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 csillagjanos
Joined: 10/18/2015
Msg: 68
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I can't be busy all the time. I can't be happy all the time. I can't be depressed or feel awful all the time. These things change. And are mostly out of my control.

There is very little in one's life he or she can control. Therefore control freaks are having a hard time. It reflects on the reception they get form others. Accepting-like persons, on the other hand, are boring and bored.

The trick to healthy living and to a happy and fulfilling life is to change your personality completely every seven years. It can be done, too; just ask your doctor to change your medication.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 69
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/8/2015 8:26:30 AM
"I think people are lazy and hide it by being "busy"

Interesting point. I've often wondered about guys who seem to be always traveling the world, out doing stuff most likely you wont be sharing with them, etc...

It could also be an avoidance tactic.

Of course, you COULD find someone that has the time and money to get out there and do all the sky diving, trips to Bermuda and treks thru Asia that so many of 'em are off doing...not sure how often that happens....!
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 70
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/9/2015 1:06:54 AM
What one person considers busy another considers quiet.
Everything is relative.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 71
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/9/2015 5:37:07 AM
After a crazy busy day I decided to just sit, sit and watch TV. Nothing heavy just cable. OMG, it was so bad - but could I stop? No.. I had to turn it into a party of one and eat half a pecan pie. So, I guess I stay busy to avoid weighing 600 pounds and be able to quote lines from Dash Dolls.
They fired Melody :/
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 72
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/9/2015 1:15:31 PM
CastleHillSmile: Welcome back, it's good to see you again.

VK: Love the new picture. Makes it even harder for me to believe that you can't get a date. Are all of the men in California "fruits and nuts", or does it just seem like that?




Messages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be posted
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 73
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/9/2015 5:49:43 PM
browneyesboo

I think you are right. Many attractive, successful women come to a dating site hoping to meet someone likeminded, with something to offer, only to be met with sleazes, liars and cheaters contacting them ad nauseum. They then decide to forget the hassle of meeting strangers and concentrate on the many good things they have in life.

We never know when someone may come along in the normal course of events and whose background, status and friends we may know about, or can check up on, at the start.

 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 74
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/9/2015 7:02:03 PM

I think you are right. Many attractive, successful women come to a dating site hoping to meet someone likeminded, with something to offer, only to be met with sleazes, liars and cheaters contacting them ad nauseum. They then decide to forget the hassle of meeting strangers and concentrate on the many good things they have in life.

We never know when someone may come along in the normal course of events and whose background, status and friends we may know about, or can check up on, at the start.


I so disagree with this...this is based on personal reflection of "attraction" and "having something to offer"!!

There are as many attractive, successful men on here but they do not view someone as attractive based on the same criteria as what most women do....men aren't interested if a woman owes a home, what car she drives, what her job is etc...most men have a different basis for attraction so to make this kind of statement is basically saying because someone doesn't fit the opposite sexes definition of attraction the opposite sex is wrong...which isnt true.

If a man wrote that women are overweight or unemployed etc women would have a fit...

If you went to a bar you would find a ton of "sleazes, liars, and cheaters...you wouldn't give up on romance from that you would quit going to bars...basically anywhere in life there are people you will find sleazes, liars and cheaters of both sex...the difference is that online an "undesirables to you" can contact a ton of people in the time it takes to buy a drink at a bar.

Nothing is wrong with OLD--the filters you are using or some things more personal--your look or the way you present yourself or maybe you are just a bit entitled and think you deserve someone who is a bit different than what would naturally be attracted to you...again attraction is a personal thing and you cant use *norms to determine it...if you give up then the only person that really loses out is you.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 75
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/9/2015 7:11:57 PM

Many attractive, successful women come to a dating site hoping to meet someone likeminded, with something to offer, only to be met with sleazes, liars and cheaters contacting them ad nauseum.


Why are the attractive, successful women even bothering with the online dating sites full of sleazes, liars, and cheats, instead of just finding Mr. Perfect in their real life perfect world?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 76
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 4:52:08 AM

Why are the attractive, successful women even bothering with the online dating sites full of sleazes, liars, and cheats, instead of just finding Mr. Perfect in their real life perfect world?



Mr.Perfect is hiding, and sippin, and

















drunk.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 77
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 8:18:13 AM

I so disagree with this...this is based on personal reflection of "attraction" and "having something to offer"!!


Of course it's based on personal reflection...how else are we supposed to base our opinions of our experiences on a dating site?

I don't think all men are anything...I look at everyone individually.

But. My personal experiences of online dating have not been good at all.
Maybe I attract the wrong people.
Maybe I present myself wrong.
Maybe I do all the things wrong.
Online dating doesn't work for everyone.
Some people are just better in person.

So yeah, I would say a lot of women (and men) came here with expectations and they didn't work out...for whatever reason.
Something to offer could be anything and could mean different things to different people.
Something to offer to me is frankly being comfortable with themselves, not having any legal issues or family dramas, having a
job or a way to support themselves, not looking for retaliation of vindication for previous relationship disasters. You'd think this
wouldn't be hard to find..but sadly it is.


Nothing is wrong with OLD--the filters you are using or some things more personal--your look or the way you present yourself or maybe you are just a bit entitled and think you deserve someone who is a bit different than what would naturally be attracted to you...again attraction is a personal thing and you cant use *norms to determine it...if you give up then the only person that really loses out is you.


How does one decide what they "deserve" and who would naturally be attracted to them?
Shouldn't we decide what we want? And doesn't this paragraph suggest some people should just accept what they can get even
thought it's not what they want, otherwise they're losing out?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 78
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 8:29:13 AM
Its all very well to decide what one wants. Practically, however, you can only meet a certain number of people in life, and unless you choose to accept one of those you meet, you will never find what you want. Its never likely that you will meet exactly who you want, but there will be lots who are more or less similar to your ideal.

Even if you could meet every other person on the planet, its not a sure thing that your hearts desire will be amongst them. Most people choose someone from their social circle and create a mutually acceptable life for themselves.

Its much easier to decline those who you know you don't want than to find the one that is perfect in every way you wish them to be.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 79
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 9:17:27 AM
^^^Are you implying that dirty word on dating sites-"Settling"-that no one would admit to and preaches against doing? I'm talking about people who are looking for Mr./Miss Total Perfection, the most wonderful and flawless human on the planet, but he/she must live within a 10 block radius or at most, lives a few miles away.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 80
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 9:22:58 AM
I came OLD with no expectations but a chance to meet Men that I might not get to in my day to day Life
Worked hot damn for me.
What is wrong with settling? I mean we get married - settle down. As kids we would be told to settle down - or the famous time out.
Settlers pioneered
Irish settlers shed, oh wait that is Setters.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 81
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 9:59:55 AM
I think there's settling...and then there's settling.
No one is perfect and there is always compromise.
But it's not for someone else to tell you you can't have what
you want because your expectations are too high, or
your attractiveness is not on par with what they think
your expectations should be.

Decide what you want and where to compromise...and then
settle for what you choose.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 82
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 10:07:23 AM
Well, I am saying that you have to "settle" for the best you can get within your social network. Mr/Miss Perfect may or may not be in that circle, but they are not, you will never get them because you will never meet them. In the historical tribal environments that we spent millennia living in, the choice for living happily ever after was amongst maybe 10 to 20 possible candidates, and most people chose, then did the best they could to live happily ever after. So
me stats I have seen said that on average, people choose a mate that lives within a 2 mile radius of their home. Hardly likely that the perfect one meets that criteria.

If you want a mate, you do settle, unless you are incredibly lucky. The actual choice is not simply yours. You simply agree with someone to try to make a good life for yourselves. If you are in love, you succeed. You never actually find the perfect person, only the perfect match.
 rennips1949
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 83
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 10:45:51 AM

Corner rocking is for puzzies

Damn straight.

You(collective you, meaning all listening/reading) don't HAVE to do anything but die-and pay taxes.
So choose the activities/activity level that feels right to you( each individual "you").
If you are bored/feel unchallenged,do more.
If you feel frazzled do less.

When you find your comfort zone, don't let anybody else's opinion chase you out of it.
The world doesn't owe anyone-man or woman-a Significant Other. Couples that are meant to be, usually work out a peaceable co-ordination of schedules.
So why are we even worried about this?
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 84
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 1:20:20 PM

When you find your comfort zone, don't let anybody else's opinion chase you out of it.


Doing anything worth while in life means getting out of your comfort zone and push yourself a little further. Do that an what others call luck, you will call action, and what you wish, you will achieve. You will live a lot happier with yourself, remembering the battles, the lessons, even your failures. The worst thing you can do is not take a chance, even when you will face, rejection, embarrassment, pain or even ridicule. When you develop that thick skin and you focus on what you want, and you pursue it. You will eventually get it.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 85
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/10/2015 8:25:41 PM
@browneyesboo, I think you are a very beautiful person inside and out -- my point was that OLD wasn't only bad people on here there are bad people everywhere so checking out of life or dating basically accomplishes nothing--the difference is about comfort zones...most women aren't proactively trying to find a man-they want the man to find them...so imagine what a man's world is like to constantly write to women and get ignored...women complain about how few messages they get but then how do they respond to the few they do get?

Its like this cycle where Bob likes Sally who likes John who like Mary who Like Frank who likes Beth who likes Bob....they all want a relationship and don't understand why the person they like doesn't like them but dont see the person who likes them as being a good candidate for them.

I dont think anyone DESERVES anyone...gosh wasn't that the whole storyline of Disney--Prince and the beautiful maiden who was basically a nobody...or Jasmine and the street rat...the difference is at this age most people aren't willing to be like the Prince or Jasmine they aren't looking for love as much as credentials...they dont want to bother with anyone who they don't feel is at least equal to them and that was basically what I was talking about--they dont want someone who isn't as educated, or who doesnt have the same social circles etc all of which has nothing to do with love.
 rennips1949
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 86
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/11/2015 10:32:50 AM
I should have clarified "comfort zone"- in that particular statement-to mean -specifically-comfort with your level of activity. One's level of activity should be determined by their own standards, conditions, and choices.

There is nothing wrong with checking out the idea of being more busy or less busy ,if that exploration comes from one's own volition, not admonishments, complaints, or externally created doubts.

IMO, for any romantic relationship to actually work, the 2 people involved have to WANT to be together. And this applies to anything from just "steady dating" to marriage. To forge a romantic relationship with someone, just to conform with social expectations, to have a romantic patner as a "credential", to alleviate loneliness or anxiety, are not good ideas.
Yes ,I know relationships of unequal attraction have existed and appeared to be functional and long-lasting. I've personally seen quite a few of what I'd identify as "psuedofunctional" relationships achieve "success" by external standards.
In some cases perhaps the levels of attraction balance out in the long run and the relationship becomes truly functional.
But for someone to make themselves become involved with a person they really don't want to be with, for whatever reason, is NOT a good way to push the comfort zone.
But the original question of this thread is whether a high level of visible/documentable activity is necessary for happiness.
I don't think it is.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 87
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/14/2015 8:35:20 PM
OP

Washing dishes and doing laundry for some reason makes me happy too. If I sit still I get antsy.

Plainly I am just happy--- especially when the kids visit, sitting at the farm, teaching.

BUSY & fun is one and the same.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 88
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/17/2015 1:46:41 PM

Are all of the men in California "fruits and nuts",


No.
Some of us are just very discerning.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 89
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/17/2015 8:46:29 PM

I always wonder, when I read profiles of people who live life at a frenetic pace - you know, the ones who skydive, mountain climb, kayak, scuba dive, run marathons, plus have a demanding job, plus volunteer, plus do a couple of social events a week, etc (well, maybe a slight exaggeration, but not much) - I wonder if those people are doing what they are doing because it makes them happy, or are they doing all those things to fill the void and make themselves less lonely?

So someone asked me 'what really makes you happy'? When I sit down and look at the list, its some pretty simple things. Like taking one of my grown kids out for lunch, cuddling with my dog, finding exactly what I need for a project on sale, inventing and then building something, going for a long drive with great tunes playing, taking a power nap, coffee with an old friend, writing. Maybe its just where Im at in life or my personality but none of those things are done at a frantic pace and I certainly dont feel the need to be busy to be happy.

Do you need to be busy to be happy? What makes you happy?


I for whatever weird reason DO love doing a ton of different things; but liking doing a ton of different things and ALWAYS doing a ton of different things are not the same.

Just because a person has a lot of interests does not mean that person spends 20 hours a day doing every single last one of them.

I love sports. Beyond love them. So I will spend time on them. I also love horseback riding; but only ride a few times a year.

I like casinos... go more than a little. I also like weekend trips; but those I only do a couple times a year.

I have fun doing things that interest me; but one of the things that interests me most? is sitting by a fire by water with a companion and a chilled glass of something just quietly talking and staring at hte flames and the water. There is nothing frantic or busy about it. It is an activity? But it is not a "busy" activity. It is decompressing. Jamming music is also decompressing; I am wonderfully happy when i am playing or singing. I can just be and lose myself for hours.

So what another perosn equates with being busy (meaning constantly expending energy at a frantic pace) to me IS doing something that feeds my soul that may or may not require physical energy but frequently does not require emotional energy; it feeds emotional energy.

And doing nothing at all all by myself, staring at a fire outside? Or chilling in sweats inside on a rainy day with a good book and a cup of coffee? That is not being busy at all by any definition. And doing that makes me happiest of all.

So careful with the definitions. Having a lot of interests does not equate to not knowing how to relax; nor does it equate to needing outside stimulation to entertain oneself.

I personally am happy no matter what I am doing. Because I choose to be happy; because I'm grateful. Regardless of what I may or may not be doing.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 90
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/18/2015 4:36:23 PM
i lead an insanely busy life. and most of the time, i really resent it. i work three jobs. one of them pays the bills. the other two enhance my life, while making others happy. i also belong to the local bird club and the native plant society. and i do five hours of hiking every weekend. and i work out twice daily.

sometimes, i just want to sit and watch movies. and i frequently do that, while feeling guilty about deadlines and obligations.

happy? sort of. when i finish a story and submit it, i feel relief. when i see it in print with my byline, i feel grateful that i have the rare gift of writing well. and i know that i do some good for my community.

but true happiness? i'm not even sure what that feels like. i'm too damn busy.
 Cowgirlwannabe1
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 91
Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 11/19/2015 6:34:28 PM
do I have to be busy to be happy? not every moment of every day..

but I am working part time and raising my 15 year old son and going to graduate classes
so ya..maybe I do :)
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 92
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Do you have to be busy to be happy?
Posted: 12/23/2015 2:41:01 PM
I would lose my mind (what little there is left), if I just watched mindless TV day after day after day. I need a certain level of "being busy" and learning new things. Otherwise, I am bored and unhappy.
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