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 allsmiles324
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 85
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The illusion of online datingPage 4 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
Well said bohnbones1. A very astute observation.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 86
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/2/2007 9:18:39 AM
Of course there are people that soak up all the online attention like a sponge, and this phenomena is more of a woman thing because, let's face it, good-looking women are pursued in this society, not the other way around. Is this really some revelation?

I personally think it works against them, at least with online dating. If I get the impression when I see a woman's profile that she actually "believes" all the attention and hype thrown her way and is caught up with her own gorgeousness (there ARE clues in her text and the pics she uses to indicate this for the dating observant), I quickly pass. I automatically assume she's entirely too much maintenance, demanding, artificial, and out of reach. I feel I'd never measure up because she wants some pretty boy model or a guy with lotsa money. Maybe she's really down-to-earth, level-headed, low maintenance, and modest, but she's already lost my interest, unfortunately. I do NOT want to compete with 200 other guys for her attention.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 87
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:10:54 PM
Rescuebiker, regarding the women with a lot of people listing her on their favorites, many of these men never contact her. I have some who listed me who never contacted me in any way. I think that in general men and women will list someone as a favorite for different reasons. It seems that men will save a woman's profile even if he never contacts her, while women usually will save a man's profile after she has been in contact with him. Correct me if I am wrong. Also, don't assume that when someone's profile is saved by a lot of people that the person is actually interested in all or any of them or even in contact with them. I know it is not the case with me.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 88
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:25:34 PM
Totally agree with above. I never go by a Favorites list. I know some women probably think I have way too many favorites on mine, but there's a reason. I host POF Meet and Greet parties and found the best way to keep track of invites was to add them to my favs, which they probably saw and responded in kind by adding me to theirs. I actually get almost no attention---that's zippo, nada, nothing---from anyone on my favorites, and I'm sure many others don't, either. I know of one woman that has over 400 on her list???? I'd only find her less interesting if she consciously "tries" to keep up with all those online relationships. I wouldn't think she'd have time for anything else, let alone dating.

Mo
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 89
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/2/2007 5:19:47 PM
coca 166,

You asked why are people on the net.

To an extent, it is habit forming. Why do people watch tv at the same times? Why do people have the same morning routine?

It can be fun to sit and talk to people. Many people join these sites looking for love. After several first and last dates, no shows, one night stands, etc, some quit, some push on. Those that push on many times knowingly or unknowingly become jaded, and don't really give people a chance anyway.

Generally most people are looking for something amazing to happen. A man might be looking for NSA sex. A single pretty women might be searching for that incognito rich famous man. A woman who is otherwise not desirable in real life, enjoys the attention of many emails, even if the guys just wants sex. An older man might be looking for that young hot woman. All illusions. Very small percentage chance of people finding their ideal scenarios that they think are possible because people online talk to them.

What I find funny, is that if I find someone with my exact same likes, hobbies, age range, goals, etc they never email me back.

I really think people are online dating sites with the ironic intent of staying single. Possibly why so many are so unrealistic. Men and women. For many being with one person has become boring, once they form the habit of staring at all the options. Or of they do seek one, it is someone unattainable.

It is similar to joining Amway, or Primerica. A very small percentage DO become wealthy. Everyone else looks to them as an example, while making nothing. They are told just keep trying, it will work! But the fact remains that 97% of people do NOT become rich at amway , and 97% of people do NOT find a mate online.. Both scenarios are time consuming and a major intrusion into daily life.

Arguing with someone that works for Amway is also similar to someone who loves online dating. They will make no money, yet defend Amway to the death as they know rich people who made it! Online daters will be alone every night but also defend how great online dating is, and how they know people who found love! Until one day everyone wakes up and snaps out of it.
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 91
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 5:18:56 AM
Very true, Oysterloaf, and good questions.

My best analogy was comparing online dating to joining a MLM, multi level marketing company. When people join a MLM, they are seeking another form of income. Along the way, they meet friends, go to MLM meetings, tell every single person they meet about their mlm, and sooner or later it consumes them. But since they are with others doing the same thing, even though they make no money, collectively they point to the extremely small percentage "that have made it", and want to believe. That is an illusion. This person would be better off budgeting better, starting a small side business, improving their skills, seeking a new job, etc. But Amway seems to be the easy way to financial freedom.

Same for online dating. The success rate is extremely low. Yet some people online might know someone who found a husband or wife, and is happy. So they think it works. The amount of time people spend looking online is usually pretty high. This time would be better spent at the gym, going to the park, taking a class, spending time with friends, going out, working, reading, learning, traveling, spending it with your kids, etc. I find it amazing that people can be boring, out of shape, have no time,always "tired", no hobbies, and they think they are just owed a mate, and that perfect person is out there. Usually someone a step up from what they would find in real life.

I feel Amway holds little promise, and so does online dating. Amway takes away time from forming real job skills, and the internet takes away time from forming real life people skills. "Intellectual" connections online seldom translate into real life chemistry.

All people of all ages can find a mate in real life. As I said, my father was 65 when he started dating after my mother passed away. He got dressed up, went ballroom dancing, and never had a lack of a girlfriend. To find and keep a mate, maybe we need to be somewhat outgoing or interesting. Sitting online is similar to stagnating, waiting for someone to accept us just as we are.

So, I believe people might "think" it is working for them. I think most men go below their usual standards when dating someone from online,as maybe they are getting sex, but when that wears off they stray, hop back online, and look for someone "better". Not someone un realistic, just someone that is at their level they would find in real life. . Then the women conclude all men are players, just want sex, etc. However, many times the women at "your level" online are typically trying to jump up 2 levels from what they can attain in real life.

So, to sum it up, people should enjoy life, better themselves, be active and interesting, and a mate will come. For some reason, it happens to my friends all the time who have never even used the internet. They are short, tall, rich, poor, but never alone. People are more attracted to happy, healthy, interesting individuals, and this shows when out in public. Being too tired, not going out, working too much are all excuses to make ourselves feel better for being complacent. And what person would want a mate like that anyway?
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 92
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 5:24:04 AM
Just to echo bohnbones comments in msg 181....

There are as many reasons people are on dating sites as pebbles on a beach: some are just here for their own self-aggrandizement, others just to find friends, still others use this as a kind of security blanket or reassurance they're at least partially connected to the wider society as a whole, etc.

I'm sure ONE is the main reason these sites were created and intended for—to find a serious partner....lol. What I see is some may start out with optimism and a positive outlook, but soon become disillusioned based on their experiences. As others have related, if you don't find success fairly quickly this can be a soul-deadening exercise. I've heard all the arguments against Internet dating: too superficial, overwhelming, too many choices which leads many to fickle pickiness. For some individuals these reasons are valid because they've been burned by them way too many times.

But, overall, I still think online dating has its purpose. It's just a tool, people, not a magic bullet. There are no guarantees. There is no simple, straightforward, all-encompassing answer or formula for online dating success. It depends on individual motives of "why" you're on here in the first place, and whether you still have an appropriate attitude that would give you an "opportunity" at success. And that's all anyone can hope for, right, a chance?

Mo
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 93
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 6:28:56 AM
True story...

I met my ex at the grocery store. Typically, I never randomly approach people.
However, I went up to her, and said "You have a great body".. It just flew out of my mouth, and I almost couldn't believe I said that.

I was surprised at how receptive she was. She could not stop smiling. About a month into dating her she told me she hadn't dated for a year, and the night before she met me visualized telling herself she is ready to date again. She started by telling her self over and over "you have a great body", which is why she could not stop smiling when I said it the very next day, in the middle of the grocery store, which I have never done before.

To some degree, my real life girlfriends I have met through just by being out there, and a unique set of circumstances brought us together. Thats what I mean by online being "forced". The concept is great, but at the same time perhaps destructive to a natural flow. I notice this, however I am not all encompassed by thinking of new age concepts at all.

I am not a scientist, but I doubt any scientists can prove or disprove my findings. I do know there is absolutely no online test to take that can tell you with whom you will connect with in real life. I do not see the transfer of online compatibility and intellectual thought, to romantic chemistry. I find romantic chemistry to be unexplainable. I have connected intellectually very well with some online , and it NEVER amounted to more than a simple meet and greet.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 94
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 6:49:54 AM
Exactly.

How did people meet and form relationships "before" the Internet? They bumped into each in real life, in the flesh. My mom and dad met at what was called "house parties" back in the 50's. These weren't casual affairs, either. They were very formal---men dressed in suit coats and women in dresses. The other acceptable way was at the local dance club where the big bands played....again, very formal.

As most from my generation probably know, couples met in a wide variety of settings: bowling alleys, bars, friend's parties, on vacations, etc. The key was when the "opportunity" presented itself, people took advantage of it. The same can be said of Internet dating. The choices we all enjoy on sites like these are obviously much more varied and geographically open than anything we'd find in our normal, everyday lives, right? Maybe you'll find your soul mate standing in line at the local grocery store, but the chances of relationship serendipity is actually "less" than on here. It's much more hit and miss and random out on the streets than on structured, dating, purpose-driven sites like these.

What's the answer? Depends on the person. If you've become so disillusioned with Internet dating that you've closed yourself to its possibilities and pessimistic about your chances, I'd say close down your acct and try you luck with interaction from every day, real life circumstances.
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 95
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 8:36:42 AM
Motown,

I am not sure if you get my point.. Many of the people that rely on online dating, forget how to approach a woman in public. If you go to craigs list, you will see a section called missed connections. Everyday, hundreds of men just in my city, post things such as "I was next to you in line and you smiled at me. I wish I said hello. Hope you read this". Completely absolutely ridiculous. They had a chance, but were so used to being online, they are assuming this woman is might read there missed connection on craigs list. That is what being online does to many people. Their perceptions of the world become that everyone is online reading craigslist since they are.

Emailing 20, 30 50, 100, 200, 1000 random women, and meeting one that will actually meet you and settling for that is not "serendipity". To me that is an act of desperation.

When you come online, many close themselves off to the BIG WORLD OUT THERE.

And you seem to think now so many people find love off the internet, when in reality it is 3%! People still find love the same ways. A minute portion of the millions of American singles find love online. When you say "before the internet", you make it sound as if everyone now meets a mate online.

I do not see the site as purpose driven. Many use it for fun, to find easy sex, to hang out, for the forums, to make friends, to cheat on someone, or find someone completely our of their league.

It also might be good for people who are afraid to talk to someone in public. But is that a great quality to have and avoid fixing? Or someone who never leaves the house. Is that a great quality to have? Or someone with 3 kids and no time. Is that a great person to date?

The last person that emailed me, without reading my thread, had told me they had 40 first and last dates within the past year, that past her tough screening process!. For most, it is a enticing, however futile waste of precious time on Earth. How much time did she spend alone meeting, chatting, emailing, talking, etc. This is far , far more common than those who get married off the net, and in reality are most likely settling because they are tired of sitting home alone staring at a screen meeting crazies.


What if your internet was out for 2 months? Would you sit at home staring at the wall ? Chances are you would always find a way to meet people and satisfy your needs and wants. And most likely you would end up with a girlfriend, instead of being jaded after 10 first and last dates with women you don't even want.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 96
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 8:47:49 AM
I am not sure if you get my point.. Many of the people that rely on online dating, forget how to approach a woman in public. If you go to craigs list, you will see a section called missed connections. Everyday, hundreds of men just in my city, post things such as "I was next to you in line and you smiled at me. I wish I said hello. Hope you read this". Completely absolutely ridiculous. They had a chance, but were so used to being online, they are assuming this woman is might read there missed connection on craigs list. That is what being online does to many people. Their perceptions of the world become that everyone is online reading craigslist since they are.

Ugh...glad someone thinks like I do about this. People have to get more proactive. I once didn't talk to a guy I liked somewhere publicly and never saw him again. The kicking myself process was worse than it would have been had I just said something. That was years ago - I never did that again.

The ones that post on CL that really get me are the ones who KNOW where someone works or hangs out and where to find them, daily...and still post on some website hoping they see it. Yep...pure laziness or lack of social skill. I am tempted to e-mail them and yell at em. Grrrr! So stupid.
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 97
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 10:39:25 AM
Thorn, perhaps you are very short sighted. My argument has not fallen apart at all, but rather has strengthened as I release more details.

With my ex at the grocery store, we were brought together and added MUCH to each others lives that we still benefit from today. At the time we gave each other companionship, sex, enjoyment, and learned much. She was at a time when she was not confident about her career. Being with me, and us learning from each other, raised her confidence to apply for new jobs, in which she has an excellent one she loves today. We helped each other. If she was alone scanning profiles and going on 50 first and last dates, as i hear so commonly, I doubt her life would have been enhanced much. We had a real in life attraction! That has a much better chance of working that meeting strangers from a screen. If you have all the time in the world to blow, and are afraid to talk to women in public, proceed as you wish.

She also briefly worked for me, and hooked me up with a client that I formed a great relationship with, and have made thousands of dollars from already this year,and I attend his parties, and also made many many more contacts through him.

I also have found that just about every online woman I met has been on some kind of drug to battle depression. Funny, I have yet to read a profile that says depressed. Perhaps a larger pool of depressed people do not go out, and also find the internet to be a great avenue. And I am not exaggerating in the least.

We are on a journey. I never once insisted every single person you date will be the one you are with forever. Thats plain silly. People can definitely add to your life if they have the mindset that they want company. Far too many people online enjoy their solitude and anonymity on the net, fooling themselves thinking they really want a mate. They formed a habit, and maybe do not even realize.

The DANGER is people ARE habit forming. Some say 17 days form a habit. So people become used to working, coming home, and staring at a screen. Instead of asking that woman out you see in public, people run home to put an ad on missed connections, or pass her by as they feel they will find love on the internet. Or they are just happy to do exactly what they are doing. Sit alone and stare at a screen. Make a date and cancel. Make a date and go into it with a bad attitude after you previous 10, 20, 30 40 50, 100 failed attempts.

If it isn't habit forming, stay off the net for 2 months. I bet you can't. What will you do? Stare at the wall with your mouth hanging open? Chances are you will go out with a friend, have a drink go to the gym, go to the park etc, and come into contact WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD, instead of your small pool of the same online daters online every night in your area. Will your needs go unfulfilled without the internet? It is my contention that they will be fulfilled much quicker.

I laugh when the woman who emailed me told me about her string of 40 first and last dates. She is 15 years older than me with several children. Yet, is trying to meet me for a ltr. Thats what I come across. People living in an illusion and not learning or growing, as they formed a Habit they cant break out of.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 98
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 10:59:35 AM
We're not really that far apart on this, bohnbones. Maybe we're both misunderstanding each other's premise. Online dating "can" be useful if people use it the correct way. The problem is too many hide behind their screens and rely too much on this tool as the end all--be all, instead of just the first step (and a very minor one at that) in the dating process. Here's a post I recently wrote in another thread.....
_______________________________________

Online dating is a process, with first contact like profile viewing and emailing just the beginning, very peripheral, illusory stage.

If there's "mutual" interest online, my policy is to meet as quickly as possible (that is if distance isn't an issue). Why spend hours and hours of emailing and phone conversations if you meet in person and realize there's zero attraction/chemistry? You're not going to get that time back, my friends.

If you do have mutual interest even "after" you first meet, you can always expand and fill in details through emails and phone calls afterward if you so wish. I'd prefer to go ahead and date the conventional way, "in person", and leave the Internet and long phone conversations behind, but that's just me.
______________________________________

Yes, the key when there's mutual interest is to meet "in person", not to continually and inanely flirt back and forth online or on the phone. The Internet gives you the "opportunity" for this first contact with many more people that you'd ever get any other way. But too many people don't take advantage of this---to get out and meet once first contact is made (for whatever reason). But that's not Internet dating's fault, it's theirs.

Somebody can be just as shy and never make the first move at a party filled with people, or standing in a busy grocery line.

Mo
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 99
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 2:36:55 PM
Islgurl, I understand your point.. Maybe when I am 65 i will come back to it and find a nice 58 year old lady like yourself.:)

Motown, I agree. If used correctly, it COULD be a good tool. And I agree with your post 100%. People should meet quickly. If done correctly, Amway also is a business model that COULD or SHOULD lead to financial freedom. I find the reality of both to be different. Originally I thought online dating seemed like a great idea.

As for my experiences, all I can say is this. If I was seeking a BBW, a woman with a few children, a considerably older woman, or a depressed woman on meds, I would be in heaven. Not to say that EVERY WOMAN using online dating fits into the above category, but online women fall into one of those categories more often than the average woman you might meet in public. For example, if I meet a woman at a tennis match of mine, chances are she is in shape, gets out of the house, and exercises. Different venues and forums attract different types of people.

Most men are not very picky. Single men(25-35) with no kids typically might want a child free woman, that takes care of her body, and is not crazy. Is that being extremely picky? Online this is a very small percentage of the women in your area. So, if these men still want to date online, they go with what is available, which tend to be women they would not date under any other circumstances, and would not consider a ltr with. .
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 100
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 3:13:08 PM
Thorn, it seems many people agree with me, and I have received many emails from around the world agreeing with me. Some do not, and that is fine. I enjoy differing view points, and I think thats what the forums are for. Perhaps the majority of threads are from disgruntled online daters. "Why do most men want FWB. Why is everyone negative. Serial cheaters. Trying not to be bitter. Sick of the games. I am being stalked. Why don't people show up. Why do guys use cheesy references to sex in their profile or call themselves sensual" etc.


What I notice is that anytime I ask someone about there online experience, I hear about people who lied, didn't show up, people who cheated, people who lied and just wanted sex, etc. I don't hear of that many long relationships. There are some, of course,and some people get married. Some people make it rich at Amway too..

So if you are not online, the only other thing you can think of to do is drink or watch wrestling? And the women you date would be watching Jerry Springer if not staring at a computer screen? Ok, stay online.

You come up with some bizarre references.. A "typical nice guy thread", I am a a "wolf in sheeps clothing".. The animosity I sense in your posts really leads me to believe I am putting something down that is very near and dear to your heart. Relax, it is just online dating.

Well, I am sure you wont be here long, as you put together a nice wordy profile. Take care and good luck....

Wolf in sheep's clothing
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 101
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 3:47:10 PM
I do not think my point was that it is hard to arrange meeting women. It is pretty easy. It is the quality over quantity problem I see. Are you the same woman that met 50 men in one year? You mentioned he met several women, was "talking" to one, then met you. Is he still "talking" to other women? Or are you the one he has ended his search with? If so, thats great.

From the responses I get, internet dating seems to work well in the 55-65 age range.
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 102
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 5:07:55 PM
Nice guy in disguise? lol What..

Amway and Primerica employees also call anyone with a differing view "negative". It is seems cultish when people stick up for something that is not working for them.

Sassy, tell us about the long term love you landed from the internet. How long have you been together? And how long have you been on the site before you met him?

ISLgurl, how is your significant other? How long have you been on the site before you landed him?
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 103
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History
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 5:12:03 PM
From the responses I get, internet dating seems to work well in the 55-65 age range.


Well, I'm not 55 ..yet..lol..but, I will make the observation that people over 45 have a totally different outlook than people in their 30's..about life, about dating, about what is important in life and to them. We have hopefully dealt with most of our demons. We have changed our expectations. We have adjusted what we feel is important to us now. Much different than our ideas when we were in our thirties. We have also weathered more "life", more relationships, and come to conclusions about what works and what doesn't. And what mistakes we never want to make again. For the most part, we are far less idealistic too. This makes it far easier for us in the dating world too. We come in maybe with eyes wide open, and the test of time to judge what we want, and what we expect from another person. There are few little children issues. We have an attitude possibly of , been there, done that. Want to try it another way now? And though our health concerns are actually more now ( the spectre of our own mortality), we are far less obsessed with the "outer look." We have less time to do all we would like to do, and make big decisions about what to focus our energy on, and what not to.

Since I have seen this kind of perspective from other men your age on the forums, bones, I'm going to take a leap of imagination and say..maybe this is a symptom of the age group you are in. Not a bad thing. Just a different reality. Men and women of this age group are in a far different place than us "older folk"..lol..maybe this form of "dating" works better for us, because we are looking for a different kind of thing. Just a thought.

And , as regards the "computer" addiction thing. I would be the first to admit I enjoy it immensely, but, it isn't my whole life. And, it usually fills the space I used to use to do non productive, non interesting, but time killing things. I love the forums. It's an opportunity to hear and learn from different kinds of people, and share our world views.This to me is a GOOD societal, humanity thing. Especially if it brings better understanding between people. especially between genders. So , I don't view it as the wasteland you do. It actually has made my life more interesting, more thoughtful, more brain enriched.

islgurl..you and I think a lot alike...good post.
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 104
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 5:38:50 PM
Sassy,

So you join a dating site, argue about how well online dating works, and then admit you don't use online dating yourself, lol.

Well yes, I do agree that the forums work well. If I start a thread about how the forums do NOT work well, I will then be looking for your expert opinion to counter my argument.
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 105
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 5:47:21 PM
Islgurl....

You also seem gung ho for online dating, so I was assuming you would be in a beautiful relationship. Hoping one day your soul mate will fly into your box? Haven't dated in 10 months? The one guy you did date from online was a an emotional mess?

And you 2 are the ones sticking up for online dating? lol
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 106
view profile
History
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 5:53:58 PM

And you 2 are the ones sticking up for online dating? lol


It's called "optimism"? Glass half full? Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater? Covering all bases?..hmmm..what other cliches can I come up with?..lol

Patience.
Faith.

Not going into something with any expectations.

In my case....hopeless romantic.

And stubbornness.
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 107
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 6:03:58 PM
Zangie, its called fear, and laziness...

People are afraid of in person rejection. Online is an easy escape from that.

Laziness because it is easier to not improve yourself to attract a mate, and just think that perfect someone will email you and all will be wonderful.

I am the ultimate optimist. But if you try and force something that isn't giving results, and we have a limited time on this Earth, maybe 26,000 days, it is time to place your energy and optimism in a better medium.

Its like 2 people working at Amway, not making money. One guy tells the other, "hey this isn't working. I have tried for 2 years, and made no money. The other says "hey, you have to be optimistic, some people get rich" In this example, the optimistic person is silly and will waste more time. The pessimist will move on to a better job.. Blind optimism isn't necessarily a good thing.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 108
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History
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 6:21:15 PM

Zangie, its called fear, and laziness...

People are afraid of in person rejection. Online is an easy escape from that.

Laziness because it is easier to not improve yourself to attract a mate, and just think that perfect someone will email you and all will be wonderful.



I really object to you calling me lazy and afraid.

And, no matter what you personal opinion of me is, I don't need to "improve " anything. I am happy with myself, and what adjustments I have made. I guess you didn't know that I lost fifty pounds for instance? I am healthy, and I've learned to live with my limitations. I am almost 50 years old. I could spend a few more years trying to make myself "perfect" or acceptable to men as a whole. Don't have time for that. You have no right to make judgments on what you think people need to do to "improve" themselves.

I got online because RL wasn't working. Not because I'm not "good " enough, but because there just aren't opportunities for me in this time and place.

I am a risk taker..I get rejected in real life too. I haven't discountd RL, but it can't hurt to have other options. And I'm realistic about "miracles", I know they aren't very likely.

I am not lazy either. Another inaccurate stereotype.

I could be wrong, but , I've heard you say before this thing about "improving" yourself?.What personal improvements have you made to be a "better" catch? Your underlying assumption is you are just too perfect . It always sounds to me, and there are one or two other men with the same whine...

If "these" women would just change themselves to better fit my expectations, we would both be happy? If they would come unemcumbered with any "flaws" or weaknesses? If THEY would just get with the program. I think you are far more unrealistic than I am.
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 109
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 6:24:58 PM
Sassy, no doubt it works for some..

Have you looked at Amway's testimonial features? or Primerica's? How do you think they brainwash people to work for free? Primerica has 100,000 employees, and less than one percent make 30k a year. But if you talk to someone from Primerica, they quickly point to those testimonials and those who have made made it!

It seems you have joined a dating site, made an extensive profile with several pictures, have had no luck, so it is easy to say you are "here for the forums". But you do have 300 favorites.. I guess online attention is more valuable to some than others...
 bohnbones1
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 110
The illusion of online dating
Posted: 10/3/2007 7:18:00 PM
Actually I am very optimistic, I just see a failed system.. The idea that people now sit alone behind a computer instead of being with friends, family, and a SO is disturbing to me. During the past 5 years online dating site memberships have actually decreased, so that is a good thing.

I am looking at a much bigger picture of what our society may become.

Sassyy, I never doubted the realness of the testimonials. I am looking at it statistically. 3% of Americans find their SO online.. Primerica also has thousands of real testimonials. Does that mean we should start working at Primerica?

You know one or 2 people that found a person online, and thousands that found one the conventional way. Since you are online, you focus on them..
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