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Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 33
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Good post Jamie_25!

give: acts of service, desire: Physical Touch (non-sexual) and words of affirmation...can't seperate them easily.

Bana-dito ...oops, was I suppose to make a joke too?
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 37
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The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 1/6/2006 1:01:29 PM
#6 None of the above.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 44
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The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 1/9/2006 8:42:37 PM
Soy un hombre llena de amor para una mujer de mis suenos.

Tengo honor pero mi lengua de amor es mi pequeno. Necesito una ensenadora.
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 46
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 8/23/2010 7:06:44 PM
I just read this book and passed it on to my boyfriend because I wasn't getting what I needed emotionally out of our relationship of 10 months. I knew our languages were different, but it was verified by the quizzes in the book. I am Acts of Service, Quality Time and Physical Touch. He is Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. He says I don't even need to work on any of the languages. He says he isn't a good planner like I am and I won't be able to change him, but he's already working on a date for us for Saturday night. I told him that all of the activities that he has mentioned to me in passing, but never followed through on make me feel like he doesn't think I'm worth putting the effort into. He seemed genuinely shocked that I felt that way. He thought that stating his gratitude at all of the effort that I put into our relationship would make me feel loved. It makes me feel appreciated, but not loved. The book may be our saving grace.
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 57
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The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 8/26/2010 8:53:18 AM

Honestly, this kind of pap revolts me.

Usually it does me as well, but I actually think there is something important here that can be very helpful to people.

How do we know we are loved? Generally it is the way the other person expresses their feelings and the way we interpret it.

So... someone for whom 'service' is a primary way of expressing their love will naturally be looking for things to do for their beloved. If their beloved's interpretation is "yes, you do stuff for me but you don't ever tell me you love me so I'm feeling unloved." what we have is a mismatch in communication styles that is possible to work around - if people realize what's happening and where the disconnect is occurring.
Joined: 4/6/2010
Msg: 62
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The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 8/29/2010 8:02:09 PM
absolutley and it is an awesome book for me its physical touch and quality time . i believe all 5 languages of love have their place ... action speaks louder than words..... broken hearted on account of someone not listening, or paying attention, emotional unavailibility, relationship evasion and neglect. SELFISHNESS..
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 69
apparently the language of love I get is 4 Q
Posted: 4/29/2014 7:03:35 AM
one of the problems is, we're going to express (the energy and passion we feel) in whatever way makes us feel so good about letting that energy out. the other problem could be, we're going to accept the medium we got so little of growing up.

the more we stay in our head, the less we notice of the language (or medium or media) thru which we express our love for another human being, and the one being used upon us. the less we stay in our head, the more we naturally pick up on how someone is communicating with us. as the message becomes less of a necessity, we might more notice the medium.
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 71
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 4/29/2014 4:36:58 PM
jamie 25- The words used come from an author and some have a little spin, using my own words, I'll say.........
1)Mutual respect
2)Quality time
3) both party's giving and receiving, with no thought of what they will get in return (physical touch is included)
4)kindness (really for me, 3 and 4 are a tie)
5)gifts from the heart that have thought and meaning.
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 4/30/2014 3:38:23 AM
I guess that if I were to choose according to this framework and these parameters, it'd be this -

1 - Physical Touch (non-sexual)
2 & 3 tie - Acts of Service, Quality Time
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 76
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 4/30/2014 6:10:53 AM
I don't get why anyone wouldn't want to have time with the person they are supposedly in a relationship with. Unless time restraints are job related, your bf/gf should be the one after work that you want to spend time with. That is why there is FRIEND attached at the end of these labels.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 78
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The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 4/30/2014 10:46:39 AM
A person should multiple or singular date as to their personal preference. No one should be telling you how to do what it best for you. But multiple or singular doesn't change the fact that you can't be vested before you know someone and give it enough time to find out what you like and don't like and where you would like it to go. If a person doesn't treat you like you want to be treated, they aren't right or wrong, nor are you, they are just wrong for you, for what you want in another. That's when you move on, not try to beat them into submission or beat yourself up for not being right for them. It didn't work, move on, if it does work, keep seeing where it might go. There are points of time when you see what you want or don't want in a person, that's the point, no matter what amount of time you've put in, when you make these decisions.

Personally I don't do these books of who am I and how should I act and what's my love language...I go by what's going on and how I feel about it and what's working or not working.
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 4/30/2014 2:28:33 PM

I'll have to adapt to the American way of dating, meaning date multiple people.

Nooo! I'll have to concur some with InnerGorilla -

I would recommend away from this. Then you're going to get stuck with the candy store syndrome

as well as -

If you want something really bad, YOU MAKE THE TIME. If you don't, you MAKE excuses

But then also with daynadaze a bit too.

With all that said, I want to explain what should be going on with any kind of "multiple dating". I think that you're misunderstanding it...but then, practitioners of multiple dating misunderstand it as well, unless they're those evil dirty "open relationship" type of people from the planet Esdidvneioseiddfpoue.

Multiple dating isn't, or at least shouldn't be, actually multiple "dating". It's really just "multiple friendly first meeting contacts" or "a relaxed casual consideration of possible romance with someone you already know, and then another, etc". What's going on with it...the purpose of really almost just "making friends", though obviously with a little twist in that you're finding out those initial basic things about people, to decide if you'd want to officially "date" with the understanding that there's some actual "interest" in that particular person. If you're "just getting to know several people" on friendly terms better not call that "dating", unless you want to drive off the one who's worth a sh!t, or your idea of "getting to know" is that you're f-cking them in order to "trying it out first." In other words, just "meet people". Socially network some. Whatever. But when you are DATING, you better be DATING just one person, because the whole reason that you're doing that is because you've both reached a point where there's a mutual understanding of there being an interest in romance. And if you're doing that with more than one person...that's too contradictory. Makes no sense.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 80
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The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 4/30/2014 4:22:34 PM
Lots of people casually date, a date is when you go out/stay home with someone to some sort of activity with the idea that you are with them for that time frame. You know, a friendly meeting might involve you seeing someone you'd like to go home with and you might leave your friend there alone, for me a date would mean while we might also be friendly to each other, I would understand we are together for the time frame of the date and I wouldn't be checking out someone else I might like to pick up, etc. If that's clear as mud. Also I've never been on a date with a man and been checking out other men in case I wanted to trade up LOL but I know some people do that.

Dating someone exclusively is when you have gotten to know them and want to only go on dates with them and are moving toward or already in a sexual situation where you are exclusive and maybe serious about moving forward to marriage or your form of long term. While I personally date one person at a time, I understand why many people date more than one at a time and are in no way inferior or superior to me doing it their way. I don't jump to the conclusion that someone who dates several different people before committing to one, or never committing to one, is some how playing me as long as I know they are not asking me to be exclusive.

Some people have sex with everyone or some of the people they multiple date, it's always our choice to date them and be one of those several or not, it's only the liars who take away your choice because you do not have the proper info. Players lie, honest people don't have to tell you their entire dating/sex life but they do make it clear that they are not dating you exclusively. I've never said one has to date anyone who doesn't like what the other person does, I think you should only date people you want to date. But that doesn't leap to them being wrong in their activities, they are just wrong for you.

If I misunderstood what you are saying, sorry I'm not always on top of it. ;-)
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 5/1/2014 1:44:39 AM
daynadaze, who me?? - heck, there's so much difference in people's word-usage anyway. Seeing someone, going out, dating, just friends...blah blah blah. I was really addressing the concept of multiple dating, per the contextual reference above.

^ There's a quiz? Where's this?
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 83
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 5/1/2014 2:38:50 AM
Most Important to me is "Quality Time" and "Acts of Service" followed by "Words of Affirmation" IMO quality time comes before words of affirmation because it's easy to tell someone you care. It's also easy to tell someone that you love them, but to prove it with your actions is what matters most.

That's not to say it's not important to give words of affirmation. I had a hard time in a prior relationship simply because I realized my girlfriend never really asked me how I'm doing, or if their is anything she can do for me. Although she cared to some degree, I exited that relationship convinced I would always be the one giving the majority of the encouraging words, and making the majority of the sacrifices. I told myself that this is what a man does, but deep down it hurt.

"Physical Touch" is probably next in line, it's important but it varies in each relationship. For example when it's time to sleep some couples are cuddlers in bed, while others need their space when laying in bed.

"Gifts/Spending Money On" comes last. In my opinion this should be like icing on the cake. It's fun to give and receive presents, and it can show you care for someone, but sometimes couples don't have the means or resources to do this often, yet many of those types of relationships thrive on other more important things.
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 85
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 5/1/2014 8:26:39 AM
1 - tie - words of affirmation / quality time (both scores of 10)
2 - acts of service (score of 5)
3 - receiving gifts (score of 4)
4 - physical touch (score of 1 - holds true to my latest feelings of repulsion)
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 88
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 5/2/2014 2:52:44 PM

The only language that matters: English (or which ever common spoken language both people share).

Not so sure about that.
My tongue feels that French matters quite a bit.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 91
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 5/7/2014 7:29:12 AM
Is there any difference between this theory of love languages and the last 10,000 articles in Cosmo magazine or some other manual about the do's and don'ts and wants in dating and relationships from relationship "experts"? This is the type of survey where this no wrong answer, no matter which item(s) you pick as being important to you, so it doesn't mean much.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 97
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 5/13/2014 8:56:07 AM
the crazy little addictive thing about building one's own business--at least for some people--is its like creating a child who doesn't have a mind of their own. In theory (not always in reality), if the business prospers, its all you. If a kid prospers, they're an individual, so its their credit. A child might grow up to run off and join a hippie commune, a business will never leave you or (again, in theory) do something you never planned it to do. you have more control on how it turns out. so, it rewards you "better". putting money into a biz gets a better result than putting it into a person, for example.

growing up around entrepreneurs, I saw so many of their daughters turn into "boy crazy" females, b/c it was nearly as though their fathers were never around for them. the business responded better to investment, so it was a natural gravitation.
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 98
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The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 5/13/2014 9:51:41 AM
Excellent post by gtomustang. I have had the same thing in my life with computers. If you tell a computer what to do, very carefully, very precisely, it will do exactly what you tell it to do. Nothing more, nothing less. The first chance I had to play with a computer, I learned that lesson, and loved it. No human being can ever compete with that. Probably why I am so much better with computers than with people. (smile)

And why so many others are better at business than with their family life, because the business responds better to their investment of time and effort.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 103
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 5/20/2014 4:26:54 PM
Here's my experience with it, I went out (very FEW times) with a guy that went to my church and was in my singles group. Before we went out the first time, he sent me this in an email and wanted to know how I .....(looking for the word) scored? on the test. Anyway, that's how I felt about the whole thing at first. I did look through it though and talked about it a bit with him. I don't remember, but I think my "love language" or the first one was affirmation, meaning words of encouragement.

That said, whether it's a book, the Myers Briggs, horoscope signs...they're just tools potentially to learn how to use if and when you find that it may be useful and/or applicable. It's up to each individual whether they endorse, discard totally or just use all of parts of it.

Now for ME, I've taken lots of tests, the Myer Briggs which has always been within one point one way or the other, the horoscope stuff, the MMPT (it's LONG...over 300 questions), tests for career preferences...blah blah too many to remember, BUT it's because I find them interesting. I realize not everyone does, nor do I always agree completely with the results, but it's always something I at least consider.

I think it's fine to be open to the potential of learning more about ourselves because none of use have the advantage (IMO) of seeing ourselves non-objectively, as we present ourselves to others. I've been told that I may be too introspective, if there is such a thing.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 106
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 5/25/2014 2:27:23 PM
Which one is the one where if I'm still around then it means that all is well? Yeah, I'm that one.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 115
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 7/4/2014 8:20:52 AM

To woman progress post

ROTFL too true.

It is. If I keep showing up, consider all to be going well. When I stop showing up, you need to worry about the relationship. Simple simple.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 117
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 7/8/2014 6:51:43 AM

i would sum up love this put someone else's happiness before your own

That's nonsense. They BOTH need to be happy and make each other happy. Who wants a grumpy, unhappy partner? How does that make the other person happy?
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 122
The 5 Languages of Love: Which Is You?
Posted: 7/15/2014 5:18:21 PM
Im an act of service clown..... who is deaf and purty dumb too... so I can only guess what others want to hear. Might explain all the miscommunication tho.

I look for the lady who can sign and read lips. Girls like that take no lip.
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