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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How much of the breakup was your fault?      Home login  
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 john52758
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 1
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How much of the breakup was your fault?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hey folks....I've been a POF member for about a month, and I enjoy the forums both for informative purposes and, in some cases, humor.
I've noticed that whenever the subject of an "Ex" comes up, it always seems that the blame is always put totally on the other person. Given the fact that no one is perfect, I'd like to pose a question :

*Do you feel that, in your heart of hearts, the breakup was totally your Ex's fault, or can you be honest enough to admit that there were things that you could've done better, reacted differently to, or just plain admit that you were the catalyst in the breakup.
*And more importantly, have you learned and have grown from your mistakes.

It's just been something I've been thinking of since reading some of the negativity and bitterness that sometimes comes across my computer screen.

I'll be the first one to admit that I was responsible for at least a small portion of the demise of my marriage. (I guess I HAVE to be the FIRST ONE to admit, after all, It's my original post, LOL).

What I have learned is that there are THREE sides to every story. My side, your side, and the truth.

I just want to throw this out for debate...
Thanks
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 2
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How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 9/19/2007 7:17:06 PM
Please do a thread search. There are many threads on this subject.

OP you are assuming that everyone on pof is coming out of a breakup. Quite a few here are widowed, or have been single for so long that they are long since over the Ex drama.

I for one don't talk with anyone who want to talk about the dreaded Ex, especially negative talk.

I don't date or am friends with people who are in any kind a drama zone. It just get too boring after being in datingland for a while.
 john52758
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 3
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How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 9/19/2007 7:47:20 PM
Sorry for my lack of "internet etiquette". I'll do a search next time.


OP you are assuming that everyone on pof is coming out of a breakup. Quite a few here are widowed, or have been single for so long that they are long since over the Ex drama.


No assumptions were made... And I never mentioned drama. My question would be applicable to a breakup at any time in your life, not just recent. But I am sorry for your loss.


I for one don't talk with anyone who want to talk about the dreaded Ex, especially negative talk.


I don't want to talk about the ex. I want to talk about ourselves. Any negative talk would be focused on ourselves. Read my post again.


I don't date or am friends with people who are in any kind a drama zone. It just get too boring after being in datingland for a while.


It's no drama zone. It's just a question. Lighten up.

If my post doesn't apply to you, than just view it and move on.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 4
How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 9/19/2007 8:26:55 PM

...How much of the breakup was your fault?



...Which one?...I was married twice...innocent on both counts, honest.

...maeflowers
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 5
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How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 9/20/2007 7:03:04 AM
I realize that some folk broke up only a short time ago, and some never get over a break up. Absolutely it is necessary to deal with, and take ownership for anything we have done wrong in life. However, after a while it is time to move on.
 sexyviper
Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 6
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How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 9/20/2007 7:16:08 AM
I will say it was 100% my fault for my breakup/divorce ....if I wouldn't have hired a PI to follow her and take pictures while I was away on buisness I would have never been any the wiser to her extra carricular activities while I was out of town ....so the fault lays with me
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 7
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How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 6/21/2010 10:07:48 AM
It takes two to make and to break a relationship. It is NEVER one sided!!!!!
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 8
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How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 6/21/2010 10:30:50 AM
Very old thread yet I'll answer it.

When it comes to my first marriage (16 years) I feel like I gave it my best. There were many mistakes along the way on both sides. Looking back at it now I have realized that 1) I owned my own home and he wanted to leave his momma's home, 2) I had not been dating or going out at all till I met him and we both got off to the partying.....me from lack of doing anything entertaining and him because he was an alcoholic, 3) I didn't look at his family dynamics vs. my family dynamics to realize that we were a bit different such as my mom was a stay at home mom and his mom worked WELL AFTER her husband retired ( I always enjoyed working yet when we had three children right in a row it was better for me to stay at home), 4} I wasn't prepared for a man who was never home due to partying and cheating (my own father was rarely home yet it was because he was building his business) and 5) My parent's really sheltered me from life situations outside our family so I was very unprepared for people who had been through trauma's and drama's. Today I expect anything as I feel like I've been through everything.........:-)

My second marriage was an escape from the first marriage as it had become emotionally and physically abusive. I was not intending on moving right in with my second husband yet he kept insisting so I did. Turns out he was another alcoholic. There again, I did not look at his family dynamics and his past relationship issues until after we had been married awhile. His mom was married 5 times and was quite the wild women. She turned her life over to God many years after he had left home and he considered her a hypocrite for doing so. He was another alcoholic and had way too many different ideas about relationships. I should have waited, after my first divorce, to be involved in another relationship. The second marriage lasted 13 years although we were separated 7 years of them. I've been alone for the last 7 years and I feel like I'm through the trauma's and drama's of my marriages.

They were both good men in their own ways and I'm sure there are women who can appreciate them the way they need to be appreciated yet due to different expectations on all sides our marriages were just not workable arrangements.
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 9
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How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 6/21/2010 6:15:56 PM
I have to assume all responsibility for the breakup. I was not passionate enough, I was hesitant, reluctant and not committed etc,etc. I got to comfortable in my comfort zone. I wish that I had experience in those regions then maybe I might have been more aware. I guess I had blinders on through the whole year.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 10
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How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 6/22/2010 5:08:20 AM
2 of the long term relationships i had i was the one that broke up, the first was because i loved the life we had together had moved down from montreal, and i finished college , and found a great job, bought our first house together, she being a big city girl, wanted to move to toronto, and she wanted to have my child, i thought i was not ready for that, and told her no, i can honestly say we where perfect together, in the end i now realize that my youthful arrogance was to blame, there is some regret even today
the second of my 3 long term relationships, fizzled out, it was great while it lasted
the 3rd and most recent was a nearly perfect match, we where together for 15 years, she and i had a great life together, the only problem was she drank, and started to have health problems, it was like watching the light of your life destroy herself, it became an issue, we separated for one year,in the hopes she would quit, at the end of the year she chose to keep drinking, and i broke up with her, i was very hurt for over a year
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 11
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How much of the breakup was your fault?
Posted: 6/23/2010 2:07:52 AM
My ex, who left me 5 years ago, if he could answer this, he would, very honestly, definely agree that there was no fault of me, that made him leave.
This was my most importantant relationship, that I have ever been involved in and I have never had a real or any relationship since he left.
In answer to this question. I had NO fault in the ending of my last real relationship which ended 5 years ago. My ex would very much agree that I had NO fault in his leaving.
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