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 killajp
Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 42
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what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
no u don't go to break up with the person u in love wit if da sex sucks and just tell da person how u feelin
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 43
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what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 10/3/2007 4:06:14 PM
Teach them how to please you sexually, and find out what pleases them, simple enough?

YES!!!!
thats all. Some people have been with lots and some a few. Not all can compete.
So what do you do- you practice until everything is equal. Hey it can take years
but when you love , like you said you do him it will shine through.
Never dump someone you love because sex is bad. Thats where love comes in.
What happens is he may be nervous to be with you because he loves you so much.
It takes work sometimes for two people to explode on all levels.
Practice makes perfect.

curlygrl~
 aTallDrinkofWater
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 44
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 10/3/2007 4:13:51 PM
I agree with someone else's comment that said communicate with him. Sex isn't that hard to find, even good sex. Love on the other hand doesn't come around as easily. Sex usually only last an hour or two (OK ladies I hear you say since when do the guys stay at it that long) but companionship and having someone in your life that you like to spend time with, well hopefully there's a lot of time spent there. I know it's hard to teach an old "DOG" new tricks but if he's committed to the relationship he should have an open mind to listening to you and your needs. Get him in the idea of exchanging what turns him on and then tell him what does it for you. If he's in the relationship for the long run he should be receptive. If he's not, you trying to tell him your needs might be a deal killer, but better to know before to late. Good luck
 nebula22
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 45
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 10/3/2007 4:25:57 PM
The way i see it is that it takes TWO... If you want someone to get better at sex then you will both have to practice.. For instance.. A gal i was engaged to wanted sex constantly. A man pretty much dies after orgasem... She would not take no for an answer.. She would start kissing me very passionatly and arrouse me from the dead.
It worked every time. We ended up having sex SIX hours a day every day.
Now she says that i'm the best ever. When it was her efforts that made it possible..
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 57
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what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 10/3/2007 8:34:21 PM
The teach thing isnt always going to work. I got dumped because I wasn't as easy to get off as his ex was. He thought I should be. What a load of crap!!!!!!
 orchidtigress
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 58
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 10/3/2007 9:38:43 PM
Try new things together....visit a sex shop...talk dirty...watch porn...role play...etc....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:35:50 AM
Some of us can get good sex out of a rock...and most men are totally trainable. In most cases if you're not getting what you want out of it, you're either lazy, inexperienced, unaware of how to work your own equipment, or not communicating what you need properly.

If you've done all that...and the sex still sucks, now you've got a problem. In bed is not the place to think you know it all, think you know what they need, to mindread, to be selfish.

I learned that if both people are totally and genuinely out to make the other person happy in the bedroom, there can be no bad sex.
 echo*
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 67
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 10/6/2007 7:01:49 PM
Scratching my head. How do you fall in love with someone if the sex is terrible?
 footballatrider
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 72
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 10/9/2007 1:49:26 AM
THAT SHOULD be easy. Sit the guy down, tell him you love/like/feel strongly about him.
Tell him how wonderful he is { I am MR. WONDERFUL...LOL } and tell him your feelings.
Tell him how much BETTER sex will be for BOTH of you if HE did X,Y,Z
If need be, SHOW him { If you cannot REACH, describe to him...LOL } or get a book

IF, he does not want to learn,improve, or even listen...DUMP him, will never change.
 magnusfl
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 76
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what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/21/2007 6:42:01 PM
I feel love is made up of three equal points Physical, Friendship and Companionship of course you can still be in love with out the physical or a poor physical rating but only with strong friendship and companionship quality’s

The Physical is made up with the intimacy, love making, cuddling and rated on general satisfaction of a 0-100%
1
The friendship is simply that how much you enjoy talking, hanging out and doing things with. Rated on general satisfaction of a 0-100%

The Companionship is how much you get along living together for example a roommate who you not mind living with you forever to the one you want out the first day they moved in. Rated on general satisfaction of a 0-100%

Add all 3 together and divide by 3
So as long as the factors are equal or grater then 70 then it passing love
but if it falls below 60 move on

so simply if Physical, is a failing 40
but Friendship is a 80 and Companionship are 90 each it is still a passing relationship

personaly I am glad i do not suffer in this department though, as I love very much pleasing a lady
 btj_rv
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 80
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/22/2007 8:39:33 AM
That does seem to be pretty bad. Because sex is very important in a relationship. If you love him but are not in love with him because of sex. Then it is only a matter of time before the relationship changes course. Try counseling with your partner. He might be under stress which could impact his sexual performance. It could also have to do with diet.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 81
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/22/2007 8:41:50 AM
Scratching my head. How do you fall in love with someone if the sex is terrible?

I'm still stuck at this point myself. How DO you fall in love with someone who sucks in bed? To me that's a formula that just doesn't compute.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 83
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what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/22/2007 9:00:42 AM
Sometimes the sex was good or great when falling in love, and then once there, one or both of you change in some way and try less and less, or the real you comes out.......

The facade that some put up when dating and trying to find another can be amazing, and if one tries very hard, works at being all they can be for that significant other, fall in love, then once there, let the facade drop to your norm.......the remainder can just be history.....

Those that pretend and even try to convince themselves that they like the way they are acting, and try to maintain it, but once secure in the knowledge of love and marriage, can and will let that pretension down, and flow back to what they really are within.

How many will do things sexually when dating and courting, but decide that it is not what they truly like once married or in a permanent relationship? How many will diet, work out, stay in shape, think and be thin when dating and courting, and then drop that effort once married, or in a permanent relationship?

The newness of sex with that special one can be wonderful, but in the long run, the sex should get better or stay the same as you become comfortable with each other and want to please and be pleased. To many will use sex as a tool to get what they truly want, and that is permanency or marriage, and once there, place that tool back in the toolbox to not ever be used again......

Just my opinion......
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 86
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what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/22/2007 10:11:55 AM
I do not mean to "rain" on some of your parades, but reality has to be stated here.

There are good lovers, and poor lovers, and then every so often you find a fantastic lover, and even less often a absolutely horrific lover. This is just the way it is, nothing right or wrong with it, just reality.

You can teach a poor lover to become a better one but seldom if ever will they become a fantastic lover. You can teach a good lover to become fantastic, but never ever can you teach a horrific lover to be anything more than poor.......

It takes two that absolutely click with each other physically to make fantastic lovers, both have to be open and willing to share in all ways, and have the chemistry to make it happen to such a degree, that it leaves you breathless over and over. The norm then for you two will be good, even on a bad day, and fantastic on good and special days. That is what I hope that we all want and are working towards.

Now.....you can be good in bed together physically, but if you do not have that mental side, and chemistry together, seldom will you ever be fantastic together, and if you are, it does not last long without the mental side in my mind.

On the other side of this.......you can care deeply for another mentally, but if they are very poor in bed physically, the best you will get will average on a good day. The long term effects of this on a relationship can be devastating to the both of you and tear you apart.

It is like family......you care for them, you love them deeply, will give your all for them, but you have no desire to have them in bed with you, and if you did, you need more help then these forums can give.

So, the point is that you can love another but if you want a "relationship" that has all parts to it, you better hope and work towards finding that good lover that can make you fantastic.

Just my opinion......
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 88
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what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:28:19 PM
do you tell him...gently try to give him pointers...or do you go to other drastic measures such as a break up


Take him on the vacation of his life. Take him to Nevada, go to a legal brothel and have one of the ladies there "coach" him each night for a week. Never yet been a case of a customer ever getting an STD at a legal brothel, the ladies would be happy to do it, he gets a vacation he will never forget, and you get a much better lover in return. Since it isn't YOU doing the teaching, it doesn't hurt his ego with you. The provider can point out his shortcomings and ways to fix them and provide some practice at it without there having to be relationship angst between the two of you.

Think outside the box.
 lovableladywanted
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 91
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/24/2007 1:08:50 AM
Being somewhat of an idealist... My gut feeling would be that in a true love relationship, couples can discuss constructive criticisms in a mature manner and come to a resolution. If your relationship eventually fails it will not be the sex as the problem but the LACK OF COMMUNICATION.
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 92
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/24/2007 1:34:37 AM
Take him to a tantra workshop. It's much less of an ego-bust than hearing from his gf that the sex sucks. Tell him you've been curious about it for quite some time and he's the one you really want to try it with.
 Jester1977
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 93
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:59:18 PM
Just practise a lot.
 Lighttruthrevisited
Joined: 10/19/2012
Msg: 95
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/4/2012 10:59:44 PM
Work on it! If you have not spoken to this person or asked for what you need you have no right to complain!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 96
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/4/2012 11:35:39 PM
lilnursemama- Communication is key.
It may seem obvious to you that he should know what you like, but what's wrong with telling and/or showing him what you like?
Do whatever it takes to spice things up: movies, role play, toys, whatever.
If he makes you happy otherwise, he's worth the effort to try to make it work.
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 97
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what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/5/2012 10:51:16 AM
If sex sucks you eventually leave him. I left an otherwise perfectly good husband about 24 years ago after being married to him for 5 years. I still miss him and would love to marry someone just like him who is good in bed. Believe me, I tried to help him but sometimes you can't just teach someone how to do certain things. If I knew I'd still be single so many years later I supposed I would have dragged us to therapy and sex therapy.

Firefly
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 98
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/5/2012 12:20:48 PM
You test the sex before getting in a relationship. Lol.
But since you're stuck, you try new things, kinks, places. And unless he's a jerk with terrible self esteem as well he will want to improve to please you. If the kinks don't work to spice things up, start taking control or tell him things to try on sexy ways. If all else fails have an honest but not harsh conversation with him.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 99
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what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/5/2012 5:27:26 PM
Not so sure about the communication thing:

NEVER been able to -- no matter how gently -- tell a man what I wanted in bed, without him losing his erection and stomping out of the room.

Try to find somebody whose ex-wife had exactly the same tastes you do -- his ex wife "never BITHCED about it!!!"

Don't bother. All of the really bad ones have "never had any complaints before". (Apparently, no other women "bothered" either).

Ask him to try out your "Cuckhold Husband" fantasy.

Fake it 'till he makes it. (Then he'll roll over and leave you alone!)

Gently move his hands to where you want them. Exaggerate your pleasure greatly when he finally does something right. Maybe he'll get the hint. Maybe.

For MANY ladies my age and older -- just tell him to go get some viagra - or else, fuggitaboutit!!!

"Just close your eyes and think of England." -- (Queen Victoria's advice to her daughters).
 Igottagetit
Joined: 9/23/2012
Msg: 100
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/5/2012 5:27:29 PM
If a dude is not F******* you right, and he can't get it right? He is not doing his job and he has got to go. Period.
 sigungq
Joined: 10/6/2012
Msg: 101
what do you do when the sex sucks in a relationship, but your in love?
Posted: 12/5/2012 6:21:24 PM
OP, if the sex is bad, he's concentrating on himself, and not you. Find someone who's not so selfish.
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