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 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 8
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Love and Trust: are they really connected?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP - this is a good thread, it makes us think a little deeper than the usual weight, income, and looks category.

There's different types of love (family, friendship, romantic, etc). Personally, I think you can trust someone but not love them. For example, I trust my co-worker, but I don't love him. When it comes to spending my life with someone, if there's no trust, there won't be a relationship, and eventually, love goes out the door.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 12
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Love and Trust: are they really connected?
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:50:39 PM
You can always trust a person who you do not love. There are plenty of trustworthy people who we do not have romantic feelings for.

You can feel love for a person you do not trust. But those feelings will be stifled, and in the end will turn sour, in my opinion, as a person you do not trust is a person you believe may cause you harm, and how can you love and respect a person who you believe cares so little for you that he may come to hurt you?

Trust can come w/out love. Love w/out trust is short-lived.

That's my opinion.
 Ezy_Phix
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 20
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Love and Trust: are they really connected?
Posted: 9/17/2007 10:23:36 AM
Love is an emotion you have like, "I love that car" or "I love gardening".. So love is an emotion like enjoyment. And trust is a commitment, a vow, a promise. ..Hmm, actually, that sucks as a descriptions.. lol.. I'll try again.

Love is givin, trust is earnt. The more trust you have earnt, the more you have to build and strengthen the relationship on. And destroying that trust destroys what the relationship is build on.
 poly_pal
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 27
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Love and Trust: are they really connected?
Posted: 9/18/2007 9:12:30 AM
Melo @message 31

"...without trust, a relationship can't survive. "

I see the question as "can trust survive when the love that is it's foundation has crumbled"?

Can a relationship survive without love? Without love, is trust worth preserving ? I think so.

People go on without love, for the kids, etc., but they are essentially just 2 people living under one roof, possibly even living separate lives. Only they can answer why they do so, but as long as they do, trust is still necessary, even if they are "doing it for the kids".

In that situation, one must act in a manner that still shows respect to one's partner and attempt to retain some positive and honest level of communication in order to preserve some level of trust, even if both parties know in their hearts that the level of love between them is not what it once was.
 poly_pal
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 29
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Love and Trust: are they really connected?
Posted: 9/18/2007 9:32:40 AM
eric @37,

For the OPs question:

"But can you trust a man or a woman you do not really have, or you have lost, feelings for in a formal relationship?"

Why does the certain inner muscle involve learning how to read other people's intentions. That is really just life experience and accumulated wisdom is it not?

What should be developed is one's inner character that governs one's own behavior- the only person that we have control over and who we are ultimately responsible for.

Going back to the OPs question above, the question should be "are you trustworthy in a relationship where
you do not really have, or you have lost, feelings for your partner in a formal relationship?"

In that situation, where only you know what your true feelings are, only you can decide if your actions are honest and honourable and in the interest of both parties. Does trust require one to be honourable enough to be truthful to a partner where there are no longer feelings, freeing him/her from investing emotional energy in a path where there will be nothing really returned?
 captainbaud
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 36
Love and Trust: are they really connected?
Posted: 9/18/2007 11:25:48 AM
I agree that trust is necessary to any relationship foundation. It's what has allowed me to build a network of lovers, and form such a solid relationship with my wife.
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 48
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Love and Trust: are they really connected?
Posted: 9/27/2007 5:13:33 PM
Except for the heterophilia ("always connected to a man/woman relationship"), I think this is really insightful, however I'll challenge this.

I was actually thinking of love as a state of mind, which you can have with or without a relationship...... While I think of trust as always connected to a man/woman relationship. Maybe you can have love ( caring) without trust, but not trust without love? With love in this case, I do not mean passion or sensual intimacy.....just love as caring and compassion in general.

If you want to look at a manifestation of love, that "being caring and compassion in general", then I think it's fitting to look at a manifestation of trust. For instance, we trust the bank, but do we love the bank? Do we love the bank tellers? the president? the person that fixes the tube sucking machine? I don't think so. Not in the same way that you are using love as a reference point, but do we trust them? I submit that we do.

Why do we trust them? How can we trust them if we don't love them? We trust them because we feel conident in the incentives they have to not steal our money. Those incentives include criminal punishment, professional exclusion, professional peer pressure, state of the art security technology, etc. Are any of these incentives applicable in a romantic relationship? No, so we have to rely on a different incentive: the incentive they have not to hurt us, because of the compassion they feel for us.

See, it matters quite little whether we love or trust someone, whence trying to predict whether they're trustworthy. But it does matter if they love us, or have other incentives not to hurt us. These could include: ethics (stop pretending everyone is ethical), religious piety (*cough*), emotional/psychological dependence (which could have an exact opposite effect, if they become unstable), financial dependence, etc.

Can you have love (caring) without trust? I think you have to trust that your understanding of the person and your relationship to that person is relatively as you expect, to feel and react lovingly towards a person. If your understanding of a relationship is as you expect it to be, wouldn't you always love them? Even if you don't like them? I mean "(caring)" type love? Wouldn't you help them out, even if that meant ignoring them?
 poly_pal
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 51
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Love and Trust: are they really connected?
Posted: 10/1/2007 8:43:52 AM
You can love people that you do not trust. You can trust people that you no longer love. For example, many women like bad boys, and although they may actually retain poorly thought out notions about changing them, they instinctly know they can't.

In a relationship where trust has been battered about, love can remain but the relationship will likely change. Still, some form of relationship can survive (as long as the parties involved do not detest the sight of each other), but the deep love romantic relationship might be gone.

Not everything is carved and stone, or is black or white. What works for one couple may not work for another.
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 60
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Love and Trust: are they really connected?
Posted: 1/20/2008 5:33:43 PM


Love and Trust: are they really connected?


Once the trust is gone in a relationship, there IS no relationship IMO...
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