Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 skoalmate
Joined: 2/22/2016
Msg: 125
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?Page 8 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
If you've never been married, put Single. If you've been married and no longer are, put Divorced. Most of us are divorced these days, it doesn't carry the stigma it did 50 years ago.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 126
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/3/2016 2:38:47 PM
People choose "single" because they want to appear different: they are lying. If they wanted to be "honest" they would say how many times they've been divorced. However many people online are dishonest, asking for "honesty." They want to "hide" their poor decision making skills. Hilarious and sad!
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 127
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/3/2016 3:46:12 PM
Hmm,

Would you suggest that I put on my profile that I'm 1x married; 1x divorced? Is it necessary?

Personally, I don't care if the man is single or divorced (well, maybe if he's perennially single or a repeat divorcee), because it makes no difference to me (unless he lacks regard for his relationships). If he's divorced, for say, five years and he is single, he's single to me.

What concerns me are the people masquerading on POF as singles and divorcees when they are still married! You know, that charade.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 128
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/3/2016 4:28:22 PM
If a person is divorced several times, I want to know (and you do care, "well, maybe if he's perennially single or a repeat divorcee.") If they have had to deal with addictions, I want to know. If they have children from different people, I want to know. If they have a mental illness, I want to know. If they have health issues, I want to know. If they are gamblers, alcoholics, in debt: I want to know!

I would not want to start a romantic relationship with people unless I had a clear understanding of the choices they made in life so far. This takes time so you need to invest your time in getting to know the person. That's why I like to talk to people and meet, when I am interested. If I am not interested, it doesn't matter and I don't ask. In part it shows their character and what you are getting into. If I was on my 20's maybe I wouldn't care. Now, on my 50's I do care!

Those married pretending they are "single", well, that is this thread: the liars!
 LetUsTemptFate
Joined: 3/19/2017
Msg: 129
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 9:00:14 AM
When I was married I was not single. When I was seperated I was not single, I was still married. As soon as the divorce was legal I became single. When I entered into a relationship I was no longer single.
As of this time I am single. I am not lying nor am I trying to hide the fact I was married.
I do not take it as someone is lying about their past when they say/post that they are single.
Single means "not in a relationship".
I volunteer the fact that I was once married when in conversations or when asked.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 130
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 10:43:30 AM

Should I list myself as "single" or "divorced"?


That depends on how you are viewing the word "single".

Because both are applicable.

Single in the legal sense simply means not married.

So a never married person, a divorced person, and a widowed person all qualify as "single'.

However, the word single doesn't tell the whole story by itself.

A more efficient setup on dating sites would be:

Single, never married
Single, divorced
Single, widowed

Although some will see that as intrusive.

If you are viewing the word single as simply not being in a relationship, that would also be obscuring the surrounding facts of one's singularity.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 131
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 11:38:52 AM

Single in the legal sense simply means not married.


True, whether previously married or not. In the legal sense, the purpose of a divorce is to become unmarried, and therefore be legally single. No one can get re-married, no matter how many times, unless they are legally single. Polygamy is still against the law. Where do people who lived together but never took the step of officially marrying by the government standards fall into the spectrum?
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 132
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 12:11:01 PM
Being single seems to have more of a stigma than being divorced these days. I think it's best to be honest here.
 LetUsTemptFate
Joined: 3/19/2017
Msg: 133
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 2:30:58 PM

Being single seems to have more of a stigma than being divorced these days. I think it's best to be honest here.

So are you saying that a person is not being honest if they put "single" if they are divorced?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 134
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 4:18:14 PM

When I was seperated I was not single, I was still married.

That can be the case, sure. Not for everyone though. Some people separated for a while, over time, live in separate houses and are no longer in a Relationship, as you point out here:

Single means "not in a relationship".

Hence, people who are separated And no longer in a Relationship, are single. Varies with different people. I can understand not wanting to date anyone who's currently Separated, because ya don't know what Their situation Actually is. It's quite common for many to say "Oh, we parted ways emotionally before our official Separation, we are SO done," when that's not really the case that they're done because it's new to them. But, once in a while it is quite the case.

So are you saying that a person is not being honest if they put "single" if they are divorced?

I think it's not being fully honest. I think she doesn't in her initial statement that one should put whichever they're comfortable with. I think it's a Passable faux pas, but with some who put a lot of (negative) stock in "divorced", one is worthy of getting criticized when they don't put that in. I don't totally agree with Single-is-better-than-Divorced. I see where one can be coming from -- especially when you're in your 20s. But it flips the other way. Say you have 4 kids. Not divorced? Hmmm. All kids from the same dad? Questions like that will come up.

I think for people 40+, "divorced" isn't a bad thing. RECENTLY divorced may be, but not "yeah, I was married once".
 LetUsTemptFate
Joined: 3/19/2017
Msg: 135
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/22/2017 5:28:53 PM
norwegianguy456,

Single means "not in a relationship".



Hence, people who are separated And no longer in a Relationship, are single. Varies with different people. I can understand not wanting to date anyone who's currently Separated, because ya don't know what Their situation Actually is. It's quite common for many to say "Oh, we parted ways emotionally before our official Separation, we are SO done," when that's not really the case that they're done because it's new to them. But, once in a while it is quite the case.

Although the relationship is over, they are still married and for one in that situation to say they are single would be a lie if asked "Are you single or married?"
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 136
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/23/2017 5:45:44 AM

It's quite common for many to say "Oh, we parted ways emotionally before our official Separation, we are SO done..."


They might not be "so done" if they have kids together-especially very young kids, and they co-parent. There will always be that bond of having kids together that doesn't allow a total break-where they can just disappear off of the radar screen, never to be seen again by the ex, regardless of which status title they use.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 137
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/23/2017 8:20:03 AM
In my opinion, I think of single as never been married. Even though I have been divorced since 2001, I consider myself as being divorced since I was previously married. I have a marriage history of just under 6 years. It's still a history no matter how long or short it was.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 138
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/23/2017 8:32:00 AM
^^^If you lived with your ex for those under 6 years like husband and wife, but without a marriage ceremony, would you consider yourself single, sort of divorced, divorced but not really divorced...?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 139
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 4/23/2017 8:49:54 AM
^^^^^I would say single. Being married and divorced involved filling out legal paperwork. Big difference from just being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 140
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/14/2018 12:31:52 PM
I have seperated on my profile, which I am, and never gave it a second thought that it would be looked upon negatively, untill I stumbled on some threads 😢.
But, I can’t change that fact untill my divorce does finally come through. How long, who knows, but it does seem a shame.
Should I now add to my profile that a divorce is in the process?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 141
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/14/2018 1:47:14 PM

Although the relationship is over, they are still married and for one in that situation to say they are single would be a lie if asked "Are you single or married?"

Certainly can be on-point there, but Not necessarily, is what I'm saying. Some people have lived apart for years, share custody -- live the life of Divorced, have Zero relationship -- and agreed + legally allowed to date others. So yes, I would call that Single. However, they'd have an obligation to your question, if that example I gave Is Accurate, to say "Single but Separated." Otherwise, you would think "Separated" shouldn't be an option -- just Married.

They might not be "so done" if they have kids together-especially very young kids, and they co-parent.

Oh, very true. Even if they got thru to signing divorce papers lickity split, they won't be So Done, either, right when that happens. Sharing custody in the mix + this is a new breakup. A Lengthy Separation helps you get over them much quicker after you actually Do sign the divorce papers -- which is good, but that's about it. Not worth wallowing in Separation and not getting the full-on divorce.

In my opinion, I think of single as never been married.

In general, or just as a selection option on this site?

Even though I have been divorced since 2001, I consider myself as being divorced since I was previously married.

"No, I'm still not single. I was divorced back in 2001." Huh? :) You can be both Single & Divorced. You can be Taken (with new GF) and Divorced. It's not complicated -- Single means are you seeing someone? The only complication I see is when Separated. You can be Separated but still have a relationship you're trying to work out -- going thru the break-up / getting-back-together process, etc -- thus NOT Single. Or you can be single, as you both signed Separation papers, which Changes the marital status as not Just Married -- and you both can experience singlehood, and so you Are Single ("No Bob, you're not with her anymore, get over it. You've Separated.").

But, I can’t change that fact untill my divorce does finally come through.

You couldn't be able to swiftly change the fact that you're still living with a guy you're into but "it's complicated", either. :) Doesn't mean it's kosher. Yes, you're Maritally Separated. People would be silly to assume you're Long Term Relationship material until a good amount of time has passed, After divorce papers are signed.

Should I now add to my profile that a divorce is in the process?

You may not have to. But you have to understand -- a wise person isn't going to take you as Long-Term potential, for the near future anyway. A more casual relationship would be good for those who willingly partake in those... and you Are single if the relationship between you and your Separated S.O. is purely non-romantic... but that doesn't mean you're LTR potential. You're Single with an *asterisk, even if that's the case. Some who are separated don't even get a "Single" mark when their relationship's still going.

And us profile viewers -- we don't know which boat you're Really in, either... at best, we'll get Single w/ an asterisk. :) But you are a pretty gal, and there Are guys out there who would give it a go. Just realize, no, you Are legally & relationship-wise, living the single-life -- but you have some thick strings attached. :)
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 142
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/15/2018 10:13:22 AM
Hmmmm 🤔 it’s a complicated world
Hurry up Prince Charming, and yes, I’m hopefull he does exist 😊
 DrivingHarmony2018
Joined: 2/10/2018
Msg: 143
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/15/2018 9:28:35 PM

Should I now add to my profile that a divorce is in the process?


IMO, I don't think this is a bad idea especially if you know the divorce is just pending a court stamped date. Sometimes courts take a long time to date stamp the documents as a means to finalize the process. This happened to me. Court documents were sitting there waiting to be stamped for 3 months. I noted in my OLD profile back in 2011, divorce to be finalized in a specific month. This shows you are truly moving toward finalizing the divorce. Some people are always separated. To each his/her own.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 144
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/16/2018 1:16:11 PM

IMO, I don't think this is a bad idea especially if you know the divorce is just pending a court stamped date.

Not a bad idea if you do what you said, note it in your profile that the divorce will be finalized in [May]. But the only "fear" of one being Separated isn't "oh, they're going to get back together with their ex-not-ex"... that one's potentiality. The other is "baggage". One can feel great at one time, but when it's finally done -- ehhh, more baggage to go thru. Happens, and it doesn't require them crying over the now-Official-ex wanting them back or something -- just general emotional issues about it, when they were content after being Separated for some time. Comes in different flavors.

So IMO, finishing-up-Separation VS newly-Divorced is going to have the same concerns -- IF said lady is looking for an LTR. It's the exception, not the general rule, that even a nice gal is in good position to be LTR-hunting when not divorced yet, or divorced-last-week. So a lady (or guy, the opposite route) can't be flustered that decent "catches" are not keen on positioning themselves going down Relationship Alley with them, at that point.
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 145
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/18/2018 5:18:20 AM
So it is what it is, and what it is, is the truth for me. I’m very honest and don’t hide anything.
There are plenty of us, unfortunately, in the same boat, but at different stages, so yea, some might pass me by, others may ask what stage I’m at if the conversation goes well.
I don’t look at whether they are single divorced or seperated as an issue. I only become slightly weary when their longest relationship is less than say 5 years...
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 146
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/18/2018 7:02:12 AM
"I only become slightly weary when their longest relationship is less than say 5 years... "


Please don't take offense to this, I've had these views long before reading what you wrote here, but, I take great pride in the fact that I didn't "ruin" someone else's life because I made wise choices when it comes to relationships. I haven't had one relationship over 6 months and consider it a major positive when I see that a potential hasn't had a relationship over a year while making me feel very comfortable with the idea that they were and still are very serious about finding someone to grow old with. There are a few of my girlfriends that I would have spent the rest of my life with but, luckily for me, they cheated on me. I have always had a zero tolerance for cheating and dropped every one of them like a rock without remorse.

I do understand that people may think "He's a player" or "There must be something really wrong with him if . . .". There is nothing wrong with me and, although I did do PUA throughout my twenties, I managed to not sleep around. It was all in fun while attempting to find "the one".
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 147
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/18/2018 7:37:37 AM
"I only become slightly weary when their longest relationship is less than say 5 years... "

So what is the magic mark that decides what's acceptable and what isn't? If a person was in a relationship that lasted 4 years and 364 days, is that less acceptable than someone who was in a relationship for 5 years and one day?
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 148
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/18/2018 9:02:05 AM
There isn’t a magic mark, I could of said 6 years or 4 years.
I don’t disregard someone on that point alone, but if there are a couple of things in their profile that is not what I’m looking for, then that may be the deciding factor for me.
I do get that there are various reasons why, but the longer I’m on OLD, and out of a long marriage, I realise we not by any means all the same.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 149
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/18/2018 12:24:09 PM
Many people don't like to date separated people because they fear they might not have healed yet and might not be ready for a relationship.

Whatever you do, don't lie about it, that will only compound the problem. Just date and get your divorce as quickly as possible, it will all workout for you.

As far as listing yourself as "single" or "divorced", either could be a red flag depending on the person, so don't worry about it. Again, whatever you do, don't lie - that just creates another, bigger problem.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?