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Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 76
Seeking a sexless relationshipPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Hmmmm - I could be In a so called " sexless " partnership IF It was due to medical reasons ( couldnt get an errection ect ) BUT It wouldnt be a sexless relationship really would It - hed still have hands - fingers and a tounge - and Id expect at sometimes they'd be used as part of a loving cuddle a thon I dont think I could just be with someone who there was NO sexual Interaction at all - In fact I am sure I couldnt. No penetrational sex - sure If I loved him and It was medical or psycological ( and not as In just gay so I repulse him ) but as far as him never wanting to give me a orgasm In all the other ways possible as part of a loving relationship - No sorry quite sure I couldnt do this.

However I am sure there would be a lot of women out there fine with this - and your honesty and the fact you are direct about this and not trying to hide It from protential partners deserves to be congratulated
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 77
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/9/2007 6:43:45 AM
its kind of amusing because if you look at the early history of the Christian church before it got bribed with power this is how a relationship was supposed to work with a women if you were a priest. including seperate beds.

I say good luck its a long hard road but then again what relationship is not. As long as you are honest there is nothing wrong with it.

I have never met another person like you male or female but I do know they are out there.
 crane man
Joined: 8/17/2007
Msg: 78
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/9/2007 7:47:14 AM
It could work, but it is going to be harder to find a match. There are women out there with no interest in sex, so good luck it could work.
Joined: 5/26/2007
Msg: 79
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/9/2007 8:58:05 AM
Put it in your profile and see what happens. All you can do is try.
Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 80
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/9/2007 9:43:14 AM
Although this has some heartbreaks and disadvantages, it can work. How long do you want it like this? There are some who feel the same, it's your life. People change as they get older. Nothing is like it use to be, for me.
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 81
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/9/2007 10:17:13 AM
I did not say Blows my mind,I said it confounds it. There is a very big difference.Look it up. I did not call the O.P. gay or weird or any other diatribe. I asked if he was being celibate for a religous purpose as,to become a priest or monk that is usually a required practice.
And I too applaude his courage to post such an intresting and quite personal question.
I simply could not think of any thing, other than putting that request in his profile.
People need to stop and read, really read a post before they jump on a soap box and start critisizing others for what they said, or what they(the reader) interpreted.Personally I don't like having words put in my mouth like some kind of puppet.
Good luck to you O.P.
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 82
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/9/2007 11:04:38 AM
^^I think this was in response to my post since I made the "blows the mind" comment...

I was actually not singling out YOUR post...sorry for the confusion! I had to actually go back and read your posts to see what made you think such. LOL

I was referring to anyone in general who were so blown away by the idea that they had to assume that the OP is gay, has some childhood issues, etc....

I too, am confounded by intrigues me to dialect the topic...but I respect his choices and being open and brave enough to post about it. :)
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 83
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/9/2007 2:48:45 PM

We're all aware that once a relationship is consummated, it takes on a different tone and becomes a different beast altogether. I suppose I would like to take the headspace that is there early on in a relationship, pre-sex, and continue it for as long as possible. If that can be continued for the extent of my life, all the better. I like the innocence, the tension etc... I am pretty aware that my favourite times in a relationship have been before there was sex and everything that goes along with it got in the way.

offkilter72...up until this specific post, I was extremely confused by your thread. If THIS one section explains your feelings then I'm on board with you. I completely relate to what you said because I share this feeling too. But with me...I definitely expect it to eventually 'get to' sex.
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 84
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/9/2007 3:04:24 PM
^^Agreed...I can also empathize with the sex sometimes getting in the way of getting to know a person for THEM, and not for the sexual gratification.

I would not go as far as to say, for me personally, that my favorite time in the relationships were pre-sex! But if you handle the sex as a "bonus" to the relationship and not a "basis" for can be healthy.
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 85
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/9/2007 9:38:23 PM
In response to those who suggested me being asexual, I've looked into the site and their definition, and it doesn't seem to quite fit me. I walked in their shoes and it's not for me. According to them, they have no sexual attraction, whereas I do. I do and seek to not initiate it. I am far happier and content without it. So its more of a concious decision rather than simply not having a drive in any way. I am choosing not to use it. I hope that helps, but I suspect it just muddies the waters for some. Sorry.
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 86
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/10/2007 8:25:37 AM
Well, I suppose it is possible to find what you are looking for, but for most people sex and intimacy go hand in hand. I am not saying you won't find it, just that you will probably have to look harder. I wish you luck!
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 87
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:02:20 AM
Maybe you're overstating it, then. If you have the attraction to women, but just don't want to get into a sexual relationship, I would think you would be able to find someone that suits that preference. If you are able to be affectionate and intimate outside of sex, then it would increase the chances as well.
Joined: 7/1/2007
Msg: 88
view profile
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:33:00 AM
Some thoughts:
1. Why don't you just state that you are looking for friendship and an activity partner. I have heard lots of women say that they don't want a relationship exactly, but just someone to do things with, like go out to dinner, movie, the opera, work parties, dancing, getting coffee, festivals, talk or cook togeter, watching a video, etc.
2. Start a discussion group at your home or in a public place with interesting subjects to discuss (''what ifs", for example). I guarantee you will start meeting interesting people to hang out with. I used to go to one called "The free thinkers club". It was wonderful. Opening up your mind and heart to exchanging ideas produces a surprising feeling of closeness with others (call it ''intellectual intercourse")
3. Take up ballroom or latin dancing (i.e. partners dancing). Then go to the dances and start dancing and meeting people. Lots of dancers like to get together and go to dances in other cities... and it stays platonic... i.e. it is just about the dancing. And dancing is a surprisingly intimate non sexual activity. It is beautiful when you understand one another's dance moves and evolve to become a smoothly flowing dance couple. Plus it is good exercise and gets you OUT there! Dancers are vibrant, alive and fun people, I have found. (I'm a salsa addict myself.)
Joined: 4/5/2005
Msg: 89
view profile
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/10/2007 9:44:15 AM
I don't see a problem barring any physical and psychological reasons, it's a choice you decided to make. It seems you're content in that decision.
Now finding a woman of like mind with no specific traumatism won't be easy.
I suggest you put that in your profile though, you may have a better chance of finding her........and won't have to go through the rejections because the women didn't know about it before hand.
It'll save both of you from wasting time.
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 90
view profile
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/10/2007 10:00:21 AM

I also am seeking a sexless relationship. I was the victim of a sexual assault in 1985, and again in 1995. I won't go into specifics. I've actually thought that the only men who might be interested in me would be paralyzed, or impotent, although I would never put that in my bio.

My sex drive is zilch. If you would like to talk, you may email me.

Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 91
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/10/2007 3:41:31 PM
op- in all ive ever heard and done i can say i have not heard where the sex is stressful unless one has asthma or other. i wish you luck and perhaps you will be happy for ones life is what they make of it or do the best they can with what they have the ability to get.

im not sure why one would not have sex even though they have the desire or attraction. sex is a very much part of the relationship even though its not the only thing and yes some who has no choice will live without it but it must be painful to fight what the body requires like water and food.

for me i could not live without it even if my partner could not enjoy no longer for i would have to release that sexual inner pleasure that does build up and can perhaps cause stress or other parts to die off...remember if you do without for a longtime it may not work upon request.

sex is what you can make of it with the person who can arouse you to the fullest however just sex is good lol. if you are unhappy or think that stress in your life is caused by sex try to enter a relationship without it or promises of getting it later and that dont happen whoo hoo thats stress.

look at it as arobic class or cleaning your pores from the sweat and oh yes the release of body fluid build up... wow its warm in here. and think of the muscles that benefit from the positions that one can perform if they dont put there mind to it and let the body naturally run its course. you need to be happy even though we laugh and make silly comments and yes ive done it but if its what you like then just do it but anytime you enter a forum your subject to speculation.
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 92
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/10/2007 8:23:21 PM
Thank you, OffKilter, for posting such an interesting thread. I was so intrigued that I read the every post. Boos and hisses to all those who wrote just to make fun of him.

I know the topic is actually supposed to be about seeking celibate women but most respondents are curious as to the reasons for your choice, and I am no exception.

Karenee posted earlier and she went through a long period of Celibacy and found it to be an experience of growth. Are you seeking that kind of experience yourself? You say sex complicates things, as if you are trying to preserve a relationship, but it seems that you are denying yourself sex for your own inner life.

Physiologically, it is true that sex affects us more than we might understand. However, looking at brain activity and hormonal changes isn’t nearly as enlightening as looking from the inside out.

There have been a few jokes about you being a monk or something, but I think this link between religion(or personal spirituality) and celibacy is worth exploring. Celibacy is part of a lot of different religious practices, just like fasting or silence. I looked at your profile and saw that you weren’t religious, but I wasn’t really sure whether that meant you were really secular or just didn’t affiliate with specific religions.

Nevertheless, you don’t have to be religious to grow from periods of celibacy, (or fasting, for that matter) you just have to do it with an open mind (which you obviously have or this forum wouldn’t be here). I have known some people who aren’t religious but still, by leading a good, honest, simple life, achieve the kind of wisdom and joy that truly religious people can have (then again I’ve known religious people who lead bad lives and go to church to sooth their conscience, so religion obviously isn’t everything).

My point is, maybe in this journey into celibacy, you are seeking the same sort of experience that so many people in history have sought on their way to finding whatever they see as sacred. If that’s true then you might want someone with those kind of values. Maybe you should be looking in an ashram your ideal woman, who knows?
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 93
view profile
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/10/2007 8:28:35 PM
They can't say you are just after one thing,(unless it's something else)
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 94
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/10/2007 10:04:10 PM
I must point out that religion has zero role in this, and even less interest for me. Spirituality has about the same role in my decision also. Just to let you all know who might be looking for another angle.
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 95
view profile
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/11/2007 10:25:11 AM
Hi Again,

I should restate what I said before. I do have a sex drive, at times very strong, but I do not act on it, as I am searching for the right man. Someone who understands that it may be a 3-4 months before I feel that way again. Now, that may change in time, as I learn to completely trust the person, and I may even become a nymphomaniac...but in the last 12 years that has not been the case. I haven't had a relationship in twelve years. Just a few dates with men who just want to get me in bed. That just reinforces my PTSD, and makes me very uncomfortable. I will not give up though. If I never have sex again, I can handle it. Sex is sex. Intimacy is far more important, and I hope I do not go without that. I deserve a solid intimate relationship. We all do.

Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 96
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/20/2007 8:52:21 PM
Your spelling is brutal
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 97
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 11/4/2007 1:24:54 PM
I felt the need to respond to you here Julesbee because you listed some exceptions for a non-sexual relationship, number one being a physical disability making sex not possible. I couldn't DISAGREE with you more! I, being a woman with a physical disability (I use a wheelchair), am a very sexual and passionate person who has had the wonderful experience of enjoying and sharing mutual pleasure with several men whom I dated or had a long-term relationship with in the form of a sexual relationship. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you did not generalize and assume that people with a disability are unable to have a healthy, sexual relationship.
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 98
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 10/20/2010 1:55:54 PM

You may notice how sex effects a relationship. Mostly not in a good way. Sex can easily distract from a Loving relationship. You are right in considering a sexless relationship if you want a better relationship than before. All the Best...
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 99
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 10/20/2010 2:49:23 PM
Unless someone is asexual then I don't know why they want a sexless relationship.
Joined: 10/14/2010
Msg: 100
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 10/20/2010 4:03:55 PM
I remember seen a French film called Fanfan, it's a comedy about a engaged young man ignited such spark and chemistry with a passionate girl, afraid of the magical romance end to dull predictable bore as with his fiancé, ... He adored Fanfan in every possible way but refrained and torment himself from being physically intimate with her. somehow this post reminded me of that rather delightful tale.
Something makes connection there, perhaps purity... perhaps definitively to have emotion reciprocated just as how love essentially exists. Perhaps indifference to the way the mass have lead us to feel about sex... the overt exhibition of sensuality innuendoed with gross production of pornography, fetishes and abuse, lust and liaisons, weakness and deceit... and our tainted media celebrate them all. I wonder if we are passively desensetised by such visual and sensual massacre or prudently adverse ourselves from the surreality of insanity. Ultimately that ravenous sin only lead us astray to greater pleasure...
Choose love instead of lust... why not? The questions is... how ?
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