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Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 74
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
LOOKIN - LMAO, too funny, again, that's just sad... LOL... girlie you need to screen better... LOL..

Suz aka Sami
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 75
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:59:09 PM
LOOKIN - LMAO, too funny, again, that's just sad... LOL... girlie you need to screen better... LOL..

Oh, by the way, I wanna hear about the purse, the teacher and the blow up doll, too, so Lonsome, dish what's the story guy... inquiring minds wanna know...

Suz aka Sami
Suz aka Sami
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 77
view profile
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/29/2009 12:42:26 AM
I was kind of seeing a guy, off and on for a year or so. We would go to dinner, them maybe a couple months later, see a movie. He was 39 at the time, I was 42. I knew he hadnt dated much, only a couple different women. He was a Social Worker, and I'm a nurse, so we had lot in common, lots to talk about. Not and chemistry though. He never so much as held my hand. Quick peck at the end of the date. Well, one night, after dinner out, I asked him if he'd like to come in. It was about 9pm. This is like our 7th date. We go into my house, I turn the TV on and hand him the remote, and tell him, I 'm going to change out of my heels, and hose, and put on a pair of lounging pants and shirt. I do this, then head into the kitchen, and call out, would he like a drink? "no". I pour myself a glass of wine, and head into the living room. He is lying on my couch with the pillows over his head, blocking out the TV. Seems Sue Johannson was on the TV talking about clitoral stimulation and he was mortified. I quickly turned the channel, my God he had had the remote, he could have turned it, if he was offended. I will never get that picture of this full grown man, my sofa pillow over his ears. Totally embarrassed.
The next day he emails me, seems he really liked my feet, and the shape of my toes.
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 80
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 4/29/2009 7:03:43 PM

Good date then we have dinner at his place, still a gentleman, then my place still a gentleman, then his place things are progressing............or so I think, then he drops the big bomb...........

You're thinking he's about to tell you he's really a transvestite?

HE tells me he can not believe I did not offer to pay for 1/2 on our first date>>>>I am sitting there looking at him like wow, are you for real?

You've just discovered he's poor, after how many great dates?.

I get up and leave.

Because, despite the fact you've had such a good time together, he's put one foot out of line, and you kicked him to the kerb.

We make another date and I call him, because he has not called to tell me what time we have decided on, and he tells me he can not go because he really can not afford it, I of course am p......d, tell him he should have thought of that before we made the plans.

So you're pissed-off with him because he's broke and too embarrassed to tell you up-front?

Needless to say, I ended it with this jerk.

So, the minute he ran out of cash he became a jerk, yet you enjoyed his company for the initial bunch of dates? There's plenty of things people can do to have fun together which don't involve shelling out cash.

anyway not my type and he really gave me a bad taste for online dating.

Apparently he was your type until he ran out of money to spend on you, I think it was he who dodged a bullet here.
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 86
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Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 5/5/2009 4:19:37 PM
I swear, this has to be one of the funniest dating stories, and it was posted on Craigs List. If I were the poor woman, I'd move out of Oregon.
Best of Craigslist: RE: To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)

To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 90
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/11/2009 2:35:05 PM
Thanks. Funny.

But, OP, she;s still a woman, old or young, fat or slim, you should haven;t missed the opportunity! How many guys used tricks to get women for sex!.

You were luck!
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 92
view profile
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:32:05 PM
I still grin when I remember this one. Met a attractive woman and we hit it off. She starts talking about sex on the second phone call which I was fine with as I don't want someone I am not compatible in bed with. She asks if I like giving foot massages and I said yes I do. She says she likes her toes sucked during sex and I say no problem at all and we decided to meet. I knew it would be a good date but I had no idea. We met at a restaurant and she called attention to her feet in her nice open toed shoes, I commented that she had cute toes and I would love to suck her toes. She smiled over the compliment and grabbed my ass on the way to the table. We get a booth and sit down, we ordered drinks. We start our drinks and begin to chat. We were having a great conversation.

She reaches down and I could tell she was taking her shoes off. Next thing I know they are on my lap so I start giving her a foot massage. Apparently she has a spot on her feet that can just about give her an orgasm and I found it in a few short moments. People start to notice her slipping into it when she moaned and I decide I had better stop but people were already looking. I order more drinks and we order dinner. We continued to chat as we had our drinks and I worked on a shrimp****ail. I'm usually fairly reserved but I even kissed her foot at the table which really got things going as did my shrimp eating abilities.

She still has her feet on my lap but I am avoiding that particular spot. She is rubbing her feet all over me. By this time I am sporting wood and then she feels it. She gets a wicked grin on her face. She starts rubbing my crotch and gets mr happy between her feet and goes for it. She asks me to take him out and I said not here, she says I can do it through your pants. Again I notice we are being watched and I said something about maybe she should stop. She says I'll give them something to watch loud enough that half the room heard and she proceeds to rub me off through my pants. I said you need to stop or there will be a mess, she smiled, laughed and rubbed harder. She finished me off and by now someone had complained and the manager was at out table while I was still moaning. He said we are boxing your food and you need to leave now and we will bring the food out to you. I asked for the bill and he said no charge, just leave and I downed the rest of my drink. As we were leaving with a huge wet spot in my pants I'm saying so what now, she replies dinner at my place with lots of wet sloppy sex, half the place heard. I said I think that would be a great idea. The date ended a few days later. I think every man in that restaurant wanted to be me that night.

We dated for a while until she had to go to Boston for her job and I don't like that area so I didn't go.

I had many other incidents with her, It's a wonder we didn't get arrested as she was beyond adventurous and get a room was often heard when we were out. I'm sure we annoyed a great number of people with our antics but I still chuckle when I think about her. None of my friends have ever had a better in public story than the foot job in restaurant.
Joined: 8/6/2010
Msg: 94
Funny Dating Stories....... :laugh:
Posted: 7/6/2013 12:17:37 PM
I for one think this is a very SHITTY thing to happen to anyone. The poor woman had to drop her friends off at the pool and sadly there was no local swimming area available. Could you be to blame? Yes, i think possibly you made her nervous hence the gastro intestinal reaction or maybe she was allergic to the food?

Also, in todays age who doesnt keep a CLEAN UP KIT in the trunk of thier car (especially one with leather seats).

As far as sending Pepto, probably not a way to win the pooping princess over.

Start being a gentelman dude and maybe you wont be crapped on (or at) so much.

Just sayin...and happy dating!
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