Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Sex with minors I think this is unacceptable      Home login  
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 126
Sex with minorsPage 6 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
if a man, or woman for that matter sincerely doesn't know how old the person is, thats an innocent mistake, but once they find out the other is a 'minor' and continues seeing them anyway,thats, imo, inappropriate and not only breaking the law but conspiring to sexually deviant behaviour...

i cant believe the ignorance of some people who think a very young girl, eg, 14 who consents to sex with an adult male is responsible for her actions...she is clearly being exploited and violated...

she may know what shes doing on a physical level and even enjoying it, but psychologically there are obviously deeper issues that need to be addressed, she may be the victim of sexual abuse and cant distinguish between 'love' and 'sex' because her 'innocence' has been violated by someone she trusted, so she emulates what she has been taught is appropriate...

what ever the case a young girl hasn't developed a sexual identity strong enough to deal with an adult man...

unfortunately there are men out there who intentionally target 'minors' and prey on their vulnerability...if thats not rape then i dont know what is!!!.....
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 127
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/29/2007 8:24:37 PM

where it's been proven that the opposite occurs just as often, older women "going after" 16-17 year old boys.

Please cite your sources for this "it's been proven" blathering. Nope, can't do it..can you? It's an aberation, not a thing that occurs "just as often." Stop making up facts to support your own support of pedophila involving underage girls.
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 128
view profile
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:23:23 PM

Id like to know what others think about what ages are acceptable for minors/17 year olds to have sex with adults from both male and females.
If the person is a minor, that being under the legal age for sex, then it is illegal for that person to have sex with anyone, whether they be 17, or 18, or any other age. It is not that they are not allowed to have sex with older people. They are not allowed to have sex.

16 is the age of consent in the UK.
17 is the age of consent in the OP's country.

In Canada, consensual activity with those over 12 may not be an offence if the accused is under 16 and less than two years older than the complainant. The exception is anal intercourse, to which unmarried persons under 18 cannot legally consent according to national law, although provincial laws may vary.

In the USA, it varies from state to state.

If it is legal for the person to have sex, then it becomes a question of harm and abuse, the same as with an adult.

If one person is just using the other person for sex, then they are using the person for sex, irrespective of the age, or the age difference.

FYI, there are many people who are gullible and naive well over the age of 17. So, if it is assumed that one would be taking advantage of a 17-year-old, one can just as easily be taking advantage of a 30-year-old. This is how many abusive relationships start. By the 32-year-old abuser targeting the 30-year-old naive person.

Also, from what I have seen, the majority of 17 and 18-year-old women who are taken advantage of, are being taken advantage of by men close to their age, by men who have had a lot of sex before and see sex as a casual conquest. These men are given a free ride by these women's fathers, only for the woman to turn 30 and then admit to her father that a lot of these boys violently coerced the girl into having sex. I've seen statistics which say that 40% of young girls are coerced into sex by their male peers.

Some women do use their sexuality to control men. Some are in their teens, some in their 20s, some in their 30s, some in their 40s. I believe that there are enough male posters who have been used on this site to indicate that there are women of many age groups who still have not yet started to really understand what it means to have a healthy sexuality.

Also, as to the subject of identity and vulnerability, I believe that from books I have read and people I have spoken to, one is only sure of one's identity once one is prepared to commit to a career and to responsibility by choice and to "settle down". Anyone who is therefore dating a 27-year-old woman who is still studying or working temporarily as a waitress but has aspirations of more, would be dating someone with the same vulnerabilities of a teenager, but with the added vulnerabilities of being disappointed by love. Such a person would indeed be much easier taken advantage of, and we see that in real life.

However, many people take umbrage to this, and assume that young people of their children's age are mature in respect to people of their own age, and immature only in respect of people who are older, and that people of their own age are always mature. However, this is not the case.

It is understandable. Most people only see things from their point of view. It takes courage to see things from different angles. It also takes courage to go against the majority view and fight for justice and right.

As to the OP's situation of a 25-year-old virgin man and a 17-year-old girl, if it is not legal, then it is not right. If it is legal, then he has 3 advantages over a 17-year-old boy:
1) He is 25, so he is not assuming he has a right to her because she is the same age as him.
2) He is a virgin and in our society, he could have lost it over 7 years by going to a prostitute, so he is obviously waiting for something, probably love and a relationship. Most 17 and 18 year old boys who are not virgins seem to only want sex, and do not want either love or a relationship.
3) He is showing a sense of morality, so he is unlikely to feel he needs to brag about how he banged a 17-year-old girl to all the boys he knows. Something most 17 and 18 year old boys do all the time.

If the genders were reversed would things be different?
There are many opinions on this subject. However, I have met men in their 40s who openly bragged about sleeping with their 22-year-old teacher when they were 17. I have also seen numerous threads with many posters telling a 45-year-old woman to go for casual sex with a 19-year-old man.

But the reverse appears to be frowned upon. I have also a thread with many posters telling a 24-year-old woman that she should not pursue a relationship with a 40-year-old man because of the age difference. There are other threads where posters are much more emotional in their descriptions of how they do not like this behaviour.

That fact remains that although women have fought for equality in pay, and equality in being given men's jobs, and equality to say no, and the right for women to choose whoever they want to date, there is no current equality in relationships.

A woman's age is considered a major factor in her ability to handle a relationship, but a man's age is not.

However as any male survivor of childhood or teenage sexual abuse will tell you, sexual exposure to any young male encourages the male to assume that sex is something to be pursued and without any other education will assume that nothing should stand in its way. Something like 52% of serious male sexual abusers, were abused as children, but the number of males who were sexually abused before age 16, was 1 in 6. That means a male survivor of sexual abuse is 5 times as likely to abuse himself as a non-survivor.

Also, 60% of the male survivors reported that the abuser was a female. Something else to take into account.

That in itself should tell you that sex between a young male and an older woman is not a path to tread lightly. It would be very easy for the young man to gain a warped perspective on sex & love from the woman, particularly if she feels embittered in any way at all against men, as many older single women do, as in the case of perpetually cheating ex-husbands.

Whats you option on this?
My fervent belief, the older I get, is that sex is too destructive a force to be taken lightly, and should be treated like driving, and require a licence, which in my opinion would require a psychological assessment by a trained mental health professional. I also believe that like many believe about driving, that a person's ability to have healthy and responsible sex can change over time, and therefor the licence requires to be re-tested every year.

This could have many benefits:
1) No-one with severely harmful personality disorders could have relationships w/out proper medication & treatment.
2) No-one who compulsively lies to get casual sex could have sex, as compulsive lying is a personality disorder and a clear sign of mental ill-health.
3) Abusive relationships would end as soon as the licence was revoked, so no abusive relationships would last for more than a year.
4) People would be screened for STDs and STIs annually, and probably a lot more than that.
5) People could be advised and encouraged to go to parenting classes within a year of getting pregnant. So people who clearly lack parenting skills would become well-prepared for parenthood.
6) Tracking STIs would be made a lot easier, as it would only make sense that people would now have to keep a log of who they had sex with.
7) You'd have to get the other person's name, and talk to them first.
8) Rape cases would be easier to identify, because they would have to be screened by a mental health professional, so they would be more inclined to open up at such a juncture, and 90% of rape is from a person you know.
9) People's erroneous assumptions about sex would be easier to identify and correct.

The only down side is that people would have to be responsible about sex. Personally, I see that as a good thing.

It might cost a bit, but with the amount of money men spend on drinks, and women spend on clothes and makeup, and the amount spent on really bad dates and abusive relationships, I think the overall benefits would outweigh the costs.

But only to the sexually responsible. The players, the users and the abusers would mostly be not allowed to have sex, and since they don't have a current licence, they could only date each other and then only in private. So sexually responsible people wouldn't have to deal with them.

Anyway, in my experience, the players, the users and the abusers don't want to date each other.

The advantages could be enormous.
 vinny low
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 129
view profile
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/30/2007 3:45:55 PM
maybe the "older" person is the one being not saying i condone adults and minors im simply trying to stick up for the adults who get exploited because i can veiw it from the other side...i know what its like to be an adult and have less life experience than a 9 year old....ppl make so many generalizations.
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 130
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:31:14 PM
I've wondered throughout this entire thread does one day in a life make something like "sex with a minor" that big a deal---really??? So a 17 y/o on the day before her birthday decided to sleep with a 25 year old by estimation of the masses here that's illegal, immoral, predatory not to mention just plain wrong. If she waited until the very day of her birth and gave it up to the same guy then it's legal, acceptable, consensual and "whateva" ??? LOL That's just plain ridiculous and makes no sense in the grand scheme of things.

A person does NOT suddenly gain much of anything when they turn "legal age" other than a few more rights and responsibilities. Wisdom comes from experience and that is not gained by virture of the number of days we've lived. How many of us know someone perhaps into their 40's and yet still as dumb as a newborn? Such a person might be prone to making such foolish personal choices one would wonder where they'd been hiding all those years----that they didn't "know better" at least from experience.

I'll repeat we've all known people of different ages who are truly NOT their chronological age with some being far more advanced and others far, far more behide others of the same age. If maturity can be gauged and shown to exist in a 17 y/o and they CHOOSE to engage in something then the responsibility of that should be placed squarely upon them.

This thread began about a 25 year old young man dating a 17 year old young woman and has turned into a debate and free-for-all about the morality of such a thing. It seems that there was a genuine mutual interest has been long forgotten amoung the indignation and mob mentality of parents threatening those who dare defile their "child" of a similar age. It doesn't take a lot of living to know or have witnessed that some "kids" are just young adults somewhat in disguise and fully capable of initiating and participating in many many things that are illegal, improper, immoral and even unadvisable. When such a "child" crosses some legal lines they become adults in the eyes of a court based upon the nature of their deeds. It should be the same way when it comes to relationships----if you want to act like an adult then you "cross that line" and should have to accept the consequences of the CHOICES they've made, good or bad.

No one here has advocated molestation or coercion of a "minor" in order to gain sexual favors----keep in mind this did begin as a question concerning a potential relationship.
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 131
view profile
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/30/2007 8:08:09 PM
what really classifies a minor? there are men on this site im sure 30 plus sending messages to women who are 18, 19, 20... and thats acceptable.

but all of a sudden a 25 year old going after a woman who is 17 and just shy of that age range, is perverted or out for some sort of sick purpose.

i remember being that age.. i never ever went for younger men.. when i was 19, i moved in and later married a 29 year old. 16-17 year olds (lets not go under 16 here.. thats another issue all together i feel)... are having sex.. statistics say that most girls by the time they are 16 and 17 are engaging in sexual activity.. its happening. i know from my point of view of being there myself (as we all are of course), that i would rather be with a man who is a bit more mature and adult.. than a young boy who is really just about experimenting. u give kids the right to drive (a potential killing machine), and in america are able to fire a firearm at 16, apparently they are mature enough to make those kind of judgement calls but .. not that of their own body..

i think to the OP.... ur being a bit over protective.. and u know what.. thats ok.. its good to have ur daughters best interests at heart.. but in the case of the 17-25.. the best thing the parents can do is get to know the 25 year old.. maybe he is a decent guy after all. better to know what / who she is doing than what she isn't, that way they can be on hand to support her and help with any advice she may need.

on the other side of the coin...having married so young i advise anyone under 25 to stay out of a serious relationship and just have fun in life. work out who u are first..
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 132
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/30/2007 8:22:56 PM
where I come from 14 is legal with consent , kind of scary huh to think that someone would consent to their daughter having sex at 14 ? I know she probably had but to think that someone would say "Yeah okay,why not ..she's legal !" it's a sick sick world. my daughter at 14 asked me if she could get her belly button pierced and I said no !Imagine if she asked me if she could do some old guy ?
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 133
view profile
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/30/2007 8:26:41 PM
when a person isn't even out of their teens - I don't really approve of dating someone that is a decade or more older than them. sure a few years difference, but a 16 yr old dating a 25 yr old? I would most definitely be questioning the motives of the adult.

Let me just put it this way - I was totally grossed out when my brother, who was 28 at the time was dating this girl, who was the same age as me - 18...It may have been legal, but I was disgusted with him. Good looking, gigolo type guy who could get women at the snap of his fingers and he's picking up girls who are barely out of high school and pretending to be more mature than they are.

going after someone who is the same age as his youngest sister. EWWWWW.
 vinny low
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 134
view profile
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 3:25:24 PM
whys that so bad? ^^^^ brother when he was 28 dated a girl who was 19 and they fit great brother always looked 7-10 years younger than he is he's always been into younger activities and i think he'd look f-ing ridiculous with a woman his own age....youre age doesnt define who you are and if it does...then we may as well all shoot ourselves the day we turn 35 cause its all over right?
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 135
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 3:34:32 PM
IT IS WRONG FULL STOP. No matter what age or gender you are you know your own mind and emotions,so to say you have very strong feelings for someone so very much younger than yourself is B****S*** Get a grip and get a life,PERIOD.
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 136
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:17:45 PM
I think it is disgusting, personally, but I can see it from the view point of the girl. From the age of 13 it was an exciting thing for girls to be seen with older guys (19-24) so even though it wasn't or isn't appropriate it is happening.
Most older people won't even look at younger teenagers, but there will always be exceptions to the rule. I think it is up to the parents of the teen to know what their child is doing, and to protect them from the people that prey on them.
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 137
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:51:46 PM
I met my kids dad when i was 18 and he 32, we stayed together for 6 years on and off. My mum met my oldest sisters dad when he was 39 and she was just 18, he had 8 children that he raised alone and when my mum moved in she helped raise them while he worked-even though the oldest one was only 2 years younger than her! They seperated after 4 years and when she was 23 she met mine and my 3 older sisters' dad, who was 37 and they stayed together for 14 years and remained best friends right up to the day he died in 2005. I think it depends on the people involved, their maturity and reality about the situation. Looking back, i was a little naive and silly to get involved with an older guy, it did create some problems. I still can be very judgemental when i see a 16 or 17 year old girl/boy with a much older man/woman, especially when i see that the girl/boy is still very naive and immature, it makes me question the older persons motives. I don't know, sometimes it is genuine, sometimes it's a control/advantage thing, i'd be wary if it were my child in that situation.
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 138
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:54:26 PM
By the way, if we're talking about minors (under 16's) then it's illegal (in the UK) and therefore the question is irrelivant. Your question asked about 17 year olds, which would mean they were above the legal age of consent. Not sure if your talking about it from a legal or moral point of view?
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 139
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 5:02:10 PM you said this thread began about a 25 yo man dating a 17 yo but has taken a more controversial turn examining 'sex with minors in general'...the reason for this is because statements were made such as 'if you can bleed you can breed' and other similar things, implying that it is appropriate for very young girls to have consential sex with adults and that they are old enough to bear the responsibility for their actions if they do so...thats when things got heated i think...

it is easy to manipulate the idea of a 17 yo with a 25yo and create a hypothetical scenario where she has sex the day before she turns 18 to make it seem absurd and ridiculous...but that is not the someone else said ... you have to question the underlying motive of the adult and the 'minor' can twist it and make a 'black and white' situation appear 'grey' but it is nothing short of statutory rape in most cases imo, which 'legally' places the 'onus' on the adult's shoulders, not the 'minor'..

i agree with you jwa that 'some people in their 40's are as dumb as newborns' and make foolish choices, but that is entirely different... they are responsible for their own actions and there is no legal code of misconduct...

imo its about having a sense of decency and self control and conscience to recognize
what you can and cant have...
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 140
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 5:55:13 PM
akaMrSmith, Please check your usage of the English language;

I highly doubt that men are targeting anyone! You make it sound like a mass conspriracy! Why can't it just be an older guy finding a younger woman attractive? Or a younger woman finding an older guy attractive? If the roles are reversed are you going to have the same concerns? I doubt that!

Im asking this because of a post I read from another user where a few people, both men and women seems to think it is perfectly acceptable for adults (25 years olds) to target minors (17 year olds) so I want to know what is acceptable and what is not

Regardless of how you feel teenagers, are going to have sex when and if they want to. I have a sixteen year old son, who's flower is still in tact. I don't concern myself with when he makes his decision. Educate your daughter and make certain that she is protected from STD's and becoming heavy with child. I have done so with my son and I have every confidence in his maturity.

I have a 16 year old daughter and the thought of an adult male almost a decade older hitting on her troubles me

A note in general to all! We were all teenagers once upon a time. We arrived here at adulthood with a few scars and bumps for our trouble. Why assume that our teenagers are not going to do the same? Sometimes let's stand back and let them make their own mistakes. Hopefully they will become wiser as a result. We did!
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 141
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 6:45:37 PM
What about a women who is in her late 20's interested in an 17/18 year old.
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 142
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 7:15:01 PM
well to say that a 17 year old is too naive to know what she wants is a bit naive in itself.

When I was 1 7 I sure as hell would know what I was getting into if I were to stumble upon a situation like that. That being said, the older person in the relationship is probably a big loser if he/she can only find someone still in highschool to date them. But then again my boy mattew said in dazed and confused... "I love highschool girls. I keep getting older, they stay the same age"
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 143
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 7:22:24 PM
Don't come crying to me if she gets knocked up

Joined: 8/24/2007
Msg: 144
view profile
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:46:07 PM
What the heck is this stupid tread really about. Men pursuing minors is wrong. If 17 isnt a minor then why cant the guy date a girl 8 years younger than him. Whats wrong with that if he was 30 and she 22 would you be starting a tread about that too?
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 145
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:24:32 PM
HSJS if you read the post you will see it says

I feel at this age children are very venerable and should not be the target of 25 year old virgins.

you have decided to add

I highly doubt that men are targeting anyone

I said

not be the target of 25 year old virgins

I did not say the target of 25 year old men, this post was not intended to slant men, it is about ADULTS of either sex who are attracted to MINORS. I accept that this varies from country to country but the law is the law in each country and that is the issue, is it acceptable to commit the most heinous crime possible if the person is just one day from being an adult? Are paedophiles acceptable if they just about molest a child?

Whats wrong with that if he was 30 and she 22 would you be starting a tread about that too?
if she was 22 then would she be a minor? A bit of a silly contribution really as neither 30 or 22 qualifies as a minor.
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 146
view profile
Sex with minors
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:10:07 PM
I accept that this varies from country to country but the law is the law in each country and that is the issue, is it acceptable to commit the most heinous crime possible if the person is just one day from being an adult?

How is it a crime if they both consent? What difference really does 17 or 18 make. Does 1 year really make them more ready to have a relationship with someone? Like someone else said you can drive a car at 16. That is an adult responsibility where you could injure or kill someone. So if you are mature enough to drive a car mature enough to have a relationship with someone older?
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 147
Sex with minors
Posted: 9/1/2007 12:15:29 AM
There is a big difference between 17 and 19, 17 and 20, 17 and 21, etc. The more years you place between the two, the more experience the older person has and the greater ability to "take advantage" of the younger person. Two years in that age bracket can seem like a lifetime.

It isn't the same as when you're 25, 30 or older when 2 years, 5 years, even 10 years become insignificant. A 17 year old isn't even out of high school whereas a 21 year old potentially is out of college and a 25 year old might even have a graduate degree at that point--not to mention the work experience, the dating experience, and the sexual experience. Things like graduating high school and college, buying your first car, getting your first job, etc are milestones that show our transition between adolesence to adulthood.

So my point is that we get grossed out by the idea of a 25 year old chasing an underaged 17 year old not because the 17 year old is necessarily sexually inexperienced (let's face it, these kids today beat our numbers by graduation) but because the 17 year old lacks the LIFE experience and is experiencing the growing pains of establishing their identities--the 25 year old has been through all that and is in the position of being able to manipulate and take advantage of it.
 vinny low
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 148
view profile
Sex with minors
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:54:48 AM
but im saying what if the 25 year old DOESNT have that life experience? ive repeated myself numerous times because no 1s hearing me...what if he doesnt have that life experience? im 25 i have no experience in anything...i realize that makes me worthless and inadeqaute but what if this guy is a piece of s hit too? stop making assumptions about ppl because of their age.....i have no dating experience no sex experience i cant drive ive never lived on my own....i have 2 years of working experience not all ppl are at the same stage at the same age.
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 149
Sex with minors
Posted: 9/1/2007 2:10:29 PM
I would say you have bigger fish to fry than finding an underaged girlfriend.
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 150
Sex with minors
Posted: 9/1/2007 3:31:43 PM
Im sorry but if my goddaughter who in a few years will be 17, was dating or even having sex with a 25 year, chances are me and her father might implicated in a homicide and/or beat his ass
There is a reason why she is a minor, I dont care what the age of consent is, most laws are stupid anyways, a minor can have consenting sex at 14 or what ever age, but they cannot drink, purchase booze, drive a car, vote, purchase real estate or wipe a alligator ass, but they can have sex? WTF.

If a ADULT ( notice the word) has to stoop so low to have sex with a MINOR ( not old enough to be a ADULT) then something is obviously wrong with the Adult, either he should get some therapy to deal with his issues or face the consequences of a possible irate Father, grandfather, godfather, brother, sister or any of relative who finds this act disgusting.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Sex with minors I think this is unacceptable