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 dreamgirl59
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 451
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?Page 19 of 34    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
I certainly do not have that problem because I am married but have been seperated for a very long time. Which makes things a lot less complicated cause I never have to go over that bridge again. But, I would like to ask a question of you . Why do men over sixty answer the question on their profiles, that they might consider having children. Is that because they are looking for a younger woman ? I know some people might stretch the truth a little but some of them are so obvious. I think those who lie are not here to make a connection of love and some kind of commitment but one of lust. So why not just say so ? I personally am looking for a friend first and maybe more down the line. But , I will admit that you are right because if I tell another woman that I am intrested in someone they asume that I am looking for a husband. So now I don't tell anyone anything , not even my children.
 naturelover48
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 452
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:41:48 PM
Oh I don't. I was married for 31 years. Did That. Not in a hurry to do that again. I think the reason they are in such a hurry is that they are fearful of fading beauty and that if they don't do it right away they will be alone for the rest of their lives. Me I personally will wait till I find someone that I have the chemistry with and even then it is going to be very difficult to get me to the alter.
 Chocolatebrowne
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 453
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:44:55 AM
Me4871, I read your profile, and cannot imagine why you don't get 2nd dates....
 OAS500
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 454
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/1/2008 11:35:07 AM
QUOTE: "Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?"

Some are, some are allergic to the thought.

I was dating a gal (44) who seemed to have it on her agenda though.
She was very sweet, and i thought the world of her, but it seemed like if she wasnt married within the next couple of years that armaggeton would occur.
Kinda spooky to tell the truth.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 455
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:51:14 PM
Let's see. There are 2 types of guys out there, those that are immediately hot for you and want to make it in the parking lot, and those that are not and behave like gentlemen. You turn down the first type and they don't call back. The second type don't call back either. Hmmmm. Looks like a mystery to me all right.

I suspect that the more aggressive ones are just trying to determine if there is any mutual physical attraction before proceeding to further development of the relationship, while the less aggressive ones have already decided that while you are nice, you don't quite fit what they seek, or that they suspect that you might not be willing or able to provide the physical companionship they desire.

I have to say that I never make a move on a woman unless I have some feeling that she will accept, this usually based on feedback from her over the course of the evening. I also never go back for a second try if I am refused.

I guess I don't see what is so mysterious.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 456
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:57:16 PM
No doubt about it that in Canada in most provinces you can find yourself with all the liabilities of marriage simply by living with someone for a few months. About the minimum it will cost you is a proportion of your pension. If you do hook up with someone, make sure they have a bigger pension than you have, otherwise, a transfer of wealth will definitely happen when you split.

Its positively scary if you think at all about it, but, apparently, few people do.
 meegway
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 457
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:49:01 PM
Here's a thought. Men and women have relationships but keep their own places so that when there are disagreements they can go back to their corners...lol. Give it a few days to chill out then reunite. What do you think about that?

Pizza
 meegway
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 458
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/1/2008 7:51:05 PM
Then that way they can keep reliving that 1st date high...lol. Pizza's just trying to put an optimistic spin on all of this relationship negativity. I do wish all well.

Pizza
 PurpleCrayon~
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 459
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:39:46 PM
Every time I see the thread title on this, I find myself because sooo many guys complain that the women here seem flighty and not marriage minded. I see it written on the Forums and I get emails referencing me as that... based on .... according to them, my views as posted on forums. Go figure.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 460
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 5:02:34 AM

Here's a thought. Men and women have relationships but keep their own places so that when there are disagreements they can go back to their corners...lol. Give it a few days to chill out then reunite. What do you think about that?
LOL! I think it's a wonderful idea!!!!! (Too bad I said it first....about 17 pages back!)
 sweety1231
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 461
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 10:00:01 AM
Here's a twist to GrandmaBooBoo's idea. How about each having separate hobby rooms to go, to have their own space, be alone and get away from everything.
Now to get back on topic, I've found more the reverse, the more you chase a woman, the faster she runs.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 462
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:10:45 PM
Hey, it's not that I mind being chased a little.....sometimes I'm even slow down long enough to get caught....its when they come at me with that damned branding iron that I start screaming FOUL!!!!! LOL!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 463
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:35:05 PM
Not into the kinky stuff, I see, Grandma...
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 464
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 12:42:25 PM

Not into the kinky stuff, I see, Grandma...

LOL! well RG....there's kinky...and then there's down right painful
 suzyttarius
Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 465
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 1:20:19 PM
OP, perhaps you are misreading their intentions because of your own egotism? Did they clearly say they wanted to marry you, or are you assuming they did?
Why would they want to flush the later part of their life down the crapper? Were they ever married before? Do they have a clue ?

And remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
 meegway
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 466
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 6:33:05 PM
Excuse me for stealing your thunder. I must have missed that one grandma...boohoo.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 467
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:30:16 PM
LOL! Meeqway....not a problem...always room for more thunder....and lightening! :-) Great ideas can stand to be repeated!
 1_blonde
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 468
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:53:59 PM
Poor thing, you did start something, didn't you ? Hey, seriously, I'm over 40 , Heck I'm over 50 and am not in a hurry to get married. I've never thought of myself as desperate at all. Marriage happens when both people are ready. All of us this age that are here have had at least one failed marriage. I, for one, would do it again. But not in a hurry at all. When it's right, I'll know it and so will my man.

Blonde
 Jazzicle
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 469
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:06:43 PM
I tend to agree with this post.........make sure you are clear with exactly what you want and for how long you want it. But, I think, bottom line, if you have something they perceive they don't want to live without, it's inevitable they'll want that ultimate commitment.

In my case, I was introduced to a fellow whose wife had just left him with the 4 children....he claimed he only wanted to be "friends"....which to me would have resembled a brother/sister relationship........spilling guts/some activities/NO intimacy (he wasn't initially looking for those "benefits", but damn if he didn't start showing up on my doorstep or calling daily, even more! Then he takes it from the peck on the cheek to romantic kissing, even out under the stars wrapped up together in a blanket.........how much of this can a hungry single mother (and I mean REAL single........no support re: time or $$) take before the torment is too much?!!! I thought he'd changed his mind. He had been helping me out every opportunity he could........too good to be true..........might have lasted as friends if he hadn't crossed the intimacy line..........so I had to break it off once it became clear there wasn't any future to it. The bonding was only getting more entrenched.
In the final analysis, I had been the "transitional" step and I became damned resentful I had been put through this. This is a much longer story than I have time to share, but the point is......it's also a good idea to probe a woman's state of mind and heart BEFORE you start the dating process......you might get your answers ahead of time.

Also, a neighbor (divorced man) asked me a similar question.........why do women HAVE to get married........in that moment I responded "it's the ultimate expression of your devotion, the highest compliment you could pay her."
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 470
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:26:02 PM
Are they desperate for marriage or do they just know what they want, and see no point in spending a lot of time dating? Once you hit 40 shouldn't you know what you want?
 iluv2cruz
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 471
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:06:39 PM
Well me4871 all I have been gettign is the read and delete.lol So at least your getting the first date. I'm still waiting on the meet and greet. But keeping head up, and I'm in the allergic line..lol :)
 treasured
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 472
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:20:50 PM
Some women believe they are nothing without a man... women in their40's are stuck in-between two major beliefs that our culture generated--- in the Fifties it was; get a man and keep a man to be a complete woman. In the 60's the thought was we don't need a man to be complete. I am woman, hear me roar.

Maybe the two thoughts compete... Sometimes I would rather be hit by a bus than be married again... and there are times I do want a life long committed relationship with a picket fence and all that. Am I a complete person? yes. Do I want to be married? I believe I may be done with that ceremony stuff, but being genuine with someone of the opposite sex doesn't have to lead to marriage or even dating.

I have meet some men whom I could label as "desperate to get married", or to shack-up... they were wanting someone to take care of their needs. They weren't really interested in a real relationship. More co-dependent, if that is an appropriate term.. perhaps you have found women with the same issue?
 katewins
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 473
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:27:00 AM
hi-just got on here after a LONG time away....sorry...didn't read all the posts...but to respond to the over 40's wanting to be married....
I hope that every lady over 40 has a bank account and even if there isn't much in it-it is YOURS. Over 40-ish ladies , and 50-ish too can always have a GREAT romance with a guy while keeping their independance...and just living together,loving together, and respecting each other without the huge problems that may happen if marriage is involved. If you are in love...who needs that document to make it "Legal".? I have friends who have their partners of over 30 yrs and are not married. They trust each other. They chose not to leave each other when times got rough.
Just my opinion....in this "day and age" marriage by law is an old custom which some men and women feel that they need to be "secure" but with the fact that 50% of marriages fail anyway...who needs the pain and financial ruin to get a divorce? just my lowly opinion! Thanks...cath
 Grayhearth
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 474
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 6/2/2008 12:40:40 PM
Hello, I'm new to PoF, but not new to posting ideas and thoughts. I have the calouses to prove it.

First of all I admit to not having read each and every post on this issue and I am responding to the most recent post itself.

Ny first thought is that this topic is a response to a poll presented in a news article and or a magazine and that makes me wonder about its source and methods and selection.
Further, I am aware that the content of progams like Sex in the City have contributed largely to this notion. And perhaps it is a truth. I am presuming it is/or might be an American experience and truth.

First of all it is my opinion and understanding as a result of exposure to large numbers of American women of all ages, aculturation, income brackets, etc, etc, that there are a couple of aculturating factors that might lend itself to this.

The first is that society expects it and levels a certain amount of peer pressure on women over 40 who are unmarried to be married. Whether or not the woman in question has dealt with this issue internally/externally will be a factor. The fact is that none, some, any or many of her peers (including mothers) will bring this to her attention, if she doesn't raise the issue herself. It is seen in this country as a measure of worth. (ie. "She's not married? Is something wrong with her?") We have the articles of numerous "women's" magazines who advance this peer pressure as well as "ads" addressing the woman who is married and managing a household, career, children, etc.

Secondly, women are referred to as having an internal "biological clock" that ticks away seen or unseen inside that causes them to desire to bear children. It is implied that they are laboring under this intense genetic, and gender caused desire to be in labor. There is even the abbreviation for this for women who are in this age range and can be found in many medical charts as FFF. It stands for fat-fertile-and forty. It is a considerable risk factor as well for the newborn of such a woman.

Thirdly, it shouldn't be a surprising phenomenon as our society has only been engaged in really dealing with women's liberation on a serious level for the past 50 years (not to mention the attempts in the late 1800' and early 1900's).

My conclusion is that we are looking at another advancement where a portion of our society is looking at defining itself, redefining itself and attempting to shed some preconceived definitions.

Therefore, some women, perhaps many women, perhaps even a good deal of women at the age of 40 and past it are in fact attempting to wrestle with this issue. It must be difficult to want to shed cultural ideals in favor of self-realization. I know for me it personally has. But I wouldn't want to characterize all of those that are facing this issue as desperate.

The ultimate thought here, for me, is that none of us, male or female, need anyone male or female. Yet without them, who and what are we? That is the conundrum.
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 475
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:24:15 AM
A very few are DESPERATE, most of the others are anything but. They will still marry the right guy but arent desperate to rush to the altar.

You were just unlucky enough to trip over a couple of twits, who still have some growing up to do. Twiths who still think that marriage magically results in "happily ever after". Something thst is normally only foudn on the last page of a childs story book.
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