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 AUTHOR
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 13
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Why do women want men their own age?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
To asmcriminaL in msg #21:
that's a "bs" excuse. It's a rejection. They're basically telling you, you don't meet what they want. Age doesn't have anything to do with it.
Thank you. You confirmed what I already suspected happened to me. It also explains why I was shot down one woman my own age. I'll stick to women who I can talk to, without having to make an effort.

To whenyer_strange in msg #54:
I draw the line at where the guy is at or very close to my step-dad's age. That is way tooo creepy. One even looked just like my step-dad....my skin began to crawl every time he got within 5 feet of me.
If I started saying that I wouldn't date anyone close to my mum's age, then I wouldn't date anyone in their 70s.
It does feel creepy when very old women rub up against me, and it's pretty obvious that it's deliberate, considering that plenty of other people get much closer and never do it. But I think it would be rude to call them "creepy" for doing so.
Basically, the preference for one's own age is that 1) I find that older guys often call me kid or kiddo. That's creepy, because what guy wants to have sex with a "kid"? I'm a professional woman who has worked hard to get where I'm at.
That only happened to me when I ws 25 and she was 21. She called me "kid". She had had quite a few more boyfriends than I had had girlfriends, and I was not pursuing the relationship, and just going for being "friends". Guess she didn't like it, huh?

To finneganne in msg #58:
We say that because we get creepy old f*ckers contacting us all the time.
You mean that you don't get creepy young f*ckers contacting you all the time? Or do you mean that the young ones send you different messages than the old ones?
Too funny. This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Harry Peter in msg #59:
Next time you encounter one, ask them, then post their responses here.
I will. But most women I've met IRL, don't have much of a desire to date men their own age. It's the guys who want to date women their own age, and they tend to be very aggressive when that status quo is challenged.
There is one 47-year-old woman who keeps getting hit on, jokingly, by a 25-year-old man, and she keeps knocking him back. But he's still hanging out with 14-year-old girls. I imagine that she reckons he's just into sex, and I think she's right.

To everyone: Please stay on-topic. The topic is "why do SOME women want men their own age?" I'm adding the some in to please some people. The topic is NOT why some women don't want to date older men. The topic is also not why some women don't want to date younger men.
Also, please stop comparing to Ashton Kutcher. We know why Ashton Kutcher is with Demi Moore. I like the guy, but he's not a good actor. He's with a hot, older woman who has seriously boosted his career, who's 15 years older than him. She's on her third marriage, and she's already had her lot of kids. She's with a hunk who is not incredibly smart, and is more than 15 years younger than her. Successful MILF + Beefcake. Does anyone still think they'll be together in another 15 years?

Also, if any women want to date younger men, date men from the UK, or come to the UK and date here. It's been accepted for women to date men younger, or much younger, than themselves for about 15 years. That's why I find women who say they want to date younger, or do date younger, funny. It's the norm. Kind of like women saying they prefer to date a guy with a job. It's a given. Doesn't need to be said.
 valsalva22
Joined: 4/27/2005
Msg: 14
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/19/2007 7:05:57 AM
Sometimes a woman will say that but what she really means is: "I am not interested in you.".

It's her way of letting you down easy. Ironically, I see it as an inability to be honest and communicate openly.
 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 15
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/19/2007 8:08:07 AM

The topic is "why do SOME women want men their own age?" I'm adding the some in to please some people. The topic is NOT why some women don't want to date older men. The topic is also not why some women don't want to date younger men.


The reasons why some women prefer men around their age could be the same reasons why some women wouldn't date older or younger men. For example, some women feel that they have more in common with men their age than younger men or older men.
 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 16
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/19/2007 8:55:23 AM
society would be.....my kids , my parents, my friends, my business partner, my clients. Now we have to clarify what I mean by the term "close" and that would be 10 yrs either way. More than that would probably embarass my kids or my mother and certainly be cause for talk which I can do without.


With all due to respect, I wouldn't stop dating someone because of what friends or business clients might think. If I liked a white woman ( I'm black ), a very tall woman, a woman in her 40s ( I'm 29 ), or an overweight woman, what other people would think about the relationship would NOT be a factor at all and I wouldn't consider any of these relationships to be an embarrassment. I know a 45 yr old woman who ended a relationship with a 31 yr old man because she was afraid of what her business associates would think. If she ended the relationship because of lack of common interests, immaturity, different future plans etc, then that is understandable. IMO people shouldn't make decisions based on what others might think.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 17
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/19/2007 9:27:12 AM
I seldom care about a persons age but more so about where they are in their life, experiences, and goals for the future.

If someone is so young that they want children and need that to feel completed, then I am not for them. If someone needs me to take care of them or supplement their Social Security checks, then I am not for them either.

What I am looking for and want, and hopefully am wanted as well, is another that is independent, financially secure, in shape, decent looking, and has the ability to not weigh the both of us down with all the baggage that has accumulated over the years.

Is that asking for to much????? I do not know, but for me at least, one of the last things I worry about, is their age.

Just my opinion......
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 18
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/19/2007 10:02:48 AM
That would be "treated" you like a child.......

This is my point here.......age is but "one" item on the list of "many" when attracted to another and wanting to know them much better, and this item should be far down the list of priorities.

I know of many that are my age and older and act like they are still in their teens, and others in their 20's that make me feel like they are already heading for Social Security and the nursing home.

Maturity comes with experience and many have much experience at a younger age, and some never really had it at all and they can be much older then we are. We usually connote experience and maturity with age, and that is a fallacy for many that had to grow up fast, take care of themselves early on in life, and continued down life's path, no matter their age.

I will let the person and our attraction to each other, desire to know one another, chemistry, and goals, both present and future, decide if we are to date and possibly have a relationship, and not the age embedded on their drivers license.......

Just my opinion........
 brock11
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 19
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/19/2007 12:18:08 PM
Brock, I wouldn't start a relationship with someone as young as my kids or as old as my parents and as I stated, I was in a relationship with a man who was ten years younger ( which my mother didnt approve of but wasnt embarassed by).


I'm not saying a person should date someone who is 20+ yrs younger or older than him/her. My point was that I don't think an age difference of 10-15 years should prevent a potential relationship from happening if 2 people were compatible with each other just because some other people might not approve of it.


The example you mentioned, of the 45 yr old woman and the 31 yr old man....I tend to think she probably had no intention of ever having a long term relationship with and it was probably just sexual in her mind anyway since a man that age would probably want children and at 45, she probably wouldnt want to have a baby. Her saying that she was afraid of what her business associates would say was just an excuse to end it.


The relationship was more than sexual. They had the same interests and lifestyle. They were dating each other for 2-3 years. The relationship progressed to the point where he knew her kids and they were considering moving in together. Then she got promoted at her job. They went to a few work functions with some of her business associates. Some people stared at them. They overheard some people making negative comments about their relationship because of the age difference. She was afraid that having a relationship with a younger man could affect her job. Therefore she ended the relationship.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 21
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/19/2007 4:19:43 PM
I won't date a fella younger than 38, to me, I think fellas younger than that would want kids. I won't date a guy over the age of 55. I am somewhat flexible, but I don't want to be a "Mom" to some fella, nor do I want to be a "daughter" or "grand-daughter", either.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 22
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:02:31 PM

99 percent of what women say to me, I don't take at face value. Most of them don't know what they want. When they do know what the want, it changes by the minute, the hour and the day. Often what they want is partially due to the opinions of their friends and family.

Women will say anything, except the things that might make them look bad in public. The irony in that is the things most likely to make them look bad in public is often the things closest to the truth.

Women want a good looking guy in good shape. His age is often not that big of a deal as long as they don't get too much grief from friends and family and coworkers about it.

Women want a man with some career success and is financially stable. (A car and a house are ideal. ) Often women won't go near you unless you make at least what they make but often prefer that you make more than them.

Women want men who have a little baggage as possible that could take her away as the center of attention of his life. That means any kids from before, any debt, any strange kind of job, any dependent relatives, etc , etc. If a woman you date is not the center of attention to the degree that she thinks is sufficient ( and they are never satisfied) then she will be pissed off and you will have to deal with the fall out.

This is how most women behave. For the most part, a man's age has nothing to do with it as long as he can offer the above without creating any social stigma from her friends, family and coworkers.

A woman will come with any flimsy reason to blow you off if she thinks you aren't good looking enough or don't make enough money for her. Often they will come up with any old damn reason to get you out of their faces.

What women want isn't that hard to figure out. Go to the gym, get a better job and make more cash, buy some nice duds and pretend that women don't exist. You'll find after that, more of them will want you plenty then, no matter your age.

First of all, the OP stated that he wasn't commenting on something said SPECIFICALLY to him by any one particular woman,but rather something he'd noticed in forum topics and discussions.
Sounds like you've been dating women who have no sense of self determination,but rather are swayed by everyone else's opinions(including yours) What's wrong with YOU that you can't seem to connect with a woman who knows her own mind?
Cindy O
 Del Monty !
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 23
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/19/2007 7:19:46 PM
I've been wanting to email Weaselontoast all summer for great conversation and laughs....and we are close to the same age....same profession,etc.....but she won't change her settings of a 75 mile limit for me to do so. Guess we'll just have to keep on staring at each other's pic and profiles...unless she relents and gets curious ! Say "Hi" Weasel .....I won't bite you !!! LOL !!!!!
 wisdomandlove
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 24
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/21/2007 8:02:08 AM
Glad I came across this question.
I always seem to come across guys who are looking for females of their age. I myself like older guys because they are more understanding,compassionate,respectful.
Age is just a number, and again it all has to do with the how each of the people feels.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 25
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:50:27 AM
On women's looks, fitness, attraction, and health:
Men often prefer to choose the best-looking, healthy, active, happy and mature women they can find, irrespective of age. So if you exercise, eat right, drink plenty of water, take vitamins, look after your skin, and are generally happy, chances are that men your age will prefer you to younger women. Men are going younger because so few people are looking after themselves and they just aren't finding what they are looking for.

Exercise doesn't take a lot of time, about an hour a day.

If you have kids, the kids need to exercise more than you do, just to burn off their extra energy. They would probably be quite happy to join you in doing some exercise, as long as it was enjoyable for both age groups, and both sexes, and you could make it fun for them. That covers most forms of exercise, as long as you make it fun. They will end up doing it for a lot longer than you, and will beg you to do exercise with them.

If you work, you can find plenty of opportunities to exercise. Using the stairs. Going to a gym near your work.

Also, doing housework the old-fashioned way, is more than enough exercise for everyone. It was all women did in the 50s and 60s, and loads of housewives had a 22-inch waist. Almost every woman who did normal daily housework had a 26-inch waist or below in those days. Sweep your floors, beat your carpets, scrub your floors, wipe down your surfaces, wash your dishes and dry them by hand, wash your clothes by hand. Really use that elbow grease. Works wonders on your biceps, too. Lots of housewives used to have a right hook that could put their man into the middle of next week, if they wanted to.

Diet works the same. It costs a lot less to eat healthily. With practise, one can whip up a good, healthy meal really quickly. If you never ate healthily, your body doesn't want it. But if you keep eating healthy, your body starts to like the food. Eventually, you actually start to hate the smell of fast food. Just like stopping smoking.

On men's looks, fitness, attraction, and health:
Most men aren't fit because most women their age aren't. Men generally change to adapt to what women will put up with, and what is fair. Men only started going to the gym once women starting going to them. If all women their age kept in good shape, nearly all men would do the same.

See my recommendations for women.

On women's indepdendence:
I've read lots of threads and literally hundreds of posts on this. All the men say:
Do it, just don't tell us about it.
Men like women who act independent. If a woman really is independent, she doesn't need to keep telling a man about it. If she does, he gets the impression that she's insecure. In a lot of men's experience, they're usually right. So don't say it. Do it.

On kids:
It' perfectly reasonable to want someone who wants the same as you, when it comes to kids. If you already have some, or you don't want some, there are plenty of men who don't want kids. Usually because they already had some with someone else, but sometimes because they don't want any.

The only problem is with single mothers, because:
i) The law favours single mothers, with cohabiting partners, with parental involvement, and with allegations of abuse. So men are usually taking a huge risk with a single mother.
ii) Single mothers tend to put their kids first. This is fair. But they often do it unnecessarily, even to the detriment of the children. So men lose out again.
iii) Relationships don't last very long anymore. If a man comes into children's lives, and then is forced to leave, it is very hard on the children. Men just don't want to put a kid through that.
If single mothers were to chose partners that were going to be in it for the long haul, were going to treat the children well but not too well, and were fair and just to their partner, as well as to the kids, most men would desire a single mother. But single mothers pick men and handle relationships as well as single women do, which is sad to say, not very well.

On longevity and outliving men:
See the following study:
Findings based on millions of deaths suggest that shorter, smaller bodies have lower death rates and fewer diet-related chronic diseases, especially past middle age. Shorter people also appear to have longer average lifespans. The authors suggest that the differences in longevity between the sexes is due to their height differences because men average about 8.0% taller than women and have a 7.9% lower life expectancy at birth.
From http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?cmd=retrieve&db=pubmed&list_uids=12586217&dopt=Abstract

According to the above study, men live about the same as women of the same height. But smaller men live longer, and women pick men much taller than themselves. So women end up outliving a partner because the men they are with are much taller than they are. Simple solution: pick a man who is the same age and height. Or, pick a man who is taller and younger. But remember, taller men have more health problems, so you'll still end up looking after him in 20 years, even if you pick younger and taller.

On personality:
Men tend to find that women tend to get more pessimistic, bitter and suspicious of men as they get older. So many men naturally pick younger women.

Simple solution: Don't get disappointed why your relationships didn't work out. Not everything is meant to last forever. If everyone expected every job to work out and last forever perfectly, no-one would ever want another job. If women treated their relationships with the same practical, no-nonsense approach that they took to work, most men would want to keep their woman for life. I know employers do, for the most part. When an employer wants to get rid of a female employee, it's usually for an extremely good reason, or because there is a serious threat of putting the kids first, which as I've said before, is unreasonable when taken to extremes.

On maturity:
Men tend to pick women who don't play mind-games, have realistic expectations, and are generally easy to get on with, but not needing to be with their man every second of the day. If they cannot find that in a woman their own age, they look for older women.

Simple solution: Expect that your man needs the same level and type of attention that your friends do. Treat him just as well as a friend, no more and no less. Then you're real fun to be with, gives him room to be himself, and yet is still the woman he wants to make love every night. Who wouldn't want to be with a woman like that?

Summary:
So far, I believe that I have addressed ALL of the reasons that women list on not being able to find men of their own age and that men pick younger and older women. If you aren't doing any of this, it's not surprising that you're not finding someone of your own age. You're just not providing what most people would want out of a relationship. It's not rocket science.
 Del Monty !
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 26
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/24/2007 5:26:49 PM
Well.....as we used to sing in elementary school: "Pop goes the weasel !!!" LOL ! Thanks !!!
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 27
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/24/2007 8:38:39 PM
Why should WOMEN not prefer to choose the same, in men? According to what I read in the forums, that IS what women want.

This last "conclusive" message from the OP, however, appears to jump the fence. My bad. I have a nasty habit of putting 15 points in at once.

How does preferring someone in my own age bracket suddenly make me responsible for his weight issues?It wouldn't. I never wrote that it would. I wrote that I observed that men as a group, observe how women as a group behave and get interested in, and follow that. Compare the rise of hairless, muscle-bound naked in men in the media with the rise of eating disorders and cosmetic surgery in men. I've noticed the change. How is that different from women blaming the rise in eating disorders and cosmetic surgery in women, being due to the media portraying only women with stick-thin "perfect" bodies? (which I don't think are perfect, by the way)

well isn't there just a teeny bit of SPIN here regarding height? I read quite a few posts on womens' preference for tall men, and decided to see what the internet said about it, and happened across this study. It's the only study I've found on height against longevity and the odd thing about it is that it says that "men average about 8.0% taller than women and have a 7.9% lower life expectancy at birth." It even says that "smaller animals within the same species generally live longer". Sounds detailed and accurate to me.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 28
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/25/2007 6:38:44 AM
I think most women want what most men do, and that is another that is compatible, available, baggage free, or at least have bags that have wheels and can be handled easily, good looking, financially secure, and willing to commit.......

All of this is a task that can take a life time to accomplish if at all, and the more you restrict your age requirements, the harder the search gets. I do not wish to date someone my son's age, nor my mother's, but other than those two extremes, I am open to at least trying to find that person that will enjoy life's journey with me.

Just my opinion.........
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 29
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/26/2007 9:35:35 PM
Scorpiomover,
You've deflected a number of criticisms and snide remarks along the way, as I've read through most of this thread, but you make a very valid point.

I'd mention a number of people I know, who've managed to bridge the age gap successfully, but no one knows them. But ask T. Cruise, H. Ford, M. Douglas, or G. Clooney, if they find something critically wrong with their decisions to date (or marry) women "who could be their daughters". Their answer would have to be "stop being so jealous". People often criticize something they either dont' understand or don't like. Some people, by virtue of their upbringing, can't see outside the box, and they have a very limited scope on reality. SO, because they "don't get it", they tend to lash out at others who have more open minds , ie; those choosing to pursue sustainable relationships that are outside of the box of "the norm".

Personally, I'm very attracted to a particular young lady who is much younger than I am. While her peers might insinuate some form of daddy/daughter mentality, the truth is, IMO, that the older we get, the less emphasis is made on the age differences.

I'm of a mind that most women wish to turn the tides and establish themselves as the more distinct (dominant), if you will, gender. I don't get emails from women a few years younger than I am. Nope. Of the past 20-30 cold calls Iv'e had from women, all of them were older than me. ALL OF THEM

I just maintain that, while the tides may in fact be changing, I'm going to get what I want in life, and getting a granny with wet panties is not going to bring me the satisfaction I'm looking for.
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 30
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/27/2007 4:42:24 AM

If it's sooooo distressing to you guys to receive first contacts from women who are a few years older than you, and "grannies" like myself, you can easily put the age filter on, or put a comment in your profile stating that you find women such as myself repulsive. You'll spend way less time wailing and moaning at the horrid injustice of it, and have a whole lot less email to wade through.


Ahhhhhhh sage advice from a wise person! But if those posting such horrifying stories regarding wet panty grannies would actually take control of their situations and/or not get so wound up about nothing these forums would cease to exist------they'd not have so much drama and turmoil to "report" and ponder.

I've been contacted by older women, younger women, PREGNANT women and women who knew they were far outside what's posted in my profile but each time I've simply addressed them, in turn and specificially to their individual emails. So far it's worked out quite well--------at least for me!!
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 31
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/27/2007 1:33:33 PM
Actually, I find things of this nature to be quite amusing.

It isn't so much disheartening to recieve flattering email from a woman of age, as it is indicative of a social trend/phenomenon going on right now. It is what it is, and this too shall pass.
 smartazzjohn
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 33
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 9/27/2007 8:10:44 PM
Personally I think the difference in age isn't as big a deal as we get older.....a 10 year difference between a 30 y/o and a 20 y/o seems to be a larger gap than with a 50 y/o and 40 y/o. IMO

I would like to thank the OP, I now have a new list of women who I may contact and ones I shouldn't.......... but then again I've learned to enjoy rejection and its made life much more pleasant
 Beach_982
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 34
Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 5/31/2009 10:00:00 PM
I've noticed that in the profiles of women approaching 50 there seems to be a tendency for women to be looking for younger and younger men, is this possibly a denial on their part that they are actually aging?!?!
 2_Green_Eyes_4u
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 35
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:16:40 AM
I'm tired of these young "punks" who think they'll get a "cougar looking" gal like me and brag to their friends how they've got a "live" one with experience.
Or I get contacted from the ones that look like they've got "one foot in the grave" just to make THEM look & feel younger!
I'm not into the SSN people. I'll get to my "rocking chair" years soon enough. It'll be easy to find me in the ol' folks home.....I'll be the one popping wheelies with my wheelchair, folks!
Heaven forbid I wind up or "settle" for a "grandpa" look-a-like, toothless, diapered, pop a pill to wake up or stay up or go to bed, ......makes me cringe & skin crawl just thinking about it.
I HAVE A VERY NATURAL HIGH ENERGY METABOLISM AND INTEND TO MAKE USE OF EVERY OUNCE OF IT WHILE I STILL CAN.
I don't care how many "things" the elderly possess or own or HOW much money they have or stashed, am still NOT interested in the ol' geezers, Geritol & all.
What's with it with THESE people???? TOO young or TOO old, or TOO far away!!!
Am NOT made of money to run off and go meet them, nor would I ask for them to send for me.
I"M A WINNER AT A L SING GAME song by Rascal Flatts best describes the REAL me.........go listen to it on Imeem.
Thanks for listening........including my gripes on these dating sites.
>Pat Burton, El Cajon, CA......"aloneinelcajon"
 2_Green_Eyes_4u
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 36
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:26:46 AM
Has nothing to do with aging!
No, we can't play cause we grow old......we grow old because we don't play.
I, for one, can NOT stand to date the younger generation...no offense, but, they're not focused, grown up enough, and lack maturity.
Granted, they may have stamina, youth, and energy...but, that's all they've got.
I? Prefer to remain naturally energetic, I don't have top pop pills or live on them, or depend on them for anything. I guess I'm lucky in a sense.
As long as I remain lucky enough to have a high metabolism and able to exercise, am good to go
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 37
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Why do women want men their own age?
Posted: 6/1/2009 4:56:23 PM
I like to date men my age, because of the same wisdom, that we gathered through the years.. But I noticed that mostly older man in their fifties even late forties are very negative in their ways of thinking and doesn't care very much on their appearance and hygiene.... it is one way street to them Sex,SexSex. they think by covering themself of credit cards and $$$$$$ and their generosity they can turn on a decent woman to fall for them,,,,,,,,,,,maybe the can lured some Lolitas (young poor girls)....for their $$$$$.
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