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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > When does physical attraction stop being so important?      Home login  
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 male_sojourner
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 426
When does physical attraction stop being so important?Page 18 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
I really enjoyed your comments a lot. I am 64 and recently widowed after 20 plus years of marriage. I find the issue of physical attraction (predominantly weight) very paramount and not limiting at all in its "proper perspective". It is not the sole determinant for me but along with the most important ones of chemistry, emotional connectivity and interests. I tend to date women in the age range of 50 to 64ish for maturity reasons.

A woman who I have befriended answered my consternation over weight being a turn off with her criteria of " if I have to lift folds of flesh to get to the genitalia then I am not interested". To me that is very succinct not only physically but with the resultant emotional limitations that person brings. So I believe that my eyes have been developed over time and are currently well-honed. My experience has been that some respondents are angry over this (whether it is said directly or a euphemism is used) but one has to be honest, but respectful, for oneself.

I look forward to what others think on this great topic.
 purble
Joined: 6/1/2011
Msg: 427
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:01:24 PM
i agree with u so very much
i am 53 and not a spring chicken but pretty good looking for my age.
i did sent a message to a guy and the first thing he ask is for a full body pic
so i sent it to him...prev got many compliments on the pic....this guy had the balls telling me that i do nt have enough waist for him to continue chatting with me.
whats wrong with those men...it seems they forget that they are nt perfect either
and a 21 year old one does not wnt them nesseccarly.
erika
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 428
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:24:31 PM
I don't think it ever STOPS-but I do think that we sort of make adjustments/allowances, and start giving more value to personality, intelligence, values.
But if some people are expecting people over a certain age to STFU and be grateful that anyone at all is interested in them, I believe that the people having that expectation are in for a rude awakening.

whats wrong with those men...it seems they forget that they are nt perfect either
and a 21 year old one does not wnt them nesseccarly.

the forgetting that needs to be done is to forget "those men". Do you really want to be the woman a guy gave up and settled for as a last resort? Men-is that what YOU want? To be settled for? To be the partner of resignation? To have a partner that can barely tolerate the sight of you-a partner that has to take dramamine in order to have sex with you-because he or she has "finally realized" that he or she better take what he or she can get?
Cindy O
 Penpal46
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 429
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/18/2011 7:52:40 PM
Maybe you have rejected some because they were too skinny, wrinkled, quiet, loud, opinionated, etc. If you told them they your reason they probably didn't like the rejection and if you didn't tell them they probably didn't like not knowing the "why" but that is part of life.
If you are confident and realistic you can find someone to love you but if you are unrealistic you will always chase what you will never catch because you are in love with the "Idea" of love, not truly looking for love.
 dkj88
Joined: 6/11/2008
Msg: 430
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When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/21/2011 6:48:09 PM
I totally agree!!!! Most men my age, & I'm 47, seem to want girls(& I emphasize Girls) who are soooo much younger! THIS is why I have no dates! But, neither do they! For they think they are "All That" and deserve girl who is "Hot". But guys, These hot girls want your $$$$$$$ not your personality. Then again, maybe your personality isn't enough to keep them forever. Thank God I know when y'all are superficial! Dollars or not, I'm not falling for it!
 dkj88
Joined: 6/11/2008
Msg: 431
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When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/21/2011 6:54:31 PM
Why do we all thrive on looks? Is it because we want our friends to think that we are doing our best? Are your friends that shallow? Are you that shallow? Who knows if the guy you are talking to on here is the shit? You do! Who cares?!? You do! Eff the rest!
 Betterthanblond1331
Joined: 5/29/2011
Msg: 432
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/21/2011 7:15:58 PM

why would you want to be with someone who doesn't turn you on?
you may as well spend time with your friends and not bother with any new "adventures".

without physical attraction there is no relationship for me...and i can't see that would ever change...


Daffia..this is so true..I agree..why bother dating someone if you aren't physically attracted to someone?
 el lagarto
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 433
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/22/2011 1:00:22 PM
To stick to the original question : it'll stop being important to me when I'm dead !

But I'll add a caveat - since I don't really know what happens to us after we die ...

 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 434
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/22/2011 7:54:19 PM
For an romantic connection involving both emotional and physical intimacy, physical attraction (or lack of physical attraction) will never stop being important. For many of us "over 45, laugh lines and road maps on a person's face are the natural outcome of a his/her life's experiences, and as such are very physically attractive. Some things, however, are not the natural outcome of aging. Protruding bellies which completely cover any signs of a belt (or a waist) will for many people represent only physical unattractiveness.
 geoffonpof1
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 435
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/23/2011 4:14:37 PM
The morning after...................... j/k
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 436
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When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/23/2011 6:15:32 PM
Even at my age it's still important. Being blessed with really good genetics and a strong work ethic for physical discipline, I've kept in very good shape, and this is the kind of partner I want; someone like me, who has maintained their fitness and attractiveness.

I tried dating a woman who I chose for her smarts and genuinely lovely personality; but she was not the kind of pretty woman I'd been used to dating or marrying all my life.
She was very upset over time that I did not gush over her looks, which were frankly to me quite plain. .. I guess some might say "just go ahead and tell her she's pretty", and that's supposed to be better???? Honesty be damned, I guess.
She would not not let go of this issue to the point of driving me away. Now I'm back dating pretty women; it's just easier. I can deliver compliments on looks honestly, along with all the other things about her.
 vanityfair55
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 437
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/23/2011 7:03:07 PM
I think you have to be attracted to" something" in that person example for me it could just be a persons eyes that draws me in.In the past I have always dated thin men but met a man a few years ago(on line)that normally would not have been my type,not in shape etc,but he had the most beautiful eyes and his personality was the best,had a relationship that lasted a couple of years,so answer to the question it in some form has to always be there at least for me.
 Friendsonly4me
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 438
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/26/2011 10:14:47 PM
Never. No matter what wrinkles or gray hairs the future might bring, I'd still want to see that boyish glint in their eyes..or that mischevious smirk that never changes no matter how many years go by. That, to me anyways, is "physical attraction".
 tomtpapa
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 439
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/31/2011 7:55:51 AM
I think physical attraction is in there somewhere, i know that women love a guy who may be bald, also they love the beautiful eyes, but sometimes as the other lady indicated he may just be a few pounds over weight, but what i think is most men want a lady who is honest, sincere and not so heavy he can't reach her butt with both his hands or kiss her because her stomach sticks out so far he can't reach her mouth, so in many ways its a 2 way streak, but what most men enjoy is a great kiss, a feelintg of togetherness, i think if a person has that, what much is left ?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 440
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/31/2011 10:44:48 AM

Most men my age, & I'm 47, seem to want girls(& I emphasize Girls) who are soooo much younger! THIS is why I have no dates! But, neither do they! For they think they are "All That" and deserve girl who is "Hot". But guys, These hot girls want your $$$$$$$ not your personality. Then again, maybe your personality isn't enough to keep them forever. Thank God I know when y'all are superficial! Dollars or not, I'm not falling for it!


Not TRUE! Stop blaming others for your lack of success... Many older men DO date younger women and trust me...the younger women are FAR less interested in the money than the older ones!

If all the men who you say WANT younger women CAN'T get them, it would be reasonable to assume at some point they would "settle" for one their own age...right?

The FACT is most people want someone who is YOUTHFUL...in looks AND attitude/activity level....at least to a degree that MATCHES their own level.

If that means younger/older, then that's what happens!

Not keeping yourself up is what hurts peoples chances...not what other people get/want!

In your case NOT having clear head shots doesn't help here....also it's QUITE apparent that you've been a [heavy] smoker for quite a while...and it shows!
That was a choice you make....you must accept the result.
 star4001
Joined: 1/15/2011
Msg: 441
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When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 7/31/2011 5:58:21 PM
I just want to Thank You ALL for helping me to understand and thinking it was just me.
Whoooooohoooo...I feel good now.
 Mountaintrecker
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 442
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 8/1/2011 12:19:17 AM
Let go and allow yourself to be physical. I think it's a learned response to allow some form of touching which fosters trust. No relationship in my opinion survives without touch, in some form. Guys measure a partners trust and love in this way. To discount its importance sabotages the potential. Just my humble opinion.
 Duchessa
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 443
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When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 8/5/2011 9:50:28 PM
When I started losing my looks, and my body began drooping and getting flabby, my hair began thinning and the wrinkles started marching across my face....I decided that it is like the guys say when they check out another woman while they are with you...they might look at the menu but it doesnt mean they will order. I can appreciate a younger good looking man, but I have learned to determine what is truly the meaning of "attractive" to me. A man might not be physically attractive, but he may have a great voice that gets to me....or an accent. Or he may treat me like a queen where other men won't. He might cook, house clean, shop and actually like it. It took me til my 50's to alter my thinking about what "attractive" is for me. Good luck with that.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 444
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 8/6/2011 9:43:28 AM

When does physical attraction stop being so important?



...I don't think it ever stops. I still have a deep appreciation for a fine looking man strolling by in a pair of jeans and cowboy boots.



...mae
 dc1503
Joined: 6/19/2010
Msg: 445
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 8/23/2011 8:25:23 PM
That is a very serious question indeed. I have found that men my age still expect women to look like the did in their early 20's before children!! Come on guys get real !
Most of the guy's that are attracted to me are 10 years or younger. I don't feel comfortable with that for the simple reason they may want kids "not me" or are currently paying child support. Been there done that don't want to go througth that again.
I am a real woman with real feelings 100 percent real no plastic added lol...
I have been told that guys will always want arm candy to make them look good and a stud to there buddies, but desire a woman like me ! This does not make any since at all .
So to sum it up I'm not sure if guys will ever get it.. I can't wait for the TLC show Aug.30 BIG SEXY to start lol...
 OneShotRising
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 446
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 8/24/2011 8:24:16 PM
when I'm dead & 6ft under

 Something007
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 447
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When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 8/25/2011 3:27:01 AM
You said a mouthful, Most of us seasoned women are not looking for men to have children with, (ben there done that) just to keep a little company from time to time. We can't compeat with the younger women because wisdom won't let you In this day and time being picky can save you life on several levels. I'm single and picky and proud to have the wisdom that goes with a seasoned women. Younger men come to us for the groundednest the can't get from the younger women. Older men don't pursue us because we understand and clearly pickup on the controlling mind games and are not tolerating it. Younger women because of their youth don't see the total picture and fall into traps that an older women see from a mile away. "Experience"
 DSMTraveler
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 448
When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 8/25/2011 12:43:01 PM
oneshotrising -- succinctly said!

Everyone has their own criteria for 'attraction'. Physical attractiveness has always been low on my list. Give me someone who can make me laugh, who has a real smile that reaches his eyes, who listens considerately and responds thoughtfully. Give me someone who is responsible, who is willing to learn, who is willing to have fun even if if looks embarrassing. Give me someone with true honor, who refuses to act like a child except when playing. Physical looks barely make the top ten. I like tall with blue or green eyes. I've dated other than.

But if looks are one of the important criteria for you, then I expect they'll be important until you're dead and buried. I guess all I can say is just make sure they aren't the only criteria you use.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 449
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When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 8/25/2011 12:59:07 PM

I'm growing old disgracefully


^^^Hope you don't mind, but I want to adopt this particular phrase!

I think no matter how old you are, physical attraction is very important. Mind you, as we age, our views on what is attractive change. At my age, looking at a fine 21 year old is ok, but I would never entertain him. Give me a mature, experience, man, age and all? works like a charm!
 Twicebakedtaters
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 450
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When does physical attraction stop being so important?
Posted: 8/26/2011 3:47:21 AM
I am very attracted to women my age. I have always been someone who is attracted to the person as a whole. I did not find my ex attractive on our first meeting....in fact not at all....but I liked many things about who she was. I became attracted to her. Now I find her quite ugly. :)
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