Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 109
view profile
History
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!Page 3 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
"I doubt a real "player"would post"

I agree.....not their game or out themselves..but
I would say it would attract some with their witless comments...... :roll I see a couple with interesting comments........
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 112
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/26/2007 7:00:54 AM

know real "players" i have friends that had cards and turned them in, I have friends that's still hard core playing. Most of you people are just throwing words around, you really have no idea what a true "player" is.


Bingo! 99 percent of the comments here have absolutely no idea.
 JetDriver722
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 113
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/26/2007 2:07:21 PM
Players are available in both genders too, dontcha know. I wrote a story about one such instance called A Biker's Tale, and it flat out sucked (Google it under Idea Dumpster Bikers Tale if you like).

Playa Engineering comes down to this:

If everyone is cool with the multiple partner arrangement, that's polyamory and there are people who do that and it works for them. Not me, but not my place to judge.

If you're sleeping with multiple partners who are unaware of the others, U B a Playa. One thing no one has noted is that this is, in essence, a con game with no winner and multiple marks.

Sex is pretty damn great, agreed, but mindlessly seeking it like this with no emotional involvement tips me off to some other desire left unfulfilled. Sex is a byproduct of love, like heat is a byproduct of fire. Those electric fireplace logs aren't fooling anyone ...

From one of my favorite films:

AOD: "Do you believe in Love, Joe?"
JG: "I believe in saying I love you. Helps you concentrate."

Who wants to be on the receiving end of this line of bullshit? Jeez. It's soulless "men" like you that make it all the harder for the rest of us.
 JetDriver722
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 115
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/26/2007 9:50:51 PM

I don't disagree. However, if you get involved with someone, who wants affection, but plays the "just out of reach" game with sex, it seems to me that it's not "unfair" to have sex with a "friends with benefits", if one is so inclined, so long as that friend knows that it is what it is. Sex is not part of a relationship, until it is, and until it is, there is no need to tell a dating partner about others you may be sleeping with.


I think we're on the same frequency there! If everyone involved is good with the arrangement, all is well. It's when people are allegedly monogamously involved with several played/duped/punked partners that it becomes a problem. It's a con game, just such a common one that we've now attached a street tag to it.

For you Gaiman fans: Mr. Wednesday would love this!
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 116
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/26/2007 10:08:50 PM
After reading all the replies on this thread and all the dynamics and many definitions of ones human conception to play, whether it's fair in ones eyes and not in another is in constant debate, to me it's not right,but nonetheless it still happens. This post will make you wiser and street smart.

But hey,there's always the forums only to swim!
 JulietSeekingRomeo
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 117
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/27/2007 12:00:19 AM
And once again I see that tdh46 = TROLL



 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 125
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/27/2007 7:41:16 PM

venutian artist


Your words are a mystery to me.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 126
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 10/27/2007 7:53:53 PM
[quote[I think it's more about power rather than sex.

I think you may be into something. But I don't think it is power. It's about winning something. It's the race. You win one, you are so intoxicated by it, that you start thinking how can you do it better the next time and the next time. The funny part is that when it gets predictable you up the ante and make it even more difficult to yourself.

In the end a relationship is 500 times better. But then again some people grow up, some don't.
Ha.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 131
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:39:13 PM

I think it's just insecure, angry with the opposite sex and desperate people, both men and women alike

You speak with the under -lying answers of why it is, they do the theses to themselves and others.

For me the obvious one's are compulsive aka-flirty teaser types,they prey on the same weaknesses as themselves.
They will bait you in saying that have not yet had met the man that could please and satisfy them and how the ex's, old bf's did not make the grade. does looking for Mr. Goodbar ring a bell?

What is even more glaring if they are on the forums, one only needs to read between the lines to show the true colors of many. And if one is desperate enough in being played, they could care less in playing you.

















.


 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 132
view profile
History
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/10/2007 7:15:01 PM
I think the word is over used, has lost its intent and doesn't mean much anymore. Anyone who isn't honest with others, borders on being a player, by today's definitions.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 135
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/12/2007 7:04:52 AM

Anyone who says they aren't a player, and that it's all those other bad folks who are, is just trying to pull a one-up move in the game to give themselves an advantage.


I think you use the word player too broadly, in looking for a relationship is a positive thing,
to be played is when the player who is in it for themselves and without disregard of the other.
I've only been played on a few times in the beginning and understand the pit falls and go according now. One must realize that there still is a large majority of people who are honest here and share in what they look for in a mate and
then there are unfortunately a few people here who just take ! ~such is life~
There are many very nice people I have met here and enjoy there insights and friendships.
And for me I believe it only gets better in eventually meet that s/o
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 137
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/12/2007 9:08:31 AM

Sure, "bad" people exist, but applying simple common sense eliminates most of them. Living life in fear of what "might go wrong", really limits one's ability to live life fully.

Yes,I have heeded you advice from various threads in the past and it has been quite helpful

and to be played on now is somewhat a novelty. C'est la vie
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 141
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:14:26 AM
To me, a "player" is one who goes into it with the *intention* of deceit--say anything just to get it, and KNOWS that the person isn't for him/her (I don't think players are only men).

A lot of people honestly think they are going to hit it off with another, only to find the person isn't who she thought he was. So she leaves--this isn't "playing games" this is "being realistic about furute expectations".
 lanceccharles
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 142
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/22/2007 2:05:25 PM
Some people just enjoy having sex. Some people do what it takes to be interesting enough to potential partners that they have more opportunities. Like making sure they are in good physical shape, being intelligent and educated, having enough interest in their partner to get them interested. It's fun having a complete experience with interesting people.

Taking advantage of those opportunities doesn't necessarily make someone a cad, womanizer, player, whatever.

If you have enough practice and are good at what you do, more partners will become available. I wouldn't say being that kind of person turns someone into a somehow less desirable person.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 149
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:59:54 PM

m church...There is not one woman on this planet who "wants to be played"...please grasp yourself by the ears and pull your head out of you *SS, because your post is the most deplorable piece of drivel I have read in a very long time. Blaming women for the disgusting attitudes and behaviors of some men is not only divel, but a classic example of how the lack of education/accurate information leads to gross misperceptions and distortions of reality.


Honey, you are so wrong you don't even know it. I've known plenty of women that walked into the lions mouth well knowing what will happen. They still walked in!! This is not drivel. I hate to tell you, it is fact. Seen it, been there. This is not about blaming women. It is about understanding that women want something as much as men. When you blame, you become the victim. Now, this is not about gathering information, it is about living it, seeing it, doing it. No distortion of reality.
 isTHISuserNametaken
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 161
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/26/2007 7:49:21 AM
A very interesting tread, but I doubt you will get any real honesty out of guys like this if they even respond, after all a good player is not going to expose himself as such, if he even sees himself that way. Players are called such because it's all just a big game to them, "how many women can I do this week?" They are heartless jerks who don't know or remember what it's like to be in love, they don't respect women, or perhaps even them selfs, I don't know who to feel more sorry for, Players, or their victims.

As for me, I tried seeing more than one woman at a time just once, and it was a disaster for me! I ended up losing the one I really cared about, a very painful lesson. I'll never do it again.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 162
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/26/2007 1:01:47 PM

Some of them have even been my "wing-man" later on.


They make awesome wingmen.
 Hot Buttered Soul
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 165
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/26/2007 1:53:02 PM
What a joke this thread is... So if a man decides he's not interested anymore he is a player... I sure hope you're not gender specific here, because I know many women who do the same thing to men and laugh about it heartily, because they tell me.. after they've gotten clothes, money, dinner etc...
A little rotten eggs here perhaps OP? Did you like someone more than they liked you? There is no game unless there is someone willing to play the game. And any decent man... certainly doesn't have to lie to have sex.. and usually doesn't. There are many people willing to be involved with involved people... Christ they even have a dating site set up for it.
The biggest thing I've noticed from online dating is translating that online chemistry to the real world. Yes you may make connections online.. but that still may not traslate to to real life encounters.
This whole 'player' term. The whole 'player' verbage reminds me of when people call women whore or sluts.. Jaded bitter people throwing around terms because they can't get what they want, and certainly dont like the attention others get.
Yea, I've met people I was really into only to be dumped by the wayside.. yea.. it may or may not happen again... Some will say I've given the cold shoulder... that is life. Its not a game... unless life to you is a game and you choose to play it... I do not have time for games. Rejection is hard to take sometimes, but I'll tell you one thing... Im not going to give anymore time than it deserves... Life is for the living and I suggest you do the same by focusing on those positives.. and leaving the nasty players negatives behind.. with little thought.
 southernlass
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 178
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:24:57 AM
What a relief to have stumbled upon this thread.

I was disappointed in the deletion of the most recent thread on the topic of "how long is too long to wait," which was the usual repetitive stuff that I'm seeing so much of all over the forum for a while now. Point is, I spent a lot of time reiterating why it is so important that women use their brains and close their legs, if they honestly desire something meaningful and enduring in their life with the opposite sex. I wasn't saying they should hold off indefinitely though; I was just simply pointing out that taking the time (as in about six months or even to engagement) to know a man's character and whether he is sincerely interested in being a life partner is wise. I also pointed out that there are other reasons to remain prudent for a while, mentioning the stats about rampant STD's, broken hearts, loss of ability to trust, becoming bitter and cynnical, and worst of all - losing hope.

I really was defending my position heartily on this most recent thread and feeling rather frustrated, but I believed that there had to be at least a few ladies out there who got it, who aren't being regularly played anymore and who won't be in the future. Most attractive women become savy to the player pretty quickly, but even the wisest, most careful of us can be played.

Basically if you're going to be in the dating game, you're going to get played now and again, despite yourself, because eventually you have to let your guard down and simply trust if you want to engage in a relationship. And that's when the player will take you, use you, and move on. When it has happened to me, (I think twice in my life), I was hurt but I was also grateful to find out what he was and realized it wasn't my fault for trusting him. I had been as cautious as I could be and certainly had taken my time before becoming sexually intimate. I had made it difficult for him as M. Church suggests. By the time I gave in, he was already really tired of the game and the investment (financial, time-wise, etc. ) Had I waited just a little longer, he might have gotten so tired that he just left with nothing. I had really cared though, so I risked it, and yeah, I got played. It hurt, and bad too, but I learned.

What really irritates me now though, is that there are still those out there encouraging women to just put themselves out there immediately, to take a chance and hand over her body to someone on the first date or by the third date, or else she is considered immature, not grown-up, not mentally and emotionally healthy, and an abundant of other negative, bullshit terms. I cannot tell you how irresponsible this kind of "advice" is. I hope that karma eventually catches up with those who keep spouting this dangerous babble, because it can literally kill women.

I fully believe M. Church is a player and he's being honest about it. I am grateful he is here on this thread being honest and speaking out about it. I hope that the women who didn't listen to me and to others who have tried to wise them up, will listen to him and learn from him. This thread ought to be mandatory reading for every woman, young and old, on this POF site.

Player's can destroy hearts and hope. They will also destroy your dreams if you don't have those dreams hung on something really powerful that picks you up when you fall. Player's are a fact of life, unfortunately, and they are the contrast between what we dream of and desire and the fool's gold we seem to have wound up with.

When we find the real thing though, a guy who can hang however long we need him to, who shows us that he's for real, it's great. It is so wonderful to find one who isn't a player, who loves the good and tolerates the bad, who is deep, who learns to be intimate in the most intense of ways, who loves us for ourselves, who wants something meaningful too, who grows with us over time.

But watch the sharks circling, ladies, because they really are slick and they appear to be the nicest, attractive, well meaning, polite, even educated fish out there. The ones who are brash, crass, braggarts over their prowess with women are easy to spot, but the true players will blow you away with telling you everything romantic you ever dreamed of hearing and making you believe it's healthy and right that you give in as quickly as possible to their sexual whims and desires.

M. Church is spot-on.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 182
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:28:33 AM

A good player is confident enough to walk up to a group of women, and during the conversation, tell them he's a player, and yet still leave with one of them.... And she will think she's playing him, if she even thinks about it...


This is why 90 percent of the definitions of player in these post don't know what they are talking about. They are calling a player anybody who just happened to dump them. That is not a player. The friends that I have that are players, are like this, they tell you.

But let's face it. Why do players exist, who makes the player a player? Women.

In a woman's subconscious mind she is looking for two things, the man they fall in love with, usually a confident bad guy type of person, and then the nice guy provider, good husband, friend. The problem is that they are not the same person most of the time. So women see a particular type of men that first of all, are not all over them, but are confident and depending on the style of the guy, he could be a body language type, or a good talker, or even a good dancer. So they think that they can change that guy, in other words be the one that tames them. Yeah. So what happens? She falls, crashes and burns. He moves on, and she now moves with a huge chip on her shoulder and goes through a "pain avoidance" stance, in which nobody gets through to her. The irony is that she pulls such high protective shield that the only guys capable to go through that shield happen to be, guess what, a player. And she gets played again.

Oh, she may marry the nice guy. A man she did not sleeps with until past 6 months and she is so sure she has him in the bag that his balls come with wrapping lace. Only that in the marriage she realizes that she doesn't love the guy. Sometimes these women wake up quickly, sometimes it takes them a long time. A girl I went out with was in such a marriage for 10 years before she got out.
 svj
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 183
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:39:42 AM
I f*cking hate these "I hate men/women/rich/skinny/buff/or otherwise attractive people" threads....

So, in true svj style.... it's time to piss some people off!!
And hopefully help out one or two out of the raging throng at the same time.
I love doing that.
=====================================================

"Player" is just a word like "slut" that a person uses to de-humanize someone who they blame for some emotional pain in their past. These people are very often (dare I say rarely?) not truly the one's at fault.

In this case, (the term "player"), women usually use it to de-humanize an attractive man, not just attractive to her, but to a lot of women. They willingly sleep with him, usually pretty early on, because he's that damn attractive. And if it doesn't lead to a lasting relationship, blame him for it afterwards.

It is a universally known fact (to men) that the vast majority of men will sleep with a woman for her looks alone. (Including most of the ones that claim they won't. They'll unconsciously start projecting "other qualities" on her.)
But most men will not have a relationship with a woman that doesn't bring something else to the table. Some women know this, most do not. Many men have tried telling them this over the years... but denial is a hard wall to climb.

So she sleeps with a very attractive man. For whatever reason, the very attractive man deems that she is not relationship material, likely because she's "nice" but not "special". (If you have a two-line profile, and your only interests are "laughing" and "movies" and "music", I'm likely talking to you.) Instead of a woman asking herself "Why do I need to do or change about myself to become attractive enough to attractive men to warrant a relationship?", she yells out "I slept with him on the first date, and he never called me again!! PLAYER!!! HE WAS JUST USING ME FOR SEX!!!".

The story is a familiar one. She meets a very attractive man. But she sees that many other women want him, too. Thus, she knows her "window of opportunity" is small.
So she looks for a way to land the guy,quickly. Most women use their knowledge of men to her advantage. She knows the shortcut to get his attention real f*cking quick. 99% of guys love sex. If it's offered, and she's reasonably physically attractive, chances are he'll take it.
Problem is... that's what every other woman that wants him is thinking as well.
So what sets you apart from the other hundreds of women that have tried the same, exact thing?

Ask a highly attractive woman. Do you think she's impressed when some Joe on the street comes up to her and tells her she's hot? Hell, no. She still loves 99% the compliments, it's very validating. But it's not going to attract her to anyone. She gets it all the time.

What makes this any different?

Now I say what I'm about to say to "average" and "nice" guys all the time.... and the ladies cheer me on.
Now I'm going to say the same thing to ladies, and I will be villified... probably deleted... possibly banned.
Whatever. I recognize and accept the double standard.
The messenger is usually the first one killed.

Girls, you want to land a guy that is top-of-the-class?
The super-attractive guy that every woman wants?
You want to make that "player" all yours?
Where goes to bed at night, only thinking and dreaming of you?

You know how those "nice" guys that you want pursue you, and you get to pick and choose? With highly attractive men... the ones that have women competing for them... the roles are reversed. He's the "hot chick", and you're now the "nice" guy.

You want one of these guys? Then you better have something to make you stand out above the every other woman, because every woman has a pooter.

Don't be average. Be interesting!
The "average" man is not interesting to a very attractive woman.
The "average" woman is not interesting to a very atractive man.

If you're average... and you really, really want one of these men, stop dating. And go out and become someone special. Build a "special" life for yourself. Then come back.
Don't buy into this "We're all beautiful in our own way!" politically-correct bullshit you've been fed since the cradle. While attractiveness to men certainly begins with looks, it faaaaaar from ends there.

And don't blame the attractive guy, if you don't have enough going for you to keep him interested. That's not going to help you move forward. That's just going to move you to posting sob stories in self-pity pits like these threads. Don't bother calling "Player!" to everyone around. Nobody cares.

This practical piece of street psychology brought to you by svj.

I recognize that there has been an angry tone to this post. Self-pity gets under my skin.

Let the flaming begin!!!
 southernlass
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 188
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/27/2007 7:40:01 PM
Melofelo said:


Southernlass, to you a "meaningful relationship" is one in which the woman has "control", and someone who is "really into her" is a man who "gives in" to being controlled.

You're really focused on this control stuff, aren't you? I've also noted that you consistently insist on trying to make sure things aren't off balance in terms of even the very beginnings of a relationship dynamic, with a perfect stranger no less. I honestly think that you aren't happy or secure unless you feel that you are completely in control. And obviously you don't feel in control unless your date (who is an actual stranger to you on the first date in real time) cedes her private places completely over to you immediately.

Seriously hon, no offense, but you are very fond of pointing out other people's issues on a daily basis in these forums. I think it is definitely time that you turn all of that intense analysis in your own direction. You exhibit serious issues in so many areas that it would just be wrong to go into them all on a public forum, and it will only serve to get yet another thread where you've posted about 25 times, deleted.

In order to answer your next question though, I want to point out an example and that is that I can't imagine being in a new relationship with someone and spending the majority of my day, everyday, obsessively posting my opinion on plentyoffish.com and expecting that my new partner is going to be all right with that for the rest of our lives together. Good luck with that, but I honestly don't think this nasty little addiction you have going on will keep things happy in the long run. She's gonna get tired of it, bud. I promise. And well she should. And that leads us directly into your question...



Here's the question. Why should either the man or the woman have to "give in", to have a relationship?

If you haven't figured this out by now at your age, after being in a nineteen year marriage and knowing that compromise is the key word to a successful relationship, I don't know what to tell you. You, of all people, really need to clue in to this. There is no way that your partner deserves someone who lives on POF for hours everyday, instead of sharing intimate time and communication with her. So you just might have to "give in" on that, address the addiction, and start prioritizing a little better. People have to "give in" from day one, Melo. They have to compromise and move toward one another because they aren't always going to agree nor want the same things at the same time. One cannot ever be in control successfully 24/7 without the dynamic becoming increasingly unhealthy and dysfunctional. Power is shared 24/7, compromises are made, and it's that way out of sincere consideration and respect for one another.



I am in a serious relationship, and I was serious in being open to one. The attraction to her was because of her "who" when we talked, and a sense of her "what", and in person it translated into instant and overwhelming attraction to both who and what she is. However, none of that would have worked, had there been some "power struggle" or external paradigm of making me "jump through hoops" to prove a negative. Instead, it was, and remains, natural, with each of us giving to the other, each of us receiving, and together finding something that neither could find alone.

The power struggles are all within your own mind, Melo. It is you with the issue. It is you with the driving, overwhelming problem, desire, and need to be in control. It is you who cannot stand that a woman has the right to do with her private places what she desires when she is ready to do it, just as you have the right to do the same with yours. You are so anguished that you don't have control over this one area in the barely beginnings of talking with someone, an absolute stranger to you in real time, that you spend day after day reiterating your stance on it.

I'm glad that this lady you've found did not make you jump through hoops and that you found someone who could understand and accept this strange "paradigm" you are obsessed with making sure we all know about, but really, Melo -- enough's enough, huh? I think we all get it now. It's just that we don't agree.

A great number of us are going with M. Church's advice at this point. We're gonna keep our zippers closed until we know that the person we're seeing also wants things to be exclusive and go somewhere meaningful. We're going to excercise caution, good judgment, and common sense in an age where STD's and heartbreak flourish. We're not going to worry about some one date or three date rule which is a load of hooey anyway, designed by the greatest player of them all! lol.

I know you're going to continue your speeches about strange paradigms and the need to be in control at all costs, regardless of what I or anyone else says about it. And I'm beginning to finally understand why. Best of luck with working on on your own issues, hon.
 svj
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 197
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/28/2007 12:45:10 AM
Actually, I think this economic model of human capital ("attractiveness" or "value") when applied to interpersonal relationships between the genders is extremely dehumanizing and any desire to adopt it results from media, advertising and marketing campaigns.

I understand where you're coming from. When i'm around someone I'm in a relationship with, I am not thinking this way. I'm thinking in a warm, compassionate, and loving context. That warm, fuzzy kind of thinking. That electric kind of touch... that deeply satisfied internal hum when she's near. That the way I like to feel. It's useful. It makes us feel good. It makes us feel happy. It's all very... human.

Personally, I find it very useful to have as many different frames of mind as possible available to me. I can take one off, and put another on, like a shirt. Then I can change my clothes, depending on the weather, as it were.

I also find it useful at times... usually when I am meditating and/or visualizing... to use a de-humanizing concept like "level of attractiveness" or "value". For a very simple reason. I am human. While such concepts de-humanize me, it also gives me the disassociation I need to look at myself objectively. (My versions of the "attractiveness" concept are largely my interpretations of Charles Darwin, as opposed to media.)

If I didn't look at myself in a cold, objective manner from time to time... I would not be able to honestly evaluate where I am, where I want to be, and what I need to do to get there. It's not a particularly comfortable shirt, but it's one I need to wear from time to time. But I can take it off when I'm done.

One of my semi-natural skills is that I can adopt the mannerisms of and fit in with and gain the trust of pretty much any group that being a white male does not disqualify me from. And even some groups that it does. You may or may not have noticed this in these forums. This ability has been the crux of some of my past businesses.

But I was not (am not, depending on perspective) very good in an "attractiveness" context. "Blending in" doesn't do anything in the realm of attraction. One needs to stand out. I simply did (do?) not have a high enough "value" to be competitive against the pack of men competing for the kind of women whom stimulate me not just physically, but intellectually, and emotionally as well. And it is a competition. Many, many men want these comparatively few women. Supply and demand.

As we all know from POF, most contacts never go anywhere, because there is so many men for a woman to choose from.

So I needed to learn a new set of social skills, if I was ever to be able to compete for a woman that I would ever want to settle down with. A new "shirt" that I could wear. The shirt that would allow me access past those initial barriers that we all carry and allow us to get to know each other for real, deep inside. And then things can just flow in that warm, compassionate, and loving way...

Had I not had the ability to look at myself in a cold, objective context... I would never have realized that there was something within myself I needed to change. Another skillset I needed to learn. Another shirt to put in the closet.

And without the ability to look at myself and others in a warm, compassionate and loving context... I would have no need for that shirt in the first place.

I would have simply gotten angry, resentful, and started blaming others for my shortcomings.

I think both sides of this argument could stand to learn a lot from each other... if only they were willing to openly share the contents of their closets.

Besides... wouldn't you love to see Melo in a blouse? LMAO

Hopefully that analogy traslates well from my thoughts to my words.




BTW... during my adventures, I happened to be ordained as a minister... so I believe I can visit that convent. Didn't take a vow of celibacy, either.... ;)
 whisper67520
Joined: 9/29/2006
Msg: 200
view profile
History
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/28/2007 11:25:01 AM
oshan message 196..."You are nothing more than an opportunistic predator, and you blame your prey for being so stupid as to be caught. Please get some help and/or some education, because your attitudes are nothing less than sub-human. Your attitude and behaviors are what destroys the innocence...do you rape children too? The reason I ask is that your attitudes really do fit the profile of a pedophile....no compassion, no respect, no instinct to protect. In short....no ability to love. How sad and pathetic this is! Get some help!"

Very well stated.

Melo..."If a "prize" that had to be earned, it was no longer the authentic "me" exposed to possible failure, but a player, playing her game, but with the only possible "winner" being "capturing" the prize, which, of course, would end the game. "

Or a man so insecure in his own self worth that his ego could not handle rejection of any type. A man lacking in compassion, genuine feelings and it became all ABOUT HIM. I think that is your true inner self emerging.

trailsman...."Real players are sociopaths that don't do it for a reward, they do it to keep their demons at bay. Scratch a player and you'll find someone in a lot of emotional pain. Chances are that earlier in his life he/she was emotionally crushed by someone of the other gender: parent, sibling, first real love, etc. The constant need to find out if women/men still find him/her worthy of love has its roots in self doubt. For some, just getting a phone number satisfies their fears. For others, its not a confirmed "kill" unless you get someone to perform a sexual act.

Healthy relationships scare the hell out of them since they were psychologically damaged from someone to whom they attached themselves. They often have difficulty keeping their emotions disciplined... falling madly in love quickly, then panicking to get out before the hurt comes. Rather than be alone, they may try to keep a "spare" girl in the wings whenever there is tension in the main relationship. If the primary relationship falls apart (and why should you work at it if you have a spare waiting?) the secondary becomes the primary. That leaves an opening for a new secondary (or more) relationship. And the cycle continues.

Throughout the whole process, the player's only concern is keeping their ego and sense of self worth intact. All other considerations like other people's feelings, reputation, sexual health, etc. are disregarded as this one need consumes them. No matter how many successes, the doubts eat away at their souls.

Don't take it personally folks."

This deserves repeating and is one of the best post as to "the why" Players are emotional bankrupted people, who feed off of others and the conquest.

m church.."Just because my morals and views are different to yours or others does not automatically mean I am filled with self-loathing"

I think you hit the nail on the head and it does boil down to ............ MORALS. Some people still have them and some are devoid.
 svj
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 207
Players! What is it like to play? C'mon be honest!
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:23:59 PM
^^^^ Wow, Jake... If this was earlier in the thread, you would have sooooo been burnt to a crisp for saying that. But now, it may actually be appreciated. I know I do.

In answer to your question... of course it is. It's just that women have been raised since childhood to crave those labels... "boyfriend" "fiancee" "husband".
There are plenty of women that have overcome that. Several are on this thread alone. But we'd be fooling ourselves if we said they were the majority.

Stick it out, brutha.


Prettypicky:

Is saying that you are a priest/minister etc. really some trendy, new way to gain a woman's trust more easily? Is this just some slick pick-up line? Please do tell--inquiring minds want to know...

Um... that was a pretty nasty, hurtful thing to say, actually.
If you meant it the way I read it. (That a guy ((me)) would resort to calling himself a minister for the purpose of gaining a woman's trust for the purposes of sleeping with her.)

If that is how you meant it... rest assured, not everything a guy does is part of an elaborate scheme to get into a woman's pants.

And if you didn't, and it's just a miscommunication.... Don't make me come over there and tickle you silly!!

Judging by what you've wrote on this thread in the past, I don't think you did mean it like that. You don't seem like that sort of person to me. So I will give the benefit of the doubt for now, and refrain from further comment until I can get some clarification.



I am a minister of a "protest" religion whose only precepts is that:
a) You and your parishoners are free to do whatever you please, as long as you don't impede on anyone else's ability to do the same.
b) You must do that which you believe is right. It is every parishoners right and privledge to determine what is right for themselves.
c) You should worship whatever god(s) you choose, in whatever form you preceive him/her/it/them to be.

You can become one, too. Visit ulc dot org.

It's a breath of fresh air to those that are spiritual, but don't appreciate the dogma/guilt/shame/rules of the standard "Jerusalem" religions.

I joined up, and carry my credentials in my wallet, so that I can pull rank on any fanatically religious dipsh*t that sees fit to accuse myself or anyone else of being wicked, immoral, etc. Or use their religion in any way to make someone else feel bad about themselves.

If someone wants to use religion to feel high-and-mighty, fine. But I will be damned if they use it as a club on someone else when I'm in the room.

You may have noticed from my conduct on these forums, that I find it very satisfying to feed the holier-than-thou a taste of their own medicine from time to time.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >