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 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 2
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Single parents I have a question........Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
according to your profile, your son lives with you and your daughters live with the mom, how often is he seeing the mom and you seeing the daughters? that may factor to why he's behaving this way in class. How is he at home? Is he as restless at home as he is in school? how was his behavior last yea rin school if he was in school?
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 3
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/25/2007 10:06:10 PM
my friend had a parent-teacher meeting once and met the principal. The principal said "you know what, I have 320 kids here....and your son is the worst one"
Nice guy.

Admittedly, her son was pretty badly behaved kid. Big for his age, a bully, liked throwing rocks at other kids, etc etc. After a while my friend figured out what her son's issue was and the behaviour stopped almost immediately.
 FunFitnPlayful
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 5
Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/30/2007 4:53:49 PM
Hey Dave,

My hat goes off to you ... having this kind of a behavior issue is troubling to any parent and of course everyone just wants to do the best for their child... There could be lots of different reasons for his behavior, but don't forget - you and Mom know him best; the professionals can help but trust your gut in the end. I have a child with the developmental disability ADHD and for a couple of years I didn't want to put him on meds - tried everything else in between, but when we finally gave it a try, it was like night and day ... and I'm sure in researching the meds used for this disability you learned that they don't "dope" the child up to change the behavior ... the drug actually STIMULATES a part of the brain to make more of the neurotransmitter that is responsible for self control, pre-though (before action), impulsivity, etc. It is NOT a tranquilizer or any kind of mood affector. Kids with this disorder have an unbalanced brain chemistry - very simple - and they're finding that it is common in families w/ a history of mental illness, bipolar disorder etc., somewhere along the gene pool. Not always but there is a trend in that direction.
My son is now 12 and has been on meds since he was 7 and is at an age where he recognizes that he feels more "in control" of himself, more accepted by his peers b/c he's not in their faces or causing problems in the classroom. When I ask him how he feels about taking the meds and if he notices a difference, he looks me right in the eyes and says "yeah, Mom... I can tell - I like school now." What a feeling of affirmation that I made the right decisions for my son.
Hey - hang in there - it gets easier and you're a great Dad ... doing a GREAT JOB!!
 Travelgirlsp
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 6
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:13:18 PM
First and foremost, you certainly should not be irritated. The teacher is trying to help. By all means do not consider homeschooling as per the suggestion from Crash. To isolate an "at risk" child with behavior problems would make things worse. Children like your son need social interaction and you should ask the school district for assistance with a social skills class for your son. His meds need to be changed, there are many types, some meds will work for some children and not for others. It's very easy for people to judge you and tell you you're taking the easy way out by giving your child meds but some children just cannot do it on their own. The chemistry in their brain needs to be balanced and in many cases you can only do that with meds. Welcome the classes especially if the school district is offering.

I don't know that it's more common in single parents home, but give the classes a chance and don't be defensive with the teacher, your son will feed off of your reaction.

Good luck
 Quenft
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 7
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:37:41 PM
I haven't read the thread and apologize if I am repeating what others have said. My son was also "diagnosed" with all osrts of disordered and supposed to be pumped full with meds to "fix" him.

I called BS on that and instead recommend you tr y what has helped with my son:

- no video games
- little TV, not on school nights
- physical excersice, kids have more enrgy than you, burn it off before school!
- play board games
- play anything that needs him to sit and be still. do so as long as it works
- no junk food
- learn table manners and sit still and straight and eat.

Cheers

Matt
 FrozenFishsticks
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 8
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:34:18 PM
NEVER PUT YOUR KID ON MEDICATION/ HOMESCHOOL HIM/VIRTUAL SCHOOL HIM ANYTHING BUT NEVER MEDICATION!! I TAUGHT SCHOOL AND REMEMBERED TWO KINDS OF KIDS (THE ZOMBIES/THE DEVILS). THE ZOMBIES WERE KIDS ON MEDS. WE JUST PUSHED THEM THROUGH-THEY'LL END UP GETTING AN SSI CHECK SO WHY WASTE TIME/BESIDE ONCED LABELLED THEY NEVER GET JOBS-MILITARY/POLICE/BONDED JOBS. THEY ARE TOOOOOOO CRAZZZZZY. THE DEVILS ARE THE KIDS THAT WILL END UP IN JAIL/PRISON OR THE COLD SLAB. HOMESCHOOL HIM/ I'VE BEEN A SINGLE PARENT SINCE MY CHILDREN WERE 2 AND 5. I TAUGHT SCHOOL TO WORK THE HOURS SO THAT I COULD BE NEAR THEM. THEY WOULD BE DOWN THE HALL. WHEN SCHOOL GOT TO CRAZY AFTER THE COLUMBINE SHOOTINGS- I QUIT-TOOK A JOB TYPING MEDICAL REPORTS AND HOMESCHOOLED MY KIDS-- THEY USED ONE COMPUTER (ONE GRADUATED 16 AND JOINED THE MARINES AT 17), THE OTHER CURRENTLY GOES TO A PRIVATE PUBLIC SCHOOL FOR GIRLS ONLY (YES DO RESEARCH-THERE ARE PRIVATE PUBLIC- THEY JUST WON'T TELL YOU THAT) MY DAUGHTER LEAVES HER SCHOOL IN DECEMBER 08. SHE WAS ABLE TO GO TO 7TH,8TH,9TH GRADE IN 2 YEARS. SHE'S A LITTLE BEHIND-SHE'LL BE 15 IN TENTH GRADE IN JANUARY 09. SHE STARTS VIRTUAL SCHOOL HOPEFULLY SHE WILL GRADUATE AT THE AGE OF 17. A LITTLE BEHIND THE CURVE AGE WISE, BUT I'VE SEEN SOMEKIDS 18 GRADUATING FROM HIGH SCHOOL..
 FrozenFishsticks
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 9
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:50:35 PM
JUST REMIND THIS WOMAN THAT THE JONAS BROTHERS WERE HOMESCHOOLED. NO SOCIAL ISOLATION FOR THEM! JUST 12 MILLION THIS YEAR IN CD/VIDEOS AND TSHIRT SELLS. NEXT YEAR, THEY ARE PROJECTED TO MAKE MORE $$$. DID YOU KNOW THAT MORE FAMOUS PEOPLE AND MORE SOCIALLY IMPORTANT PEOPLE HOMESCHOOL THEIR KIDS? CUTS THROUGH THE BULLCRAP FOUND IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS. MY KIDS INTERACT VERY WELL. THEY DID ATTEND A PUBLIC SCHOOL AND WERE TOTALLY SHOCKED WHEN THEY SAW OTHER STUDENTS THROWING FOOD LIKE ANIMALS IN THE LUNCHROOM/FIGHTING.. I WANTED MY KIDS TO HAVE BETTER AND THEY DID. THEY'VE TRAVELLED THE WORLD/WE JOINED A COUNTRY CLUB/STUDIED MUSIC AND ART/SPEAK A FOREIGN LANGUAGES. YOU HELP YOUR KIDS CREATE THEIR LIVES. MOST IMPORTANT YOU CAN TEACH YOUR KID TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX...
 floridianfun
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 10
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:16:58 PM
I know as parents, never mind single parents we tend to wonder if it is something we are doing, or not doing, what if children are more evloved than we were, ie smarter, quicker, brighter and the schooling system has not changed with them and they are either bored, or need to be taught in a different way because they assimulate information differently the way we did, or our parents and grandparents did?
My advice would be to look online for alternative teaching methods, ask about testing not for meds but for alternative teaching methods, or ideas, talk to people and other parents.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 11
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:55:11 PM
Did not read all the posts but your son is already on medication...
Do you see the same behaviors at home?
Have you discussed with the school different ways to help him with attention/appropriate behaviors/times. Do some research online I
would not leave it up to the school to make accommodations. You may
have to go in after researching He needs a daily planner etc.

What do you think? Do you think there are issues?Or is it your son
is bored in class/teacher is not creative etc?
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 12
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 6/19/2008 5:30:00 AM
I agree with the post that suggest you and any other parent in this situation to learn more about ADD, behavior-learning problems. A good place to start is Dr. Mel Levine of the All Kind of Minds Institute.

A note to all those that are dead set against medicine. I didn't start ADD medicine until I was an adult, and I can still remember how I felt at the end of the first week. I realized I was smart, the medicine allowed my brain to work properly and it made a world of difference.

If you don't want to put your child on medicine then PLEASE do something. There are programs that help these children train their brains to work to the best of their ability. The programs help them use their strengths and improve their weakness. You can forever blame others for the problem and their suggested solutions, but don't sell your child short for by being so close minded about the problem.

To the orginal poster- You didn't say if your son was younger than his classmates. My oldest has always been the youngest student in his class. He was fine until he hit middle school and then the problems began to crop up. His problem was not the academics but social. If I had to do it over again. I would either start him to school late, or have held him back a year in the lower grades. Someone put it best- you know your child the best, go with your gut.
 OHBBWn2OTK
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 14
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:15:43 PM
"If the child does not sit in the chair the whole time and stare straight ahead then they are labled a problem." I agree with this statement. My experience is that every teacher wants perfect students, and then wants them all to fit in a box. Half the teachers I have come into contact with are not involved, are not teaching for the love of reaching out to their students. The students who are unique are labled.

My son has Bipolar Disorder, was being disruptive in class, always tired because racing thoughts were keeping him awake. His brother and I also have Bipolar Disorder as well, so I knew what to look for.

When my son takes his medication, he is NOT a zombie. He is less contentious, more likely to listen, is able to control his moodswings, and is able to rest at night. When your child is up until 4am because his brain will not settle into a resting pattern, medication can be a lifesaver.

ADHD & Bipolar Disorder kids are oftentimes more intelligent than their peers, they just have a condition wherein their nerotransmitters do not funciton properly. These kids also tend to be extremely creative. My son is an artist, working with all mediums: clay, acrylic, wood, metal, cloth, oils, etc. He also aces his tests, however, his teachers complain because he is not looking straight at them when they speak, his learning pattern is to draw while listening.

While not every kid with behavioral problems needs medication, I disagree with those who so adamantly say to never medicate. Our family is plagued with ADHD and Bipolar, depression, etc. Without medication, we would continue to be labeled as crazy by those without understanding.

You being your son's advocate is the most important thing for his well being. The more you question, the better parent you are. Your caring and love for him shine through.
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 15
Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:56:18 PM
Although I know some kids are ADHD and need medication, I find that far too many school personal are quick to jump on the bandwagon for any child not a cookie cutter image. When in the heck did being active children become a disorder? Anyone remember Our Gang (my daughter loves those old reruns). The fact is that schools are crowded, teachers burnt, schools underfunded. A child labeled special needs brings the school more money plus if medicated they are easier to control ( why teach - lets just get em quiet).

I have talked to quite a few medical professionals about this and the sad thing is they state that many parents are overworked and feel quilty if their child is having problems in class, they rarely question the teacher (who if is in fact saying ADHD is practicing medicine without a license!!). There are so many things that could be going on that can be mistaken for ADHD. Many children suffering from bullying will exhibit adhd behavior - especially if they are shy/loner types and afraid to speak out.

PLEASE parents, investigation prior to medication. Check all possible causes and solutions before putting your child on such serious medications. Medications should be the last resort.
 aprildaisy1951
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 16
Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 7/14/2008 12:31:08 AM
First of all you should not be irritated by this situation but rather welcome the chalenge your son is serving you.

Being single parent I can assure you that first thing everybody will try is to"explain to you"

That us single families are likely to have these problem.

From what you wrote I believe this.Of course your son is suffering from not having family and its hard for him to go to his moms place knowing that its not for real.

Its not about the law in your state its about all of your children being happy.

If I can tell you I did this with my son /I have three boys and a girl all grown up/when he was in a same situation like your son..I put him in kun fu..it is cheap.they teach a discipline and training is minimum three times e week
And dont ever forget he is a kid whose heart is broken and tougher he gets and less discipline he shows more love he is crying for.

One day you will be telling his kids about this and will be laughing with him.

Dont do home schooling you will totally isolate him from the world and he is looking to belong.

Ask him about his teachers and if he like them.and if everything was up to him the family situation what would he do.teach him how to love you and his mom.

My former husband was physicaly abusive and the kids mis behave at school.the reason they were totally helpless about the situation in their own home.take this letter and know that you are awesome dad with awesome kids in little unstable situation.

listen to your heart not the people around you you know best .
 aprildaisy1951
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 17
Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 7/14/2008 12:31:24 AM
First of all you should not be irritated by this situation but rather welcome the chalenge your son is serving you.

Being single parent I can assure you that first thing everybody will try is to"explain to you"

That us single families are likely to have these problem.

From what you wrote I believe this.Of course your son is suffering from not having family and its hard for him to go to his moms place knowing that its not for real.

Its not about the law in your state its about all of your children being happy.

If I can tell you I did this with my son /I have three boys and a girl all grown up/when he was in a same situation like your son..I put him in kun fu..it is cheap.they teach a discipline and training is minimum three times e week
And dont ever forget he is a kid whose heart is broken and tougher he gets and less discipline he shows more love he is crying for.

One day you will be telling his kids about this and will be laughing with him.

Dont do home schooling you will totally isolate him from the world and he is looking to belong.

Ask him about his teachers and if he like them.and if everything was up to him the family situation what would he do.teach him how to love you and his mom.

My former husband was physicaly abusive and the kids mis behave at school.the reason they were totally helpless about the situation in their own home.take this letter and know that you are awesome dad with awesome kids in little unstable situation.

listen to your heart not the people around you you know best .
 aprildaisy1951
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 18
Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 7/14/2008 12:31:35 AM
First of all you should not be irritated by this situation but rather welcome the chalenge your son is serving you.

Being single parent I can assure you that first thing everybody will try is to"explain to you"

That us single families are likely to have these problem.

From what you wrote I believe this.Of course your son is suffering from not having family and its hard for him to go to his moms place knowing that its not for real.

Its not about the law in your state its about all of your children being happy.

If I can tell you I did this with my son /I have three boys and a girl all grown up/when he was in a same situation like your son..I put him in kun fu..it is cheap.they teach a discipline and training is minimum three times e week
And dont ever forget he is a kid whose heart is broken and tougher he gets and less discipline he shows more love he is crying for.

One day you will be telling his kids about this and will be laughing with him.

Dont do home schooling you will totally isolate him from the world and he is looking to belong.

Ask him about his teachers and if he like them.and if everything was up to him the family situation what would he do.teach him how to love you and his mom.

My former husband was physicaly abusive and the kids mis behave at school.the reason they were totally helpless about the situation in their own home.take this letter and know that you are awesome dad with awesome kids in little unstable situation.

listen to your heart not the people around you you know best .
 flcntrygirl80
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 19
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 10/14/2008 8:49:45 PM
OK, I totally relate to the situation. My daughter is constantly being a pain in class. She is ADHD and we have trouble finding med combos that don't metabolize super fast. 2 weeks is nto long enough to really see if meds are working right and it takes some trial and error with the meds to find the right one. Is he in counseling? My daughter (and many other ADHD/ADD kids benefit from counselors who assist with behavior modification plans). Also, there is a federal law stating the school has to make allowances for learnign disorders (ADD/ADHD are considered learnign disorders). Allowances include allowing the child to take breaks, stand instead of sit at their desks, have tests read to them if that helps, be given extra time on tests. Also, have you had him tested for gifted or advanced classes? I was the same way with my homework and classwork and would talk constantly in class because I was bored with the work. I wish my mom had gotten me tested for gifted and advanced classes before high school. Just some things to think about and consider before taking drastic measures like homeschool or special classes for "badly behaved" kids. BTW, she was preliminarily diagnosed at 18 months with ADHD signs and diagnosed at 3 with ADHD. I have found some great web resources. If you would like them, drop me a fishmail and I will link you up.
 mickeyrb
Joined: 7/20/2008
Msg: 20
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 12/7/2008 10:00:49 PM
I am not sure if you are still having issues with your son or not or if his behavior has been consistent. My son was on the edge of being sent to BD classes. I won't go into what started his behavior problems. He started acting out in class, to the point where I was leaving work at least twice a week to pick him up. I took him to a few different counselors until I found one I was comfortable with. He didn't have to go very long, but it did open up the lines of communication between us, so now when things are bothering him, he knows he can come to me and not be judged. The school suggested meds, but I knew that wasn't the issue, because the "bad behavior" was relatively new. I am also a firm believer that meds are to be used as a last resort. We moved to a new school, and he luckily found a wonderful teacher that introduced him to music. It may be a different activity that may work for your son. It can be his 'release' for his emotions. Instead of acting out, he can possibly get into sports, music, or any other activity. That was about 8 years ago. My son is actually graduating 6 months early this year, and strangely enough is wanting to be a teacher for music. I guess my suggestion is don't give up, and don't be afraid to fight for what you feel is best for your child. You are the parent and you do have final say. It may be time to change meds, or it may be time to take them off and try something else. Eventually you will find the right combination. Good Luck!! It may take some time, but it will work out the way it's supposed to.
 Angel_Dove_53
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 21
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 12/8/2008 9:11:30 AM
Where do i start..
I have two boys that are both ADHD.. One is totally over intelligent the other well the world can go by..I was married for 21 years and we broke up over the kids..
In my case we didnt let the kids know the true reason for the break up..
Anyways i can tell you now that 8 years have gone past since we broke up. My eldest is now 21 and is in his 3 year of law and works as a glacier..
The youngest is now 19 and he finished year 12 on a high note..He is now a team leader in glacing as well..
What i am saying here is i thought that these children where going to be Titled but with alot of hard work they turned out to be my joy in life.
My boys to where put on medication (Ritalin) i got a lot of negetive comments from people for putting them on the tablets and no support from family and friends, but i can honestly say it helped alot.
The tablets alone where not enough so all their food had to be home made, alot of fruit had to be taken out of their diet as well as artificial colouring flavouring and ect.. I put them in two sports a day after school and TV was banned as it made them more hypo..These children need alot of attention, when they where young they both run a muck at school, My eldest out of bordem and my youngest because he was easily distracted..
Just letting you know i did better as a single mum than i could as a married one.. If you need more details let me know. In the mean time i wish you all the best..
 h2o_baby
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 22
Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 12/9/2008 8:59:29 AM
Well at this point, my son is not old enough to exhibit signs (he is 2) but I have dated a guy who has 2 children, both of which he had full time custody. The mother of these children was not a proper role model and both children had issues. The son had behavior disorders and was in classes. I truly think that a lot of it stems from the mother treating them the way that she did. She ended up having another child with another man, and both her other kids felt like they weren't as important.

I know that all situations are not as extreme but some kids are affected worse than others. Have you tried some sort of counseling?

Best of luck to you!
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 23
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Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 12/9/2008 7:27:56 PM
first of all, i'd suggest you get in touch with your local, and if necessary one step up, "parents helping parents" group. it's a national organization and will assist you in determining your child's "rights". does he, for example, have an IEP (individualized education plan)? who tested him for AD/HD? do you go along with the school system's findings, assuming they have tested him and have findings? if not, your local PHP group should be able to give you some good referrals.

i didn't get my kids until middle school age. our middle school has classes for "smart" kids with special educational needs. despite the law, high school was highly deficient for the boy with AD/HD. funding was bad then and even worse now.

parents vary with respect to meds, as do adults. i typically involved my kids in making those decisions. my son tried the meds, i adjusted his meal times around it, because the meds made him not want to eat. so, we got up early and had breakfast beforehand and i made his dinner much later. he found the transition from the meds as they wore off a bit difficult. but moreso, he found out he could hide his meds and sell them for uppers in the classroom.

my kid had way more than ad/hd. post trauma, et al. he is only now getting his life together again, and is back in a high school program at a college campus at age 20. i had arranged this for him a good four years ago. now he is ready and doing well. however, i think i could have been a way better parent had i birthed him and started from scratch! still, many birth parents may disagree if they have kids with developmental issues since birth. a lot also has to do with hormones in the teen years. my kid is now, by choice, on anti anxiety meds and doing much better. he has about a B average in school, but a lot has to do with keeping his attention. being somewhat ADD myself with my lymes, i told him not to worry. he will be a good executive and get to hire himself some managers!

i wish i had gotten my kids some private school alternatives in high school. it was way too much for them to absorb w/o the proper preparation prior to my adopting them as preteens and teen. my little one did get to go to a private school her last two years. the small classes and constant intellectual challenges, i believe, at least saved her professional life for the future.

i think too many home schoolers do not get sufficient intellectual stimulation, unless the parent is involved in a larger program and includes some of the school's social and sports activities at least. some IEP's will get your child some part time home schooling as well. then there are the college based high school programs for the older and smarter "behavioural" kids who just cannot make it in the social environment of high school.

you would have to do an environmental assessment of your particular area. PHP is the best group to link to for that type of assistance. then, you need to assess your kid. if you could afford to give up work, maybe you can work and find some money to get him into some private programs as an alternative. again, it depends on your particular situation. i got part financial assistance for my kid the last year. it costs me a a bundle though and now that home equity loan has been shrunk, so i'm pretty much financially tied. not everyone can pull off private school, but they can find the best alternatives with PHP. my group helped me legally as well as educationally. it is parent operated.
 brandy_n_3
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 24
Single parents I have a question........
Posted: 12/12/2008 11:24:30 PM
If my children were still in public school my oldest 2 would likely be in BD classes, my 3rd would be in a regular classroom. Both my Older 2 have a long list of Dx, that caused a lot of problems in a regular classroom setting when they were previously in public school. I decided to homeschool them instead of going that route. This is our 3rd year homeschooling now and it is making a huge impact on them. Especially my oldest, as I have been able to do so much one-on-one treatment with him, in addition to his meds, he will also be starting intensive treatment with an OT twice a week, which would mean a lot of missed school if he was in public school. My second child is not medicated (she doesn't respond well to them), and I am pretty sure the teachers threw a party when they learned she was not returning. SHe is also making huge amounts of progress.

As a single parent homeschooling and working is difficult but not impossible, I currently have 2 "atypical" jobs, though have applied for a more mainstream one working from home. I send as much time working on the behaviour/emotional issues as I do working with them on their academics. With children that do not fit in a regular classroom setting often homeschooling is a very viable and beneficial option.
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