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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???      Home login  
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 sriannaailyim
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 351
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???Page 15 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
LOL- this thread is hilarious
 Chuck65201
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 352
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:53:52 AM
Ya this thread is pretty dam funny.

Worst thing happened was gf farted when I was going down on her.
 jessicarenee1977
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 353
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:32:55 AM
I have been rolling from reading this. Too funny.

I have a couple.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was with an old bf. We had been together off and on for a couple of years. I was at his house, we were very hot and heavy into it on the livingroom floor, when he just stops, gets off, tells me to change positions, so that I was on my knees, but leaning over the couch. He tells me he wants to try something different. That was all fine and dandy.......until he called his dog over. I jumped up, asked him in a not so nice, extemely colorful way, if he had fell and bumped his head, and what was wrong with him. I gathered my clothing and ran to my car and hauled butt outta there, not bothering to stop to put them on till I was safely down the road, away from doggie lover. Never saw him again.

The most embarassing moment. Not long after the ex and I had seperated, I was home alone. The kids were with my soon to be ex mother and sister in law. So of course, I decided to use my alone time wisely, and break out the vibes. Well ,they brought the kids home early. I had not heard them pull up, but I heard the kids talking. I was trying to quickly turn off my toys and find some clothes. I had managed to throw on a night gown, and had gotten the vibes stuffed under the couch cushion just as everyone was walking in. I greeted them, hugged my kids, then went to sit down on the couch. They had just began telling me about the day they had together, when all of a sudden, we all hear this buzzing sound. It was not exactly quiet either. I was trying not to bust out laughing, while trying to figure out how I was gonna stop that without just pulling it out. So I grab a baby blanket and throw it over my legs, and grab my pillows, and put them on my lap, then start trying to casually dig under the couch cushion to find Fred. It took forever to find it, in the mean time, my sister in law was jsut sitting there looking at me, with this stupid smirk on her face (holier than though type). About the time I finally get a hold of it, pull it up under the pillows and blanket, and get it off, my mother in law then figures out what it is. I heard this little gasp, then an OH MY, then she asked my daughter to show her the new paint in her bedroom. I didn't know if I wanted to go crawl under a rock, or die from laughing so hard after they left.
 nicosuave83
Joined: 9/5/2007
Msg: 354
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:54:56 PM
I had been talking to this woman for a couple months online. She lived on the other side of the state, so finally I decided to bite the bullet and go see her. I got in late Friday night and had the most amazing sex of my life. She woke me up saturday morning in that special way, if you know what i mean. I get up, bend her over, and we start going at it again. Then the bedroom door opens and there is a 7 year old girl and 4 year old boy just standing there. She failed to mention she had children, and they were in bed by the time I got there. So we just stop midstroke, like deer in the headlights. The little girl looked up at me and said, and this is a direct quote, "Are you m new daddy? I've always wanted a daddy" I have never felt like a bigger ***hole than I did right then. I got dressed, had a talk with the woman, and headed back for home. I havent spoken with her since.

And just to clarify, I dont mind kids, I want some of my own someday, but it was the deceit of not telling me she had any after 3 months of chatting.
 wylder1
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 355
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:44:21 PM
The boat rolled. I fell in the water, dragging her with me. She couldn't swim. I was tangled in the sheets. It all worked out but for one thing. She never returned my calls.

- W.
 luckyliam71
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 356
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:54:52 AM
I had just met a new girl, and she was very multi orgasmic. She could literally just take it all in and somehow squeeze one off without a lot of effort on my part. She was playing cowgirl, and squeezed off a real big one....and SHIT on me. She didn't even notice. She was surprised when I asked if I could take a shower. She just looked at me funny and pointed the way. At least I can say I literally "****ed the shit out of her". Never saw her again after that. I wonder why?
 GypsyRenee
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 357
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 9/9/2008 3:17:19 PM
wow... ^^


This was with an old girlfriend of mine, we'd just started dating, and she still lived with her parents at the time. I had come over to stay the night, (they didn't know we were dating...). Well, we started getting pretty hot and heavy, she was making alot of noise, as I was doing all the work at that point, when her mom walks in. (she worked nights). She tells us to turn out the lights and get some sleep.

We turned out the lights, waited for a moment, then started up again, this time putting a pillow over her head to muffle the sound... a few moments later (when they thought we were asleep, I hear her mom yelling at her dad "MY DAUGHTER IS A LESBIAN! They're having SEX right now!!" we couldn't continue at this point. we were both laughing too hard.
A few minutes later, her dad bursts in, finds us pretending to be asleep, and yells back , "They're not having sex! They're just sleeping in the same bed, you idiot!"

 NYCmasterplumber
Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 358
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:36:22 AM
The worst thing I ever said during love making was telling the girl " your sister has bigger tits and a tighter vagina"
 Rogue Saint
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 359
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:58:13 AM
A cross between her parents dropping by ...and using their key, or my Mom dropping by ...and using her key, and she's like a 70 year old Ninja - didn't know she was there until is was much, much too late.
 justaguy6302
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 360
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2009 5:32:20 PM
lived in a house next door to my parents. my dad would rop by unannounced when ever he felt like it. one night, kids were in bed so me and the ex decided to take adavantage of the moment. just as i had her bent over the couch pumping like a mad man, i hear somethng and turn to see my dad pulling the back door shut behind after walking in to find us doing that. don't think the ex ever knew so i just kept going and finished, then i told her. HAHAHAHAHA
 Blondeambition
Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 361
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2009 5:34:43 PM
the kid wakes up and says "Mommy, you get off of my daddy right now!"
 ijustneedone
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 362
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:51:22 PM
Worst sin I've ever commited during sex [& my fellow fellows, take heed & do not verbalize this same observation should it happen to you, too]:

Years & years ago I'd dated a woman for whom I'd had high hopes. We were in the Garden of Eden one perfectly lovely afternoon & making love sweet love, just like in the song. I was atop her & laying upon her so I could kiss her deeply & passionately, & I just enjoyed the feel of her boobs upon my mine own hard breast, sewing the seeds of love, as it were [again, just like in the song]. Suddenly in the core of my being I realized that there was something I'd not noticed before &, still humping away like a poor male Praying Mantis that had just had his head eaten off by his own partner during sex [you can look this up, it's true!], I raised my body upward from her own gleaming with sweat torso &, taking a bite of The Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, I slightly twisted my head like any other confused dog & said, "My darling, are your boobs two different sizes?"

Of course, as you may have guessed, I've been damned ever since.
 hellgremlin
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 363
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:53:59 PM
I once projectile vomited directly into a girl's crotch.
 luvs2bme
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 364
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:55:01 PM
Ugh... I got the ball of my tongue ring stuck in the tip of his d*ck. He grabbed my head and stopped me. Said, "What the hell?" and I said, "Ah tink mah tun ith sthuk tah yar dak". OMG OMG OMG!!!! I was apparently way too vigorous (as he requested) and it just slipped right inside him. I don't have the tongue ring anymore.
 ilovedragons
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 365
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 8:38:51 PM
Ok my ex and I had had a few too many screeming nazis one night (its a shot jager and pepermint schnaps) and not only did we pop an airmattress but I also puked on his clothes while he wasnt wearing them. The next morning he had to wear some of mine home. He lived and worked with one of his buddies and just walked by him like nothing and said I will be ready for work in 15 min is there any coffee. I on the other hand was so embarassed.
 kmm52072
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 366
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 8:47:39 PM
I was giving an ex lover a bj and right as he was cumming he decided to say something funny and as luck would have it, I started laughing as his cum was shooting down my throat...he was a definite forceful cummer...well, I started laughing just as his cum was shooting down my throat and it went down my air pipe...made me start coughing and as cum was cumming out my nose he was getting the proverbial shower of his own spooge!
 longlocks40
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 367
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 8:57:06 PM
I threw up on a guy while having oral. It was very yecky and embarrassing.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 368
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 9:49:39 PM
LOL, this is the funniest thread ever.
Ok, was with my bf long long ago at bike week in Daytona, and my best friend was with her guy too, and they had rented a house down there with several other friends. After a wild night of drinking and partying, we all paired off to our respective rooms. One thing lead to another, of course, and me being rather vocal when my well-endowed partner was hitting what I like to refer to as the 'cuss button' which is that special spot deep within that makes me cuss like a longshoreman for some reason. Well, I was hollering out 'Fvck me like a 20 dollar whore god-dmmit', and he was putting it to me for all he was worth. Apparently the walls were not too thick, and in mid-stroke, I hear my friend's bf holler out, 'Oh for God's Sake, someone give her a 20 and get her to shut the hell up!' Well, needless to say, I start giggling, and so does he, and the mood was lost. The next morning I had to face all the couples at the breakfast table, and they all started clapping and gave us a standing ovation.
Yeah, I was mortified. Now when my bf hits that spot, I shove my face deep in the pillow...my apartment wall is shared by a viccar...can't be letting him hear all my business, now can I?
LOL
Beth
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 369
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 9:49:57 PM
Was doing it in the car in the park, about 11 at night. Passenger side window was rolled down a little bit. Curious police officer got an eyeful.

We got a ticket. :(
 goodone4ya
Joined: 10/12/2004
Msg: 370
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:09:07 PM
I have three bad sex stories that i can remember.

1. When i was in my teens-me and my friends partied all the time. We would get drunk with groups of girls and end up making out anywhere. I lived in a pretty tall building, so after a night of beers me and a female friend go towards the top of the building in the stairwell. I tried to hit it from behind but it wouldnt go in. She finally said lets try something else and went down on me. It was feeling really gd-and when i was about to release i caught a bad case of the bubble guts. A silent but deadly one slipped out. She kept going-i looked in shock. Another one slipped out-and another-to the point where i was holding my own nose. I looked at her and told her she could stop-but she kept going while i was farting the whole time-gave me a line that its natural and she didnt mind. I finally was able to finish-and she pulled me out of her mouth and started smackin her face with it-i spilled everywhere. Instead of walking all the way down the stairs we got on the elevator to go back down outside. One of the females that lived on the floor got on the elevator with us-and started laughin at the female. She was laughin so hard she had tears in her eyes. Still drunk i looked at the girl i got on the elevator with and she had jizz on her neck-in her hair and on her back.
 goodone4ya
Joined: 10/12/2004
Msg: 371
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:14:03 PM
I was in a long term relationship. We would have sex sometimes for long periods of time. One night she was on top riding me well. She came a couple of times and i started to really get into it, i started grabing her hips and making her slam me a lil deeper into her. One of the times she came down on my shaft it started to feel diffrent. The top of my shaft felt like it was stuck inside her. When she tried to get off of me-i was stuck inside her. She looked at me with huge eyes and i freaked-after my erection dwindled down-i was able to get out of her-but it scared the shit out of me
 goodone4ya
Joined: 10/12/2004
Msg: 372
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:24:12 PM
last one

My ex was heavy into the lifestyle. She loved women and sometimes we would bring females to bed with us. One paticular female we liked alot. Things got hot and heavy and they started to sex eachother in front of me. They both moaned for me to get undressed and serve em-so i did. We had fantastic sex that night. Same woman comes over again for a repeat performance. My lady at the time just sucked her breasts-and they wanted me to be the first to penetrate. She opened her legs and i just stuck the head in while my lady was sucking her breasts. To get into it more while i was just strokin the tip in i started to kiss my girlfriend. When we went to switch positions my lady looked at me like ok ram it all the way in-enuff with the teasing give it to her. Excited i did just that-i felt her walls crumble as i pushed more and more of me inside her. I got two maybe 3 good pumps and when i pulled out the nastiest smell-came out of her. A mixture of blood-fish and poop lingered right outta her. I literally jumped off the bed and out the room in one step-ripped the rubba off and started scrubbin myself in the sink. My girl comes in behind me and was like talk about a surprise-u pulled that stench outta her-crazy cuz when i was using the tip of my shaft there was no scent. The second i went balls deep and pulled out it was like spraying the room with fishpoopblood air spray the extra strength kind

yuck!!!!!
 goodone4ya
Joined: 10/12/2004
Msg: 373
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:34:46 PM
ok ok this is really the last one-this isnt disgusting its disturbing and really not funny at all.

My ex and i got close with another female. She and her kids sometimes would spend the nite with us. We werent doing anything with her sexually at the time-just hang out watch a couple of movies and let all the kids play together. Things heated up between all of us. We all flirted with eachother silently and when the kids went to bed it was on. My girlfriend at the time turned some tunes on and turned off the lights. The other female was white-and what happened next scared the hell outta me. They were both nakid on the bed and it was pitch black. I got my girlfriend off first and laid on top of our friend. I kissed on her neck and pushed myself up so that i wasnt laying on her. Now it was pitch black in my bedroom and when i looked down at her i seen bruises on her from under her breasts all the way down to her calves. I freaked out. Jumped outta bed and turn the lights on. She being nervous hid under the covers. My girlfriend asked me whats wrong-and i said pull the covers off her-when she did the bruises i seen in the dark were now visible to my girlfriend. We both freaked out-and found out she had an abusive boyfriend that beat the shit out of her before she came over to our house. You know the bruises had to be bad if i seen em in the dark-one of the worst nights i ever had during sex-i didnt care though-to me it wasnt about the nut. I just wanted to make sure she was ok. We didnt even finish that nite and neither of us cared-we just held her and watched tv till we fell asleep
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 374
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:38:21 PM
I got held up in traffic and by the time I got there they were finished.
 PorgyinCO
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 375
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Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:48:19 PM
Being an old fart I've had several.
16 y.o dau came to stay with me and new wife. Opened the bdrm door and gasped: "what's she doing on top??"

First time I ever got any. Christmas Eve tree @ family doings. Sis said we should go to her/bil's place to get a box of presents. Got it going in their bed, g'f left her nylon's hanging on the headboard.

One winter night a cop shined his light in the window and knocked, told the girl: "you'd better get your clothes on younglady, I'm taking you home". Next day at work/grocery bagger. Her uncle came in and started attacking me. Hmmmmm!!

Right after first wife got mar. Bought a small trl, set it on concrete blocks. Moved 50 miles from family. In the middle of it her Dad was going to shake the trailer and the blocks crushed. Nearly tipped the trailer over! We rolled off between the bed and wall, bed tipped over on top us naked. Had to get him to help get the bed off us so we could get up. He was panic'd thinking we'd gotten hurt. Fooled 'em, we finished!!
Another time in the same trl. yr old kitten sunk her claws in my ball sack!

Another trailer yrs later the bed's leg's caved in and dumped us on the floor. We finished. As I was getting up, she said: "you just got me pregnant". Sure as H, 8 mo 2 wks later son was born. Hmm!

A g/f and I on the Galvestton beach in the surf. Felt great with the wave's hitting our crotch's. That sand sure cut us both up, oh man does that salt burn in the cuts. Another time, she moved and I jammed it into the sand, OUCH!

Like another poster. Hammering away with 12" strokes and 6" peg, rammed it in the back door. My first tail too. "OOOHHH, uhhh damn, "Don't move, it feels good", so we finished.

Another g/f was sitting on it as we set in her Dad's easy chair when Mom came in from outside. We just set there, she was squeezing it, sure felt good. "dau, come help me put the groceries away" "just a minute Mom" "right now I said!!" About that time she went into another room. Gave us a few seconds to seperate and put my tools away.
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