Wow.
Never?
Well, I guess that's just the people you hang with or meet?
Personally, I've "waited" AND I've "found".
Both. Different times in my life.
And I may very well have more "wait" and more "found" ahead of me.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 62
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Posted: 11/28/2010 6:11:02 PM

Personally, I've "waited" AND I've "found".


Gee Purple, maybe you're one of the 25%?
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 63
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Posted: 11/28/2010 11:03:26 PM
I also seem to recall a part in that survey, where it says that these "older" women who don't actually "experience" much sex anymore, especially seem to like to "talk" about it now instead, as though they still do....
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 65
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Posted: 11/29/2010 3:33:26 AM
^^^^^^^^to ww...
isn't dried fruit a mainstay on a long voyage?
as a sailor you should be used to it...

as for "any port in a storm"...
you've got to be kidding, right?

i'd much rather take my chances on the high seas...
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 66
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Posted: 11/29/2010 4:25:14 AM
isn't dried fruit a mainstay on a long voyage?
as a sailor you should be used to it...

as for "any port in a storm"...
you've got to be kidding, right?

i'd much rather take my chances on the high seas...

Speaking of "nautical puns", that's what "rain gear" is for (or "foul weather gear", as the case may be...)! ;-p
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 67
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Posted: 11/29/2010 4:41:16 AM
I did not suggest "any port in a storm" as a viewpoint that was needed to succeed in the pursuit of a satisfying sex life. What I am saying is the there are loads of what would turn out to be high quality relationships just floating about in daily life, most of which are ignored or suppressed because of ones own assumptions about the future. Its the assumptions that drive the behaviour, and usually, in my experience, noting actually ever works out quite like ones assumptions. No, you don't have to be desperate or condescending to find a great relationship. You just have to be open to the idea that two people can create happiness together, and that who someone happens to be as a single person is quite unlike who a person becomes inside a loving relationship.

Frankly, I am surprised at the number of people who appear to not realize that they were different people when they were in a relationship than the people they now are. More so in that the transition from then to now was typically traumatic......

Denial, denial, denial......what a wonderful thing........
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 68
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Posted: 11/29/2010 4:58:37 AM

The women all seem normal.


All???????????
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 69
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Posted: 11/29/2010 11:31:39 AM
Fear not folks, as long as we have congress, middle class seniors will always be provided with plenty of sex......provide you like taking it up the azz.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 70
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Posted: 11/29/2010 1:32:35 PM
While talking with a 50 something female friend recently, I mentioned the idea that life would be pleasant if we sold everything and moved to a hut by a beach in a warm place and lived simply. Eat local, have no Internet or TV, make love 4 or 5 times per day.....

I was stunned at her reaction. "Well", she said, "you won't last long with a woman at that rate. 4 or 5 times a day would put off any woman in your age group".

So, I asked her what she thought would be a sustainable rate of coitus. She reflected that even once a day would be a bit of a strain at this age, and that once a week might be more like reality. I still did have the sense that even that prospect was somewhat excessive in her mind.

So, ladies, assuming that Mr Perfect showed up, what should he look forward to in terms of physical frequency? Once a week? Once a month? Birthday and Xmas? Every lunar eclipse? The peak and trough of the sunspot cycle?

I have to say, the conversation left me somewhat disillusioned. It would appear that the days of wine and roses are relegated to fond memories and the land of fantasy.........
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 71
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Posted: 11/29/2010 6:31:52 PM

And of course there is the problem of the rotten fruit at the bottom of the tree.


Problem?? What problem??

To the fruit on the tree high of the reach, _YOU_ are the "rotten fruit at the bottom of the tree."

Be nice, sweetie pie, be nice.

If you dismiss ALL fruit except high on the tree, why should they not ALSO dismiss fruit low (you) on the tree?

As Dirty Harry Calahan said, "A man's gotta know his limitations."
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 72
Sexually Active Seniors
Posted: 11/29/2010 6:36:08 PM

So, ladies, assuming that Mr Perfect showed up, what should he look forward to in terms of physical frequency? Once a week? Once a month? Birthday and Xmas? Every lunar eclipse? The peak and trough of the sunspot cycle?



....Hmmm, let's go with Halley's Comet to be on the safe side.


...mae
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 73
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Posted: 11/29/2010 6:44:12 PM


And of course there is the problem of the rotten fruit at the bottom of the tree.


Problem?? What problem??

To the fruit on the tree high of the reach, _YOU_ are the "rotten fruit at the bottom of the tree."

Be nice, sweetie pie, be nice.

If you dismiss ALL fruit except high on the tree, why should they not ALSO dismiss fruit low (you) on the tree?

As Dirty Harry Calahan said, "A man's gotta know his limitations."


I, ah, think she was referring to the rotten fruit that's fallen off the tree. You know, the kind you have to bend over to pick up, very carefully, because it's usually half-rotten and mushy and has little maggots and worms crawling around on it. And flies, lots of flies. To carry that analogy further, when the scavengers won't even touch it, it's definitely bad.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 74
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Posted: 11/29/2010 7:54:08 PM
^^^^^wow rg...

5 times a day, 7 days a week,
(who's the er, "lucky" woman?)...

when i was a young hottie that much sex would have got me going...
as far away as possible!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 75
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Posted: 11/30/2010 4:27:45 AM
^^^^Sigh......and the ladies actually wonder why it is that we men don't appear overly enthusiastic about having a "relationship".......
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 76
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Posted: 11/30/2010 7:34:02 AM
^^^^Sigh......and the ladies actually wonder why it is that we men don't appear overly enthusiastic about having a "relationship".....

BTW, on another thread discussing the "friends" label in profiles (i.e., FSM - LTR, Friends, Hanging Out, etc.), it's amazing how many "mature" women are so passionate about NOT wanting a LTR (or maybe that's the 'only' thing they still get "passionate" about... LOL)!

But if they're only looking for "casual" (aka "friends"), and if most of 'em don't care about sex anymore, it kinda adds new meaning to the old question of "then what do (older) women really want?!"
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 77
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Posted: 11/30/2010 8:56:38 AM

BTW, on another thread discussing the "friends" label in profiles (i.e., FSM - LTR, Friends, Hanging Out, etc.), it's amazing how many "mature" women are so passionate about NOT wanting a LTR (or maybe that's the 'only' thing they still get "passionate" about... LOL)!

But if they're only looking for "casual" (aka "friends"), and if most of 'em don't care about sex anymore, it kinda adds new meaning to the old question of "then what do (older) women really want?!"

There's a difference between "want" and "would like to have" also.

I'm defiitely an older woman. What do I want? World peace and a safe future for my children and grandchildren to inherit. Do I expect that to happen? No, I'm not a fool.

What would I like to have? Someone to share my life with who wants to share his like with me. Do I expect to find that? Not expect, but there's always hope. Once you stop hoping for anything good, you stop living, you just haven't been buried yet. I would also hope that any relationship would include having a sex life, but if for some reason it wasn't possible, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. It's not that I don't care about sex, it's that while it's an important part of a relationship, it's not the only part.

As for all those labels, they all - so far as I've seen, anyway - translate into sex.

'Friends' is expected to be a FWB. I've got nothing against that, I just happen to believe the benefits come after the friendship, not before someone even knows more than your screen name.

'Hang out' or 'Activity Partner' includes first and foremost horizontal activies. (See FWB)

'Long term' - as long as it takes to find someone better, maybe days, weeks, or months. Or someone who just happens - hopefully - to live around the corner and could be considered a steady date for Friday or Saturday nights, and the occasional mid-week itch he wants scratched. (I've heard the same complaints about this from men.)

'Talk/Email'' - cybersex or phone sex, plain and simple. I am so not interested in that - if I was going to do that, I'd want to be paid for it. I could always use some extra income. It also astonishes me at times, though I suppose it shouldn't, how many men will put 'talk/email' and say they'd be happy just to find someone to communicate with who has half a brain, but when it comes to crunch time, they just aren't interested in 'communicating' long distance (long distance in some cases meaning a 30-40 or so mile drive away).

I'm sure there must be exceptions to all of those, I just haven't come across any yet. Or I should more accurately say, I haven't come across any in my state, and all but two of them are at least 1,000 miles away. Even that wouldn't be too much of a problem except for one thing: I can't drive anymore to meet anyone halfway.
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