Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 fixitfred
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 376
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?Page 16 of 34    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
We are both off topic and this is not the time or place to continue so let me be the bigger man and say it needs to stop here and I rest my case and let the jury decide, the good people of this forum (bad ones too).

I cannot win any debate with you while I use logic and common sense and you use the damaged womens defense and just contradict whatever I say and just argue.

I repeat for the hard of hearing and hard headed, for the last time, not all women that don't want to get married are damged but it is a symptom. What I said is self evident to any normal healthy adult and those that have waded through the mess are shaking their heads in agreement with me.

Allow me to let you have the last word"

...have I truly learned to correct past mistakes? LOL! I know I haven't hon! LOL! That's why I just have fun until I can't stand em anymore and then say....NEXT!!!

Yes, very amusing and thank you for sharing.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 377
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:31:24 PM

I cannot win any debate with you while I use logic and common sense and you use the damaged womens defense and just contradict whatever I say and just argue.
LOL! Ok Fred, truce (backs away without turning around).

Did anyone else catch the little game here? The title of the thread is "WHY are women over 40 SO DESPERATE to get married?" The so called "logic and common sense" being used is designed to women in a lose/lose situation. If you defend any pro marriage position, then.....you're labeled "desperate". If you take an anti marriage stand, then you're "damaged". (Not directed at anything Fred said....he just happened to be the one who took the bait)

The OP in this thread tossed out an inflammatory statement designed to relieve himself of responsibility. How many times have we seen a person emphatically state a position, only to do a 180 degree turn around when you AGREE with them!

I saw only 1 or 2 males who caught onto the true purpose of the orignial statement. Some wholeheartedly agreed...yeah, women are desperate, blah, blah, blah. However, the more vehemently the women asserted that they are indeed not desperate to marry, but in fact have NO desire to remarry.....well, then come those with insecurities blazing wanting not only to know WHY NOT....but proclaiming it can't be them....so it MUST be us!

I'm still waiting to hear though about any (1) positive aspect of marriage. Heck, who knows...there might be somthing I missed.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 378
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:58:15 PM
Hypno: I love hearing about people who have celebrated the quickly disappearing "Golden Wedding Anniversary", and yes...it does offer "hope". I love tellling the story of my grandparents who knew each other 6 days when they got married....but it only lasted for 70 years!!!! LOL! My Grandma was a wild woman....she was engaged to another man when she went to W. Va where my G-Grandpa was preaching at a 2 week camp revival meeting...met my grandfather....married him 6 days later...and of course mailed back the engagement ring to her Dear John in Columbus Ohio!!!! LOL You Go Granny!!!!

I have also witnessed examples of some other very long and stable marriages....some happy....some NOT so happy, but all deserving a big round of applause for endurance.

The question I asked in regard to a "positive aspect" of marriage however STILL goes unanswsered. The title of the thread is about WOMEN OVER 40....and their desperation to marry. We have 17 pages of answers where in spite of the fact that the women have sited some definitive reasons for NOT wishing to marry, men still insist that we really don't mean that; of course we want to get married....because we're all loosing our looks and are terrified of being alone. If we say otherwise...then we're being labeled as "damaged".....in spite of the FACT that not one single male has been able to give us 1 single example of a GOOD reason why we should want to marry. (Keep in mind that we're addressing the OVER 40 age group of women, so legitimacy of offspring is highly unlikely to filter into the discussion)

As the thread started out with the intention of painting women over the age of 40 as desperate, when that backfired, we now have those who cannot even supply a good reason why we're even want to consider marriage, much less be desperate for it.

For the absolute life of me......I truly cannot think of a single advantage in being married; while I can think of MANY disadvantages...ie, loosing my freedom to come and go as I please, having to pay his bills, having to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it, having to cook dinner at x time every day...whether or not I'm even hungry, twice the laundry, having to play secretary for him, more "relatives" wanting inconvenient favors, being forced to watch sports on TV constantly when I want to watch History Channel....and....being banished to sleep on the couch because his snoring keeps me awake. (Weekends....ok, fine...I can catch up on my sleep during the week).

We have to face the facts, as we get older....we simply have less energy. My choice to remain single is based on the desire to thoroughly enjoy the time between being newly retired.....and ready for the rocking chair. When someone is "over 40"....and definitely by the time they're "over 50"....we should be looking toward reducing our work load....not increasing it. In that vein, marriage.....for women...is nothing more than.....more work. I don't care if you walk past a man 6 times carrying in groceries....he is NOT going to get off the couch and help you. If he hears you start up the lawn mower...he might stick his head out the door and yell "Hey....I was going to do that......next week", but he's not going to run out fight with you over his masculine right to mow the grass....nor will he grab the snow shovel from your sweet soft little hand....unless HE'S the one who needs to get out of the drive. These are the examples that I was looking for. NOT one single man here has been willing to to NAME ONE! NOT ONE thing will they specifically commit to.......to "enhance our lives"....yet they maintain...that sitting on the couch somehow "enhances" our lives.....because....WOW.....we must not have lost our looks....we have couch jewlery!!!! I'm just NOT a jewelry kinda gal.
 Phoebe48
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 379
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 5:08:31 AM

The "positive aspect" of marriage however STILL goes unanswered. The title of the thread is about WOMEN OVER 40...and their desparation to marry. We have 17 pages of answers where in spite of the fact that the women have sited some definitive reasons for NOT wishing to marry, men still insist that we really don't mean that; of course we want to get married...because we are losing our looks and are terrified of being alone. If we say otherwise...then we are labeled as " damaged"...in spite of the FACT that not one single male has been able to give us 1 single example of a GOOD reason why we should want to marry.


Another damaged woman here. who's not looking to become some man's, 21st century CINDYrella. I too, don't wish to increase my work-load by becoming a man's scullery maid. It's certainly one of the reasons that the prospect of marriage is not attractive to me.


NOT one single man here has been willing to NAME ONE! NOT ONE thing will they specifically commit to.......to " enhance our lives"....


When one single man, from the entire POF population, is not willing to answer this question, it makes me wonder too ?
 Lola and Her Honey
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 380
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:49:25 AM
Ladies, while I agree that SOME men feel it’s their God given right to park their azz on the couch and watch sports and drink beer while their woman scurries around doing all the household chores and cooking and whatnot, not ALL men are like that. I know this because I live with one who isn’t. If I’m up and about doing something around the house, so is he. EVERY time. And he often does things that solely benefit me and not just the general running of our household. Like this past weekend when he cleaned MY car while I was doing MY ironing. His philosophy is that the sooner the chores get done, the more time he and I have to spend with each other doing things that we both enjoy.

These behaviors and attitudes have never been demanded or negotiated, it’s just the way he is. And I also know that he’s not the only man in the world who thinks like this.

Marriage or cohabitating is supposed to be a partnership that two people enter into because, not only do they love each other, they really LIKE each other and they enjoy spending time together, doing things together, sharing their lives together and planning their futures together. There are still enlightened men AND women out there who sincerely believe this and behave accordingly.

We think that’s a very positive aspect and pretty good REASON to marry, legally and traditionally or otherwise.

LH and HH
 Phoebe48
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 381
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 8:06:52 AM
Aren't you the lucky gurl!!! I also was married to a man who shared in the household chores so that we would have more time to enjoy having time with each other. Unfortunately, what I have experienced recently, are single men, of my generation, who want a woman to look after his needs, scullery and otherwise, without the benefit of a commitment to "being a team".
I agree that marriage or cohabitating is supposed to be a partnership. Unfortunately,from my own personal experience, they're lookin' for a Mama to take care of them. And, I'm not interested in a Master/Slave relationship. Therefore, I'm not desparate to change my work load!
 Schadenfreudian
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 382
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 8:30:59 AM

Unfortunately,from my own personal experience, they're lookin' for a Mama to take care of them. And, I'm not interested in a Master/Slave relationship.


A Mama-son relationship equates to a Master-Slave relationship? Freudian slip? And just think: the son committed patricide just to have his momma as his mistress...I'm proud of y'all, reading and understanding the theories of my hero, Siggy Freud.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 383
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:11:57 AM
LH: you're quite fortunate to have found one in 10 million who does think that way. If you read the prevailing attitudes in the forum however, you will notice that about 95% of men believe that the work women do is NOT ..."real work". Judging from my own experiences, I can only imagine what resistance most women run into when attempting to get a male partner to help out. My background is....20+ years in construction trades, an extremely physically demanding job, one at which I earned approximately double what my husband earned. I've heard many men comment that well, yeah...their wives do "work"...but it's not "hard" work.....like THEY do. Or something like (as is very prevalent on POF) that their wives worked...but didn't earn as much as they do...so they discount the value of that contribution as petty...and therefore their women SHOULD make up the difference by also doing ALL the work at home as well.

I have often stated (in a joking way, but I'm VERY serious) that men should take their damned flowers and shove em where the sun don't shine...if he REALLY cared about ME...he'd offer to take my car and get the oil changed......now THAT would be a truly romantic gesture! But I have yet to find ONE. AND.....ya know.....we're still waiting for that ONE single man to speak up and tell us ladies what he thinks makes him such a catch!
 Phoebe48
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 384
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:14:30 AM
Freudian slip?

Perhaps not. If the shoe fits.............
That being said, I have no interest in breast-feeding a child/man.
 Schadenfreudian
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 385
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:18:25 AM
^^^^^ That point is clear. What's not is if you see the Freudian in your slip.
 Chocolatebrowne
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 386
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:29:57 AM
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married??


BULLSHIT!
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 387
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 11:31:55 AM
ROFLMBO!!! Phoebe48!!!!! My dear....don't you know by now that when a man makes a mistake he's simply misunderstood, but when a woman is misinterpreted that it's always a sign of deep psychological damage?

(I totally understood that the comment being criticized was 2 separate sentences and reflected 2 different, although complimentary sentiments......as I'm sure your critic did as well...but then...what would there be to cry about if refraining from deliberate misinterpretation were banned?)
 MarriageMinded55
Joined: 1/27/2006
Msg: 388
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:21:52 PM
Grandma,

One single man to tell you why he thinks he's such a catch?

In my case it might be that I'm a great listener/communicator.
 candylily765
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 389
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:30:12 PM

For the absolute life of me......I truly cannot think of a single advantage in being married; while I can think of MANY disadvantages...ie, loosing my freedom to come and go as I please, having to pay his bills, having to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it, having to cook dinner at x time every day...whether or not I'm even hungry, twice the laundry, having to play secretary for him, more "relatives" wanting inconvenient favors, being forced to watch sports on TV constantly when I want to watch History Channel

Every single woman I know, feels exactly the same way. I like my freedom. I would rather do things I like to do instead of worrying about how clean my house is. I like the peace and quiet. I can't stand having a tv on all the time and having other people in and out of my house. (My first husband's brother practically lived with us and my second husband always had his friends over "working" on stuff and drinking.) I don't want to cook since I can't eat without gaining weight. Since I don't want to do the things a husband would expect me to do like cook and clean all the time, it's doubtful most men would be too happy with me, and if I did like I did before and tried my best to be the good little wifey, then I probably wouldn't be happy. Neither of my husbands wanted a divorce. My first husband said he was happy and he couldn't understand why I wasnt. My second husband wasn't any happier than I was but he got extremely upset when I left and was very vindictive afterwards and made sure I had nothing. I lost everything. Why would I put myself through that again? I would love to find a man to do things with on weekends, but I can't really see how marriage would benefit either of us except for the financial benefits of sharing one house and the availability of sex whenever we want it. Maybe if I met a guy like Lola's I might at least consider it but really, most women based on all their previous experiences with men, consider marriage to be too much added work without much in return.
 lbagwell
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 390
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:11:24 PM
To tell the truth! Most men in their 40's and 50's chase the 30 and 20 year olds--so that knocks out more than half of the men in that age range for us 40ish females to date. It's like fishing in an empty pond---however those of us that have had bad marriages are not in a hurry for all that pain to return--we are however in our sexual prime--hotter than teenagers!!! Maybe you are mistaking that for the pushing of marriage--after all most of us have been with the same man for 20 years or more and that may have been the only man we had been with at all. This answer is more true than the others shown here!
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 391
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:18:55 PM

I know I can't paint all women with this brush, but my experiences in the last year have really surprised me. Out of the 4 women I have dated, I had to break things off after a short period (2 mos and 4 mos) because 2 of them assumed we were next at the marriage altar. This was without hints, discussions, or talking about this subject. The other two relationships faded due to no chemistry, etc.


Well Mr. OP,
I hope you will look at some of these recient postings and figure out there are some women that hated their marriages enough to realize they will probably never be married again.
They don't want to cook for you, do your laundry and have sex when you want.
They are not desperate at all to get married, more desperate to convince each other men suck.
Somehow they think all their bashing of men will get them the one guy that is 'worth it' and scare all the others away but it's too bad for them Lola got him
Lola dear, I suggest you get a body guard as you are in peril of being run over by all these women that are jealous so he becomes available again.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 392
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:36:05 PM

I'm still waiting to hear though about any (1) positive aspect of marriage. Heck, who knows...there might be somthing I missed.


Having someone to blame stuff on??

Cindy O
 smartazzjohn
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 393
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:59:00 PM
"Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?"

I have yet to meet a woman over 40 that is desperate to get married. Maybe they were desperate before meeting me. Oh damn, maybe its just that after meeting me they lose all interest in marriage. Could it possibly be that I have single handedly cause women over 40 to find the idea of marriage so revolting? I have to go now, I'm starting to develop a complex about this.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 394
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 5:45:18 PM
^^^hey you up there? Yes you ya handsome devil!!!
I asked you but you told me you had to wash yur hair..........
I only ever ask once ya know!
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 395
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 5:52:14 PM
LOL! John!!!! I don't want to marry you....but I might consider renting you occassionally! LOL! what are your rental rates?



One single man to tell you why he thinks he's such a catch?

In my case it might be that I'm a great listener/communicator.
Marriage Minded55: Proof enough that you'd make a great early Saturday morning sitting on the deck drinking coffee companion....LOL! how about the other 6 1/2 days a week?! LOL!
 Tlazure
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 396
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:25:55 PM
Let me see ...Security, the 15 kids at home, need money, debt, tired of Dating. Wants more in life(your wallet)..The free ride...

Ok Over 40 and all I can say is I'm very independent, good job, own home and PAID FOR..All I can want and more and certainly not looking for someone to support..Not looking for marriage or a free ride ...Neither am I looking to share this with just anyone...Now That I've got this far I'm not about to lose it to just anyone.. I want someone equally independent, good job etc so we can both enjoy life now to the max..without marriage. Being a woman all I can say is If I was a man I would be dammed if he had what I had and got married then taken for at least half of everything 1 yr later.......ADDICTED..........Stay single and enjoy it..
 Tlazure
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 397
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:30:42 PM
How right you are..Been married and swore I wouldn't do that again...Good Job, Place of my own, 1 son very successful and my own opinions...
 stillalooking
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 398
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:15:16 PM
I sure the hell ain't a'looking to get married..the word "boyfriend" ain't even in my vocabulary I'm just out to make friends,have fun and come what may..enjoying my life
 Phoebe48
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 399
view profile
History
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:46:23 PM
OP: I hope you will realize that some women had a previous marriage that was wonderful and they had an equal partnership. And, that is what they want again.They don't however,want to settle for a man who will not share the cooking, laundry and other household chores, at this stage in their lives. They also don't think they should settle for a man, who is looking for a woman, only to have sex with.They don't want a man who is looking for a purse or a little woman, who waits obediently for his commands and/or demands.

Most women are looking for a man who wants the " real deal", the whole enchilada, 'til death do us part" kind of relationship (with or without the certificate). If more men would step up to the plate and allow their integrity, honesty and sincerity to shine, their chances of finding their perfect match is possible.
Congratulations again Lola for finding the perfect guy for you. You needn't get a body guard on my account. I don't go after another woman's man. And, I'm sure a lot of the women on here are like me, in that regard.
In the meantime, as long as I see the " battle of the sexes" ad nauseum, here on the forums and in the real world, I'm not only, NOT DESPARATE to get married, I'm not interested either. Why would I be?

Tapping my fingers lightly on my desk top waiting with baited breath for ONE man to answer GrandmaBooBoo's question......hmmmmm? Any man? Step right up. Don't be shy.
 smartazzjohn
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 400
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/19/2008 10:58:36 PM
"Tapping my fingers lightly on my desk top waiting with baited breath for ONE man to answer GrandmaBooBoo's question......hmmmmm? Any man? Step right up. Don't be shy. "


Ok grandmabooboo asked me a question, she wants to know what my rental rates are.

1st hour......$200.00
2nd hour........ $185.00
3rd hour........ $160.00
Weekly rates are available upon request.
These rates do not include travel and other expenses which are additional.


I'm easy.....not cheap .....but damn am I worth it
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?