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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 76
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?Page 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
simplyred74- Single: Unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship.
Divorced: Someone who's marriage has been legally dissolved.
Putting people in boxes, applying labels is a pet peeve of mine.
Either term applies and who cares anyway.
If you are not married, you are single. Period.
My work here is done.
You're welcome :D
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 77
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/24/2016 4:32:09 PM
damselfish- Oh, goody, we are splitting hairs today, why not, I'll play.
Did I say that people living together and considered common law married by the state are single and/or not married? No, I did not.
If the state says you are married, you are married, said presence of paper, or the lack thereof, not withstanding.
You're welcome, once again. :D
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 78
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/24/2016 4:45:18 PM

When you do your taxes the Gov't considers you married when you have a common law spouse.


If you have a common law spouse, and the government considers you married, and then you break up with the person, does the government consider you divorced? Would you have to put divorced for marital status on your tax forms?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 79
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/24/2016 8:04:53 PM

That annulment thing makes me laugh. That is a true WTF?? An example, your last name is Kennedy, you get an annulment so you can marry again in the Catholic Church because you are a good old Catholic. Except....you have a prior wife and 6 kids...then get an annulment stating, "ah, I didn't mean it ". The thing is, you are a Cathlic and god knows you're a big fat lying idiot.


It's not just a Catholic thing, there is such a thing as a legal annulment that has nothing to do with religion.

However, your post caught my attention because my ex-wife applied for a Catholic annulment. I helped her out by answering questions that were sent to me a legal religious advocate the church provided for me.

I didn't ask her why she wanted the annulment, but knowing her well, I believe she wanted to join a convent as a nun, and to do so she needed to not be divorced. She did get her annulment, and I hope she is happy with her life now.
 Dallasroadie
Joined: 2/12/2016
Msg: 80
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/24/2016 8:19:22 PM
Don't you find that strange? ^^^. You got married, probably witnessed by family and friends, probably in a church, in front of God as in "as God is my witness". And then you want to erase it, like it never existed. Did she get her virgin status back too? I'm glad I'm an atheist, it's far easier.

Can you get an annulment instead of a divorce or do you also need a divorce? An annulment from the church might be far cheaper than hiring a lawyer.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 81
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/25/2016 8:22:23 AM

Don't you find that strange? ^^^. You got married, probably witnessed by family and friends, probably in a church, in front of God as in "as God is my witness". And then you want to erase it, like it never existed. Did she get her virgin status back too? I'm glad I'm an atheist, it's far easier.

Can you get an annulment instead of a divorce or do you also need a divorce? An annulment from the church might be far cheaper than hiring a lawyer.


Not even close.

We were living together before getting married, it was a civil ceremony with no family or friends present, and it was only after 4 years that we got married in a church. And my ex-wife had been divorced once before, though never married in the church. Complicated story about how that happened.

As a result of all this, my ex-wife felt estranged from the Catholic church and she was living in sin with me, regardless of our civil marriage. She had been raised since the age of 10 in a Catholic boarding school by German nuns, she felt as though they were the nuns were her real parents. I though by getting married in the Catholic church it would being us closer together. We never went through the pre-cana marriage counseling since we were already married.

I was wrong about the effect of getting married in the church, it did resolve her conflicts and brought her much closer to the church, but IMO our marriage became much more spiritual than physical. In hindsight we shouldn't have gotten married, I am more a hedonist she was more a spiritual minimalist. She liked classical music, I liked rock. rap and heavy metal.

A Catholic annulment is performed by a Tribunal which is a Court of Law for the Church, very different from a civil courtroom. Spouses have an Advocates, which I had, and there will be 1 to 3 judges, but most of the work is done in writing,

Canon law requires everyone to have a procurator/advocate.

I don't think it's very expense, like maybe $500, it could be more, she arranged all the details, at the time we had been divorced for several years and I lived 1000 miles away. I first learned about it when I got a letter from my Advocate. I called him up and discussed it with him, never talked about it with her.

You would need to get a legal civil divorce first, then a Catholic annulment.

I didn't get a lawyer for our divorce, she did, I looked at the paperwork and decide it was fair to me, so it didn't cost me any money, and it didn't cost much to get married.

My second marriage was a Buddhist ceremony at her home that my mother attended, though we had no monk, just her parents. BTW, no marriage in Thailand is legal even if performed by a Catholic priest. If you want to get married legally in Thailand, you just register your marriage with the local amphoe, which is an administrative office, there isn't much to it and it cost maybe $30. A lot of people get married by a Buddhist monk, though legally it doesn't mean anything.

Did I find getting an annulment strange? I found answering the questions and doing the essay about why this wasn't a valid marriage a little strange. It's more about being valid spiritually, not legally. Did we enter into this with full understanding of our faith in God and the sacrament of marriage. Certainly it was a new and unique experience for me.

But then again, I find a lot of attitudes on the forums a bit "strange".
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 82
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/25/2016 8:49:37 AM
"BTW, no marriage in Thailand is legal even if performed by a Catholic priest...."

I know people who got married on a tropical island, and when they got back home, they still had to register the marriage at city hall to have it officially and legally recognized, and of course there is a fee for doing that, so it's the same idea.
 skoalmate
Joined: 2/22/2016
Msg: 83
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/25/2016 7:14:25 PM
If you've never been married, put Single. If you've been married and no longer are, put Divorced. Most of us are divorced these days, it doesn't carry the stigma it did 50 years ago.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 84
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/3/2016 2:38:47 PM
People choose "single" because they want to appear different: they are lying. If they wanted to be "honest" they would say how many times they've been divorced. However many people online are dishonest, asking for "honesty." They want to "hide" their poor decision making skills. Hilarious and sad!
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 85
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/3/2016 3:46:12 PM
Hmm,

Would you suggest that I put on my profile that I'm 1x married; 1x divorced? Is it necessary?

Personally, I don't care if the man is single or divorced (well, maybe if he's perennially single or a repeat divorcee), because it makes no difference to me (unless he lacks regard for his relationships). If he's divorced, for say, five years and he is single, he's single to me.

What concerns me are the people masquerading on POF as singles and divorcees when they are still married! You know, that charade.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 86
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/3/2016 4:28:22 PM
If a person is divorced several times, I want to know (and you do care, "well, maybe if he's perennially single or a repeat divorcee.") If they have had to deal with addictions, I want to know. If they have children from different people, I want to know. If they have a mental illness, I want to know. If they have health issues, I want to know. If they are gamblers, alcoholics, in debt: I want to know!

I would not want to start a romantic relationship with people unless I had a clear understanding of the choices they made in life so far. This takes time so you need to invest your time in getting to know the person. That's why I like to talk to people and meet, when I am interested. If I am not interested, it doesn't matter and I don't ask. In part it shows their character and what you are getting into. If I was on my 20's maybe I wouldn't care. Now, on my 50's I do care!

Those married pretending they are "single", well, that is this thread: the liars!
 LetUsTemptFate
Joined: 3/19/2017
Msg: 87
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 9:00:14 AM
When I was married I was not single. When I was seperated I was not single, I was still married. As soon as the divorce was legal I became single. When I entered into a relationship I was no longer single.
As of this time I am single. I am not lying nor am I trying to hide the fact I was married.
I do not take it as someone is lying about their past when they say/post that they are single.
Single means "not in a relationship".
I volunteer the fact that I was once married when in conversations or when asked.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 88
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 10:43:30 AM

Should I list myself as "single" or "divorced"?


That depends on how you are viewing the word "single".

Because both are applicable.

Single in the legal sense simply means not married.

So a never married person, a divorced person, and a widowed person all qualify as "single'.

However, the word single doesn't tell the whole story by itself.

A more efficient setup on dating sites would be:

Single, never married
Single, divorced
Single, widowed

Although some will see that as intrusive.

If you are viewing the word single as simply not being in a relationship, that would also be obscuring the surrounding facts of one's singularity.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 89
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 11:38:52 AM

Single in the legal sense simply means not married.


True, whether previously married or not. In the legal sense, the purpose of a divorce is to become unmarried, and therefore be legally single. No one can get re-married, no matter how many times, unless they are legally single. Polygamy is still against the law. Where do people who lived together but never took the step of officially marrying by the government standards fall into the spectrum?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 90
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 12:11:01 PM
Being single seems to have more of a stigma than being divorced these days. I think it's best to be honest here.
 LetUsTemptFate
Joined: 3/19/2017
Msg: 91
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 2:30:58 PM

Being single seems to have more of a stigma than being divorced these days. I think it's best to be honest here.

So are you saying that a person is not being honest if they put "single" if they are divorced?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 92
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 4:18:14 PM

When I was seperated I was not single, I was still married.

That can be the case, sure. Not for everyone though. Some people separated for a while, over time, live in separate houses and are no longer in a Relationship, as you point out here:

Single means "not in a relationship".

Hence, people who are separated And no longer in a Relationship, are single. Varies with different people. I can understand not wanting to date anyone who's currently Separated, because ya don't know what Their situation Actually is. It's quite common for many to say "Oh, we parted ways emotionally before our official Separation, we are SO done," when that's not really the case that they're done because it's new to them. But, once in a while it is quite the case.

So are you saying that a person is not being honest if they put "single" if they are divorced?

I think it's not being fully honest. I think she doesn't in her initial statement that one should put whichever they're comfortable with. I think it's a Passable faux pas, but with some who put a lot of (negative) stock in "divorced", one is worthy of getting criticized when they don't put that in. I don't totally agree with Single-is-better-than-Divorced. I see where one can be coming from -- especially when you're in your 20s. But it flips the other way. Say you have 4 kids. Not divorced? Hmmm. All kids from the same dad? Questions like that will come up.

I think for people 40+, "divorced" isn't a bad thing. RECENTLY divorced may be, but not "yeah, I was married once".
 LetUsTemptFate
Joined: 3/19/2017
Msg: 93
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 5:28:53 PM
norwegianguy456,

Single means "not in a relationship".



Hence, people who are separated And no longer in a Relationship, are single. Varies with different people. I can understand not wanting to date anyone who's currently Separated, because ya don't know what Their situation Actually is. It's quite common for many to say "Oh, we parted ways emotionally before our official Separation, we are SO done," when that's not really the case that they're done because it's new to them. But, once in a while it is quite the case.

Although the relationship is over, they are still married and for one in that situation to say they are single would be a lie if asked "Are you single or married?"
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 94
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/23/2017 5:45:44 AM

It's quite common for many to say "Oh, we parted ways emotionally before our official Separation, we are SO done..."


They might not be "so done" if they have kids together-especially very young kids, and they co-parent. There will always be that bond of having kids together that doesn't allow a total break-where they can just disappear off of the radar screen, never to be seen again by the ex, regardless of which status title they use.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 95
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/23/2017 8:20:03 AM
In my opinion, I think of single as never been married. Even though I have been divorced since 2001, I consider myself as being divorced since I was previously married. I have a marriage history of just under 6 years. It's still a history no matter how long or short it was.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 96
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/23/2017 8:32:00 AM
^^^If you lived with your ex for those under 6 years like husband and wife, but without a marriage ceremony, would you consider yourself single, sort of divorced, divorced but not really divorced...?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 97
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/23/2017 8:49:54 AM
^^^^^I would say single. Being married and divorced involved filling out legal paperwork. Big difference from just being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 98
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/14/2018 12:31:52 PM
I have seperated on my profile, which I am, and never gave it a second thought that it would be looked upon negatively, untill I stumbled on some threads 😢.
But, I can’t change that fact untill my divorce does finally come through. How long, who knows, but it does seem a shame.
Should I now add to my profile that a divorce is in the process?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 99
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/14/2018 1:47:14 PM

Although the relationship is over, they are still married and for one in that situation to say they are single would be a lie if asked "Are you single or married?"

Certainly can be on-point there, but Not necessarily, is what I'm saying. Some people have lived apart for years, share custody -- live the life of Divorced, have Zero relationship -- and agreed + legally allowed to date others. So yes, I would call that Single. However, they'd have an obligation to your question, if that example I gave Is Accurate, to say "Single but Separated." Otherwise, you would think "Separated" shouldn't be an option -- just Married.

They might not be "so done" if they have kids together-especially very young kids, and they co-parent.

Oh, very true. Even if they got thru to signing divorce papers lickity split, they won't be So Done, either, right when that happens. Sharing custody in the mix + this is a new breakup. A Lengthy Separation helps you get over them much quicker after you actually Do sign the divorce papers -- which is good, but that's about it. Not worth wallowing in Separation and not getting the full-on divorce.

In my opinion, I think of single as never been married.

In general, or just as a selection option on this site?

Even though I have been divorced since 2001, I consider myself as being divorced since I was previously married.

"No, I'm still not single. I was divorced back in 2001." Huh? :) You can be both Single & Divorced. You can be Taken (with new GF) and Divorced. It's not complicated -- Single means are you seeing someone? The only complication I see is when Separated. You can be Separated but still have a relationship you're trying to work out -- going thru the break-up / getting-back-together process, etc -- thus NOT Single. Or you can be single, as you both signed Separation papers, which Changes the marital status as not Just Married -- and you both can experience singlehood, and so you Are Single ("No Bob, you're not with her anymore, get over it. You've Separated.").

But, I can’t change that fact untill my divorce does finally come through.

You couldn't be able to swiftly change the fact that you're still living with a guy you're into but "it's complicated", either. :) Doesn't mean it's kosher. Yes, you're Maritally Separated. People would be silly to assume you're Long Term Relationship material until a good amount of time has passed, After divorce papers are signed.

Should I now add to my profile that a divorce is in the process?

You may not have to. But you have to understand -- a wise person isn't going to take you as Long-Term potential, for the near future anyway. A more casual relationship would be good for those who willingly partake in those... and you Are single if the relationship between you and your Separated S.O. is purely non-romantic... but that doesn't mean you're LTR potential. You're Single with an *asterisk, even if that's the case. Some who are separated don't even get a "Single" mark when their relationship's still going.

And us profile viewers -- we don't know which boat you're Really in, either... at best, we'll get Single w/ an asterisk. :) But you are a pretty gal, and there Are guys out there who would give it a go. Just realize, no, you Are legally & relationship-wise, living the single-life -- but you have some thick strings attached. :)
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 100
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Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/15/2018 10:13:22 AM
Hmmmm 🤔 it’s a complicated world
Hurry up Prince Charming, and yes, I’m hopefull he does exist 😊
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