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 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 529
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?Page 22 of 34    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
First off, apologizes around to all the "mrs brady's", sorry to have chosen your name. More on topic, I had thought(did not read all 22 pages sorry) I was adding my 2 cents. I am one of those men similar to your father. My 2 daughters are of great importance to me. So when raising them (I was raised by single mom) I was far more militant than the feminists about this is your life, be in control, depend on no one else for your future. That said they turned out wonderfully as 2 independent, strong willed, intelligent women. One runs an IT dept. for a major corp. and her husband stays home and takes care of the child. I do agree want is far superior to need, so many negatives in need or needy. My explanation was just some observations from men I knew in a certain industry. Finding a person who will desire you, seeks in you someone to complement his life, and work within whatever framework "floats both your boats" is ideal. As our economy has shifted and costs continue to rise, the idea of traditional roles have melted along with the buying power of the one income family model. The idea of someone's "father know's best"(thought I'd pick on Mrs. Cleaver for a while) dream or ideal dies hard in some men even as the reality of their paychecks slaps them in the face weekly. We all must change with the times, some are just slower to adjust, and even then, lament the "good old days" saw. In closing Grandma, with all those talents I wish you were in Georgia, I bet we could have some fun. Bob
 UnstoppableLoveMachine
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 530
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 6/14/2008 3:17:14 PM

Do you believe a relationship for the over 40 is about mating or is it?


It's a fair question.

I think by 40, your careers are set in stone or close to it and you are probably at the peak or just past the peak of your earning power and your prime earning years.

I can only speak from a guy's perspective. If I'm over 40 and the woman is over 40, odds are she's going to want a long term commitment. Having children is likely out of the picture at this point, although she or I may have a few already in the nest from previously.

I would say most women care about looks and status over money and security in their 20s. I think most will be apt to care more about money and security over looks and status in their 40s. Many will probably say it's "maturity" and knowing what they want. I'd say it's like any other commodity in decline ( as youth is a woman's most precious commodity), you have to just be willing to accept what you can get now or realize the longer you wait, the quality of the guy you can probably get is going to decline. That kind of realization doesn't typically happen to younger women. Probably because most people don't know the value of youth until they get older.

I think it splits two ways. If the man is an average earner and the woman looks her age or worse, then it's about accepting what you have to offer versus what you can give back. I think women who look much younger than 40 ( very very few of them do, no matter what anyone tells them or you) and men with very high earning power ( very very very few men have this) have a much more expansive range of mating options.

The rich get richer, the poor starve, and most people ride the middle. The game in essence, stays the same, I would wager even for 40 year olds.
 terrablue
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 531
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:52:54 AM
I would hope they are considering getting married if they are truly comfortable with what ever guy she has been dating and even living with.. to me it is an extremely big step..I have never even been engaged since a bogus relationship when I was 22 years old..
my track record sucks for long term 2-3 years is the best I've been able to achieve. so it seems that complicating our lives with the legal battle at the end would really benefit the lawyers and legal system

2 couples I know waited 13 and 15 years of sharing and living together. both are still married and living together 15 years later for one and three years later for the other..
desperate but okay with your self and hungry for a really great companion but desperate for marriage needs a serious look at who you are and your real values. poor judgement comes with desperation usually.

I would go as far as marriage but with a hell of a lot of caution not just going to zellers and wal mart and committing.. ooooppsss but that sounds foolish ladies.. be comfortable with you and maybe the dude you want will make the connection.
and it makes me proud with tears of joy to know people who have endured and worked it out.. long time marriage and better if long time love and no marriage and someday marry. javascript:smilie('')

if a woman is desperate one can only hope that the guy she finds has a crap load of patience and compassion to go slow enough.
 swtone12345
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 532
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:56:56 AM
Hello ....

Desperate... to get married... hmmmmmm

I am over 40, been divorced for over 10 years, in which time I dated, but marriage
never entered my mind. Perhaps I never met anyone that even got close enuff,
dunno?! But for the most and truthful part, although I wish to meet a partner for a possible LTR, but I have no intentions, nor desires to get remarried again.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 533
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:18:44 AM
I wouldn't call it "desperate" - I would call it knowing what she wants. Pursuing a relationship is a huge gamble, and many women have gambled and lost years of their lives with someone whom they had no future. Just because a woman is past childbearing years does not mean she has no future and her time is not as important as a younger woman. I have never been married (no kids of course) because I did not set boundaries with boyfriends - 2 years at a time on average. To perpetually date and keep seperate households in an exclusive relationship is tiring for a woman - living out of a suitcase on the weekends is exhausting and eventually creates resentment. Many of us have lifestyles that "shacking up" is not an option. I think after you get to know someone very well, there is nothing wrong with asking "What is the potential here?". Women want to go slow with a sexual relationship, but once you sleep together, women can easily assume that you want the relationship to move forward. (Even at our age we can be gullible under the influence of a man) When you're a young stud it's easier to get the milk for free. It becomes a lot harder for a guy as he gets older to find sex with no strings attached within a relationship, unless you happen to have a friend with benefits.
 charlierosefan
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 534
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:22:49 PM
For myself, it's because I don't value the "getting to know you" phase as much as I perceive that men do - in general - I think men are much more comfortable with casual relationships whereas women do not want to waste time with someone who is not willing or able to commit (there are a lot of them out there).
 veryordinary
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 535
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:47:55 PM
Well, I am over 40 and marriage is the last thing I want to do. Marriage is way overrated. It is only a piece of paper anyway. I think you must be dating desperate women.
 Chocolatebrowne
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 536
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:41:09 PM
Where are these "desperate to get married over 40 women?" They don't live in Central PA.....
 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 537
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:26:01 PM
I think whether you are a man or woman, some people as they age, do not wnat to be alone. I hate to say it this way, but some peopl do not want to die alone. It is not gender specific.
And not all women want to take it slow.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 538
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/9/2008 6:04:06 PM
I think whether you are a man or woman, some people as they age, do not wnat to be alone. I hate to say it this way, but some peopl do not want to die alone.


Well, unless they are planning a murder/suicide or drinking koolaide together, we all die alone. It's the LIVING the rest our days alone that's not as appealing. On our deathbed, it's the fulfilling relationships and connections with others that we've had that will really matter.

I find the answer "for financial stability" to be pretty insulting - as if women are too stupid and helpless to be able to support themselves. _ Especially by this age any woman should have a pretty solid vocation established instead riding along on some man's coat tails and having little self esteem.

I've been alone almost all of my adult life, I'm way overdue for something meaningful and lasting, and "Oh baby I'm not going anywhere" is not a real commitment in MY eyes. I'm not desperate, as it's better to be alone than in bad company, but at my age I have every right to be getting a little more impatient. I don't see drooling and being incontinent in a nursing home to be a prime opportunity for seduction and attracting a mate. See I think women are better at planning ahead and visualizing the future. Men are just live for today and get what they can from any woman they will give them the time.
 Enaid08
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 539
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/10/2008 8:43:17 AM
Marriage is THE last thing I am looking for.

Obviously this thread is a couple of years old; but I think that's probably a narrow view of what most women over 40 are looking for .

Relationships can be committed, loving, long lasting and satisfying without the ties that bind.

 Spitfire1956
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 540
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/10/2008 9:02:22 AM
Ohhh heavens noo...there is absolutely no desperation or even any thoughts about marriage with me..I think 2 marriages were enough to last me a lifetime. My 2nd marriage was a great one..but I'm not ready to even think about any other relationships....if it happens to fall in my lap then I would have to cross that bridge at that time..but as far as searching for it- no way.
 GiGi046
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 541
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/10/2008 10:43:13 AM
I think somebody must have bumped their head.....NO WAY am I desperate to get married......I'm enjoying my life just the way it is besides nobody "has to married" ever....must be looking at the wrong women over 40 cause this one is definitely not in any hurry........
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 542
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/10/2008 2:51:51 PM

I thought women always wanted "to go slow" ? Both women had grown children, so the old "biological clock" excuse won't wash. Please help me understand.

It's known as the vagaries of a small sample and that isn't a reference to the size of the people. We don't know the two strange ones that wandered across your path but with your sample size you can validate your results at something like 50%+/- 95%. Actually I'm exagerating a bit to make a point, but 50% +/- 49.5% would be a quite reasonable measure of the validity of your conclusions based on your sample size.
 Krystalpassion
Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 543
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/10/2008 3:43:02 PM
i think you are exaggerating about the next step. Perhaps after a few months the women you were dating thought you should know enough about them to be exclusuve but you still want to have your cake and eat it too. do her a favor and drop her if shes not 'the one' and stop using her till something better shows up or because your horny and she'll do.
 Nottoquiet
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 544
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 6:38:30 AM
You are never too old for women your own age... many of us like their age group... Anyone that is not at least 45 is not in my league... and no we are not in a rush to get married again!!
 fireflyatdusk
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 545
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 7:05:53 AM
Hi,

I reckon if you have been going out with someone for about 2 or 4 months, if the chemistry is there, then a woman is entitled to know where the relationship is going!

That's a good stage to break things off if the relationship is going nowhere!

I don't think it's a matter of wanting to get married, more wanting to know where you are at!
 Wayfaring_one
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 546
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 7:25:16 AM
I honestly don’t see any benefit in marriage at all. If two people want to become friends, it is pure friendship that keeps them together. If I want to keep a good friendship going with someone, I would need to respect them for who they are, do things for them, and always allow them their freedom to do as they wish, when they wish. If the other person wanted to remain friends with me, they would have to do the same things.

However as soon as a legal document is signed that commits people to a relationship, then all bets are off. The stronger person in the relationship now has the ability to force their way upon the weaker one. They no longer have to rely on friendship to keep the relationship going because they have vows, and a piece of paper that one can use against the other in a game of guilt and struggle for domination. Sounds sick? Well it is. How many people on this forum know what I am talking about?

I have no problem with words like commitment, as long as it is only used by two people willingly who have decided that they both want to use it, however if at any time, a friendship is not good for both parties, it is a lot easier for a couple to go their own separate ways than a marriage. This fact acts as an incentive to both parties to always treat the other with respect, or the other person could merely walk away. This is a healthy relationship.
 scottoliver
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 547
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Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 7:53:42 AM
Loose Willow ---> Thinking like that takes all the fun and games out of a relationship.

But I have to totally agree with you. In the past I dated a very nice lady pillar of the community type church goer. The longer we were in the relationship the stronger she would be on what, when and where we'd go and do. Partly it was because she had 2 kids and of course they need lots of attention. But in the end I grew weary of the all for her and the children. When I'd bring up going out on a date night say dinner and movie alone it was always rejected. Then with my work sometime involves some in state traveling which would make for some time together but she'd bring along a book and work from her job so really I was better off just leaving her behind.

Not every relationship would be that way. It always takes 2 to make a relationsip. Maybe if I would have done differently things might have worked out.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 548
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 8:01:31 AM
I am over 40 and I am not in any hurry to get married. I do not know if that is what I would even want to do if I was involved with a man who seemed to be a great match. Maybe the women over 40 have realized that there are so many single women over 40 that they want to latch on to a man who is a keeper (marry him) before another woman snatches him up? My mother is 75, and there is a group of woman at her church that are all aged 60 and older who are called the vultures since they seem to circle and swoop when any new "male meat" arrives on the scene. When my father died, they were at the funeral home offering condolences, however they all voiced the opinion that my mother was so pretty that she would now really be competition for them. (she cares nothing about dating at all)....
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 549
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 8:38:49 AM
NOT ME, AND NOT MOST OF THE LADIES ON POF.....

We have better sense than that!
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 550
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:11:54 AM
Well OP, I don't know who these over 40 women are, but I can tell you I'm not one of them. I will not marry again unless its the right person for me... period.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 551
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:39:17 AM
Celebrating the "family Day"long weekend here in Calgary and I had all my family over for dinner yesterday. I was telling my daughter and my son-in-law that I've been in a kind of a funk lately..not actually depressed, but down, feeling the blues and can't seem to shake it or figure out what's causing it.

I've been kinda thinking it might have someting to do with the post holiday blues, combined with the cold dreary weather, not too much happening.

Anyhow he ( the son-in-law) says, "Maybe it's because you don't have a significant other, you know, a husband, maybe that's why you're depressed"

I love my son-in-law and I'm so glad he is in my daughter's life but I wanted to rip his head off....
AAARRGH Why do some people automatically think that having a husband is the end all, be all to one's happiness?

...maeflowers
 leebossa
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 552
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 12:03:30 PM
i don't know about anyone else, but it does not interest me at all, thanks. I did my time.

A friend of mine says that his father is always going on about how he should find someone so he won't 'die alone'. He says, "as opposed to taking 25 people with me? Gee, the 911 hijackers didnt' die alone....."

LOL.
 JTJ46
Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 553
Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:33:39 PM
For those of seeking a romantic relationship of "equals" --- across all those spectra of wellness, similar generational age, and financial considerations ---legal marriage has nothing practical to offer. Unless we want to bring more infants into our middle-aged lives.
Perhaps there were practical disparities in your relationships. Or one/both of you were thinking illogically.
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