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Joined: 1/25/2005
Msg: 25
Opinion...Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Your friend's friend is stupid. End of story.
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 26
Posted: 9/21/2007 10:17:55 AM
She needs to shop around for better friends.. Everyone needs down time.. If we don't get it we will burn out..
Tell you friend to dump the other friend ASAP
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 27
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Posted: 9/21/2007 10:53:22 AM

Your friends friend is either a "moron" as another poster mentioned OR has ulterior motives.
As a single mom i go out when my kids are with their dad about (40 percent of the time).
The worst thing you can do as a human being is not have any kind of relationship with other adults. We are social creatures by nature. We need the comfort, security, affection, companionship that comes along with having various relationships. Whether it be male friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers etc.
It's ESSENTIAL to a happy, healthy lifestyle. And in turn your kids would reap those benefits as well.
WHat is not healthy is having so called "friends" that are not understanding or supportive and can actually be detrimental to the emotional well being to the other person.
Here's an idea. How about having your friends "friend" go lecture the children's father and give her a break for a change. Afterall, i am pretty darn tootin' sure that the dad is dating and involved in other relationships of his own.
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 28
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Posted: 9/21/2007 11:38:54 AM

Hmmm, I'm wondering with this "friend" has children - is the "friend" female and if so, is she a single mum too? If yes to all the above - then I guess she must of course practice what she preaches?? If no to any of the above, then I don't think this "friend" has any right what so ever to judge your friend, who is obviously doing an exceptionally good job of raising her children pretty much single handedly! I've been a single Mum since my youngest daughter was 10 weeks old. I returned to work full time in order to keep the family home. I missed so much of their growing up for the first 3/4years of their lives and now, I'm a childminder myself and am lucky enough to be there for my own children - take them to school, collect them, and be there during the holidays. Their dad has them over night for a grand total of 2 nights a month and if I'm totally honest, I feel really down in the dumps if my "night off" is wasted and I end up sitting at home with a glass of wine (or two) on my own! Surely as adults we are allowed the luxury of being who WE are and not just "Mummy". I bet your bottom dollar that your friends ex doesn't sit there at home for the 45% of the time he doesn't have the children, just waiting for the phone to ring .... does the other "friend" consider him to be an awful father, or is he a good dad because he sees his kids so often? There is this wonderful thing in life that we all try desperately not to fall victim to and that is resentment. The last thing your friend wants to happen to her is to stick at home every moment of her life, not have a life, but merely "an existence" whilst her children are growing up. Because if she does, there is a chance that she'll end up resenting her time with the kids (not the kids themselves) and possibly end up quite bitter in later life about what she missed out on. Tell her that she is being a fantastic and responsible mother. And give yourself a big hug - for being such a caring friend!

Well, the "friend" of friend (FoF) is married, has a child with behavioral disabilities from current marriage and an older child who is straight-A, etc, from a previous relationship. Funny, somehow FoF managed to date quite extensively between relationships despite having child (older one - who is doing wonderfully)... hmmm.
Oh, and in regards to the father of friend's children not sitting in waiting for phone to ring - not necessary says FoF, because fathers are different - mothers are the primary caretakers for children. *Please see me biting my tongue here*

Personally, I am a single mom - I have two boys - the younger of whom is being raised by me alone. I still make time for me - I NEED time for me. In order for me to be the best mom I can be, I need to be selfish sometimes and go out, be with adults, etc.
Interestingly enough? I've noticed that since I've started going out a year ago, my younger son is far better behaved and happier. He is cared for by a trusted sitter (whom he simply ADORES - refers to her as his "giwlfriend") or one of his grandparents.
Part of this is - as noted - I don't find myself as frustrated or resentful and also because I am now a more well-rounded person!

My friend has other reasons to question this "friend's" friendship... and knows that she is a good mom. Just good to hear others opinions!

Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 29
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Posted: 9/21/2007 12:10:13 PM

Not attacking your post in anyway, but I note that on your profile you do muay thai boxing... what do you do with your child when you do that? I have to assume (forgive me if I am wrong) that you have someone care for your child when you do that?

I do have to note that you modified to say that the mother should be around "a lot" - which you will have no argument from me on that, but the FoF is saying ALL the time - 24/7 - no time off, NO time away from kids or home (even if kid(s) aren't there).

And no, the FoF is not of a similar background to yours.

Kudos to caring for a child with autism - that can be very stressful.
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 30
Posted: 9/21/2007 1:45:15 PM
There was a study done that came up with children who spend at least 30% with each parent do not suffer from the affects of being raised without the other parent seem to be right in there ,,.
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 31
Posted: 9/21/2007 2:03:29 PM
that other friend probably wished she had time to go out and is taking it out on her friend... when my friend lost custody of her child and went out partying and such i was so jealous and stopped speaking to her... even now that she has custody and the father takes the boy for the weekend im a bit jealous though i would never call her a bad mother... she has a right to have a life even if i dont lol... not having the father around i have very little time for myself and i can see how the other friend may be jealous like me and just not have that great of control over her mouth or her emotions.
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 32
Posted: 9/21/2007 6:24:15 PM
Not being away from your kids is more harmful in my view. Frustration, tiredness and boredom kick in and when that happens it always affects the kids as they pick up on your mood....happy mum = happy kids!!!!!
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 33
Posted: 9/21/2007 7:20:22 PM
Jayderaven writes:
...[my friend]...she goes out, spends time with adult friends...ALWAYS has her cell with her in case of... the kids...However, she has recently been told by another friend that she is not being a good mother .. "good mothers" are ALWAYS there for their kids 24/7 - that by going out when her kids are with their father she is being deficient in parenting. ..

My bullshit meter is redlining. Your friend's friend is a sorry sack of equivocation. It sure sounds like she's blaming her lack of dates on her kids, and is trying to guilt your friend into stopping dating so that she can have a kindred shoulder to cry on. Ew, ew, ew.
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 34
Posted: 9/22/2007 11:13:43 AM
Your friend's friend is a complete retard. Seriously retarded.

There is NOTHING wrong that allowing the dad to be a parent. If he has the kids 1/3 to 1/2 time, I'm pretty sure he's fully capable to do everything mom does. There is NO need for her to even stay 10-15 minutes away from home. Go on a weekend getaway, do anything. BOTH people are capable otherwise he wouldn't have them that much.

If something DOES go wrong, dad can deal. He can let mom know about it and she can make the decision if it important enough to drop everything.

Kid fell down and got knocked out...yeah, drop what you're doing and go to your kid.

Kid gets the flu and needed to go to the hospital to restore fluid can deal with that. No one is in any danger.

Parenting is mostly common's just too bad that sooooo few people have any.
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 35
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Posted: 9/22/2007 12:11:16 PM
Well said, Vitiate.

I quite agree. Common sense goes a long way, but seems to be in short supply these days.
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 36
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Posted: 9/22/2007 8:35:57 PM
irst of all I am a single mum myself and have been since my son was born, I am 22 and my son is 3 1/2 I need time to myself. Not so I can go out and party (cause I am not really interested in that) but to go and see my friends or go to the movies or even just reharge my batteries so that I can be a better parent to my son. Your friend sounds like a wonderful mother and very caring at that. Just because we are single mum's doesn't mean we dont need time to ourselves. We to need to have time to recharge our batteries.
Does this "friend" have children of her own? I think maybe she could be jealous of the fact that your friend gets time to herself and wishes that she had time to herself to.
 Arcane Twilight
Joined: 10/28/2005
Msg: 37
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Posted: 9/25/2007 12:52:02 AM
I used to think that my child needed me 24/7...but I soon found out different, I was getting worn down from now me time..and my mom used to kick me out of the house to go have coffee or visit or even go to the bar...Just as long as I had me time...I found that once I started doing this...yes I missed my kids, but I also felt alot better the next morning when I woke up and was feeling way better about things...and I was always reachable...

I think that your friend should just ignore this remark and continue what she is doing when her kids are with their dad...for heavens sake she carries a cell phone and from the sounds of it...when her kids are away...I dont think that there would even be a chance of the phone running out of battery life...

Moms and dads do need adult time...plain and simple...
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