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 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 8
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date i did not..Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I have a feeling the guy could tell you weren't into him. I'm guessing he was hoping he would 'grow' on you if he could just get a few more dates.
 genegem
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 10
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date i did not..
Posted: 9/30/2007 7:23:30 PM
your profile is hardly going to give any pre-date info so what you got on first meeting was obviously the result of whatever communication you two had beforehand ... as others have said always meet in a safe place and use your own transport so a quick polite exit is available.
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 16
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date i did not..
Posted: 9/30/2007 7:54:30 PM
It is not uncommon for one person to think the date is going well and the other person thinks the date is going bad. Maybe you match what he is looking for, but he doesn't match what you are looking for. A hint that might be obvious to one person isn't always obvious to someone else.
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 23
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date I did not..
Posted: 10/1/2007 12:49:09 AM
People cannot read your mind, as much as you would like them to. Suck it up and put a bit of effort into the verbal communication just out of courtesy. If you were not 'into' him then let him know gently, don't be so surprosed because he cant 'sense' you after 20 minutes.

As for signals, you only need to look at the amount of posts on here about people asking "what does it mean when...?" to show you that its a fairly universal thing to misread or not be able to read, signals....
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 43
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date I did not..
Posted: 10/1/2007 12:23:34 PM

I don't ever greet anyone and sniff their butt or try to hump their leg,etc.).

Hmm. maybe THAT'S what I'm doing wrong?
Ah well, back to the actual topic.
I don't see where the OP is changing the story. Granted she has added additional information but what does it matter?
OP, if you met the guy and just felt NO interest or attraction, yet he keeps contacting YOU(which is what I read, anyway) then tell him POLITELY that you just felt no "connection", or "chemistry" and see no point in wasting one anothers' valuable time. Or simply ignore his messages. ( a little on the rude side,but sometimes necessary if you fear that a verbal statement of rejection will lead to verbal abuse)
Look, if you didn't find him attractive or interesting, you just didn't. That does not make you a bad or shallow person. The fact that he wasn't completely honest about his height and age is beside the point.
Cindy O
 EC22
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 49
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date I did not..
Posted: 10/1/2007 12:45:40 PM

I was hoping that he shood understand my signals about not being intrested.If those facts makes me shallow ok then I a shallow person and proud for being one too!


This is where you are wrong. If you aren't interested for whatever reason, then politely say so. You can't expect another person to understand your signals.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 51
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date i did not..
Posted: 10/1/2007 1:02:00 PM

The moment I saw him I felt no,but I had to do what I was supposed to suffer through the date so I did.I know it is many threads about this topic but my question is how come that they can't feel that the date is wrong?We are animals and we should be able to 'read' the other person without their words do.Any thoughts or is it just me?




Must be it...Since he is sending me texts me on the cell phone ever since the date and are emailing me all the time.. And by the way I made it a very short date,he got twenty mins out of my life,hmm felt longer do.


OK, what is so difficult to comprehend about this issue? Why is the OP "cheating on her husband"(wtf anyway??!) changing her story, what does it matter what they guy looked like or if he was goodlooking,whatever!

OP
No, men can be INCREDIBLY dense. If this guy continues to contact you, (presumably wanting to set up another date) either TELL him you feel no connection, or ignore his messages and hope he gets the hint. ( actually I think only men are allowed that option.) Women have to make it absolutely no questions CLEAR that there's no interest. Be prepared for insults and sour grapes when you tell the guy you aren't wanting to date him.
Why is all this other stuff coming up? Who cares what's in the OPS profile. Why does someone think she's cheating on someone? ALL because she met a guy whom she feels no attraction for, and is puzzled why he didn't sense her disinterest?

OP, maybe the guy can't get any women to even respond to his messages, or all previous "dates" have resulted in being stood up, or the woman taking one look and heading out the door. Maybe the fact that you actually spent some time with him has given him false hope. Hell, don't know, maybe he's just stupid. Maybe he has such a big ego he can't even grasp the CONCEPT of a woman finding him uninteresting/unattractive.
Bottom line? He's interested, you aren't, He doesn't GET that, You have to tell him in plain Queens English. That simple.
Cindy O
 hd321
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date i did not..
Posted: 10/1/2007 6:26:47 PM
I'm probably just reiterating what has been said, but if we're animals that can "read' each others signals, language would not have evolved. You have to tell him that your not interested. Each person's perception is their reality. Your reality (Not interested) is not his reality (I really liked her!). Share your reality!
Frankly, he probably is aware of your disinterest. Some men ( and women) believe that they can win people over, if they bug them long enough! If he is older, maybe he believes that you're playing hard to get.
Only way to fix that, tell him!
 v1hump
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 53
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date i did not..
Posted: 10/1/2007 6:58:06 PM
Go to this rips profile and you will quickly see that she is an air head so the dude is sure lucky not to get stuck with her. Looks to me like she is a married fake looking for some on the side.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 61
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date i did not..
Posted: 10/1/2007 9:19:38 PM

There is no true way to know what the true needs are unless you sleep together. Whats the point of men and women going to dinner, when we all know what romance is about. Don't take it slow. What can you actually learn of another person unless you really do the most intimate revealing form of cummunication possible for two people

Fishbill, what ARE you saying? The OP agreed to meet a guy. She felt NO attraction for him upon the in person meeting. So she should have slept with him anyway, just in case she was what...MISTAKEN? wtf?? Why is the concept that a WOMAN met a man and felt no connection/chemistry/interest so freaking difficult to grasp? And that she wants some input on the situation, because apparently HE does not share her DISinterest?
OP, yes it is rare but it does happen. Sometimes a man and a woman meet and the woman feels nothing for the man,even though the man is interested in her. Mostly I think the guys are used to meeting a woman and deciding right off the bat that it ain't gonna happen. That it could happen the other way areound is simply beyond their ken,I guess.
About all you can do is either firmly but kindly tell the guy that you are not interested in him, or else just ignore his messages. Usually after a year or 2 they get the message Or else they turn into stalkers...
Cindy O
 orchidtigress
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 70
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date I did not..
Posted: 10/2/2007 6:53:12 AM
People use past expriences in comparison to measure their current ones. Maybe this was the best date or one of the best he ever had, but you have had better....same as for chemistry connection rating. You need to be honest though and simply state very bluntly that you do not feel a strong connection and could only simply be friends. Sometimes even when you verbally state this, it may need to be repeated often as many guys may be delusional and believe they can change your mind with th hope one day you will magically have deep feelings for them and jump right into bed together. It all depends what peoeple are searching for also. In all fairness, even in relationships one can be clueless that problems even exist and are shocked when receiving divorce pappers or learning of an affair when they "thought everything was fine"... go figure!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 73
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date I did not..
Posted: 10/4/2007 2:27:13 PM
Opie ~~ NO ONE CAN READ ANYONE ELSE'S MIND

You have a voice. Use it.




 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 75
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date i did not..
Posted: 10/5/2007 7:01:49 AM
ladyc - her profile says not single not looking, not sure that = married - but yes you have an interesting point...

I am wondering if this guy is the boyfriend the OPs daughter is in love with- thread of the OPs circa 4/07

???
 WhereForArtThou
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 83
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date I did not..
Posted: 10/9/2007 8:29:50 PM
Nope. It's not just you!! I've been on a few of these... had to let one man down a few weeks ago because he thought it went "GREAT!!!" ... too bad he looked nothing like his picture, lied about being a non-smoker, didn't even offer to pay for my coffee, make an attempt to hold the door open for me (allowing it to close in my face not once, but TWICE), and talked about his ex-girlfriend way more than any woman would care to hear. That was a "GREAT!!!" date in his eyes. In mine, it was lame. Bzzzt. Bye.
 Deceased~
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 86
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date I did not..
Posted: 10/28/2007 4:30:38 PM
I believe most of you are missing a couple of things here. The OP is Swedish and English is not her native language. She is also very intelligent. If you have communicated with people from Europe you will understand a bit better. Expressions can be quite different in a European country. Allow me to translate for her.

The 'animal' thing - she means to say we are human as opposed to being made of wood or stones.

The 'read" each other thing - she means intelligent people are generally able to pick up on clues in voice inflection, body language, and facial expressions. Since she is intelligent, she expects others to be the same and like her, I can read people without words. Perhaps most people don't have this ability? The simple glance away when someone says something means tons. Professionals can look at your eyes and tell if you are telling the truth and agree with what was just said - even if you said it yourself. This is something that can be learned, BTW.

The 'any threads' thing - She means she has done a search and has opened this thread because none of the search results answer the specific question of this ability to read people. That is the topic of this thread as she meant it to be. Now perhaps a better fluency in English would have led her to do a search on topics that involved "body language" or the sort but there it is.

Lastly, the 'suffer' thing - Europeans are far more gracious than many people in North America. They tend to not brush people off by just saying something like there is no chemistry and leave. Their more gentile manners tend to go with something using a bit more panache. That means to tolerate a bit of unpleasantness and attempt to end the meeting with as best a face that can be put on it.

As for being married, I will wager she is only indicating that she may have more than one boyfriend which is also a more acceptable thing in Europe than in North America. Another possibility is that she just didn't know how to express the fact that she is just here for the forums. Don't beat the woman up, here is your opportunity to learn about things in Europe from someone who is able to reasonably communicate in your language.

Before I communicated with her, I didn't even know Skane was a part of Sweden- did you?
 VAPurr
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 95
Had a date today,he thought it was a great date I did not..
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:52:33 PM
This is why I talk to people on the phone first.

VAPurr
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