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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 4
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Introducing children to a new partner.Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
First, I would advise taking your son's name off your profile. I assume that your son is still fairly young, under 2, if not younger. I am between allcrackedup and the other posters.

At this age and where you are in your life, I would not do more than have your child meet a man that you are dating and I would also introduce him as a friend. Even that first introduction should be held off for a bit and if things seem to be working out, very gradually make him more of a presence in your son's life.

From personal experience, we tend to let ourselves get swept up in things, particularly when someone is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF THE X. We tend to think that if they are the opposite of the x, that they must be perfect but you will likely find that the opposite of the x is not the answer either.

While your child should be exposed at some point to people that you date, you do not want him to see your dating life as a revolving door. Young children form attachments easily and breakups can be difficult for children, particularly if he is not the type of guy to stick around in the child's life even after you split. Find out more about this man and whether he is really for you before you drag your child into it.

My children have met all of the men I have dated since splitting up with their father and that is as far as it went, a brief meeting. Of those that constituted more than a couple of dates (four), three remain in my life as good friends so they really didn't have to deal with "losing" someone they had grown attached to. My kids and I have been lucky to have encountered really stand-up guys that have been and are concerned about their well-being including how much time they would spend with them, and I have learned to be balanced in knowing when and how much involvement to allow with my children.
 sassy_1974
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 5
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Introducing children to a new partner.
Posted: 10/11/2007 2:05:16 PM
lol when i met my man, i was so scared of what my kids might think, he had to sneak over at midnight, stay for an hour then go home! we kept it like that for many months as i had no babysitters, or failing that i saw him in broad daylight about once every 2 weeks...wasnt easy but i needed to know where we were heading before i invloved the kids. worked out in the end though as now due to be married and the kids love him.

trust me, take your time...dont ruin it by rushing!!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Introducing children to a new partner.
Posted: 10/13/2007 6:54:39 PM
The thread topic is introducing your child to a new person, not begin spending all of your time with your guy and the child. People come in and out of children's lives all of the time. It really makes me laugh. If you are female and you meet a woman at work that you get on with you invite her or her and her children with you on outings, she may spend an extraordinary amount of time around you, so much that your child begins to think of her like a second mom. This relationship arises naturally and no one thinks, gee, I wonder if I should introduce Cindy to my kid. What if something goes wrong and we are no longer friends.

You don't want your children involved in the details of your relationships ever but there is nothing wrong with them knowing that mom or dad is spending time with someone that is of the opposite gender and if the relationship progresses at some point you go to dinner or lunch, then a week or so later, you go to a movie or something. You barely introduce them when you are comfortable and as you begin to trust the individual and feel that he/she will stay around, you allow some real time, and still in small increments. A full day should obviously be months into things. When it is comfortable you will know. And kids need to learn that people leave us and we go on living. They may have friends move or there is a falling out.

We survive and while a child will miss someone that they have bonded with, depending on the individual they may still spend time with the child. This stuff doesn't need to be gut wrenching, and it is a part of life that people must learn to cope with or they will be too scared of losing someone to take a chance whether it is platonic friendship or romantic entanglements. I think you do children a disservice if you behave as if you have two separate lives.
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