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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?      Home login  
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 piscescoda
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 57
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
If you have been divorced, you are divorced.
Single is never been married.


The tricky one is what if you've been married twice, and one died and you divorced the other? OooOOOOOoooOOOOH tricksy piscescoda...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 58
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/20/2007 12:55:51 PM
"The tricky one is what if you've been married twice, and one died and you divorced the other?"

First husband - divorced I wasn't dating then and there weren't dating sites....if so I would have listed divorced as it was my current status.

Second husband - deceased I always chose widow as it was my current status.

You put what is most recent.
 JustKelly70
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 59
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/20/2007 12:58:10 PM
An option of , separated no f ucking chance of getting back together , would do it for me, I am separated, but list single.. All legal papers done, just a matter of making the divorce official..
 diamondjoe101
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 60
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:34:32 PM
Personally, I see the word divorce on an ad, and it triggers a "red flag". It usually means that one or both parties had some serious unresolvable issues.
That being said, don't get too hung up the wording of your ad. Rather, take a long, honest, look at what, if anything you contributed to your faulty marriage. If you are truly a victim, then just be yourself, and someone will probably come along who is willing to overlook the divorce issue. Otherwise, I would strongly reccomend you make an effort to resolve and avoid bringing the baggage from your failed marriage into any further relationships. Unlike the airports, "lost" baggage always finds its way back to its owner. Good luck.
 ~Myth~
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 61
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/21/2007 11:49:42 PM
^^^^^Hey kid . . . what is ya problem with divorceeeeeeees . . . Divorceeeees have issues . . . do I seem like like I have any !$#@$#$!$## . . . . issues? Do I???? BAGGAGED?! WTF?????? Kiddddddding . . .

Okay but on a serious note . . . Have ya heard . . . BAGGAGE carries goods!!!!

OP:
Divorce means MARRIED once and no longer MARRIED . . . officially signed and sealed by the judge . . ..

Separated means MARRIED not yet signed and sealed by the judge.

Single means NEVER MARRIED . . . no offical DECREE . . .

Moral to the story . . . "No need to be divorced to have "baggage" . . ."


~Myth~
 evie32
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 62
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:40:19 PM
i got divorsed in 1996. i started considering myself single again once the drama of the divorse was over,about 5 yrs. we have a child together so we do have the ties. but we get along, his new wife included. so i dont even think of him as my ex-husband,were just friends now.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 65
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:20:44 PM

Personally, I see the word divorce on an ad, and it triggers a "red flag". It usually means that one or both parties had some serious unresolvable issues.

Don't judge or assume to know unless you have walked in my shoes.

My divorced status is important to a prospective mate and the county court clerk who will issue a marriage license.

To list single, when divorced, on a dating site is lying at the onset.
 razzired
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 66
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:27:57 PM
If you've gone through a divorce, you aren't single. You're divorced.

The only exception is if you had your marriage annulled, which legally invalidates the marriage, instead of just ending it (as divorce does).

You can use whatever color crayon you want to make it pretty, but you aren't single. You're divorced. To put it any other way is dishonest.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 68
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:15:51 PM

Personally, I see the word divorce on an ad, and it triggers a "red flag". It usually means that one or both parties had some serious unresolvable issues.


Being incompatible or finding out you are, isn't an unresolvable issue except with that individual. Personally, it someone was in an incompatible relationship, I'd think much more of them if they did seek out a divorce rather than stay in an unhappy/incompatible marriage. Divorced isn't an automatic red flag for everyone.
 SHOTGUN285
Joined: 8/29/2005
Msg: 69
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:20:43 PM
I think it's all a state of mind really.

If you have very recently divorced and honestly have some issues/baggage still following you around, then you are "divorced".

If, like the OP says, it's been more than 5 years, no ties, no contact and no regrets, then list yourself as single, because you truly have no baggage and it's like you were never married at all.

I myself was married at 25, divorced at 30 (starter marraige, no kids, just all physical and no substance) so 10 years later I dont' think of myself as divorced but single.

It's not a lie, just an honest reflection of your state of mind.

Anyone have any further thoughts on this?
 razzired
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 70
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:48:50 AM
Yea, you may not think of yourself as divorced, but that's what you are.

It seems as if too many people try to Photoshop their entire lives, blurring out what they think others won't like about their pasts and using semantics as an excuse for dishonesty.

Single = never married
Divorced - have been married previously

It's that simple. Again, unless your marriage was annulled, you're not single. You're divorced.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 71
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:09:17 AM
When I was six I used to tell my parents it was ok to eat candy every day because Billy did it and his parents let him. Oh brother.

"other men say they are single when they are divorced, why can't I?". Because its wrong. If you are going to lie right off, it rarely works out. How will it feel if you connect with someone and oh well, I was married before. Again, dont do it.
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 74
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:40:31 PM
op: 'single' would be perfectly fine in your case. btw, until you verge on the 'serious' in a relationship, your life is no one else's business.
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 75
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:48:27 PM
ember: i theoretically agree, but (practically) i see very little difference between single and divorced if no children are involved. the only exception would be be if one were to somehow interpret the diff. between single and divorced to mean a particular divorcee had an inability to commit to or somehow sustain a marriage. i suppose, by defintion, that is the case, but it's highly dependent on who divorced whom and for what reason(s).

divorced vs. separated is a larger issue. for one, there are ongoing messy legal and financial entanglements. secondly, a separated person is often not psychologically to the point of being able to fully participate in a new or subsequent relationship.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 76
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:58:15 AM
I think, act, believe, and have the heart and spirit of a single person. I was separated (lived on my own) for 3 1/2 yrs, more than enough time to get my "self" back. I happen to have a paper that says "divorce decree" on it but I am single in every way. Just because a paper has a certain date on it doesnt mean I was of a specific character all the way up until then. You can be single and have kids too. So, I dont see what kids have to do with it.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 79
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/28/2008 1:51:50 AM
I dont' get it. You are divorced; you are obviously wanting to hide that fact so that answers your question. I guess if someone is married in 2001 but doesn't live with their spouse anymore and is separated, does that make them now single? no

You are divorced; You will always be someone who is divorced. That was your choice to marry that person and to leave them. To act like it never happened doesn't change the facts.

If I was dating a person that said they were single and then after a while I found out they were divorced, I would dump them in a second. Its dishonest. Some people also, due to religious or other reasons, do not want to date or even marry divorced people. I dont get why people can't be honest.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 80
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/28/2008 1:56:04 AM

On the other hand, DIVORCED is a 'trigger' word for a man to see. It DOES translate to baggage, issues, drama...if even for a moment in a man's mind. It's for this very reason, FACT if you will, that I'm listed as single despite MY knowlege and belief that my marriage has helped me grow and shape the woman I am today. I've just never let it define me.


kikilink this is the very thing I'm talking about. You even admit you are divorced but because you don't want guys to turn you down because of it, you lie and try to trick them. Nice. Selfish and self absorbed IMHO.

Your marriage doesn't define you, but the choices a person makes does. That's why every person I talk to I ask up front; have you ever been married, or have you ever been divorced.

I'm sure you are comfortable in the label of single because it serves your purpose. It can't get any more selfish than that IMHO.
 putyogamefaceon!
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 82
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 4:43:09 PM
My view: divorced is what happened, single is what you are.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 83
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 4:59:56 PM
I was single, then I was married, then I was divorced. It defines my status not who I am. Ia few months, a man who was single, then married and now a widower is who I will be marrying and it won't much matter anyway. To him, I was honest in stating I was divorced, he said if I had put single and he found out later I had been married, he would have considered it a lie--a red flag---I happen to agree with him. As he said, I was not in that marriage alone.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 84
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 5:09:20 PM
The OP left the building...hopefully laughing with Elvis.

Oops, I think I saw him at the 7-Eleven when I was filling my gas tank. He likes Grape Slurpees...FYI and it if WAS him....umm...well the years haven't been kind. I'm not cold or lacking of compassion...but I didn't need someone to wash my windshield with a squeegie and a bucket. (He did get a little pizzed when I threw a few bucks into his bucket and jumped into my car) Ehh...maybe it's just me, but I get a little creeped out when someone in a white jumpsuit with Grape Slurpee stains wants to wash my windshield. One of many reasons why I don't live in NYC!
 barkerdog
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 85
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/24/2010 1:42:44 PM
I know this is a little old now, but I can't believe the number of people who think it is ok to put single when you have been divorced. I have been out on 2 dates with women who have done this. Even though someone who has been divorced is fine with me, I broke the dates off early because it is not ok to lie about it. If you can't be truthful about that, what else aren't you going to be truthful about?

In reading some of the posts, people make all kinds of arguemts why it is not lying. I understand all the reason why someone may not want to think of them as divorced, it was a long time ago, no love, no baggage etc etc. I get it. However, the point isn't to reflect your state of mind as many people have put it. The question is not subjective. It is not open to an opinion. If the choices are single, married and divorced and you have been divorced and choose single, you are not being honest with people you are trying to meet. It really is that simple.
 PregnantLady
Joined: 3/1/2010
Msg: 86
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/24/2010 3:52:42 PM
If you put single I would maybe mention in your profile that you are divorced but have no ties to your ex wife.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 87
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/27/2010 9:40:30 AM
How about legally single for divorced? Or just do single by chance, choice or circumstance. Or divorcedx2. That would clear up alot as well. I have been married twice. Once 3 years and once 28 years. Some widowers dump me when they find out I have been married twice without even knowing what happened. Judgement on the front end. To have multiple choices would let judgemental people opt you out instead of contacting you and then opting out when they find out. Some suggestions

single-never married-still a virgin
single-never married-not a virgin
single-but have a steady
single-but living with someone
single-in a realationship but looking for something better
single-but no longer living with someone
widowedx#
widowedx# and divorcedx#
previously married but annuled
divorcedx#
divorced x# but no church annulment (for Catholics)
divorced x# but have a church annulment
married and spouse is happy
married and we are both happy but I want some diversion
married and it is on the rocks
married but separated and the divorce is pending
married but the divorce is really messy
legally separated and not seeking a divorce
married, separated and I don't know where the heck the spouse is
married and we are looking for an additional male/female
and last: what difference does it make, just looking to get laid not a relationship

or just
single
divorced
widowed
and if it is complicated, explain it in the narrative of the profile to allow people to make their determination or tell it in the first email or two.

It does not matter how YOU feel about your status--it matters to the person you are trying to create a relationship with. Even though I have been married twice, I would not want someone to lie to me about his status. Stating your status based on how the law views you makes life less complicated.
 2heat
Joined: 3/23/2010
Msg: 88
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/27/2010 11:42:44 AM

They should replace single with never married to avoid conflicting interpretations.


I agree with this. Some other dating sites do have 'never married' as an option. If I was divorced and actively looking for a date, then I put divorced. Because some people might think that I was never married if I put single.
 SKH5571
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 89
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 12/10/2012 4:20:48 PM

If you are a virgin and have sex, then don't have sex for fifteen years, do you become a virgin again?


I dated someone who almost fit that bill. She "gave up" sex and classified herself as a "born again" virgin. WTF?!


As far as the divorced versus single status debate, I will easily go with "Divorced" as a status.

On another site that no longer exists, I had put my status as "single", even though I was newly divorced(then Nov 2005) with no kids, no financial responsibilities and no ties whatsoever to my ex. I met girl and went on a date with her. During the date, I told her about my marriage and divorce. She got real upset, "hit the roof" and cursed me out for not telling her that before the date. Keep in mind, we exchanged no more than two messages, several phone calls before agreeing to go on the date. I knew in my mind that I would tell her all about my past during the date. Nevertheless, she accused me of "hiding my past", "being used up", and "full of baggage." I paid for the meal and she stormed out.

Someone mentioned in an earlier post that a "DIVORCED" status scares off some people. If people are instantly scared off by words and do not care to know or find out the situation, then those are people who I definitely would not have gotten along with anyway. I am one who never judges anyone or their situation without getting to know them first. I can easily get along with someone who shares my sentiment. Looking at my above situation in hindsight, I wished I would have put "DIVORCED" and "scared off" girl in the beginning rather than be subjected to immature name calling and the like while on a date with her.
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