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 MR_WOW4
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 193
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?Page 3 of 50    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Although I haven't had a FWB, as a general guideline I will ask a girl if she believes in sex before marriage. If not, there is a 99% I won't date her. JMHO
 oneofgods
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 194
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/30/2007 6:59:49 PM
When I started hearing that term, it made me think about my marraige. Because it sounds like the same thing my relationship was. lol. We were friends with benifits.
 mslafleur
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 196
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/30/2007 7:21:54 PM
True, especially if you're good looking. They will not read your words, they only look at the picture. And they call us vain.
 too_timid285
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 199
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/12/2007 6:55:20 PM
[hi there
intersting post. i agree with what you wrote. i not sure men can handle friends only really. many say they can but not sure they can. if they could then id love to meet them. seems most men only want sex these days? have you found anyone on here that can be friends only]
if this is what you believe, then obviously where you are from, the men thier are just one sided. growing up there was always that question of "if its possible for opposites to become friends and stay that way", now it is possible and theres always that vibe or small instance where they will see themselves as a couple or dating, or else its just one party that wants to date the person because they are always together and like the same things or same opinions or know one another soo much. what i think ruins the relationship is FWB's. most of my friends are girls. and ill admit that frankly. some of the girls im friends with are ex gf's, girls iv had flings with and girls i wanted to date at one time, but chose to be friends with instead. Most of my best friends are girls, this is because I can tell them anything, and i mean anything, without them taking second glances or feeling awkward, plus if its a relationship or a problem with the opposite sex, both parties can help one another out. Im actually having a friend come over this weds to watch movies n hang out, this friend of mine, we talk about anything and everything. shes someone i thought about dating but rather have as a friend than not at all. I honestly think, men should have this. I believe men can be a better sex if they have female friends, but without the want or need of having something sexual with them. And if you would like to chat sometime, or do something where we can talk and hang out, then id be more than obliged!
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 201
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/13/2007 9:48:30 AM

knowing that for whatever reason I'm not good enough for her.


Dude! Who in the world gave you that idea? OMG!

Being "good enough" has nothing to do with it. It's just random chemistry.

Having women as friends is a _beautiful_ thing. Please don't cut yourself off from that with such spurious reasoning. Really! Whoever told you that is a complete idiot.

There are women in my life who I love to death and would do anything for except f*ck, because if I did that it would put the friendship at risk. When women love you like that, it's not that you aren't "good enough," it's that they value you too much!!!!!!!!!!!

That concept can take a little while to sink in, but I think you'll find that if you let it, it will. And boy will you be glad it did!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 206
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/18/2007 1:27:27 PM

Or they ARE friends with someone but this person is really not the one for them and it beats being alone are some of the reasons.

Having sex with someone you can't see as a long term partner beats being alone HOW??


And at my age, I would love to have someone that is retired or winding down her caeer and is ready to enjoy the rewards of growing old. Like having the time to travel at a moments notice. Having time to indulge in that beloved hobby or take up one you have always wanted to try.


But this is a description of a RELATIONSHIP. I wouldn't "travel at a moment's notice" with somebody I happenedto be screwing simply because it "beats being alone".
I know of older couples who are NOT married and DO NOT live together but are as committed to one another as any married couple( maybe even MORE so)

Oh I can acknowledge tons of reasons for a couple to not marry or cohabit. But that doesn't knock them down to FWB status.

FWB, to me means that you might do stuff,other than sex, together sometimes but there would be no EXPECTATION of the FWB's company. The FsWB would also be completely free to keep seeking a serious relationship,and neither would have any right to stand in the other's way regarding that pursuit.
My personal opinion is that the "minuses" of a FWB gig outweigh the "pluses". There is the risk of getting more deeply attached. There is the risk of having a FWB "muddy the waters"( in several levels/contexts) as far as finding a real love-based relationship. ( this happened to me) And all too often "FWB" ends up being about onesided "benefits" without much of anything over in the "friend" side of the equation.

{quote]And friends with benefits is NOT a disrespectful thing in some cases. A lot of people (famous and non famous people) spend years in a one on one relationship with the same person. FWB is NOT the same thing as "spending years in a one on one relationship with the same person.
Nightowl1956, I think what you are describing is a committed relationship without a marriage ceremony,not a FWB arrangement. If you are asking women for FWB and getting shot down a lot, it might just be that you are using the wrong terminology for a perfectly acceptable situation, being a committed couple without the formalities of marriage. (Cohabitation is optional also)
Cindy O
 dick_freebird
Joined: 2/15/2004
Msg: 208
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/18/2007 8:33:05 PM


I am curious to know why so many men are now looking for the term frequently used by them as "Friends with Benefits". While I realize this is for a non-commital issue on their part, how does one sleep with a person and have no feelings for the other person? Personally, I hate the term. What ever happened to getting to know someone, dating and building a relationship? I feel like people are short changing themselves by using this term. Just curious how others feel about this. I would really like to meet someone nice, to date and possibly build a relationship with but so far not having much luck other than with men wanting "Friends with Benefits". Any suggestions why? Thanks to all.


It's not that we don't have feelings for you. We just don't want them
used as leverage. I like my life. I like a fine woman but I don't like
living her way. Once you start in with all that relationship yip-yap
it's all down hill from there. All I really want is some human love and
affection. And a some hot monkey woman sex. So don't go dragging
the preacher and the judge into it, OK?

These be squid infested waters and you've probably had a tentacle or
two between your never mind and your don't you dare. If you want to
swim with the dolphins, you'll have to go out of doors. Put on a bikini
and stay strong, like the lady said.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 211
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:48:14 PM
I've found it hard to understand too, but think about it this way. Think about a man that you met that you were completely not attracted to at all, but who was interested in you. Could be someone way too old for you, or creepy, or whatever. If you are a generally good person, you probably care enough about the person to be civil to them just because they are another human being, but you were probably absolutely fine with never hanging out with them again, and not being interested in what they did with their lives after you parted ways. That's not unusual for a woman. Now imagine you are a guy who has **** buddies. That man can be totally uninterested in a woman in the same way (not interested in her life, etc.) and still entertain the thought of getting sexual pleasure through her. That's the difference. I think men have the ability to be sexually "attracted" or maybe more accurately sexually "tolerant" of a lot of different women, while at the same time not actually being that drawn to the women. Women, having the luxury of being the choosier sex, will generally only really want to have sex with men they are actually attracted to. So it is much more likely that if a woman would have sex with a man, that she would be attracted enough to him to also go on a date with him. And it's kind of hard to imagine wanting to have sex with a man that you're not really that physically attracted to.
 Seavoyage
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 213
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:43:54 AM
It's the year 2007 and so many women do this and want a man for sex with benefits. I see it all the time. There are women who will not want a serious relationship and will want to keep a man around, because she wants her sexual and other physical needs met, and get something emotional out of it without committing. I am sure some men do that, too. What's worse doing that or a guy or simply hitting up a woman for sex? So many women have sex simply to have sex. The women who say that must only know a small social circle of women or must be in some very conservative neighbourhood. There are many women who just pick up men for sex, or even get a man who is really interested in her for more than to bed her, because she wants it..... A woman can have sex without caring about a man... That's not something unusual, really...
 BKLYNBOY1
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 214
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:27:40 AM
women are looking for the same thing too, sometimes they are seperated, or going thru a divorce and they are looking in the short term, hey women have needs , just like men . although you do have to be careful about feelings developing
 Seavoyage
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 216
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:47:06 AM
Yes, and women also do this that you've described. They will use a man for what he can give her to fulfill her emotional needs when she is good and ready and in the mood and when she wants sex. Plenty of young girls do that. Seriously, girls have changed big time. I know. I've seen it. I don't get into that scene, but I know it's out there from my female friends. So are you going to tell me there aren't women out there who are having sex with men who are very into the woman much more than she is, and she knows it, but she likes having him around and enjoys him in bed? It happens all the time... It's pretty common, I am sure. Guys are just not as likely to talk about that like girls, because we would look weak to mention that..... It's like a guy talking about being abused by a woman. Other guys would laugh at him...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 218
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:58:27 AM

Why are so many women willing to be friends with benefits and then get mad when he frinds other friends or moves on entirely - The best thing I ever did for myself is choose not to behave that way; not because I don't like his behavior but because I know that it wouldn't take me long to become attached and want or need more, which he may not wan to give.

Ding ding ding!

That's the bottom line, people. If you're not the type that can do this without getting attached - then don't agree to it. It's pretty simple. FWB's or FB/NSAs aren't a bad deal unless you agree to one hoping it's going to turn into more. IMO, if you get hurt because of that, then you weren't honest with yourself. It's taking what you can get if you REALLY like someone, and if you have self respect you won't do it. But it doesn't make the other person wrong, because they don't have any control over what YOU do. Get a backbone and learn to say no if it's not your thing! Don't condemn a bunch of people you don't know for stuff that they're fine with just because it's not for you.

Men aren't villians for suggesting them, and women aren't victims to them. We're all free to make choices about what we will and won't tolerate. Getting upset about this makes no sense - to the posters who don't think it's any good for you - vote with your feet. Just don't participate in any if you don't agree with it. Period.
 Blondie473
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 221
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:41:37 PM
Okay Okay...I read all the replies...all the girls agreeing and suggesting it could be the way you project yourself...and the guys...defensive and holding their hands up and saying "not me". Bull**** I am on four or five sites...have met alot of guys...yes there are some nice guys out there who want a relationship and are very needy instantly...and then there are "the" guys...the ones you want to be with...the ones who only want "Friends with benefits"...Why? I have thought about this a little...and I think it is the stigma of the medium...Nobody ever really believes they will meet the love of their lives here...and if they do meet someone nice...their mates..."You met her on the net?" Like a hooker...Basically we are putting ourselves up here for the highest bidder...look at me...buy me...take me home...like puppies in a window...pitifully pawing at the window.

I have had two marriages from internet sites...and yes I would never have met them if not for this medium..Why do I still come on here? What else is there. Does it cheapen women? Yes I honestly think men think...that the women that come on here are desperate - dateless - want sex only - and give it away freely.

I am just asking you girls to be realistic in your expectations. Use it as a DATING service...a way to meet people...keep your guard up and your heart safely away until you KNOW they care.

Good Luck :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 223
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/20/2007 7:28:56 AM

No doubt by now most everybody has weighed in with the expected responses anyway but I'll simply say that this is exactly why I don't believe there is truly such a thing as friends with benefits. Unless both parties are sociopathic how could FWB's NOT turn out bad ?

Um, how about they both don't want total involvement and it works for them at that time? I don't think that's sociopathic, I think it serves it's purpose. Why do people assume that one always gets attached? Let's face it if one does, then they were unrealistic about it when it started. If done right and honestly, no one should get hurt - that is unless they walk into it with expectations.

It is most definitely not just guys that do this. I personally have had a couple of these FWB type relationships (if you want to call them "relationships") I have found that I am a bit picky about that "right" guy out there for me - but I still am human and want to be with someone from time to time intimately. I won't say there are NO feelings involved. Probably more of mine than theirs. But, it satisfies the moment for me. It is safe, they are clean. I've known them for a long time & trust them. I know that they aren't ready for anything serious - and I know that I'm not either. Supply and demand. lol - Times have changed. I think when I actually find that "right" guy for me - then it will follow the natural progression. But in the meantime - I have needs.

Sweet...a girl who "gets" it.
 Blondie473
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 227
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/20/2007 2:26:11 PM
Thanks Sharknut :) I hope there are more of you out there. I have met the ones who use the site as a sexual buffet...and one guy even told me his friends use it that way too..

I am not bitter about this...just realistic. Dating is a game..and there are players - as in every game. You have to weed them out. As I say to my three girls and son...you have to kiss alot of frogs before you meet a prince/princess. They may be frogs to you...but to someone else they may be the one.

To all of you who think it is the woman who attracts these types...maybe you are right to a certain extent. We are taught to flirt...show off our wares...and I guess we try to do that all in the first five mins lol...I feel that the downside to these sites is that there is ALOT OF CHOICE . A virtual smorgasboard...and in the back of everyone's mind is...well there still is that other guy/girl I am chatting with...right? lol It doesnt lend itself to sticking with one person and finding out what is special about them. I go on what I call "Meet and Greets" and even if I dont get that special feeling right away... I will usually go on a date to learn more about him...you only get a feeling for someone...a 3D insight into them after conversing for several hours..sharing a meal or a walk.

Well anyway I digress. Good Luck Everyone...Happy Xmas and a Merry New Year. xxx
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 229
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/20/2007 7:19:08 PM
Because they want the sex without the commitment.

Me, you need to make the commitment before the sex.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 231
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/20/2007 7:52:21 PM

Why is a woman engaging in a FWB arrangement "buying into" anything? Do women not have the same right and need to have their sexual needs met? Perhaps we, as women, need to re-evaluate the message we've been fed that we can only engage in sex with men we "love", or else we are tramps.

Exactly. I don't care what you say - not all men are predators and not all women are victims...

The key words are "at that time". That's exactly my point. Things change. Since people don't have constant updates of what's going on in somebody else's head they can't nip "attachment" in the bud. For one person to assume that things are always going to stay the same in terms of their "relationship" is fine but they can only speak for themselves. People don't stop getting jealous just because somebody told them not to. It's an emotion and emotions aren't things you can control no matter how well you are at stifling or suppressing them. That's what I'm getting at. One person's emotions can't be superimposed on another for the sake of convenience. Eventually one of the two WILL develop an attachment. Maybe things don't last long enough for it to form or maybe they both discover they really don't like each other anyway. The longer they're together the more likely they are to develop that attachment. One of them will anyway.

Hopefully the person that develops attachment will have the backbone to realize it and abort mission. Things change, but people can roll with the changes if they're smart. If they don't then yes they will get hurt, but they'll get hurt because they didn't stop it while they could, that's all I am saying.

Not to mention a true FWB should be between two people that already know they don't like each other in a relationship sense to begin with. I agree that you can only control yourself, so hopefully each person does keep things in check or back out if they get intense.

Just because one side manages to feign indifference doesn't mean they don't actually care when things end. It just means that they feigned indifference. I can't speak for anybody else but I have yet to meet any couple in the FWB category where one of them didn't eventually sit around pining for the other and getting jealous that they weren't being treated as a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I agree...I dont' know many who do either, but again I think the one that gets attached does so due to some false hope in the beginning. That's all - one wants sex because it's there, and the other thinks "I like this person, if they sleep with me, they'll become more interested". But from the start the rules are pretty cut and dry, and people that can't really honestly get into this type of arrangement may foolishly think they can to their detriment. If more were honest with themselves from the beginning and just said "hey I'm just not wired for this type of deal, no thanks" then less people would get hurt.

Go ahead and do whatever you want. I'm just telling you that it's naive to think that nobody ever gets hurt. I'd wager that it's the rule and not the exception.

Can't say I disagree with you. It's not about changing your feelings, it's about honoring them and yourself and not going where you can't go. Personally I can do this type thing, because I don't get attached easily, but if/when I know I am about to, I can get out of the kitchen if it gets too hot, because I know what I originally agreed to (or suggested).
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 232
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/20/2007 8:08:41 PM

Hm! What I see is men and women defending the right to choose among an array of types of rels these days (2007).


You know, Nick, of course they have a right. But, others have a right to say why they don't agree? Everyone is trying to "convince" others of their point of view? I have to go with gotapulse and daisypetals here...

It may be 1950's thinking..but, if it's how I honestly feel? I can't force myself to think differently about it. I've tried. I'd like to be progressive and modern..but, my gut, and most importantly , my emotions, keep (kept) telling me it wasn't right. Even when women are ok with it, and I understand some are...I still see it as men getting what they want with absolutely giving nothing of value (to me..I understand some women are fine with just satisfying their sexual needs...doesn't work for me)back to me? I can not separate my emotions from sex..I've really tried...and I can not escape the thought that it encourages some men to just get sex, which is their primary need, without having to give anything else? It is selfish and self centered in my opinion..and it works for them. They are going to encourage women to go for it (trust me, I can't even count how many men have tried to convince me..not even mentioning the married men who use a similar argument), because it works for them. It is, in my mind, having your cake and eating it too.

I've been over and over this in my head..and even if I take the moral issue for me out of the equation...it still just doesn't seem (feel) right.

This is just my feeling on it, and I make no judgments about other women who are ok with it..but, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that I have often felt they have muddied the waters for those of us who just can't do it. And as long as there are women who are ok with it...it severly cuts down on the men available for more than sex?

Just my opinion....
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 233
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/20/2007 9:07:40 PM
OK, daisypetals. I'm going to admit to complete ignorance on this. I have female friends whom I don't go near sexually because I don't want to put the friendship at risk, but that's because they've told me that they're looking for long term and I'm not in a position to go there right now.

As a guy, I hear from women all the time that they find the ONS thing to be totally degrading, and that they'd prefer to be with someone who at very least respects them. No problem. I don't disdain a woman I'm dating, even if I don't see a long term potential there. I treat her with appreciation and respect, but I don't make promises I don't intend to keep, and I don't two-time. (Found that one out the hard way, doggone it!)

I also wonder about the apparent confusion over what a woman is supposed to want vs. what she actually wants, and how it is that a woman can agree to something so intimate without a clear picture of who she is really, and what she's really getting out of it.

I don't want or need to lie to get sex. I'd rather take care of it myself. I also don't want to be involved in a situation where a woman is lying to herself to get sex. But if a woman is lying to herself to get her "attachment" itch scratched by having sex with me, what am I supposed to think? If it's really true that a woman will say _anything_ to feel attached, how is that any different from a man who's willing to say _anything_ to get laid?

I found out the hard way that when I degrade myself to get sex, it just isn't worth it. If women are out there degrading themselves to get "attached," I can't see how that could be worth it to them--even if a guy does bite and stick around out of guilt, or even because he's willing to settle. The itch gets scratched, but in a very bad way.

I guess what I really don't understand is how three rounds of sex could be so different than one. Do women really have this trigger inside their heads that says a repeat performance or two constitutes a marriage? If so, perhaps I'd be better off degrading myself with the one-night-stand girls!
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 234
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/21/2007 1:28:49 AM
Where did marriage come into this?
I said "attachment seed". Emotional attachment seed.


Here's where I'm ignorant. I have absolutely no concept of what the words "attachment seed" mean when you say them. Can you please clarify?

Are you talking about a tendency toward addictive behavior? I said "marriage" because the term "attachement seed" sounds like it could stand for a lot of things, none of them all that good (including the examples you just cited) with the illusion of marriage being the most extreme. Hence my question.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 236
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/21/2007 7:05:18 AM

Sigh...Ugly Betty...
Read the first line in your profile.
It stresses that you don't want FWB or one-night stands! Thanks!
Ummm...could you please tell me why?

Yep, sure! No FWBs because 1. basically strangers request them, but cannot technically offer them, since they are strangers; FWB includes "friend" which none of them actually are - and 2. because I already have many to choose from should I want one. I will offer one if I have an opening to men I already know, or "friends". I kind of run that show myself, so offers are a moot point, and 3. I already have one that works for me, so I'm not looking, because one is "in house".

Marriage for the obvious reasons, namely - I am not looking for marriage, it's not my thing. If I ever get married it will be because I've been with someone so long it happens by accident, or because I am so old that I might as well. But it's doubtful.

Aaaaaggh! No..it will be the same old...same old...."I fell for him...I wanted more....I thought he would realize after awhile that he felt the same for me.....I did all the calling....I became a stalker...I gave him everything he wanted sexually....I cried for days when I saw him take another woman OUT FOR A DATE!....Do you wanna go with me to the bar he hangs out in. It will look like we just happened to be there at the same time. I want to see if he's with someone else....That B*stard!! As*hole!...I love him sooooo much......"
God, I think I have heard it all.

For some women? Yes - some cannot do that, they need it all or nothing. I haven't ever had that problem. If anything I end up with guys that don't understand the rules and try to go for more. Not into someone who can't follow the rules or use one thing to get another, so buh bye!

In 1957 they called it a man and his mistress. She was either treated royally and spoilt. Or she was the cheap doormat waiting for him to leave his wife.
BUT...they never made the mistake of calling him a FRIEND.

Whoa...people who are cheating with someone who's married are a WHOLE other thread...this is about sex without the hassle of a relationship, which BTW both sexes can want realistically.

A smart woman back then who had looks and loved sex and LOVED MONEY made no bones about the fact that she had something good to offer a man who paid the price.
"Darling...no touching the merchandise until you give Sugar something she can look at while you are gone."

I don't know, I don't go with that theory myself. I like my freedom, and other than treating men like shelf product, I don't go there. I want money, I work for it. I want property, I aquire it myself. Unless a guy left me with the pool boy while he was gone to keep me busy, I wouldn't even consider that.

Sometimes it was her own little piece of Real Estate..jewellery.
But she never thought of him as a friend.
Women today? Ohhh...he's my friend and I can f*ck him safely.
Then....start reading my post again ( after Aaggh!)

I see where you're getting messed up. Women do what they want these days, that's what it is. We now work, buy our own stuff, do what we want. We don't have to sell to the highest bidder anymore, we've got our own collateral now, and some of us are buying instead of selling. It's no longer a men's only store, now it's a stock market - and the people who buy are the people with the most money, not a particular gender.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 239
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:13:31 AM

Ugly Betty...
I was talking about what was in 1950.

Then my mistake, you didn't specify...it was all tied together with your question.

You have taken that thinking and trying to fit it into "your" today's thinking.
Granted women are out there working and earning money, but stats do say that the man still earns the bigger buck for similar work.

Then employers are dumb and losing their companies tons of money, they should hire more women, after all, if women make less why would companies keep so many men in employment? LOL

That's BS - what the stats don't specify is that the jobs that are more money are usually jobs that women are free to do but don't really like to do...certain outdoor jobs, trash hauling, contstruction, sewage treatment, line maintenance, etc...

but....we single women do not do what we want these days. If you think that we do as a whole, honey, I suggest you take a real good look at where single women really are financially in this country or US. Just because we don't have men (middle east or far east) telling us what we can do sexually, we have something that is just as bad. Men telling us..."Hey, like, you know, I am not really into anything long term...uh...but I kinda like us to be friends...you know....Actually, yur kinda hot, dija know? I'd really dig having some wine one night, light the fireplace....Call me when you want to get together...

First of all...men are NOT THE ONLY GENDER that can want sex free of obligation. This is where you're thinking is off...some women don't want commitment, nor should they feel they should want it because it disturbs YOU. If YOU want it, then by all means, YOU go after it.

There starts another FWB and there is another woman who says "I am modern, I do what I want...sure...no prob..." Ugly Betty, I will ask you every year if you have found a LTR or a man who wants to marry you. Marriage is NOT a dirty word. It is symbolic for committment to each other in every way.

It's NOT a dirty word, but it's not a requirement. Not all women want to marry and crank out kids, and not all women should have to. If that's your mission in life, then that's fine - but don't assume all should want what YOU want. It really grates me when someone doesn't respect what others do and can't agree to disagree. Everyone is different and wants something different.

Being a single adult middle-aged women and being totally responsible financially for my life does not give me freedom. I had more freedom to do what I wanted when I was married for 20 yrs. I was happy to be sexually faithful to my husband. It was doing what I wanted. A partnership with a man, whether LTR or marriage in which you are both committed in every way and share the burdens is much more enjoyable than your options for living, Ugly Betty.

You forgot "for you"....it's more enjoyable "for you". There's that projecting attitude again that makes you think you should convert those who don't live like you do. Worry about your own life...and let others live theirs.

It's kinda sad that you accept these kinds of relationships from guys. I say guys because it seems you wander from one to another. You have given up striving for something better. Have you become so desensitized by this?

I don't wander anywhere, nor do you know what I do. I posted in this thread and explained how some women are to you. I answered your question about my profile, but it didn't begin to tell you anything about me, k? It's kinda sad that you feel men have to offer us anything only to have us take it. Are women not human beings to you with their own paths and desires in life? Or are we just appendages of men? To me, something better is to make my own way...I understand you're not from this generation, but please don't talk to too many young women - we should all be free to go to college, get a degree, do work we love, make money and marry OR NOT depending on what we choose. Sorry, but your thinking is archaic, and out of date for younger generations.

Too many FWB scenarios will do that. Too many sexual encounters with different men will do that. Too many times having your heart broken will do that.
Please go see a counsellor. I do care.

Yikes, I am pretty happy with my life, but you might want to see a counselor with that tunnel vision you have. I won't justify all that with a response, because it's not the issue. Please, live your life and let others live theirs. No one likes a person who thinks their way is the only way....it's pushy, and it's none of your business how they live. If they affect YOUR life, then fine. If not, don't pass judgement. It's really unattractive.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 240
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:31:59 AM

Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?

Simple answer...FEAR.
Cindy O
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 242
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/21/2007 10:25:14 AM
Hmmmm.. someone referenced the old addage "Have your cake and eat it too" I thought it was more having your Kate, and Edith too" Hell yes I want Benefits! I don't get them on the J.O.B. I don't get tax breaks, being a smoker, I'm taxed more than everyone else. and while I'm on a rant, I know PLENTY of women looking for "friends with benefits" as well. Heck,.. being close to Ft. Bragg, there are women looking for "temporary husbands".. screw the "friends" part.
But truthfully, I think its a matter of beliefs, outlooks, preference, or whether you're inhibited or uninhibited. Some people are still horribly "Victorian",. or even further back to "Puritanical" and ready the "Scarlet A" brand on anyone, man or woman, who doesn't hold their beliefs. Hopefully someday, it will reverse itself and all us "A's can hunt down the "missionaries" and brand them with the "Turd-Brown "P" ...for Prude!
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 244
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 12/21/2007 12:36:21 PM
"They opposed it because the old system suited them, not the modern one! Now we are being told that it is the new system that benefits men!! Some consistency, please!!!"

more food for thought:
Men opposed the women's movement because they saw it as a threat. Men will do whatever it takes to overpower women, old system or new. This is all taking place every day, whether you realize it or not.
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