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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off wi      Home login  
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 Railroadman
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 1
Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the fatherPage 7 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
After reading tons of posts on different subjects I always come back to the same conclusion, it seems to me most women think a child is better off with the mother vs. being with the father. Now it some circumstances I believe if the father was a abusive toward the child then obviously the kid is better off. But in alot of cases the mother automatically gets custody of the child. Even the courts are more geared towards women. Why is it that men have to prove the mother is unfit in order to get custodial rights to the child. I dont agree with the courts because the mother doesnt have to prove anything in order to get the same rights. Women automatically assume the kid has to live with the mom if a couple splits up. What if both parents are good parents? Why cant the father get custody without trying to prove the mother is unfit, is it because women or courts or both think men cant raise a child on there own? Is it because people think mothers love there kids more than fathers? I dont understand it, I am not looking for trash talk with this post, just honest questions and I would like to get some other insight into it from both men and women.
 apollo84
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 3
Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:58:55 PM
I have been fighting for over a year to get my kids back. in that time I have learned two thinks. no matter what the mother does the court will favor her over the Father. And a lot of people and women seam to think right off the bat that if you are a father and trying to get your kids back, its only to try and hurt the mother...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 6:17:27 PM
I never understood why ANY parent (mother or father) would try to keep the other from seeing THEIR child, except for the abuse thingy. After that, it's plain old SELFISH on their part and they should be ashamed!!!!! Using breast feeding, nuturing, etc by the females shows your true colours, and just another excuse to jam it down your EX partners throat. Is it any wonder "some" men throw up their hands and run. Then we hear the whining from the other side.

I really don't get "people" sometimes, especially the way "some" use their kids as pawns. Shame, shame, shame. Totally unjust to the young ones that deserve a LOT better.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 13
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Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 10:17:23 PM

Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father

because times are changing....slowly
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 14
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Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/25/2007 10:22:45 PM
I think its an automatic thought because most men don't inherently have the maternal instinct that many women seem to be born with.
'Some' men don't have the tools to satisfy all the children's emotional needs the way 'some' women could/do.
 friskey
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 16
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Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/27/2007 11:02:29 AM
I agree witht the womenMost men Maybe not the ones that think they are better but most Need to go out and score chicks in the mean time and the little ones hold you down...
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 17
Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 10/27/2007 11:41:51 AM
I have to agree with you. The mother is not always the best parent. I know a few cases where the mother was truly unfit and it took a huge fight for the father to get the kids. In the end, if they keeps after it, the right parents ends up with custody. It's ashame that the legal system can't open it's eyes and do the math first. I have many issues with the way custody and child support and visitation is handled. It's not fair across the board and the parents that get hurt the most by it are the ones who are trying to be in thier kids lives..but I guess that's another thread.

I think the overall opinion is that the women is the natural caregiver and therefore should get the kids. Women are the ones who bear the children and the ones who, traditionally, raise them. I know this is slowly changing as women get more involved jobs and men become more active in thier childrens lives. But as it stands today the women is still more likely to be the primary caregiver even in a two parent household. The courts are merely following this trend. Traditionally, the father is the one who is out of the home more, making the money or doing whatever else they need to support the family. This trend is changing, albeit slowly. Men are still the primary breadwinner while women are the primary caretakers. I don't think it has anything to do with courts thinking men can't raise children on there own. I just think they are following traditional family roles. I have seen cases where the men get custody of thier children right out of divorce court. Admittingly these are extreme cases. But it's a good sign that the courts are recognizing the trend of men increasing thier time spent in the home and women increasing thier time spent out of it. Until that reaches a 50/50 split or more I think courts are going to continue to favor the women. They are the natural caregivers, that is, since the beginning, their primary function, whereas men where always the ones to bring home the bacon..even prior to civilazation being the way it is today. Until we see the gender roles dissovle, we won't see a major change in the courts decisions.

PS..I didn't read any of the responses..sorry if this is all said already..
 antrinale
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 19
Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 11/12/2007 7:06:14 AM
goodmoring to all the readers out their.it's not who should the kids be with or not be with if you love your kids and you are the responsable adult in your relationship then you knows what is best for the kids or kid it clearly states that you and you mate had a bad deviorce and you are trying to prove a point to her or the word well just to let u know something we do not care about you and the mother we care about the kids and so thats life so keep up the good work and at the end ity will pay off i am out
 STADoc
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 20
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Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 12/4/2007 1:28:06 PM
I've often wondered that.
I guess in my case my kids could have learned all about jails, drugs, prostitution and abuse. Maybe its an educational thing.
 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 21
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Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 12/4/2007 9:45:58 PM
I've had my kids for 8 years now. They're 16 and 10. Before that, I was active in my son's life, as active as anyone, even working 80-100 hours a week in grad school. And with my daughter, I was the stay-at-home dad who took her to my now-ex-wife's school so she could breast feed 3 times a day. Until my ex- disappeared for 6 weeks, ostensibly studying for Boards, but demonstrably going to bars most nights with her new friends from med school, and crashing at their houses/apartments. She didn't even fight me for the kids.

Even my ex-wife doesn't think the kids would be better off with her. She used to threaten a custody battle when she wanted things, but... {shrug} She makes 5-6 times what I do. More, really, with bonuses. She pays child support and takes the kids alternate weekends and a chunk of the summer.

HOWEVER... I've had several women tell me point blank they were sure my ex- was either a drug-abuser or institutionalized, OR I was a complete jackass who stole the kids from my ex- with expensive lawyering. And very damn few want anything to do with a man who's got kids around 90% of the time (I know, another thread, but still...)

As for why? I guess it's just a holdover from the 1950s (and earlier) where the man has nothing to do with the kids except tossing a ball around and providing $$$. Old habits die hard and all.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 22
Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:45:45 PM
Take your daughter and run..leave the country before they can stop you and don't look back..that's what i'd do.. From what you said she sounds crazy and if you were a women talking about her ex..that's what you'd be advised to do.. or something similar to it..

PS you can both have a bond with your daughter..just because she bonds with someone else doesn't mean she is no longer bonded with you..
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 23
Why is it most women automatically think the a child is better off with the mother vs. the father
Posted: 1/4/2008 9:53:12 PM

95% + of all men in prison, 80+ of all rapists and pedophiles all come from single mother households as do the majority of prostitutes and drug addicts. Most of those fathers did not leave willingly but were thrown out in 'no-fault' divorces.


Sorry to pick this line out, but I have a question.. Of these people studied how many of them had abusive fathers that thier mothers kicked out? How many of them had thier fathers walk out and never come back? How many of them had a role model in the father who did those things? Is this all still the mothers fault? Of the ones studied is is proven that none of the above happened beyond a resonable doubt? I don't argue your fact, only the point you are trying to make. Of course sometimes the child is better with the dad. I have male friends who have custody and more who should. I just can't stand how it's always the single mother who is at fault. Perhaps if the dad hadn't walked out (or one of the other scenarios listed above?)that particular person wouldn't be in jail?

Oh..and how is dumping them for adultry exempt? I agree with you that they should be dumped if they commit adultry, I just don't see how that is any less damaging to a child then splitting up for any other reason.
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