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 HAGAR TH
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 6
More Single Dads then Single Moms with CustodyPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
After my divorce I got full custody of my 3 year old son. Not long after I met 8 other men that were in the same situation, it was a releif knowing they were out there too. That was 16 years ago and I am hoping more men are getting a fair shake.

In all the years of having full custody I didn't receive a penny from my ex wife although I tried. The court system in Canada as well as Social Services are completely biased against men in my experience.
 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 8
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 8/30/2007 4:52:13 PM
. But there is a disturbing trend developing of women giving up custody of their kids so that the kids live with their Dad's.


...this is probably because single moms are quickly figuring out that child support is pretty much a myth, and that men still earn $1.00 to every .77 that a woman makes for doing THE SAME JOB!!! quite frankly, giving primary custody to dad, with ample visitation to mom,gives custodial dads a chance, even as the higher money earners, to experience the inherent difficulties of supporting a child (ren) on a single income.
Not so easy, is it???
 HAGAR TH
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 20
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:40:45 AM
Sweets:

You are a treasure.
 LadyExec
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 23
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 8/31/2007 7:55:48 AM
In reading this string it is amazing to see the differences in mindsets. I applaud anyone who cares enough about their kids to fight for them…father, mother, aunt, uncle…whomever.

It looks as if the women who are the most bitter have younger children who require more constant supervision and work than children once they are a little older, in school and become pre-teens and teenagers. Don’t get me wrong, children need you then, but it’s different as you can discuss and reason with them regarding things…and nothing makes a point louder than taking away, TV, computer and a cell phone.

The one thing that amazes me the most is the women complaining about not getting “their” money. What are you doing to make more to make the ends meet for you and your kids? If he’s a bad guy, why do you want to complicate your life more by allowing your anger at him into your life with court and he owes me, etc…

You don’t see most men with custody out there broadcasting that they don’t get money from their EX…more women seem to do this. It seems that men prefer to just deal with the issues and try their best without as much complaining. When was the last time you heard a man on a soapbox announcing what a wonderful attentive father he is?

Being a parent is a lot of work, absolutely! But let’s not forget that you only get once chance to be a child. Why not let go of the bitterness and nastiness and enjoy the ride of guiding your children to become amazing contributors to the world?
 LadyExec
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 25
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:57:22 PM
As a women, my only advice (and you know what they save about free advice...you get what you pay for) is to slowly let your proposed partner become part of your lives. You'll find you can still participate and you might even get the pleasure of watching two people you love learn to love each other.
 LadyExec
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 27
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 8/31/2007 2:42:02 PM
Last fall I dated a wonderful man who I had met through a charity I helped found. He was intelligent, caring and handsome. He had 4 children and I had 2, so juggling schedules was challenging. Since I had known him almost a year and his best friend was one of the co-founders when we were dating I allowed him to pick me up at my home because I knew I could trust him.

However, when it came to each other’s children we discussed upfront to just make the offer of assistance and then allow the parent to graciously accept or decline the offer. No questions. If you think someone is important to you try communicating your uneasiness for whatever reason….it’s not lame to admit that you enjoy meal time or whatever it is with your child (children).

Honesty along with communicate, communicate and communicate is your best bet.

Good luck guys!
 blond7777
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 28
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:19:00 PM
yes the ratio of single dads has dramatically increased in the last 25 years this is true the court used to blindly give custody to the mothers with the old concept of the mother being the nurtior , this mentality has reversed itself ! although single mothers still out number single fathers , it is the dead beet dads out there who make it hard for us single fathers to get custody ! but if you truley want custody of your kids then fight for them relentlasly although 50 - 50 is always best !
 littlelired
Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 29
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Posted: 9/1/2007 12:35:10 AM
Valley perhaps where you are from that may be the case...here in suffolk county NY it is a living nightmare for the kids and the parents. In my ase i had a 3 year ordeal and in my opnion the only reason my former spouse didnt want to have to pay child support. His brilliant idea was to split the kids up half and half...he'd take half and id take half so noone would have to pay child support.

I toldhim before i woudl split the kids i would give up custody... I think that the judge game me physical custody becasue i said that in the middle of the court battle. I said as much as the kids may fight amongst themselves they still were fortunate or misfortunate enough to be born into the same family! and deserve to be able to have the relationship wth their siblings!

I refuse to be the exwife my former hubby tells everyone i am! I am conciderate of the children's need to have 2 parents even if we arent living together!!! in the big picture it doesnt matter who has custody and in actuality even thoguh it would really mess up the family's finances it doesnt matter if he pays his child support obligation it is 2 different topics.


I am the parent i was when we were together and he continues to do as he did...I was always the disciplinarian...and well as the kids grow up and get into situations they shouldnt like all kids do....I turn a deaf ear when he tells me that the kids poor decisions are my fault....it is the poor decisions that they make at 17 and 19...it makes no never mind what i say at that age... if they were 3 and lighting the house on fire that woudl be another thing.

red
 Wullis
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 32
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Posted: 9/1/2007 11:38:08 PM
First the Statistics (there were more but these were supported)

Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support 2003: released by the U.S. Census Bureau in July, 2006

14 million single parents in the United States today,

83.1% of custodial parents are mothers
16.9% of custodial parents are fathers

LIVING STATUS
mothers who are custodial parents:
45.9% are currently divorced or separated
30.5% have never been married
21.8% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried.)
1.7% were widowed

fathers who are custodial parents:
56.4% are divorced or separated
23.1% are currently married (In most cases, these numbers represent men who have remarried.)
19.7% have never married
0.8% were widowed

EMPLOYMENT
80% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed
50.5% work full time, year round
29.6% work part-time or part-year


89.8% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed
70.6% work full time, year round
19.2% work part-time or part-year

CHILD SUPPORT

According to the survey, 13.1 % of child support payers (child support payers) are custodial fathers, .6 % custodial mothers, 80.5 % noncustodial fathers, 1.2 % noncustodial mothers, and 4.6 % other. (I FOUND THIS ASTONISHING
13% SINGLE DADS AND ONLY 1.2% NC MOTHERS pay support

Date: August 21, 2000
Subject: ACFC Child Support Survey Results
 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 35
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 9/3/2007 5:13:16 PM
Upsetting people like that (the people who run the System) and proving them wrong is probably why I and guys like me were put on this earth and I enjoy every minute of it. I'm pretty good at it too. hehe


wow, what a stellar role-model for the kids. perhaps you should sink your energies into more productive pursuits, and try to corral my ex while you're at it. he, too, gets off on "upsetting the system", although this has only been to our daughter's detriment.
quite frankly, i have seen the people who run the system grant you guys GALLONS of freedom ,like the day our judge let a guy 60,000 in child support arrears go strolling out of court. how incredibly empowering for my ex, and every other male in that courtroom. ..and this happens all day, every day, in all parts of the country. so, really, you're not all that clever.hehe
 vladtepes97
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 37
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Posted: 9/3/2007 11:06:51 PM

vladtepes97
Show us the studies--no such thing.


i'm sorry, sweetcarr99, but i can't remember. i read the result of some of those studies years ago when i was going through my own custody battles. that was anywhere in 2000-2. i haven't looked it up since.
 vladtepes97
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 48
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Posted: 9/4/2007 6:20:49 AM
sweetcar99
here's something i found while interrupting my homework. it's not what i read long ago, but i'm in a hurry. it's not very thorough either, so don't throw anything at me.
http://tinyurl.com/3br9yr
 DrWho3000
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 49
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Posted: 9/4/2007 6:39:44 AM
/quote Like I said in another post, most men do not do as much for the children as the wife did. Most guys houses are plain and boring once their wife is gone, and the children's belongings not as nice, who throws all their laundry colors together?, your beds smell because you don't change them often, you drop the kids off somewhere to be taken care of, they have dirty socks with holes, wear their underwear too long, etc etc etc. Most men cannot take care of the children "PROPERLY", yet they think they do.

I take quite exception to this remark, I am very very domesticated, I had cutody of my oldest from a early age ( she is now 19), and my home is nothing like you suggest mens are, I do ,do the washing regularly and properly change sheet on the bed, housework is done everyday with me. I also look after my son who is 13, who is always clean & tidy, my kids are very well cared for & i take pride in this.

Your comments are offensive to those dad(s) that do take care of there kids well & properly, not all men/dads are slobs drunks etc etc
 LadyExec
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 51
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 9/5/2007 8:30:31 AM
I have custody of my two children (now 14 & 11). Their father has them every Wed and every other weekend. We work out holidays depending on if relatives are coming to visit. He is a terrific father and when we were married we tried to evenly split the duties. He is great when he is with the kids, he lives close so he can see them and strives to do things with the kids which they all enjoy. He has always been willing to take the children if I needed to travel during my official time for work. His family is great and the kids are fortunate enough to travel to see them for a month each summer.

I home office, so I can take the kids to school, be there when they come home and make certain they have someone there when they need it. For breaks and lunch instead of going out to eat (unless it’s a business lunch) I clean, prepare the meals for the evening and take care of laundry (does anyone really like doing laundry?). I make a good living and teach my children responsibility, manners, the value of working hard and respect for other.

Not every marriage or relationship works, but we have strived hard to allow the children to thrive regardless which house they are at. We didn’t get, but he is a good man and our failed relationship has nothing to do with the children. If there is something important we work to communicate via email or phone to discuss the issue at hand.

I know I am fortunate and I wanted to share that sometimes it can be ok.
 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 52
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 9/6/2007 6:03:49 PM
There have got to be some changes made. For example, it's insane to confiscate a guy's license to drive if it's his only means to get to his place of employment to earn money to catch up on back child support.

...and where do they do this exactly? from what i know, this is precisely the reason that drivers license's are not confiscated (even if deadbeats work out of their homes!). ditto on household liens, so long as the property is listed as "primary residence". call me crazy, but (by and large) child support evaders are not exactly rolling in excess properties, other than their homes...

It's also insane to put his face on a pizza box just because a state's office of support enforcement screwed up by not crediting his child support account. ]

i think it's brilliant. in fact, i just went thru hell and high water to get my ex's photo off wantedposters.com (the web owner/operator died) because he claimed that the posting got him fired, and that his newest investors are refusing to fund a potential venture if it was not removed . apparently,they're willing to hire the guy who is 20k in arrears, so long as his bad character/ lack of responsiblity is not made public on google.....and, of course, since the very tedious process of poster's removal, I have not seen a dime.


It's insane to slap a guy in prison for failing to pay child support--again a case where the state's child support accounting system was malfunctioning and they KNEW it was--when everyone knows that a prison sentence is nearly a guarantee for termination in many, many jobs.

...actually, in most states, the first failure to pay sentence is merely a misdemeanor, so most employers don't even catch wind of it.

accounting errors are one thing, but, hey...i'm thinking i should move to michigan, a state which seemingly takes it's child support evasion seriously!
 LadyExec
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 53
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:29:36 AM
I guess it is just beyond me why people would want their dirty laundry aired out publicly regardless of the circumstances.

Chrissy-My question is why would anyone post their ex’s information out on a web site in the first place? Did you think jeopardizing their work (your childs support) would somehow get you more money? Before he was “supposedly fired” were you getting the money for your child? Is posting embarrassing information really going to endear you more to him? I would never, EVER do something like that to my children if their father was unable to pay.

Raising children is about compromising and understanding and working with a sometimes disagreeable other person. Not long after my divorce I was offered a dream position in Florida, but I turned it down as I refused to take my children from their father. At another point, their father was thinking of changing careers and would make less money and it would mean less money for him and for child support. My response was if it makes you happier, go for it. The next day I started taking in consulting on the side to make up for the lost money…Compromise!!!
 LadyExec
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 54
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 9/7/2007 9:36:14 AM
AMEN.

My brother has custody of his two little girls (since they were 2 & 5) because their mother managed to do everything possible to not be a real mother to the girls (drugs, disappearing, neglect). He was awarded custody and child support. He has never seen a cent from the ex.

He decided it is better to eliminate the noise, support the girls and let go of her anger, rather than pursue money or any further contact with their her. I respect those who rather than getting vendictive or nasty, just move on, love their children and make lemonade out of the sourness life gave to them.
 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 55
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:22:52 AM
Chrissy-My question is why would anyone post their ex’s information out on a web site in the first place? Did you think jeopardizing their work (your childs support) would somehow get you more money? Before he was “supposedly fired” were you getting the money for your child? Is posting embarrassing information really going to endear you more to him? I would never, EVER do something like that to my children if their father was unable to pay.

lady exec- he is in another state and it is the ONLY thing that kept him paying. seems some people can be shamed into paying, and he's just lucky that i didn't put a direct link to the irs lien on his condo (purchased after 3 months of "unemployment" and not a dime in child support, of course) for the record, when he starts paying, i have the webmaster remove the poster immediately it just so happened that this past time, the web-owner had passed away, so my requests were ignored. btw...my daughter is 4. too young to be perusing the internet, and only has the dim memory of her father from when he came to town to settle matters in court.i also learned thru the internet that,at his last job before this past one, he actually STOLE his bosses technology, and tried to re-sell it to another group of investors which, of course, got him FIRED. i also recall the time that he was "unemployed" when i was pregnant, receiveing 5-6k under the table from a "friend". when said friend threatened top cut off his allowance, he threatened to report said friend to irs....with friends like him, who needs enemies? would you like to enter into a business relationship with this guy? i think not, even being "lady exec" that you are.

SO...to be perfectly honest, ...i am forever torn about WARNING the entire universe about this man, or keeping my mouth shut. i am not even bitter on a personal level, he is just pathological, like the tazmanian devil, surrounded by the black cloud. for some lucky ones, everything they touch turns to gold. for this guy, everything he touches ends up in some type of major breach of morality/ethics. he is a liability waiting to happen.
i do appreciate your 'holier than thou' scolding, however. reminds me that there are women who are SO much more mature than i.
 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 56
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:35:05 AM
Chrissyfit, I know first-hand that this happens in the State of Maryland. It was read to me from among a list of threats to reclaim the $800 in back child-support from me which they later admitted was their fault. Still, I was automatically a bag of sheet in the eyes of the "customer service representative" without knowing the full story.

...the operative word here being THREAT. sure, the child support office throws out plenty of threats. all sorts of them, trying to scare delinquent parents into paying. funny thing, though. they do ban ALL passoport renewals/ initial requests when delinqunent parents are only 2500.00 in arrears (but if the delinquent parent of your child recently renewed, they are good to go for another 10 years) there were recently several articles on how lucrative this ploy is in recovering past child support. ...men owing in the double-triple digit thousands of dollars pay up on the spot, in order to jump the next plane to paris....amazing how, after years and years of evasion, or claims of being broke, the money just suddenly falls from the trees (and lots of it). i think you're catching my drift.
obviously, in your case there were errors made, so things were unjust, BUT imoh, there should be more driver's licenses revoked. i think the dcss at all levels would be ASTOUNDED at how quickly child support funds were recovered.
 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 57
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 9/10/2007 6:54:31 PM
My only guess is that I guess you haven't actually been there...and I hope you never have to be, for it shakes your belief system.

dcss shakes my "belief system" every time i turn around, or perhaps just reaffirms male privelege, take your pick. trust me on this....the guys who actually get nailed are few and far between, and this varies by state. there are far more NCP's who don't see a dime, and NOTHING happens to the deadbeat parent ...except, of course, the ills of bad kharma). i just got a letter from my local department, telling me that i am welcome to go thru a "private attorney" to obtain a seek work order for my ex that they, in turn, will NOT ask the state of Texas to enforce ( i had to actually read this approx. 3 times, in utter disbelief, before i actually made sense of it). You gotta love a bureacracy that won't even reward you for shelling out some big bucks to do 1/2 their job for them!
 jayduece
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 65
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Posted: 10/1/2007 2:18:47 AM
he sounds like quit the deadbeat i myself is not ive raised my four year old son bymyself without any help whatso ever from the mom oh i forgot one time in four years she gave me forty dollars wow it does make you stonger i wouldnt change it for the world
 Cali2Wisc
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 72
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Posted: 12/7/2007 10:32:52 AM
Times are changing....but I highly doubt there are more single dads then moms. There are defintely more single dads than before. I think it's because the times are changing and alot of women are now looking around and going "Hey...women aren't staying at home and being the good little house wifes like my parents generation anymore. I have a job a good social life outside of the home...why should I be the one to bare are the responsibilities of raising our child, I wanna have fun too." The men now a days are also realizing that it's not like the generation before and actually wanna be involved and not work a crap load of hours and then come home and light that cigar pour a drink and watch the game after kissing the kids goodnight like it use to be. The courts now a days are also recognizing the fact that, yeah a good place for children IS with their mother but men can also nurture and take good care of their children. Men are now (and surprisingly to me) fighting alot more for their rights to have custody for their children (even though more need to step up and be real men). I scratched and clawed for my daughter, and even though it was a drag out all out war with mom....I eventually won. All I know is that there are more single dads than before and I'm happy to see it.
 Wullis
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 74
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Posted: 12/8/2007 11:28:34 AM
^^^^^^^^You think not......

It cost me everything, but I have custody and I definately got the best of the deal

MY SON
 2013future
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 75
More Single Dads then Single Moms with Custody
Posted: 12/8/2007 10:41:01 PM
Hi, seems like in Az I hear alot about single dads. Addiction is biggest problem as meth is so widespread. Was in my case. Good woman just fell into the trap and never got out before it killed her!
 GWH98926
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 81
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Posted: 3/7/2008 3:34:42 PM
Anyways, unless I hear from the man's ex, I cannot trust him if he has custody --and yes, this is from my experience and other women's whom I have talked to. Some people are able to manipulate, some aren't.


And women dont lie ? cheat ? or addicted to drugs and alcohol ?

This is why I got full custody of my kids and luckily the courts saw this. Yes I was the one who cooked every night, went to the parent teacher conferences, changed the diapers, helped with homework, worked full time, payed ALL the bills, payed for the house etc. etc. All while she worked part time and used every penny of her money to buy alcohol and gamble and yes the courts asked the kids where they wanted to live and they wanted to stay with me.


I needed to edit in also that I am sorry for the generalization on the women part, I know they are not all like that
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