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 AUTHOR
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 1098
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?Page 46 of 50    (10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)

Then I went into a 10 yr. LTR which was like a marriage. I left it because he was my rebound from my marriage.

That was the longest rebound FWB relationship I have ever heard of..You talk about using some one,, WOW,, that poor guy for 10 yrs, plus he loved or liked you before that,, That is something to be proud of,, I would say a true friend wouldn't do that to anyone,, That is why FWB works,, it's about honest before all else..
Just my openion...
 dead fish
Joined: 10/21/2008
Msg: 1099
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:07:42 PM
ahhhhh, for the benefits
what kind of q;uestion is this?
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 1100
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:32:00 PM
I read everyone's posts in the thread I'm participating in, daisypetals. And I generally remember them. It's part of my training.
I remember how you posted about being sexually molested by your stepfather and how your mother chose to ignore it. I remember you posting about your sister and how you said she is married but constantly having affairs because of her molestation.
You also said being molested left you with issues about intimacy- how you reacted differently to your sister and questioned her response.
I remember how you posted about your husband and how you said he left after 20 years of marriage and won't speak to you - can't even look at you.
Daisypetals: I'm no psychiatrist, but blind Freddy could see you have issues about men.
And I feel sorry for you (while I'm not feeling incredibly frustrated by you).
Daisypetals, you malign everyone who disagrees with you, then complain we are doing it to you. We are not. We are disagreeing with you. That's all.
Peace to you, Daisypetals.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 1101
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:37:34 PM
I have a Question, off topic yet relates to FWB

LTR means to me that in the traditional sense the outcome is marriage,, That how I feel.. How do others feel,,

FWB can last as long as it lasts right,, a week and some ones say Hey this isn't really going to work,, 6 mo, 5 yrs or even 10yrs, depending on the circumstances,,

Now if your in a 5ys LTR and someone asks you to marry him or her,, and you refuse for what ever reason, yet say in that relationship,, wouldn't that be FWB exclusively,,

Now if your in a LTR, knowing your on a rebound, yet you get support from a friend
and at the time, you know your on a rebound, that would be considered a LTR as most would know it,, that would be FWB I think,, only because you really have no intentions of marriage,, and I'm not sure if one can be in love while your on the rebound...

Then she date two men and they treat this woman nicely without any pressure of sex,, true "gentleman" take he out to dinner the movies,, ,,

I have to ask who is the player and who is are the suckers,, it's seem to me this woman get a heel of a lot more that she give,, and I'm not talking about just sex,,

DP every thing you just wrote floored me,, because none of your relationships are of the traditional manner as you suggest you are looking for in most of your post..,, you used a man for 10 yrs because you were on the rebound, you dated a man for 5 yrs and you knew you were not going to marry him,

And you, in your opinion belittle women and men who have honest open FWB relationships ,, give me a break,,,
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 1102
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:22:13 AM

I give it away for free
..Woohoo, how much is a plane ticket to Australia?..
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 1103
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:44:04 AM

I'm sure you or some could then postulate that this in itself makes me "defective", or screwed up...

No it doesn't..You clearly, and may I say, NICELY, stating that FWB isn't for you.
Zangie your posts includes sayings like "wouldn't work for me", "not to me",
"isn't in me", "in my opinion", and thing like that. You aren't being mean about it.
Rdacnorm..It's all good..Just two adults exchanging their opinion.. Didn't took it personaly...Back to topic..Here is when I agree with you
you used a man for 10 yrs because you were on the rebound, you dated a man for 5 yrs and you knew you were not going to marry him,
Sure she can explain that...

Then she date two men and they treat this woman nicely without any pressure of sex,, true "gentleman" take he out to dinner the movies
Well, it's OK for her to do it..

DP every thing you just wrote floored me,,
..Not me..
I am used to her twisted posts..
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 1104
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:48:41 AM
FWB~Dirty/Dirty=Nasty/Nasty
There is no love nor never will be~how dead end and skanky of a long term convenience
 gringo5555
Joined: 8/29/2005
Msg: 1105
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:23:28 AM
***Because they equate it to "have your cake and eat it too", ***

That is the dumbest expression in the english language. If I had cake what do you think I would want to do with it??Look at it???Keep it as a souvenir??WRONG!!! Mhhhh cake....
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 1106
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 6:53:06 AM

6. Castrating women ( defined variously as women "having respect for themselves", "women with morals".
etc.)- women who will have sex outside of marriage, but who insist on having complete control over when or whether, regardless of how much chemistry may exist


I don't know what this has to do with the OP, but Yip. .. I am a castrating woman in this poster's opinion. I add that I am proud of it. I retain my right to have absolute control over who, when and where regardless of the degree of chemistry.

I must admit that many posts are somewhat tedious, but most particularly from controlling and chauvinistic men who label women as controlling or castrating, who are simply exercising their rights to make their own choices.
 massmn
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 1107
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 6:58:48 AM
I AGREE WITH DJCHICKIE, "FWB" IS SIMPLE SOMEONE U KNOW WHO U WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH. "IT'S PURELY A SEXUAL THING.
NOW A DAYS GUY'S WHO ARE TO TIRED OF THE MIND GAMES PLAYED AT BARS FIND THIS FASTER, SAFER, AND SIMPLIER.
 wildcat99
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 1108
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History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 7:03:35 AM

LTR means to me that in the traditional sense the outcome is marriage,, That how I feel.. How do others feel,,


Maybe in the traditional sense, yes, LTR meant marriage. However, I think that is not necessarily the case anymore. Not everyone believes in marriage and it is not the ultimate goal of a relationship for many people. I've had a couple of LTRs that I knew were not going to result in marriage. But I would not have considered them FWB because there is a commitment in a LTR that is not in FWB.


Now if your in a 5ys LTR and someone asks you to marry him or her,, and you refuse for what ever reason, yet say in that relationship,, wouldn't that be FWB exclusively,,


No... because not everyone wants to get married. For some, that is the ultimate sign of a commitment but for others, they can completely commit to another without the legal or religious ceremony to validate that commitment. For me, its never been a goal because the piece of paper saying I'm married would not strengthen the commitment I already feel for my partner.

[quoteThen she date two men and they treat this woman nicely without any pressure of sex,, true "gentleman" take he out to dinner the movies,, ,,
I have to ask who is the player and who is are the suckers,, it's seem to me this woman get a heel of a lot more that she give,, and I'm not talking about just sex,,

No, that is dating. Let's not get carried away here. Regardless of whether her dates pay for her and regardless of whether she thinks all she needs to do is just show up, it is still dating. I think I know where you are trying to go with this but I wouldn't call a woman like this a player. Women expecting men to pay for all dates is a topic for another thread...lol.

FFS, I respect you for not engaging in the mud-slinging. I still don't agree with her posts but I can better understand now where they may come from.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 1109
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 7:04:08 AM
""""but the truth is "I resign" of trying to carry the flag for "common sense"""""


""""1. FWB: A man and woman (friends) who sometimes are sexual, when
neither is otherwise involved, and when both are in the mood."""" OK

""""2. FB (fvck buddies) Two people who know each other, and don't really share
anything other than mutual lust, who consensually choose to get together from
time to time, for the specific purpose of sharing sex"""". OK, since these aren't in the dictionary.....see 1.

""""3. ONS (one night stand) two people who get together, for the explicit purpose
of having sex one time, and have no intention to see each other again""". OK, good enough

"""4. PW (aka "nice guys")- desperate men, who are so eager to spend time with a woman, almost any woman, that they will do as their told, without offering any significant input into the nature and pace of the relationship ."""" OK, so...

""""5. Jerks- men who will hide their intentions, prior to meeting a woman, and once they're together will become insistent on having sex, regardless of whether any chemistry exists"""" Ok, close enough.

"""6. Castrating women ( defined variously as women "having respect for themselves", "women with morals". etc.)- women who will have sex outside of marriage, but who insist on having complete control over when or whether, regardless of how much chemistry may exist""""

"""7. Confused- any man in the presence of a castrating woman. """

Well you lost me after 6. I tried to look all these up in a dictionary and couldn't find any. Should I meet more women? I've never met a "castrating" one. I think its all in someones view of life, since these aren't in the dictionary.
 wildcat99
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 1110
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 7:05:21 AM

LTR means to me that in the traditional sense the outcome is marriage,, That how I feel.. How do others feel,,


Maybe in the traditional sense, yes, LTR meant marriage. However, I think that is not necessarily the case anymore. Not everyone believes in marriage and it is not the ultimate goal of a relationship for many people. I've had a couple of LTRs that I knew were not going to result in marriage. But I would not have considered them FWB because there is a commitment in a LTR that is not in FWB.


Now if your in a 5ys LTR and someone asks you to marry him or her,, and you refuse for what ever reason, yet say in that relationship,, wouldn't that be FWB exclusively,,


No... because not everyone wants to get married. For some, that is the ultimate sign of a commitment but for others, they can completely commit to another without the legal or religious ceremony to validate that commitment. For me, its never been a goal because the piece of paper saying I'm married would not strengthen the commitment I already feel for my partner.


Then she date two men and they treat this woman nicely without any pressure of sex,, true "gentleman" take he out to dinner the movies,, ,,
I have to ask who is the player and who is are the suckers,, it's seem to me this woman get a heel of a lot more that she give,, and I'm not talking about just sex,,


No, that is dating. Let's not get carried away here. Regardless of whether her dates pay for her and regardless of whether she thinks all she needs to do is just show up, it is still dating. I think I know where you are trying to go with this but I wouldn't call a woman like this a player. Women expecting men to pay for all dates is a topic for another thread...lol.

FFS, I respect you for not engaging in the mud-slinging. I still don't agree with her posts but I can better understand now where they may come from.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 1111
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 8:40:20 AM
I agree with everything you said, That is just what I feel about long term, and what it means to be,,


FFS, I respect you for not engaging in the mud-slinging. I still don't agree with her posts but I can better understand now where they may come from.

As for DP,, I tried to say, I felt sorry for her for what had happen in her in her life,, but I could not because of forum rules, I had to many posts in a row,,

and it's to bad I didn't see the post above mine before I wrote what I wrote,,we were writing at the same time,, If I did,,I would have kept my trap closed, however, without that knowledge, DP has done nothing but try to make herself the most righteous woman out there at other peoples expense,, and i was just suggesting she should take a look at what she is doing,,,before getting down on other,,

what does FFS mean,, I not used to all these abbreviations..
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 1112
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:24:42 AM
^^^FFS ...is....

ME!!!!!!!!!!
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 1113
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:28:27 AM
opps,, I guess mine might be "ass" lol
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1114
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:08:08 PM

From what I've read on this forum FWB seems to be a better than nothing alternative.

Ideally, it would NOT be that,but rather an alternative that makes sense when a full fledged LTR might be entered into for WRONG reasons...rebound, grief assuagement,when one's life path is at a fork or crossroads,a temporary/transient life circumstance where it would be UNFAIR to ask someone for a commitment, but where the interaction of a FwB would provide some comfort and encouragement.

No need to read much of the thread on this one. Looks like it has been covered:

1) Cheaper than a hooker yet still NSA
2) Cheaper in general - no flowers, gifts, dinner, etc
3) Committment phoebes dream

These comments are not an accurate assessment of a GENUINE FwB. Particularly the "Cheaper in general - no flowers, gifts, dinner, etc" which certainly seems to infer that sex is something a woman "rewards" her dates with...
And there are a lot of 'committmentphobes" out there who will call the thing a "relationship" for whatever period of time passes before he or she feels too "enclosed" and "gets scared".

I think the big problem with the whole FWB thing is that it is usually not exclusive, so, your FWB is Mr. FWB with, ball-park, 5 to 10 other gals. And perhaps coin flip, for the guys, your FWB has 5 to 10 other men.
Oh fer gawds sake...no one is promoting FwB as a socially acceptable form of promiscuity and negligence of safe/responsible sex. What's more responsible for STDs is ONS,NSA, and cheap drug addicted hookers.

Then I went into a 10 yr. LTR which was like a marriage. I left it because he was my rebound from my marriage. I loved his support and to this day he calls me and wants to work things out. This man has loved me for almost 20 yrs. Actually more than that. He was attracted to me even when I was married. I didn't know that. I am a different woman than I was at the end of my marriage. I dated for 15 months before I found my other partner. He and I had an instant connection and we dated without having sex until I felt it was right to be with him. He asked me to marry him and I would've done as he was perfect in every way. We were together for 5 yrs. The only thing that I couldn't deal with was his addiction to painkillers. He was in sports, still played sports (soccer) until after I met him and had battered his body over the years. I left him almost 2 1/2 yrs. ago. Last year he passed away.

While I certainly do not advocate that anyone SETTLE for a LTR or marriage with someone they do not truly love,it sure seems to me that you'd be able to figure that out in 5 or 10 MONTHS,not YEARS.

It's part of my training.
I remember how you posted about being sexually molested by your stepfather and how your mother chose to ignore it. I remember you posting about your sister and how you said she is married but constantly having affairs because of her molestation.
You also said being molested left you with issues about intimacy- how you reacted differently to your sister and questioned her response.

Now this I am genuinely absolutely sorry to hear about,But at some point it seems like the realization would hit,that ONLY THE VICTIM can decide that the issues have fvcked up her life one too many times and take charge of whatever needs to be done to heal.At which point victimhood stops and empowerment starts.

Daisypetals: I'm no psychiatrist, but blind Freddy could see you have issues about men.
And I feel sorry for you (while I'm not feeling incredibly frustrated by you).

FFS, maybe you care more,or maybe I'm just a jackal because I DON'T feel frustrated by her.

I have a Question, off topic yet relates to FWB

LTR means to me that in the traditional sense the outcome is marriage,, That how I feel.. How do others feel,,

I for one(and I think I've already stated this)do not necessarily see LTR as having a marriage or cohabitation outcome. I want a man in my life, not underfoot 24/7 LOL.But that position is more specific to mature adults who've done the family thing and whatever.

Now if your in a 5ys LTR and someone asks you to marry him or her,, and you refuse for what ever reason, yet say in that relationship,, wouldn't that be FWB exclusively,,

Now if your in a LTR, knowing your on a rebound, yet you get support from a friend
and at the time, you know your on a rebound, that would be considered a LTR as most would know it,, that would be FWB I think,, only because you really have no intentions of marriage,, and I'm not sure if one can be in love while your on the rebound...

Then she date two men and they treat this woman nicely without any pressure of sex,, true "gentleman" take he out to dinner the movies,, ,,

I have to ask who is the player and who is are the suckers,, it's seem to me this woman get a heel of a lot more that she give,, and I'm not talking about just sex,,

DP every thing you just wrote floored me,, because none of your relationships are of the traditional manner as you suggest you are looking for in most of your post..,, you used a man for 10 yrs because you were on the rebound, you dated a man for 5 yrs and you knew you were not going to marry him,

And you, in your opinion belittle women and men who have honest open FWB relationships ,, give me a break,,,

These thoughts also crossed my mind..


I'm sure you or some could then postulate that this in itself makes me "defective", or screwed up...

No it doesn't..You clearly, and may I say, NICELY, stating that FWB isn't for you.
Zangie your posts includes sayings like "wouldn't work for me", "not to me",
"isn't in me", "in my opinion", and thing like that. You aren't being mean about it.

Everyone is entitled to run their love life the way they see fit,provided it is done safely, responsibly,and not in a manner that is dishonest or exploitive of another person or persons. Zangie, you are perfectly fine. I've had FwB that worked...but I'll be the first to agree that there are many ways that it could be misused or result in someone getting emotionally wounded.I do not advocate them as a REPLACEMENT for traditional dating, boyfriend& girlfriend,LTRs, or marriage.
Cindy O
 Live once
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 1115
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:57:38 PM
Good question. I would guess that this is a "polite" way to ask a woman for sex but no ties. Friends is the luring bait to intrigue us gals. They do not realize how many woman delete their profiles because of this request vs. how many they could actually meet and accomplish this goal with out having to sound non commital.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1116
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 2:18:06 PM

Good question. I would guess that this is a "polite" way to ask a woman for sex but no ties.

There IS no "polite" way to ask for "no strings sex". No strings sex is RUDE, in and of itself. A true "friends with benefits" is an outgrowth of a friendship that comes FIRST, or a dating situation where you enjoy one another's company(and the sex) but don't see it being a viable "relationship". Despite what some here fear, it's not a common practice to have multiple FwBs. If either friend starts seeing someone that could become a "real relationship" the "benefits" are terminated,or at least suspended,and no whining or head games are allowed.
The other thing that I thought people would REALIZE is that FwB is for GROWNUPS. It's absolutely amazing to me, how many 30+ adolescents are following this benighted thread.
Cindy O
 rockerman13
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 1117
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 2:37:20 PM
I don't know about anyone else, but it's not for me thanks.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 1118
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 3:21:48 PM

I am on here once in awhile for a stretch...and then I get bored with the female jackals.
Those same jackals are on here still when I come back after an absence.
Isn't that telling???


For someone who claims to dislike being insulted, you sure do a lot of it yourself.


Daisypetals: I'm no psychiatrist, but blind Freddy could see you have issues about men.


After being molested, it's no wonder.

Thing of it is, not all women react the same to the same things. While it's weird as hell, that's just the way things are.

Also...

You say you see how your friends got turned inside out over FWBs.. I think from what you yourself have said about them, daisy.. that they were in fact lying to themselves throughout the duration of the FWB.. so of course, they will be hurt, angry or whatever else you want to ascribe.

You don't see how I react, for example.. nor how other women who say they're fne with such an arrangement either. You don't know, for certain that it doesn't work for some women. How could you? You don't know or see what goes on in everyone's life. I don't doubt that you're bang on about your friends.. you saw what you saw, but that doesn't apply to ALL women.

Unless we've all missed a meeting and all women are, in fact.. the same. It never will apply to ALL women.


Daisypetals, you malign everyone who disagrees with you, then complain we are doing it to you. We are not. We are disagreeing with you.


Exactly. Daisy, If we are guilty of insulting you.. I can pretty much assure you.. without ANY hesitation, it's been firing the same gun right back at you. You can't be snide and rude about how people manage their lives and then expect us to be pleased as punch about your insults.

You do as you see fit.. have FWBs or do not. No one's telling you HAVE TO LIKE THEM. The entire point is to do what YOU feel is best. Those of us unopposed to FWBs are doing what WE feel is best for us.


From what I've read on this forum FWB seems to be a better than nothing alternative.


In a way, I guess. The main thing for myself is that my libido is pretty damned rampant and some days... ok a lot of days, I just don't know if I want the LTR thing. I've never had an LTR so horrifically bad that it has turned me off of them, I'm just a true libra.. indecisive to the core. So in my mind.. why should I be sexless until I figure out what I really want. Honestly... if I felt I could do without, I would likely do so.


I think the big problem with the whole FWB thing is that it is usually not exclusive, so, your FWB is Mr. FWB with, ball-park, 5 to 10 other gals. And perhaps coin flip, for the guys, your FWB has 5 to 10 other men.


That's classic F*ck Buddies and NOT FRIENDS with benefits. I capped the FRIENDS bit because that word seems to be systematically ignored.
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 1119
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:39:28 PM
Msg. 1235: I agree it's not pretty no matter how some try to paint it. If it makes them happy who am I to judge. It would never work for me though...
 flyingiguana
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 1120
view profile
History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:40:34 PM

Whatever happened to ring on the finger + marrage first = then sex?


better to take a test drive before you buy
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1121
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History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 6:07:37 PM

better to take a test drive before you buy

Just remember, most car dealers sell off the Demo models cheaper, bacause no one want them....
 forum_moderator
Joined: 1/24/2003
Msg: 1122
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History
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/7/2008 6:11:49 PM

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