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 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 946
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?Page 17 of 50    (10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)
Zuglo, This is nothing personal OK,, we both have similar ideas what FWB means,,
And no I didn't agree with the woman who made a generalized statements about men,, and I did comment on that as well..
I didn't need to go to her profile to establish my point of view.
I went to her profile because you made a comment about her and her profile,, and what I had read, and correct me if I'm wrong,, no where did she say FWB, nor did she write that,, she did say NSA is not what she is looking for, that's about the only initials she used in her profile,,

Your right there is no rule book that say we can't go to someone profile, I cold be wrong, but I think DP used your profile against you or some one else, and I commented there as well that I thought that was wrong,,


Yes, than there is that line that you quoted, about hoping to turn into a proper relationship, but that was off topic. That's why I didn't quote that one, because my friend, THAT has nothing to do with a forums! We talking about FWB, and she made a comment, and I responded, and I felt I had to quote something from her profile.

That's exactly my point,, because you only quoted what you felt was relevant, yet this woman never used the words FWB, how I read her profile in my view,, is,,
This woman was hoping to meet someone to have fun with, enjoy life, get to know them, yes she mentioned sex as part of getting to know someone with the thought of having it turn into a long term relashionship. How I view what I just said, she is looking to date one man, she is not afraid of sex, and will not hold out until she is married,, or use it as a tool to further a relashionship, but rather to help and develop one..I could be wrong in all that,, because that just my opinion of how i read her profile in my words,,

However there is no rule book on life either,, as you speak of honor, and one view of my integrity and honer, I can stand up for my beliefs without trying intentionally attack some one by going to out side sources,, but ratter use the word they say in the forums,, Thats just what I believe, but in now way does my opinion trump you view..


But I do aplogize if that was rude in your eyes, take my words for it, I didn't wanted to be rude.

No need to apologize, I have read enough of your post to know you are not rude or disrespectful,,I just voiced my opinion, because I happen to disagree with that tactic,,
All it's says both you and I agree on many things,, and disagree on others,, no offence..

later,, norm
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 947
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:17:47 AM

I think real FWB's happen almost without any planning. It's something that people just drift into.
Now, too many people think they have FWB's but in reality it's just a Fvck Buddy... It's sex, with a limited friendship, whereas a real FWB it's the other way around...

That's a pretty good summation,m church. And if both people are OK with just being fvckbuddies that's alright too, as long as they behave with sexual responsibility.
As the times change and, as RenMan said,a woman's future is more determined by her own brain and/or brawn, not her sexual and reproductive value, you may see more nontraditional sexual/romantic partnerships evolving. I don't see marriage ever becoming irrelevant, but I do think the 20th century model ( male breadwinner, female homemaker) will be more of a rarity.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 949
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 11:14:50 AM

see women effectively putting themselves out of the market.
Women are giving away for free what they used to put a value to.

Ah, but that statement posits that women don't ( or aren't entitled to?) enjoy sex because it feels good( keep in mind I am talking about RESPONSIBLE sexual behavior!) but must keep it back because it's a marketing tool? But yet it's OK for men to go out and have sex willy nilly and no one expresses concern about them "effectively putting themselves out of the market"?
Is this a double standard, or is this a DOUBLE STANDARD!?

Let me make one thing clear...I don't give it away for free. If I don't enjoy the man's presence in my life as either a genuine friend and/or serious relationship candidate, if I don't enjoy physical affection with him, I won't be having sex with him. I'm looking to find a man that I want in my life,preferably in a committed LTR, not a man so hard up I can lead him to committment by his d*ck.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 952
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 1:31:50 PM

How dare they decide that sex was something beautiful to be shared between 2 consenting adults and not something to be "given" as some kind of payment or reward?

Just in case anybody's getting their knickers in a twist, I for one don't care to share the experience with a man who doesn't respect HIMSELF sexually!
Cindy O
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 953
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 1:47:29 PM

Whatever I do or don't do about dating and sex, Daisy, I'm not running into all this DISRESPECT that you claim to be encountering. I wonder why that is?


Cindy: Daisy aside...everytime one of you guys says something like this, I cringe...because I know I'm reasonably good as filtering, and a good judge of character, and I'm pretty smart too...yet...I get it a lot on here, or anywhere online that men pursue me, majority just never go any where..and it just makes me crazy that other women think men come on to me , or get aggressive because of some flaw in me?

Of course, I don't have realtionships with these men...but, they sure have changed their spots once we meet...even with all the getting to know where people stand, and reading between the lines...

My beef is that there have always been some men who were creeps or players or whatever...but, the extent of the behavior online is absolutely enlightening..and I was surprised and dismayed...and I don't like it...it gets old..even when it is just men Iming me or emailing me to say something quick and inappropriate...I am tired of having to deflect, block, whatever so much...it makes it easy to get discouraged and figure online is not the place to find anything that isn't NSA..

And ..I don't like double standards either...however, since , for whatever reason I neither think nor feel like most men, sexually or otherwise..and think its a good thing...I don't know why I should...

I will never understand why equality ( or fairness , in my mind) and non double standards can't be accomplished without one of the requirements being that we all act exactly the same...or, that women just become men with breasts and hoohoos...lol..there must be a middle ground...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 954
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 2:28:43 PM
or, that women just become men with breasts and hoohoos...
oh HELL no
lol..there must be a middle ground...

There is, and I will say it took a bit of blundering around when I first set out on Adventures in Modern Dating. Then again, to be absolutely fair, I really didn't start dating again until my husband had been gone 2 yrs, and in that interim between that time and now, I've had a couple of relationships, a couple of FwBs, and realistically,dating, STRS and FWBs were all I had any business doing, because I was healing,and rebuilding my life.
I'm not going to say I NEVER got sexually oriented emails, or guys talking it up with me to see if I'd just come to their house and "hang out". But not to the extent that some here are experiencing.

it makes it easy to get discouraged and figure online is not the place to find anything that isn't NSA..

As I mentioned before, there apparently IS somewhat of a perception that online dating sites are the new "pickup bar scene". So yeah, guys you meet from online might tend to have erroneous expectations.
Actually, I suspect my profile scares the socks off guys!
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 955
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 3:02:19 PM

If I waited each time until I was in love, I think I'd be a born-again virgin....lol.

Hell, I'd have won a trip to the Virgin Islands for recycling....

However, my point has always been that these quick little emails and ims asking for sex are not FWB relationships.

Mine too. FwB is something that evolves, it's not something a man asks for in an email or on a first date. To blame FwBs or other nonmarital, non LTR interactions for men not wanting to commit is crazy. I seriously doubt that a worldwide p*ssy strike would cause men who don't want to commit to change their minds. To posit that it would is an insult to men.
Cindy O
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 957
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:28:28 PM
Well I hate to see you go,, good luck,

as for your number system,, I knew there was a reason I was attracted to women who are a " 6 "and not a 10,,, life is good,,,,
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 958
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:30:59 PM
In my defense..just in case you are including me in that number six...


6. Castrating women ( defined variously as women "having respect for themselves", "women with morals".
etc.)- women who will have sex outside of marriage, but who insist on having complete control
over when or whether, regardless of how much chemistry may exist


It has nothing to do with "morals", or Having respect...I have no "moral" issues about sex..I grew up in a household where sex was presented as a good, positive thing..my parents definitely had a great sex life, and we weren't taught that it was bad...

What I need/want is to be cared about as part of a sexual relationship, and exclusivity too..when I mentioned earlier about growing out of sex for the fun of it..I didn't mean it as a maturity issue..I meant that I grew real tired of it..and it has nothing for me anymore..I don't know that I'd get married again..I wasn't a virgin the first time either...it isn't about what is right or wrong morally ...it is about what is right or wrong for me...and chemistry just ain't enough for me...if I had sex with all the men who have turned me on..I'd be worn out...lol..

Ren...as to the part " but who insist on having complete control over when or whether, regardless of how much chemistry may exist"...what would you suggest? That women just do whatever you want? Isn't that controlling on your part? Why shouldn't we be in control of when and with who we choose to have sex with? Anything else, means the man is controlling isn't it? It is a choice for all women..I don't castrate metaphorically or otherwise anyone...I just don't do what I am not comfortable with...

I am an odd ball, obviously...when I ended my last LTR...I had the double problem of going through chemo for cancer...I was not interested in a relationship of any kind..sexual or otherwise...but, even when I went into remission..I still needed time to heal from both ( because everything else got pushed to the side to concentrate on getting better)...it was never easy...I happen to have a strong drive..and once I turned 40..it only got worse...but...I knew any substitute to what I was looking for wouldn't be enough for me...and fleeting at best...besides the fact that I cannot leave my emotions out of anything, but, especially when with a guy I like..and I have to like him to want sex with him..

I have never argued that the kind of FWB's you have described were anything less than what you have said...I have said that, for me, it wouldn't work anymore...and, I have also said that I think they are missing the point...at least from my perspective...

You are always referencing this 50's thing...I grew up in the 70's..in the middle of the "sexual revolution"...the basic essence of who I am, and what I feel...has never changed...regardless of what society is doing..I think you miss the fact that it isn't about it makes me a bad , or cheap, or evil woman..I don't agree with those characterizations for women..I believe they should enjoy their sexuality...it isn't about some antiquated moral standard for women and sex...it is about my emotional make up..and what works for me..the fact that it happens to reflect to some extent an old fashioned view, does not mean it is invalid..I have no obligation to be anyone other than who I am..whether you or anyone sees it as repressed or "old fashioned"..it is who I am...and I am so far from repressed..you'd be surprised...women ( or men) have no obligation to follow a dynamic just because some say they should...

The fact is...I just don't have the ability to handle NSA sex of any kind...it isn't in me..wish I could these days for millions of reasons...but, just isn't there...I don't feel good about sex as a convenience..for myself or the guy..and it isn't moral..it is emotional? I'm sure you or some could then postulate that this in itself makes me "defective", or screwed up...but, it has taken me years of hurt and making mistakes to come to a place where I know what works..whether you think it is "wrong" or not, isn't the point...it works for me...and it isn't dysfunctional in the least..just different...and your world isn't the only one..or the only valid one...
 toonicetobenice
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 959
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:39:13 PM
I hear you I'm finding the same thing however, I have heard men say that some women want to talk 2-3 months I dont like chating for awhile and they get weird
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 962
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:36:08 PM

I wouldn't date anyone who was in or had that kind of relationship

That and interesting comment, I say that because, What I believe and still do, my concept of dating some one, means exclusive, more often than not sex is involved,,while thinking long term

During that dating process the concept is having a LTR, while your dating you begin to becomes friends, and you have a good time with each other,, your feeling change, and realize that person isn't the right one for us. Therefore you stop dating for what ever reason.. at that point you can remain friends or not,, doesn't matter..

My point, FWB, you just experianced one,, but it was exclusive..

That said the one of the major differences between dating and FWB. You know that your in FWB through communication,, Yet in dating no one really knows what we had until the ends,
I was just trying to make a simple point.. food for thought,,

Now I realise this, FWB can be exclusive or not depending on the communication between two people {lets assume exclusive} .. until such time some one decides for what ever reason it needs to end, { let assume exclusive again for a second} it's ending because either one chooses to start dating. Because they meet some one they think they want to date, become serious with, and the same scenario plays out as I mentioned in my second pargarph, Back to a FWB, because it didn't make it to long term..

all that may be tough to swallow, but if we think about it,, it's true,,we had FWB, we just don't always know it because our intentions are different..

If it turned out different, we dated, had sex while becoming friends, that friendship turn to love and we lived happily ever after,, well there is a dream worth thinking about...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 963
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:36:40 PM
I think I'd be on fairly safe ground if I said that there are a lot of people, (though the topic of this thread is men) looking for sex with few, if any,strings. Good grief, look at the statistics on how many marriages end in divorce,and I suspect LTRs aren't faring a whole lot better. And even cohabitation/"common law" marriage can be emotional and financial devastation if it goes to pieces. Most women do have to feel some emotional connection with a man in order to enjoy sex. Men don't always have that scruple(some do, but they aren't the ones emailing women asking for NSA sex) so if they can find ways to get sex without having to miss a good game on TV to go with her to somebody's wedding, if they don't have to be nice to her mother,help her when she's sick,oh you get the picture! that's damn straight what they are gonna try for.
I think it was THAT issue the OP was talking about...why do most men want NSA sex? You can't email someone, or meet them for coffee, and say "let's be friends with benefits", in a true FwB, the friendship happens first. Or an FwB might arise out of a dating situation where the 2 people enjoy one another's company,(and sex with each other) but recognize that there can't be the intertwining of their lives that would support a "real relationship". Why shouldn't they enjoy what they can,as long as both are clear that it's not gonna be longterm, that they cannot demand exclusivity,and they cannot WHINE if the other one chooses to withdraw the "benefits" for any reason or even NO reason. \But this is NOT the same as an on demand NSA sexual involvement, which is what a lot of guys are looking for,and what I believe the OT was actually about.
Cindy O
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 966
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:35:49 PM

I mean, they must be spending all day and night in bed keeping all their lovers happy{/quote]
To Funny,, that would be more stamina that I could ever muster up,,

FwB, has it's place, I wish it didn't in my life but it does, for example, as a widowed man raising an 8 yr boy,, it's difficult to share or let go,, meaning have someone you can trust to have someone in my sons life as you get to know that person,,, and when/if you meet some one,, that chemistry just isn't there, yet it seems if I find some one with a hit of chemistry, for both of us, she may not be interested in raising a child again, I respect that, because she has been there and done that, she has a whole new life to live,, Sometime that turns into FWB, yet, LTR will never work for various reason,, I think FWB does have it's place,, but only with honest communication
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 967
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:56:41 PM

Then I went into a 10 yr. LTR which was like a marriage. I left it because he was my rebound from my marriage.

That was the longest rebound FWB relationship I have ever heard of..You talk about using some one,, WOW,, that poor guy for 10 yrs, plus he loved or liked you before that,, That is something to be proud of,, I would say a true friend wouldn't do that to anyone,, That is why FWB works,, it's about honest before all else..
Just my openion...
 dead fish
Joined: 10/21/2008
Msg: 968
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:07:42 PM
ahhhhh, for the benefits
what kind of q;uestion is this?
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 970
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:37:34 PM
I have a Question, off topic yet relates to FWB

LTR means to me that in the traditional sense the outcome is marriage,, That how I feel.. How do others feel,,

FWB can last as long as it lasts right,, a week and some ones say Hey this isn't really going to work,, 6 mo, 5 yrs or even 10yrs, depending on the circumstances,,

Now if your in a 5ys LTR and someone asks you to marry him or her,, and you refuse for what ever reason, yet say in that relationship,, wouldn't that be FWB exclusively,,

Now if your in a LTR, knowing your on a rebound, yet you get support from a friend
and at the time, you know your on a rebound, that would be considered a LTR as most would know it,, that would be FWB I think,, only because you really have no intentions of marriage,, and I'm not sure if one can be in love while your on the rebound...

Then she date two men and they treat this woman nicely without any pressure of sex,, true "gentleman" take he out to dinner the movies,, ,,

I have to ask who is the player and who is are the suckers,, it's seem to me this woman get a heel of a lot more that she give,, and I'm not talking about just sex,,

DP every thing you just wrote floored me,, because none of your relationships are of the traditional manner as you suggest you are looking for in most of your post..,, you used a man for 10 yrs because you were on the rebound, you dated a man for 5 yrs and you knew you were not going to marry him,

And you, in your opinion belittle women and men who have honest open FWB relationships ,, give me a break,,,
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 973
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:48:41 AM
FWB~Dirty/Dirty=Nasty/Nasty
There is no love nor never will be~how dead end and skanky of a long term convenience
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 976
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 7:04:08 AM
""""but the truth is "I resign" of trying to carry the flag for "common sense"""""


""""1. FWB: A man and woman (friends) who sometimes are sexual, when
neither is otherwise involved, and when both are in the mood."""" OK

""""2. FB (fvck buddies) Two people who know each other, and don't really share
anything other than mutual lust, who consensually choose to get together from
time to time, for the specific purpose of sharing sex"""". OK, since these aren't in the dictionary.....see 1.

""""3. ONS (one night stand) two people who get together, for the explicit purpose
of having sex one time, and have no intention to see each other again""". OK, good enough

"""4. PW (aka "nice guys")- desperate men, who are so eager to spend time with a woman, almost any woman, that they will do as their told, without offering any significant input into the nature and pace of the relationship ."""" OK, so...

""""5. Jerks- men who will hide their intentions, prior to meeting a woman, and once they're together will become insistent on having sex, regardless of whether any chemistry exists"""" Ok, close enough.

"""6. Castrating women ( defined variously as women "having respect for themselves", "women with morals". etc.)- women who will have sex outside of marriage, but who insist on having complete control over when or whether, regardless of how much chemistry may exist""""

"""7. Confused- any man in the presence of a castrating woman. """

Well you lost me after 6. I tried to look all these up in a dictionary and couldn't find any. Should I meet more women? I've never met a "castrating" one. I think its all in someones view of life, since these aren't in the dictionary.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 977
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 8:40:20 AM
I agree with everything you said, That is just what I feel about long term, and what it means to be,,


FFS, I respect you for not engaging in the mud-slinging. I still don't agree with her posts but I can better understand now where they may come from.

As for DP,, I tried to say, I felt sorry for her for what had happen in her in her life,, but I could not because of forum rules, I had to many posts in a row,,

and it's to bad I didn't see the post above mine before I wrote what I wrote,,we were writing at the same time,, If I did,,I would have kept my trap closed, however, without that knowledge, DP has done nothing but try to make herself the most righteous woman out there at other peoples expense,, and i was just suggesting she should take a look at what she is doing,,,before getting down on other,,

what does FFS mean,, I not used to all these abbreviations..
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 979
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:28:27 AM
opps,, I guess mine might be "ass" lol
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 980
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:08:08 PM

From what I've read on this forum FWB seems to be a better than nothing alternative.

Ideally, it would NOT be that,but rather an alternative that makes sense when a full fledged LTR might be entered into for WRONG reasons...rebound, grief assuagement,when one's life path is at a fork or crossroads,a temporary/transient life circumstance where it would be UNFAIR to ask someone for a commitment, but where the interaction of a FwB would provide some comfort and encouragement.

No need to read much of the thread on this one. Looks like it has been covered:

1) Cheaper than a hooker yet still NSA
2) Cheaper in general - no flowers, gifts, dinner, etc
3) Committment phoebes dream

These comments are not an accurate assessment of a GENUINE FwB. Particularly the "Cheaper in general - no flowers, gifts, dinner, etc" which certainly seems to infer that sex is something a woman "rewards" her dates with...
And there are a lot of 'committmentphobes" out there who will call the thing a "relationship" for whatever period of time passes before he or she feels too "enclosed" and "gets scared".

I think the big problem with the whole FWB thing is that it is usually not exclusive, so, your FWB is Mr. FWB with, ball-park, 5 to 10 other gals. And perhaps coin flip, for the guys, your FWB has 5 to 10 other men.
Oh fer gawds sake...no one is promoting FwB as a socially acceptable form of promiscuity and negligence of safe/responsible sex. What's more responsible for STDs is ONS,NSA, and cheap drug addicted hookers.

Then I went into a 10 yr. LTR which was like a marriage. I left it because he was my rebound from my marriage. I loved his support and to this day he calls me and wants to work things out. This man has loved me for almost 20 yrs. Actually more than that. He was attracted to me even when I was married. I didn't know that. I am a different woman than I was at the end of my marriage. I dated for 15 months before I found my other partner. He and I had an instant connection and we dated without having sex until I felt it was right to be with him. He asked me to marry him and I would've done as he was perfect in every way. We were together for 5 yrs. The only thing that I couldn't deal with was his addiction to painkillers. He was in sports, still played sports (soccer) until after I met him and had battered his body over the years. I left him almost 2 1/2 yrs. ago. Last year he passed away.

While I certainly do not advocate that anyone SETTLE for a LTR or marriage with someone they do not truly love,it sure seems to me that you'd be able to figure that out in 5 or 10 MONTHS,not YEARS.

It's part of my training.
I remember how you posted about being sexually molested by your stepfather and how your mother chose to ignore it. I remember you posting about your sister and how you said she is married but constantly having affairs because of her molestation.
You also said being molested left you with issues about intimacy- how you reacted differently to your sister and questioned her response.

Now this I am genuinely absolutely sorry to hear about,But at some point it seems like the realization would hit,that ONLY THE VICTIM can decide that the issues have fvcked up her life one too many times and take charge of whatever needs to be done to heal.At which point victimhood stops and empowerment starts.

Daisypetals: I'm no psychiatrist, but blind Freddy could see you have issues about men.
And I feel sorry for you (while I'm not feeling incredibly frustrated by you).

FFS, maybe you care more,or maybe I'm just a jackal because I DON'T feel frustrated by her.

I have a Question, off topic yet relates to FWB

LTR means to me that in the traditional sense the outcome is marriage,, That how I feel.. How do others feel,,

I for one(and I think I've already stated this)do not necessarily see LTR as having a marriage or cohabitation outcome. I want a man in my life, not underfoot 24/7 LOL.But that position is more specific to mature adults who've done the family thing and whatever.

Now if your in a 5ys LTR and someone asks you to marry him or her,, and you refuse for what ever reason, yet say in that relationship,, wouldn't that be FWB exclusively,,

Now if your in a LTR, knowing your on a rebound, yet you get support from a friend
and at the time, you know your on a rebound, that would be considered a LTR as most would know it,, that would be FWB I think,, only because you really have no intentions of marriage,, and I'm not sure if one can be in love while your on the rebound...

Then she date two men and they treat this woman nicely without any pressure of sex,, true "gentleman" take he out to dinner the movies,, ,,

I have to ask who is the player and who is are the suckers,, it's seem to me this woman get a heel of a lot more that she give,, and I'm not talking about just sex,,

DP every thing you just wrote floored me,, because none of your relationships are of the traditional manner as you suggest you are looking for in most of your post..,, you used a man for 10 yrs because you were on the rebound, you dated a man for 5 yrs and you knew you were not going to marry him,

And you, in your opinion belittle women and men who have honest open FWB relationships ,, give me a break,,,

These thoughts also crossed my mind..


I'm sure you or some could then postulate that this in itself makes me "defective", or screwed up...

No it doesn't..You clearly, and may I say, NICELY, stating that FWB isn't for you.
Zangie your posts includes sayings like "wouldn't work for me", "not to me",
"isn't in me", "in my opinion", and thing like that. You aren't being mean about it.

Everyone is entitled to run their love life the way they see fit,provided it is done safely, responsibly,and not in a manner that is dishonest or exploitive of another person or persons. Zangie, you are perfectly fine. I've had FwB that worked...but I'll be the first to agree that there are many ways that it could be misused or result in someone getting emotionally wounded.I do not advocate them as a REPLACEMENT for traditional dating, boyfriend& girlfriend,LTRs, or marriage.
Cindy O
 Live once
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 981
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:57:38 PM
Good question. I would guess that this is a "polite" way to ask a woman for sex but no ties. Friends is the luring bait to intrigue us gals. They do not realize how many woman delete their profiles because of this request vs. how many they could actually meet and accomplish this goal with out having to sound non commital.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 982
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 2:18:06 PM

Good question. I would guess that this is a "polite" way to ask a woman for sex but no ties.

There IS no "polite" way to ask for "no strings sex". No strings sex is RUDE, in and of itself. A true "friends with benefits" is an outgrowth of a friendship that comes FIRST, or a dating situation where you enjoy one another's company(and the sex) but don't see it being a viable "relationship". Despite what some here fear, it's not a common practice to have multiple FwBs. If either friend starts seeing someone that could become a "real relationship" the "benefits" are terminated,or at least suspended,and no whining or head games are allowed.
The other thing that I thought people would REALIZE is that FwB is for GROWNUPS. It's absolutely amazing to me, how many 30+ adolescents are following this benighted thread.
Cindy O
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 984
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 3:21:48 PM

I am on here once in awhile for a stretch...and then I get bored with the female jackals.
Those same jackals are on here still when I come back after an absence.
Isn't that telling???


For someone who claims to dislike being insulted, you sure do a lot of it yourself.


Daisypetals: I'm no psychiatrist, but blind Freddy could see you have issues about men.


After being molested, it's no wonder.

Thing of it is, not all women react the same to the same things. While it's weird as hell, that's just the way things are.

Also...

You say you see how your friends got turned inside out over FWBs.. I think from what you yourself have said about them, daisy.. that they were in fact lying to themselves throughout the duration of the FWB.. so of course, they will be hurt, angry or whatever else you want to ascribe.

You don't see how I react, for example.. nor how other women who say they're fne with such an arrangement either. You don't know, for certain that it doesn't work for some women. How could you? You don't know or see what goes on in everyone's life. I don't doubt that you're bang on about your friends.. you saw what you saw, but that doesn't apply to ALL women.

Unless we've all missed a meeting and all women are, in fact.. the same. It never will apply to ALL women.


Daisypetals, you malign everyone who disagrees with you, then complain we are doing it to you. We are not. We are disagreeing with you.


Exactly. Daisy, If we are guilty of insulting you.. I can pretty much assure you.. without ANY hesitation, it's been firing the same gun right back at you. You can't be snide and rude about how people manage their lives and then expect us to be pleased as punch about your insults.

You do as you see fit.. have FWBs or do not. No one's telling you HAVE TO LIKE THEM. The entire point is to do what YOU feel is best. Those of us unopposed to FWBs are doing what WE feel is best for us.


From what I've read on this forum FWB seems to be a better than nothing alternative.


In a way, I guess. The main thing for myself is that my libido is pretty damned rampant and some days... ok a lot of days, I just don't know if I want the LTR thing. I've never had an LTR so horrifically bad that it has turned me off of them, I'm just a true libra.. indecisive to the core. So in my mind.. why should I be sexless until I figure out what I really want. Honestly... if I felt I could do without, I would likely do so.


I think the big problem with the whole FWB thing is that it is usually not exclusive, so, your FWB is Mr. FWB with, ball-park, 5 to 10 other gals. And perhaps coin flip, for the guys, your FWB has 5 to 10 other men.


That's classic F*ck Buddies and NOT FRIENDS with benefits. I capped the FRIENDS bit because that word seems to be systematically ignored.
 flyingiguana
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 986
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:40:34 PM

Whatever happened to ring on the finger + marrage first = then sex?


better to take a test drive before you buy
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