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 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 43
Do you have to be busy to be happy?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Happy is a state of mind in which the pursuit of whatever goal I have is making progress. That means that if in the process I fail at something, I try again and I am thankful for having the opportunity to learn something, experience something. So if that keeps me busy, that is good. But busy is a different thing for different people. To me busy sometimes it means writing for hours. Other times is riding my bike again, for a long time. Other times is cooking for friends and family. Or doing something with my SO. Or giving her something that makes her happy.

I believe that if you try to pursue happiness, it will elude you, but if you look inside within what you have to give thanks, and start working toward what you can change, happiness will find you.
 _babblefish
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 44
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 10/8/2015 3:02:43 PM


I have just returned to dry land after 3 days afloat.
Sailing, swimming, reading, kayaking and doing a lot of nothing.

Blissfully happy.


i agree, for me, any activity in and around the ocean is pleasurably soothing and relaxing, whereas post #30 claims that: enjoying activities such as kayaking etc; they "aren't genuinely happy deep inside"

a sloth will never agree with the cat chasing a laser pointer as to what constitutes busy and/or happy

each their own
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 45
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 10/8/2015 4:45:18 PM
i wonder what drew so many '" happy alone" women to a dating site in the first place, Just curious.
 Brisco414
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 46
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 10/8/2015 5:01:57 PM
No you don't have to be busy to be happy.

After a long work week ...I can sit around doing nothing all day and night throughout the weekend and be happy. However, I can't imagine sitting around with nothing to do for an extended period of time -- lets say a few days. That would be depressing.

With retirement creeping up, I wonder about what my days will be like.

When you're young, you look forward to not having to work. At my age, I can't imagine not working. I guess you could say my career makes me happy. And there are times I sit around my office with absolutely nothing to do.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 47
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 10/8/2015 5:31:01 PM

whereas post #30 claims that: enjoying activities such as kayaking etc; they "aren't genuinely happy deep inside


Please re-read - I said that people keeping themselves frantically busy may be doing so for a different reason.

I never said that enjoying kayaking wasn't soothing or relaxing. It's doing 'everything' to keep busy that makes me wonder about those people. Why do they seem to be afraid to slow down?

People have different activity levels but when you are at the extremes, something is generally wrong. Too little activity may be indicative of depression. Too much activity can be indicative of a person afraid to slow down - why? What will they discover? What are they hiding? Or hiding from?
 mitchozie
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 49
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History
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/5/2015 2:22:39 AM
I turn off the TV (a major source of agitation), put on a jazz record (not a CD), then sit and listen until its time to play the other side. That makes me happy, and I can do it anytime I want.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 50
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/5/2015 4:22:54 AM
If you read enough profiles filled with requests it would probably be wise for the men not to admit they enjoy lounging around doing "nothing". You know, the couch potato thingy.

Maybe we can ask what is actually "busy"? Would people consider my time spent "busy" in my garden or on the rivers a "bad" thing? I, personally, wouldn't. They are moments when I'm "busy" doing these things that I am at my best. Or at least I "feel" at my best. These are some of the times when I get lost within the moment, and without a thought in my head other than what is in front of me. That kinda "busy" I love.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 51
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/5/2015 6:38:30 AM
I agree with Walts :)

Once I was living alone, for the first time in my life, and retired, I looked for things to do. It's good to have a full and active life, whether or not you are doing OLD.

So I found several things to do. Part time job, volunteering, astronomy club, hiking meetup, symphony tickets. Now most days I feel like this is a good life regardless of whether or not I ever find a special man.

So since I filled up my calendar several men I've messaged with/met have commented on my "busy" schedule, as if it's a bad thing. I did point out a few times that most of the things I do are during the week, and during the day, leaving my weekends and evenings free to date.

I notice now that when I read profiles, many of them sound boring to me. More so than when I started OLD.

Seems like you can't win for losing.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 52
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/5/2015 8:43:55 AM

deetristate
i wonder what drew so many '" happy alone" women to a dating site in the first place, Just curious.

+1

It’s not often that I agree with Dee, but when she’s right, she’s right.


Walts
If you read enough profiles filled with requests it would probably be wise for the men not to admit they enjoy lounging around doing "nothing". You know, the couch potato thingy.

Very true. Very, very true. If I’ve seen one woman’s profile with “no couch potatoes”, I’ve seen a thousand. Or probably more like ten thousand by now, after 5 plus years of perusing women’s profiles.

I think (stress “think”) that this is due to so many men in my age bracket who don’t offer to take women out on real dates, they just want to “hang out” at “your place or mine” and “watch Netflix”.



Strawberry_Jello
So since I filled up my calendar several men I've messaged with/met have commented on my "busy" schedule, as if it's a bad thing. I did point out a few times that most of the things I do are during the week, and during the day, leaving my weekends and evenings free to date.

Two out of the last three women that I dated, as opposed to just initial meetings, the budding relationship went off the tracks because they were too busy to date. So it is a common problem, even though it doesn’t sound like a real problem with you.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 53
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/5/2015 10:26:51 AM

i wonder what drew so many '" happy alone" women to a dating site in the first place, Just curious.


I'm guessing when they came to the dating site, they were hoping to find someone.
After being here a while, and seeing the alternative, they found they were actually happy alone.

At least that's true in my case.
Color me happy to be alone...alone meaning without a SO...not without friends, family, job, and all the other
things that make me happy.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 54
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/5/2015 4:18:36 PM

i wonder what drew so many '" happy alone" women to a dating site in the first place, Just curious


I'm usually a happy person.
I'm usually pretty happy alone.
I think I'd be pretty happy sharing my time, my attention, my life with another person.
I failed once, but I don't think it was totally my fault and I'd like to give it another try with a different person.
That's one reason I'm here.

I'm also here because the forums are a delightful place to engage in discussion.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 55
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/5/2015 6:19:04 PM
I like my down time on the weekends. Whether I do something or not is not important. My state of mind (happy or unhappy) is.

I would prefer somebody who isn't so busy. I hate the feeling of being squeezed in to somebody's hectic schedule.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 56
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/6/2015 4:58:03 AM
"I hate the feeling of being squeezed in to somebody's hectic schedule."

That-plus the women who claim they don't need a man, but wouldn't mind having one, So having a man is like getting a new plant or pet. But heaven forbid if the guy doesn't put her on a pedestal and worship the ground she walks on.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 57
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/6/2015 6:09:52 PM
If a woman is too busy to date, it is that she is too busy to date you, would be my guess. We can all make time for someone we are really interested in. No one is that busy!!!. As for the couch potato syndrome, it conjures up paunchy dull men who just want to sit at home and watch t.v.

We all need downtime but someone with interesting activities and hobbies has more to talk about and contribute to a stimulating relationship.

As for being put on a pedestal, sooner or later we fall off and I for one don't want that.
Most women want respect, kindness, mental and physical compatibility, genuine interest and concern for our welfare and honesty. Same as most men, I would imagine.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 58
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/6/2015 7:24:49 PM
I think people are lazy and hide it by being "busy"...see for a relationship to work you have to be willing to risk and it is much easier to just go with the flow or routine you have established and not fret about all that bullcrap of game playing so many like to play. So it's Saturday and yes you prefer to have had a date but do you really want to have to put up with one? Do you want to learn about another individual all for the sake of "going out"? and then there's the ones with the repressed anger issues that it will take a few weeks to discern, yes you are mad your ex wife got so much of your money that you made while she took care of the kids, and of course I understand why you wont want to marry again cause you dont feel it was fair for a woman to have given up her career to raise your children and yes your children are marvelous individuals who got to be that way from just your sperm deposit cause you so busy making all that money to help in raising them, yet your home was spotless and kids are college graduates so now she enters the work force at the same place she was 20 years ago making 40K or under, so you are 100% correct it was completely unfair that you only had to give her part of what you had accumulated and that second wife that was just a bit older than your oldest child ran off with the pool guy leaving you a bit bitter--that had to hurt your ego a bit.

Or from a man's viewpoint:

Why is she asking me about my job and where I live? I mean I told her I was an engineer and then it was how long have I had this position and what did I feel were my future objectives, I almost feel like Im sitting in HR vs the dining room of this restaurant. Gosh why did just saying she look very pretty tonight make her burst into tears about how her ex never gave her a compliment! Now she is asking if I have ever considered shaving my mustache???WTF????Cant she see it was in every picture I posted from the past 20 years!!!!!I'll be buried in my mustache!. What's this about a relationship-we havent made it to the end of the first date, how am I suppose to know if I want to marry her???????
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 59
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/6/2015 7:55:31 PM
No, not at all. Partially [probably?] because my life/job provide me with a LOT of time to read and watch a lot of documentary type stuff. I have an intense appreciation of this amazing hunk of rock we call Earth.

And what could be a simpler pleasure than coming home from work and being greeted by my 15 pound, 4 legged BFF?

I think in today's world, most people become so concerned about keeping up with or outdoing the Joneses, that they forget just how easy it is to stop and smell the roses.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 60
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/6/2015 8:31:57 PM
Personally, I'm finding that being busy is not necessary to be happy....
I'm feeling, that as a result of being grateful... that I am happy... and that flows on towards being capable of being busy.

Anecdotal story only, but back when I was depressed about trying to cope with a special needs son alone {including frequent aggressive violent outbursts}, I was angry and unhappy... I took on projects as a means of distraction... and although there were changes, I wasn't feeling 'happy'.

Fast forward to today and I can now appreciate new days, cats on my bed, a son who [still] drives me nuts... but I'm able to be with him for parenting and home educating... with an amazing array of resources... and able to get out for a run with the dog, and be busy growing an abundance of vegetables for giving away... having a functioning computer to sit back with a cup of tea and read the POF forums, and volunteering at fit club and encouraging others in their running and movement.... along with all the other things that keep me 'busy'.

I think now, I use my 'busy' time for "progress" [towards getting better] over "distraction" [from being bitter]
So I wonder now, if someone is so busy what are they avoiding? (especially when they won't alter their busy schedule to give some time to me.... because, let's face it - if you were really into someone, you'd happily make at least some adaptations and investments of time in them)
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 61
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/6/2015 8:42:36 PM
FriendlyGuy61- There are different types of people, that's all.
Some people really DO need to be busy to be happy, other's don't.
I'm somewhere in between.
There are times when I get a little stir crazy and need to go do something.
There are times when I am perfectly happy with a good book or watching tv.
It's not about who's wrong or right.
It's accepting who you are, being happy with that.
And if you just so happen to find someone like minded, well, then that's great too.
Btw-someone said something about wondering why people happy alone are on a dating site............
Being happy alone just means you like your own company, and that is a GOOD thing.
It doesn't mean you hate other people.
Obsessing about finding the "one" is what leads people to settle.
At the end of the day, if you don't like YOURSELF, what does it matter what someone else may or may not think of you?
You just shot yourself in the foot, without someone else having to do anything.
The question isn't WHY are you happy alone, the question is, why wouldn't you be?
It would be a miserable existence to feel any other way.
Putting pressure on someone to make you happy leads to resentment, you just made the other person responsible for your happiness.
Happiness comes from within.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 62
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/7/2015 5:41:22 AM
Happiness comes from within is said here a lot, don't know that's exactly gospel. Too many external factors. I am seek peace.
My Grandmother was always truly happy.
And I don't think most can shake that it matters what others think of them. Prolly stops us from being foaming at the moth lunatics at times.. you know, if I toss a fit in the store " what will they think'
So I rock in the middle of the floor when I get home . Corner rocking is for puzzies
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 63
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/7/2015 11:50:53 AM

Happiness comes from within is said here a lot, don't know that's exactly gospel. Too many external factors.


Totally agree. How many people are truly still happy when a disastrous situation happens-death of a family member or loved one (especially death of a person's child), major illness, natural disaster that destroys a family's home, financial disaster, marriage break-up, etc? How long should a grieving process last before a person is expected to bounce back and be happy again? Can there be degrees of happiness-from feeling you're in heaven on cloud 9 when life is working out perfectly, to somewhat OK with life's offerings-but wishing it could be better, or is it cut and dry-where you're either happy or miserable with life, and there's no middle ground?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 64
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/7/2015 12:21:34 PM

Do you have to be busy to be happy?


Yes.

Busy counting my millions and busy counting the number of women lined up at my front door.

(a guy can dream)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 65
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/7/2015 12:41:59 PM
Moonguy - If you want to send me half a million you can also count the photos I will send you of the stuff I buy. :)
I count dog hairs
I'm busy and happy dusting. Ick that so much dust is actually Us. I want a self cleaning house.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 66
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/7/2015 1:05:17 PM
ouija2025- That was not meant to sound like other people can't seriously mess with whatever peace you try to find.
In those moments, when I AM alone is when I do my very best to be happy.
Perpetual anger would be self defeating.
Yes, other people can make us angry, sad, awful things happen to perfectly good people ALL the time.
I'm not suggesting people be non feeling robots.
If someone dies, of COURSE you going to be sad, if you lose your job and are going to in full on panic mode and mad too. (this is @maleman).
The problem comes in when people stay stuck in anger, or sadness, etc.
When something bad happens, you feel it and you deal with it, it's a process that every one handles differently.
There is NO judgement from me about how someone deals with such things, but I WILL say that if you are STILL there, not healing when YEARS have gone by, then there might be a problem that you need help addressing and there's nothing wrong with that either.
I don't understand why anyone is getting upset about how I process and handle MY life.
Would if it be better if I said I gave up?
Sorry, THAT is NOT in me.
If I lose a job, I better go find another one if I want to pay my bills. I someone I love dies, I'm sad for a while, but then I go on because I KNOW if they could somehow talk to me, they would WANT me to move on and be happy.
I have good days and bad days just like everyone else.
HOWEVER, if given a choice, I WILL choose happiness, because it's MY life.
When I get there, how I get there, doesn't really matter, it's just that I made a choice TO get there.
That job that was lost might not be my fault, it is defiantly no one's fault if they loose somebody the love.
Eventually, though, I work my way back to happiness.
I don't make someone else responsible for that because it is something only I CAN do.
Whichever way you look at it, whichever term you choose to use.............
Peace and happiness are GOOD things. :) (and VERY close to the same thing)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 67
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/7/2015 1:42:26 PM
Well Bama I didn't mean you specifically ( why do ppl tend to think because they use the same line a zillion others do it is about them_) And of course CAPs don't help
But for some people the process of healing is much slower.. I dislike that there is this hurry up get over shyt mentality today.
Not over your partners death? Here, you need anti depressants. Stuff like that
For some people all they have is their pain, not for me to negate
Then again I used to wonder if the voices my clients heard were actually real. I mean that would be a game changer :/
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 69
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/8/2015 8:26:30 AM
"I think people are lazy and hide it by being "busy"

Interesting point. I've often wondered about guys who seem to be always traveling the world, out doing stuff most likely you wont be sharing with them, etc...

It could also be an avoidance tactic.

Of course, you COULD find someone that has the time and money to get out there and do all the sky diving, trips to Bermuda and treks thru Asia that so many of 'em are off doing...not sure how often that happens....!
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