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 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 130
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Who Does All The Work In Bed?Page 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I, for one, would not like to point finger on anyone but as long as one lights the fire and the other fans it ... there would be more than sparks in the air
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 131
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/11/2010 8:09:43 PM

I, for one, would not like to point finger on anyone but as long as one lights the fire and the other fans it ... there would be more than sparks in the air


What I'm talking about is the women who are totally into it....but it's all about them and what they want! I'm not talking about dead fish...had one of those in high school and admittedly it probably had to do with my lack of skill/attention.

The difference is the same as the men who touch all the womens' naughty bits because he wants to feel them VS touching the naughty bits and many other places not just for their own gratification, but for HER gratification!
 lobster tales
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 132
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 6:20:14 AM
First, let me say, if this is "work", I have been unemployed far too long

Second..."work"? Seriously? I have no concept of being able to make a connection of sex to work? Pleasure is never work, and there cannot be anything more pleasurable than sex (ok ladies, I'll give you the chocolate thing..another thread perhaps). When two people are engaged with the rhythms of pleasure, no work should be involved. Sweat, sure. Physical exertion..without a doubt. But work? please. When is the last time work made you roll over, exhale, and smile until your face hurt? When is the last time you wanted to do "work" again, right away? When is the last time "work" gave you an orgasm? Um, never?

I'm just sayin
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 133
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Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 9:44:32 AM
It's sometimes an option to hire BoB to do the heavy work, and just show up for the finish work. Of course you may prefer the satisfaction of taking a project from start to finish!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 134
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 11:36:22 AM

I think the OP used the word "work" to mean physical exertion. People are getting a bit philosophical about it.


True....however anything you do repeatedly with or for someone will begin to feel like work if they aren't making it worth your while.

All the guys saying they'd love the job are the same guys who can't and don't get many dates!

Sure the "me, me me" women are fun at first because you're getting some. They appear wild and it's an ego stroke that you can handle them...they usually comment about that, which, further strokes your ego and keeps you "performing" for them awhile longer. Ultimately if they don't start "performing" for you too it starts to feel like work.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 135
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 12:37:52 PM

Now if you communicate it and she still doesn't do it (on her own, not just when you tell her) then you have room to gripe. For sure. And don't expect a new partner to be totally comfortable w/all your hot buttons. Give it time. Ease her into them.


Oh I communicate, I've just run into a few selfish ones lately though...
Hey at least grip me instead of the covers.......

I'm not talking anything out of the norm here either just hair, neck nips and overall touching.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 136
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 1:29:16 PM
Go to a gym or any women's keep fit classes. You have those who dress up with all the gear, along with the makeup and hairstyles and nails they're afraid of breaking and they never break a sweat or get mussed up because they're there for all the wrong reasons. Then you have those who are there for the workout, although looking very presentable...but they don't care if they muss their hair, break a nail or have to wear sweat bands for the sweat and not for the style. I'm betting that you'll find the better lover based on your observations and it won't be the former.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 137
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 2:21:58 PM

I'm betting that you'll find the better lover based on your observations and it won't be the former. v
Don't count on it those are the exact types who are OFTEN all about themselves....try not to stereotype!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 138
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 3:00:58 PM
Don't count on it those are the exact types who are OFTEN all about themselves....try not to stereotype!

So, in other words, you're saying that those who are afraid to muss themselves up and get down and dirty are less about their own gratification because they are not into self? But those who are there to accomplish a goal are more inclined to be more goal oriented towards themselves when it comes to pleasing a man in bed as well. (And I'm not talking professional body building where, yes, there is an extreme in many cases of being way into one's self). I'll concede that I may have been stereotyping but I'm tending to think there's a reason for it. I admit, I haven't been with women sexually who frequent a gym, as in my example, as you likely have been...but I do know women, having associated with many of them of various types for many years and do know how they talk about sex and what they do and don't do.

vvvvvv..that's pretty much my thinking...I was just asking for the previous poster's confirmation that he disagreed with me.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 139
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 3:08:49 PM
So, in other words, you're saying that those who are afraid to muss themselves up and get down and dirty are less about their own gratification because they are not into self?

That's about the size of it. Good sex involves getting mussed up and getting down and dirty. Women who are afraid to muss themselves up and get down and dirty aren't going to be any different in the sack just because the venue is different. There may be exceptions, but I've never met one.


but I do know women, having associated with many of them of various types for many years and do know how they talk about sex and what they do and don't do.

It isn't about WHAT you do (at least if you do enough). It's about how enthusiastically you do it and how imaginative you can be without needing to be prompted. You can be willing to do anything without being enthusiastic enough to make it worthwhile to bother doing.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 140
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 3:30:09 PM

So, in other words, you're saying that those who are afraid to muss themselves up and get down and dirty are less about their own gratification because they are not into self?

No, what I'm saying is that you can't tell how someone is going to be by their looks or any activity. Actually the best looking and prissiest girl I've ever been with was the most giving in bed...probably had to do with her ego...she needed to be told how good she was, how pretty she was etc...so she worked her butt off to get those compliments!. So in that case your premise would be invalid...in other cases who knows...the point is you can't generalize or stereotype.

Then there are those who go through the motions...again not as good as those who truly perform. The good ones know how to read and adjust to the person they're with and get in tuned! That's why it's funny when inexperienced people (guys usually) ask what a good technique or pickup line is....it's all relative....it helps to have a large bag of tricks but to think one size fits all is silly....and boring.

I had a GF once who asked if there was anywhere i could touch her that WASN'T erotic....I said " let's find out...pick somewhere!" She picked the back of her hand.....I kissed it...she went nuts!....of course at the point she was already at made it easy but still I sensuously kissed the back of her hand instead of poking it with my finger.


Why is this so hard to understand?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 141
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 3:39:17 PM
It's not hard to understand...or difficult either.

Actually the best looking and prissiest girl I've ever been with was the most giving in bed...probably had to do with her ego...she needed to be told how good she was, how pretty she was etc...so she worked her butt off to get those compliments!.

Now that sounds like work on both your parts instead of just being into the moment. One works to get compliments and the other gives compliments to get pleasure. Obviously, there's always give and take with sexual experiences as with any relationship of any kind but, seriously, how gratifying can the sex really be if it's that kind of an effort you both have to go through, instead of uninhibited and effortless. So, in the above quote, it's work on both your parts, no matter if I was stereotyping or not....blah.


It's about how enthusiastically you do it and how imaginative you can be without needing to be prompted.

That's precisely what was going on in the case of Miss Priss above...a whole lot of prompting aka "work".
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 142
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/12/2010 5:10:07 PM

That's precisely what was going on in the case of Miss Priss above...a whole lot of prompting aka "work".

Again you're wrong! It wasn't work at all in bed....we both were givers ... and it was in the moment but underneath it all anyone who is a giver does it to either be appreciated or to fulfill their own ego...knowing that they can make their partner satisfied.

Okay...now hopefully you're done with the stereotyping....
My simple point is that too many (read: not all!) women expect the guy to do this and do that and the only thing they have to do is be willing.....LAZY!
Of course too many desperate guys don't help this situation because they are just glad they GOT some they aren't concerned with how good it is!
It happens with relationships too...." How do I get him to do this and that?" instead of "What can I do for him?".

I listen to Dr. Laura at night, at work....I love it when she tells the women they're being petty ****es....and while I don't agree with everything she says....she makes sense most of the time. I could do without her moral platitudes but then that's part of HER so...
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 143
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Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/13/2010 11:50:22 PM
All women have a wicked side, and if they like you a lot, love you, or are married to you...chances are, you are not going to see that side of them. They feel the need to use a little modesty to maintain your respect. Take the same woman and turn her loose on some poor unsuspecting bag boy at the grocery store, and she will fvck his brains out because she doesn't care what he thinks of her. That's what a boy toy is for. If you want to get fvcked back hard, vigorous and nasty, find a gal that has no other interest in you besides sex.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 144
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 4:49:29 AM
Personally I think OP you were wanting to start a range war....lol.

So, I will safely answer....if in a hotel room....the maid has the toughest job and works the hardest....ever try to clean up a room after two people had wild sex in it?

If you want a more risky answer....I could say the man, if he is on top grinding away, and she is underneath receiving it....then again having a heavy man above you grinding away might be a lot of work to sustain....lol
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 145
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 6:52:39 AM

All women have a wicked side, and if they like you a lot, love you, or are married to you...chances are, you are not going to see that side of them. They feel the need to use a little modesty to maintain your respect.


Speak for yourself! The people I like or love, and trust, are going to get my wild side, whereas the boys I don't know or have any connection with aren't going to get any direct advantage from my wild side at all. But then, I don't have that disconnect that many people seem to between myself as a person, and myself as a sexual being, and I won't get involved in any sort of relationship with anyone who does. I am unapologetically sexual, and the people I like or love get to enjoy that part of me.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 146
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 8:06:11 AM

I think Mr. JCO's point is that people can be different in different aspects of their lives. A woman (or man) who doesn't put a lot of effort into a workout might just be someone who's not into that type of physical activity.

That's true (and what jco said is different from what I said in my comment referring to his post). However, in my opinion, a woman who is afraid to get her tangled, have her make up smeared or get hot and seaty cannot be a very good sexual partner. Tangled hair, smeared make up and getting hot and sweaty are intrinsic to sex.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 147
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Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 8:10:19 AM
Mtn.Lover does have a point, though, and there is some truth to what he said, from what I can tell from personal experiences and from stories I've heard or read from couples into swinging. It's really been surprising how often women will be "wicked" and shock their husbands by doing something with another man that they've NEVER done with him! Even when asked.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 148
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 9:00:24 AM
I'm just postulating here, of course. As I also said, I've never seen people in a gym walking around socializing with their hair and makeup all pristine.

I have - a lot! Lots of women at the gym wear those cute little head bands that match their leotards and shorts (and sometimes leg warmers). Women almost always wear makeup. Have you ever been to an aerobics class? If not check one out. The women who commit aerobicide and yogacide are the worst about primping. I'm sure many of the women spend as much time getting ready to head for the gym as they do getting ready for dinner at a restaurant.

Guys (including me), however, do something similar, except that what guys do generally looks a little more natural in the setting of a gym. Note that guys mostly wear tank tops or cut up t-shirts that make them look like they work out, but color coordination is not exactly a priority. (In principle, working out only requires meeting the dress code, so if guys really didn't care, more guys would wear whatever was handy when they headed to the gym.) I mean, I wouldn't work out if I didn't like the results, one of which is to be more physically appealing to women.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 149
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 10:24:04 AM
I don't know if I can completely go along with what Mtnlover said.....if she is trying to maintain a trust factor for his respect by not venturing into her sexuality...then it might be him, and his own insecurities that made her feel that way. Or they just are not on the same page sexually or whatever and she can't release herself to him...feel at ease to...

I've been with three since my divorce....two where it really went anywhere...there were feelings, etc of what a relationship is, and they were able to release their wildness, sexuality...whatever you want to call it with me...

The way I look at it is I am that way and can be trusted, why can't they? From what I gather from them and anyone else who was able to release themselves to me...is feeling at ease to be that way...and some didn't even know they were that way, till we met.

I'm sure in some cases what he says might be true. and it might be true with the swinger statement made after that....but it seems to me feeling at ease, feeling you can be yourself without being judged for it, the right person, connection, etc....has more to do with it, if you are dealing with a sexual person, even if they didn't know they had it in them.

But...thats just my opinion,
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 150
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 10:42:55 AM
I just haven't found ANY correlation to what a person looks like or does and their performance....enthusiasm or selfishness.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 151
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Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 1:34:11 PM
In my message #208, not only have I experienced it first hand, but also heard it straight from the horses mouth. I was once molested ( willingly of course) by a widow woman 27 years my senior. I remember overhearing comments made by her husband about her sexual prudishness before he passed away. This woman went absolutely crazy, screaming wild on me....the most uninhibited, foul mouth, nasty bone crushing sex I've ever had. I made mention to her about over hearing his comments, and she replied " there is alot that husbands don't know about their wives". I was either fortunate or unfortunate enough (depending on how you look at it) to have a regular reserved table for me in my favorite restuarant. There was also two tables reserved behind me for a "ladies night out" group. Needless to say, they made little effort in keeping their conversations to a low level. I learned more about how the majority of women really think in several weeks of overhearing these conversations than I did in my previous lifetime....most of it quite shocking. This thing turned into an evil deeds confession group, with each woman trying to out do the other with their carnal sins. Their laughter was sometime deafening. One story that stood out for this topic was the middle aged bible school teacher that seduced a young boy at the car wash. She detailed all the things she did to him and how much he was shocked and educated. One of the ladies was laughing herself to tears and exclaimed "I'll bet your husband never let's go of you". She quickly answered back " Are you kidding, I've never done any of that stuff to my husband.....if I had, he would have called me a tramp or whore and thrown my ass out years ago".
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 152
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 2:44:17 PM
buzz said,aka Bond girl,
I, for one, would not like to point finger on anyone but as long as one lights the fire and the other fans it ... there would be more than sparks in the air.


hummmm,finally one woman who who gets it, bravo! and me a man does too...may your fire be fanned,and enjoy the inferno...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 153
Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/14/2010 5:29:50 PM

I, for one, would not like to point finger on anyone but as long as one lights the fire and the other fans it ... there would be more than sparks in the air.



Yeah, I guess that applies to all the women out there who complain about guys making the rounds of the naughty-bit triangle and calling it foreplay then being a two-pump chump and rolling over....the women just aren't hot enough or motivating enough to get these guys going!
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 154
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Who Does All The Work In Bed?
Posted: 5/16/2010 12:02:11 PM

... the women just aren't hot enough or motivating enough to get these guys going!

... ahhh ... do I feel draught interrupting smoothly flowing teamwork of keeping fire alive?
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