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 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 239
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???Page 13 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I have a few, but I am far too ashamed to post them under my real profile. But one I remember, my ex and I were going at it hard core...in the woods...totally normal...right? Anyway I was gettin' into it despite the stick in my back, when he decided it was time to change positions, so I got on top (ah, yes, the old standby) so I finally got back into the "roll" and he starts screaming, and I am talkin' total, all out, **** screaming! I was waaaay into it and started going at it harder thinking ":Man! Ive never made someone scream before!" Then his screams turn slightly;y wild, like a really loud high pitched squirrel, or what I would imagine a turtle would sound like if it could scream....(no idea where the turtle thing came from, but hey, its late, Im sleep deprived aaaaanyway) it was too much for me, and as I stop thrusting he reaches up and literally throws me off with one had and goes running through the woods. I am butt naked but, its the woods, so I start chasing him thinking he's running from some crazy animal that he saw comin' at us but that I somehow missed, we make it back to the cabin, and he runs immediately to the bathroom. I start banging on the door asking "What the hell happened?!?" After about 3 minutes he answers the door i go in as he is limping back to the toilet seat, and then I see it. I see a large black fang about 1 inch long sticking straight out of his thigh, he's tearing up and I start laughing, I was rolling on the floor for a good ten minutes while he was declaring "That was one HELL of a spider, you should have seen that thing, its NOT funny!" After I pulled it together I went to grab some tweezers so I could help remove the thing, I spent another ten minutes trying to "get serious": but every time I went near the fang with the tweezers I remembered "the scream" and cracked up laughing again, so finally he took over, and when he pulled it out it was so big that I saw the skin pull away from his thigh....well needless to say I am not a sadist but this had me cracking up all over again. So he gets up still pissed at me for laughing, I use the bathroom and realize that our having sex had triggered my period, and to this day I have to say that I have never been blamed for something so unfortunate in such a uniquely creative way. He said that my blood had "attracted" the spider, therefore it was my fault. All I had to do to embarrass him from then on out though, was to look at him and quietly mimic that ****y lil girl scream of his. To this day he will never live down running through the woods screaming like a maniac. Love it, and that tops the cake for funny....as for disgusting,,,, lol j/k.
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 240
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:55:15 AM

During sex, he kept saying "you are just so unbelievably wet, you rock.." we had tons of sex..... Fell asleep, I woke up first and it was kinda light out.... I see that EVERYTHING (me, him, blankets, sheets....) is covered in blood!!!!! What did I do..didn't wake him up, and ran like the wind! BAD GIRL, lol

Poor guy he probably thinks to this day that he killed you and hid your body in a blackout lol. puurty scurry lol
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 241
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:11:22 AM

welll.......me and my ex were getting it on one night, and he gets on top starts getting really into it....adn i dont know what the guy was thinking but he screams out (as he was cumming)
"I LOVE YOU OPTIMUS PRIME!!!" and im thinking w.t.f!!!!! do i look like a fcuking 20 foot 2 tonne robot to you????? nedless to say we broke up shortly after hahaha


He soooo lost a bet and had to scream that out as punishment.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 247
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:29:29 AM
Hmmm...I spent last night reading these and laughing my arse off...

My contribution...

An ex and I were going at it like monkeys...while his teenaged daughter was in the house. Upstairs. We were being very quiet, which for us was hard. All of a sudden, she comes flying down the steps, yelling "hey dad, I need to talk to you"...I don't think I ever saw my ex move that fast to bar her from getting in the door! D**k flopping, I'm trying to cover up, and she's like open the door...! He asked her through the door what did she want...do you know what that child wanted??? "Can I go to my friend's house?" HELL YEAH ALREADY! He told her call her friend to come get her now! We waited until we knew for sure she was gone...after laughing for a good bit, continued on!! But from then on, locked door!!!!

Or the time that me and an ex decided that we couldn't wait to get to my house...drove to the roof top of a shopping mall parking lot, and were in the back of his car. It started raining, which gave us courage to get, well rowdy...then all of a sudden we hear someone parking right next to us...!! What the??? 2 guys had saw the car "rockin" and decided to come and take a peek. In the damn rain...pervs!! My ex opened the window and said some very nasty things that aren't fit for print, they decided maybe not worth that...and left. By then, I had gotten panties on, skirt down and was looking like a prim schoolteacher. Mood killed...!!
 bubblesandrainbows
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 251
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:01:50 AM
When i was 15 the boys mother walked into his room jsut as we were getting into it (she had never met of probably heard of me before). She calmly closed the door and walked away. I freaked out and went to stand up and fainted (i think it was because i had just gotten over the flu and us two little 15 year old brats had polished off a bottle of his dads jack danials). When i came I was back on the guys bed with a sheet drapped over my naked body and the mother was dabbing my forehead with a cold washer! Then she damanded i rest there she would make me some food and i msut let her drive me home instead of catching the train. Im pretty sure she didnt put poisen in my food and for the little longer time i was seeing the guy she was always really nice!
 sriannaailyim
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 252
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:39:51 AM
LOL- this thread is hilarious
 jessicarenee1977
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 254
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History
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:32:55 AM
I have been rolling from reading this. Too funny.

I have a couple.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was with an old bf. We had been together off and on for a couple of years. I was at his house, we were very hot and heavy into it on the livingroom floor, when he just stops, gets off, tells me to change positions, so that I was on my knees, but leaning over the couch. He tells me he wants to try something different. That was all fine and dandy.......until he called his dog over. I jumped up, asked him in a not so nice, extemely colorful way, if he had fell and bumped his head, and what was wrong with him. I gathered my clothing and ran to my car and hauled butt outta there, not bothering to stop to put them on till I was safely down the road, away from doggie lover. Never saw him again.

The most embarassing moment. Not long after the ex and I had seperated, I was home alone. The kids were with my soon to be ex mother and sister in law. So of course, I decided to use my alone time wisely, and break out the vibes. Well ,they brought the kids home early. I had not heard them pull up, but I heard the kids talking. I was trying to quickly turn off my toys and find some clothes. I had managed to throw on a night gown, and had gotten the vibes stuffed under the couch cushion just as everyone was walking in. I greeted them, hugged my kids, then went to sit down on the couch. They had just began telling me about the day they had together, when all of a sudden, we all hear this buzzing sound. It was not exactly quiet either. I was trying not to bust out laughing, while trying to figure out how I was gonna stop that without just pulling it out. So I grab a baby blanket and throw it over my legs, and grab my pillows, and put them on my lap, then start trying to casually dig under the couch cushion to find Fred. It took forever to find it, in the mean time, my sister in law was jsut sitting there looking at me, with this stupid smirk on her face (holier than though type). About the time I finally get a hold of it, pull it up under the pillows and blanket, and get it off, my mother in law then figures out what it is. I heard this little gasp, then an OH MY, then she asked my daughter to show her the new paint in her bedroom. I didn't know if I wanted to go crawl under a rock, or die from laughing so hard after they left.
 wylder1
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 255
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:44:21 PM
The boat rolled. I fell in the water, dragging her with me. She couldn't swim. I was tangled in the sheets. It all worked out but for one thing. She never returned my calls.

- W.
 luckyliam71
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 256
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:54:52 AM
I had just met a new girl, and she was very multi orgasmic. She could literally just take it all in and somehow squeeze one off without a lot of effort on my part. She was playing cowgirl, and squeezed off a real big one....and SHIT on me. She didn't even notice. She was surprised when I asked if I could take a shower. She just looked at me funny and pointed the way. At least I can say I literally "****ed the shit out of her". Never saw her again after that. I wonder why?
 NYCmasterplumber
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 258
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:36:22 AM
The worst thing I ever said during love making was telling the girl " your sister has bigger tits and a tighter vagina"
 hellgremlin
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 260
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History
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:53:59 PM
I once projectile vomited directly into a girl's crotch.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 265
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 9:49:39 PM
LOL, this is the funniest thread ever.
Ok, was with my bf long long ago at bike week in Daytona, and my best friend was with her guy too, and they had rented a house down there with several other friends. After a wild night of drinking and partying, we all paired off to our respective rooms. One thing lead to another, of course, and me being rather vocal when my well-endowed partner was hitting what I like to refer to as the 'cuss button' which is that special spot deep within that makes me cuss like a longshoreman for some reason. Well, I was hollering out 'Fvck me like a 20 dollar whore god-dmmit', and he was putting it to me for all he was worth. Apparently the walls were not too thick, and in mid-stroke, I hear my friend's bf holler out, 'Oh for God's Sake, someone give her a 20 and get her to shut the hell up!' Well, needless to say, I start giggling, and so does he, and the mood was lost. The next morning I had to face all the couples at the breakfast table, and they all started clapping and gave us a standing ovation.
Yeah, I was mortified. Now when my bf hits that spot, I shove my face deep in the pillow...my apartment wall is shared by a viccar...can't be letting him hear all my business, now can I?
LOL
Beth
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 267
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History
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:38:21 PM
I got held up in traffic and by the time I got there they were finished.
 chris48mt
Joined: 4/9/2016
Msg: 268
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History
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/9/2016 7:28:59 AM
Many years ago when I was young, I was desperate to experience a prostate massage but could,nt find anyone to give me one. Eventually an older lady and part time fb agreed on the condition that she gave me two glycerine suppositories first, to make sure that I was nicely cleaned out. I agreed like a shot, when the time came she inserted them into my bum and I pulled my underpants up and we sat together on the sofa chatting. She said I would need the loo in about 40 mins. After 10 minutes I got the most powerful stomach cramps, as I stood up to run for the loo I uncontrollably filled my underpants right in front of her eyes. That was the last I saw of her and it took my years to find another lady to do the deed.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 269
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/9/2016 8:09:06 AM
Got into doggy position and started to smell something foul. The smell became worse and worse until I couldn't take it anymore and had to stop and say something ....


She had forgotten a tampon up there.


It is a foul odour one should not smell more than once in a lifetime.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 270
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/9/2016 2:21:13 PM
I was a young fellow in South America and rarely got my parents car. So one of my friends had a nice car so we took these girls out to this very obscure place where you could see the lights of the whole city. The view was breathtaking, kind of the lights of LA at night, but you can also the the contours of the mountains made of lights. Because we were three couples, and the girls were kind of modest and didn't want to have sex in front of each other, the driver took the front, another friend and his date took the back and well, me and my date went outside. So we walk up the steep road and sit on the concrete. This is one of those private access roads to some water tank, so we have complete privacy, unless is someone with a car that knows all those mountains.
I put my jacket on the ground and sit on it and my girl sits on me and we begin to kiss and fondle each other. We move here or there and in one of these motions moved the jacket sideways and as we put our hand down are now covered with ants and are stung over and over again. To make things worse, when we go to the car the occupants are not too inclined to let us in until my date gets really, really pissed off and then all the girls get really pissed off at the guys for being such insensitive SOBs.

She got a few bites. I got a lot. My arm was all puffy the next day. Fortunately I never got bitten on my private parts.

Moral of the story, never, ever sit, day or night on the join points on concrete. Ants love those spots.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 271
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History
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/9/2016 3:37:05 PM

Got into doggy position and started to smell something foul.
The smell became worse and worse until I couldn't take it anymore and had to stop and say something ....
She had forgotten a tampon up there.

Oh, those little buggers like to crawl up there and marinate for a while...

Moral of the story, never, ever sit, day or night on the join points on concrete. Ants love those spots.

... and to instead choose to pork a girl on Top of the car, while the two other friends shag inside of it. But never at a drive-in.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 272
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/9/2016 3:40:56 PM
^^^^^ Oh, are you saying you've had a similar exp ?

She went to the gyno to check it out. Her kids were waiting in the waiting room .
They asked her afterward what the " horrible smell " was - they could smell it from the waiting room !!!!!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 273
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History
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/9/2016 4:08:45 PM

^^^^^ Oh, are you saying you've had a similar exp ?

Not to the point where it smelled like Chunky Soup that's been sitting in the attic for ten years, no -- but a "missing tampon" that was found days later thru what was thought of as a harmless oral sex session ("It's a boy!"). Also with another gal, there was a missing (used) condom. A couple days after said porking, stopping by her place then playing a video game, she unbuckles her belt, shucks down her jeans, and laughs... I'm chuckling, but also thinking she's wanting a spur of the moment get-it-on. She hold me back and says wait-wait, as she dug into herself underneath her panties. I'm confused, as I'm just watching her go at it like trying to find some pocket change. And then out comes the missing condom ("It's a girl!").
 chinook1111
Joined: 4/1/2016
Msg: 274
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/12/2016 7:25:34 AM
This section sure is raunchy.

What was the point of the condom if she left it in there?I dunno NG......
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 275
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/19/2016 6:07:39 PM
I got shit (mixed with lube) all over my hand while fisting my ex. I told him, "Next time, we're using gloves"

I vomited on a guy's****after he throat-****ed me too hard.

However, they weren't as bad as they could have been because neither party treated the other any differently after such mishaps.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 276
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History
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/19/2016 6:19:11 PM

I got shit (mixed with lube) all over my hand while fisting my ex. I told him, "Next time, we're using gloves"

Fisting a guy's a$$?! LOL! How dare there be sh!t on your hands? How in the world did a "next time" come to mind after such a "i lost a bet" endeavor? :)

I vomited on a guy's****after he throat-****ed me too hard.

Now that, I could understand. Some of the casualties of, well, casual sex. I wonder how it felt for him...

What was the point of the condom if she left it in there?I dunno NG......

The point of the condom was for it's normal thing -- protection & to prevent pregnancy. It was one of those things after the sex and rolling over, you reflexively make a move to throw the condom away... oh wait, where's the condom?? Kind of like coming home from the grocery store and you make your habitual move to take your child out of the back seat... oh wait, where did she go?!

With the condom, and drunk losing track of every move and being a bit out of it, you figure in the dark it's laying around somewhere. You don't remember taking it off, but ya had to, but feel around. Never found it, and she feels in herself and says it's not there. Must have been kicked around somewhere. Hmmm. I've lost a sock like that. No big deal. Sh!t happens (and obviously also from fisting someone; see above post). But yeah, freaked me out the used condom was lodged inside her where days later she gave birth to it.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 277
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/19/2016 9:27:02 PM
Fingered a filly's fanny one time, had a similar result. As for the oral sex, a female friend mentioned one time going down on her guy with a sinus issue, and *residue* ended up there. I believe someone here posted a similar thing, that quite a suction can be created inside the mouth.
 chinook1111
Joined: 4/1/2016
Msg: 278
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/21/2016 7:57:05 PM
@NG
I can understand the alcohol and whatever else.Im kinda thinking it's a necessity....

Ever think about some quality over quantity by chance?

@cheetos
That's too bad,doesn't sound like the guy had much style.

Worst things were broken condoms and the cops shining a light in my car as a teenager.
 Strider324
Joined: 2/17/2016
Msg: 279
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/22/2016 9:32:37 AM
I'm thinking it was the night her cat launched itself from the dresser like some superhero from a DC Comic and firmly planted every claw into my thrusting butt cheeks. My scream was reminiscent of Minnie Ripperton.

On the other hand - it was accompanied by quite a powerful climax.
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