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 KnightWithoutShiningArmor
Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 53
yes or no? Friends with benefits!Page 3 of 47    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Thanks Red. XXX000
 ultrarider
Joined: 7/23/2004
Msg: 55
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/20/2005 7:42:32 PM
definately........casual sex....no strings attached or further expectations
 Lusty Kitty2
Joined: 5/23/2005
Msg: 57
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/23/2005 8:47:53 PM
I think that as long as two mayure adults can understand that the sex is just that, sex, it can be great. It is hard to find someone that thinks that way though. I have found that either one or the other person always wants it to be more...
 smilincaligal198
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 58
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/6/2005 1:13:00 AM
no way. call me old fashion, but sex isnt fun without emotion. i mean yea, it feels good, but wheres the benifits? ya know when you care so much for someone, you get all tingly, and it just feels so much better. its almost like you can feel the love
 JUSTINBOY88
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 59
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/6/2005 1:26:51 AM
had a few in my younger days but i need more out of it now.one of the pains of getting old
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 60
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/7/2005 11:38:36 AM
I want one , maybe I get one someday , she will be the second chick I bag in my life.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 61
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/7/2005 12:08:40 PM
dee , yeah hmmmmm yeah ..... (runs away and hides under a rock)
 mikelgreco
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 62
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/9/2005 9:59:53 AM
Since I can't find any dates in here maybe I should just go find me some friends with benefits!!! LOL

Giving up on cyber dating...too complicated.
 marathonman11x7
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 63
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/9/2005 12:16:15 PM
IMO;Friends with benefits basically means she/he is ok enough to F**K but not good enough to want more. Kinda sad when you think about it beyond the superficial. ALOT less likely to be a monogamous situation because the bottom line is there is a lack of respect of emotional well being. The lack of true monogamy in those situations is 1 reason young adults are the most likely to catch phsysical STD's.
Also, like in most things practice makes perfect......in sex w/o real emotional connection the practice is lack of emotional connection.This is something that has been practice by men who are often refered to as players for years and the obvious thing is.....THEY CANNOT TURN IT BACK ON. It would seem that for most,once the emotional disconnect is routinely turned off,they find it difficult at best to turn it back on.This seems to be a contributing factor to failed "committed relationships".I think FOB relationships bring some sexual satisfaction and additional BAGGAGE for a possible future comitted relationship.Moreover, I feel most men want to commit, want a woman who they feel is special in many ways,the RARE commodoty.This includes sex.Not many men honestly wish to commit to the willful "plaything"/sidedish(insert term) of another man/MEN as a preference.
Really when you get right down to it there are VERY few occasions where a freinds with benefits is truelly a freindship, because a true friend has the others BEST interest at ALL times emotionally,spiritually,mentally,and physically......MOST FOB's are actually just good aquaintances who F**K.
 marathonman11x7
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 64
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/9/2005 2:15:11 PM
Taurus,I accpet ALL. That was not the question. I can accept, yet NOT agree with a lifestyle choice.

What about the confirmed bachelor?Is he condemned to be celibate or visit prostitutes when he feels the urge?


I can speak on this because I am a "confirmed"bachelor confirmed does NOT mean player nor playing.I believe monogamy is the only/most logical/ethical/spiritual/emotional expression of my being. I have never given consideration towards using a prostitute,nor do I find promiscuity an attractive trait....in fact its...rather common. I don't see celibacy as being a negative to be used with the term "condemned" I do believe the practice of abstinance for periods of time shows unique forms of intellect,ethics and logic. I think the ability to harness urges of ANY kind is what separates "the men from the boys"to use a phrase.
FOB is generally,1 of many signs of dysfunction. I understand there may be reasons for the choice,just as there are reasons for EVERY choice. That doesn't make it a healthy nor wise one. My point is,if the choice is to have an healthy relationship or 1 of dysfucntion.....the choice of dsyfunction is.........well........dsyfunctional.
 marathonman11x7
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 65
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/9/2005 5:44:01 PM
Codependence and counterdependence are forms of dysfunctional relationships.Codependency is refered to as the "dance of emotionally wounded"most who have admitted to having FWB type relationships have admitted to being emotionally wounded either by nature of failed marriage or "not being ready to take a plunge"
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 66
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/10/2005 1:23:46 PM
From the experiences of my friends who've told me, the FWB is usually a temporary stopgap. Something to tide over in between last boyfriend/girlfriend and next boyfriend/girlfriend. I've never known someone in a FWB that lasted very long, I'm sure there are exceptions. As for my understanding it's opposite sex friends that want to just enjoy sex while maintaining their friendship. For me personally, I have a lot of guy friends but they know they're friends and there's no romantic intentions, it's pretty well spelled out or better said, communicated. I can't imagine having a sexual thing with any of them and having our friendship continuing on the same during and afterwards. That's just me, though and I need a little bit more than friendship to be involved enough to want to be sexually involved with someone. I find that for me drawing clear distinct "lines" or parameters works out best. Not having clear distinctions or hazy, well lover, maybe kinda friend, I think that's a reason for hurt and misunderstanding. Just my thoughts though. I'm a live/let live person and don't judge or criticize others by what works for me.
 marathonman11x7
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 67
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/10/2005 2:01:16 PM
.But to label it a dysfunction because it doesn't fit your personal moral code of how people should behave,is a bit.......narrow minded


I believe YOU are the 1 that has entered the issue of "morality" into the discussion. Perhaps to YOU,there is not such thing as dysfunctional. Either way,the concept of dysfunction certainly fits. The fact that so many have already testified as such shows some credence to this. The whole open/closed minded garbage is nothing more than facade for being down for what ever.Which is more than a little narrow in mental scope. Many types of dysfunction exist,doesn't make them right,logical nor ethical.


I can say from experience that isn't always the case.Sometimes it's just about having fun,escapism.


Too funny,are you serious? Sex for escape/fun...for the sake of escapism...the heart of dysfunction,you can't have it both ways. Instead,just say...."I want to get laid and I want people to think its ok regardless".....its foolish and immature IMO


It all comes down to personal choice and what the individual(s) are comfortable with.I don't consider it a dysfunction unless the choice causes the idividual(s) harm


This is a circle. WE ALL KNOW its a CHOICE. I mentioned that BEFORE. The HARM is OFTEN undetected until much later(see my earlier post)


You walk into anything informed,with eyes open and expect only what you intended out of it,you should be fine.

INFORMED...this is what I am doing.Most have not considered the REALITIES I've mentioned in earlier post. 2 kinds of STD's physical;HIV,Herpes,syphylisect. and Spiritually Transmitted Diseases; silent killers...old addage "if you lay down with dogs,you're bound to get fleas" applies with ANY relationship particularly intimate relationships.....there is an energy transference that is not seen.no bumps,no physical discharge,yet there is lots of emotional/psychological discharge.The problem with FWB types of relationships is the small print that goes with selling 1's soul.....just because you didn't see or realize it,doesn't mean it isn't there. NOW, I cannot convince nor would I try a person who THINKS they know(or at least SAYS it)what they are doing that they don't. The point of my responses are to articulate a vaiable point of thought. Now, if some find it logical enough to think again and against having FWB's and therefore making life for those who look to play less pleasant,so be it.

I can't keep making post on this topic, REread my post and you will see mor CLEARLY my position...start from the beginning
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 68
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/10/2005 2:30:46 PM
I think it would be hard to do. Sooner or later, one person is going to get more serious than the other. At that point, two people may loose a good friend.
 twinkz
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 69
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/29/2005 11:10:44 AM
What about someone who is married. And the marrige isn't good. Can one partene have a friend with benefits?
 twinkz
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 70
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/29/2005 2:36:46 PM
I didn't actualy say that i would jump in the sack with someone. I just wanted peoples opinion. thatnx for reply!
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 71
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/29/2005 6:58:19 PM
I think I'm there right now.

It seems pretty exactly the same as a relationship though ya know.

ppsssttt; don't tell her...she'll run.

heeheeheehee



*shrugs*

I'm not going anywhere. I only need "one"
 Suzy_Chestnut
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 72
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 7/29/2005 8:24:29 PM
OK here's the situation I'm in... I have 2 daughters from my first marriage and met my second husband after being a single parent for 8 years. He seemed like a good and honest man, but turned out to be a lying, cheating con artist. After I divorced him, it was really hard for my kids to understand what happened. I decided that I could never do that to them again... no matter how wonderful a person seems to be, it's impossible for me to trust them enough to let them be around my kids. I will not be in a serious long term relationship until they've moved out. 7 years to go and counting!?!

Where does that leave me? Not everyone is free to be in a long term relationship for whatever reason.

So I met a guy and we've been hanging out for almost 8 months. We agreed to be monogamous. Neither one of us have been involved with anyone else since we started having a physical relationship. He has his own valid reasons for not being able to commit to a lifetime relationship with me. I have given our relationship a "friends with benefits" label, because we aren't moving in the direction of living together or spending holidays with each others' families. Maybe it should have a different label, but some of the FWB relationships people have described here sound very similar to mine. It doesn't always have to be about filling in the gaps between one boyfriend and the next. Some of us can't do LTRs. I can't ask a guy to hang out with me for the next 7 years without ever meeting my kids. This fills a void for me... and it's not just about sex. Will it hurt when it's over? Probably. But maybe it won't hurt as bad as being totally alone for the next 7 years...
 sammysalt
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 73
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/9/2005 11:58:19 PM
No never did have one of them kinds of freinds. Don't need any eaither. lol
 sammysalt
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 74
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:56:24 AM
Be honest and tell her what you just said, and if she is up for it she will tell you. Never been there, but if your close freinds, well....talk to her.
 drpookie
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 75
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/10/2005 1:26:37 PM
never had a female friend to try it with:(
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 76
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:28:37 PM

And if I have to hide what I am doing, I would just as soon not do it.


That answer reaks of strongest "truth"
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 78
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/11/2005 9:26:50 AM
I don't understand why people think a FWB situation is wrong or cheap or demeaning. Booty calls....well MAYBE they would be some or all of those.....but as far as I can determine, FWB is an adult, rational and very positive way of meeting some of my needs....not only for sex, but for intimacy and adult companionship.

It shouldn't get in the way of finding a "real" relationship...and why the sam hill would you let a prospect for aforementioned "real" relationship know about the FWB? Do you think they are going to tell you about theirs?
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 79
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/11/2005 2:53:18 PM
YUp....it is a "special treat"
 marathonman11x7
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 80
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/14/2005 9:25:39 PM
Here are some issues I find with FWB
1)The separation of emotion and sex leads to an old addage,practice makes perfect.The practice of sexual detachment leads to the inability to regain it in its fullest form,EVERY woman I've ever talked with on this topic in the most intimate mannor has agreed this is the case.For those who THINK they can regain the same level and degree of emotional atachment to sex,I ask......is it worth the RISK? if so....do what you do.

2)The "agreement" in a FWB situation is 1 of no strings. Already dealing in the dysfunctional situation I believe it is MORE likely for someone to have OTHER FWB situations and not be open enough to tell. FWB generally opens a situation of LESS questions of the extremely personal mannor and LESS accountablity......NO STRINGS

3)Time......for those who feel there is a time in which an FWB can be let go for a serious relationship.......at what point? Upon meeting the NEW prospect? 1st kiss? 1st "makeout" session? 1st bang? once a commitment is established?
Does the new prospect know of the FWB from jump(1st conversation with the question "are you single" or " are you seeing someone"?
Does the FWB know about the prospect after 1st date?

4)Being real,how many men HONESTLY WANT someone elses plaything?
How many women HONESTLY don't not care that the person they are prospectively dating just got out of,or is GETTING out of a sexual relationship?
Now,the men amd women who answer yes to those questions are the best candidates for eachother Does "oh baby,it was just sex" REALLY make an intelligent person feel special about their sexual experience,trust,emotional availablity?

5)Leaving 1 relationship and getting into another is a VERY foolish thing to do.I've actually heard some say that they didn't go from 1 to the other because there was a 3 wk period between having sex with the 2 !OR there was no commitment on the 1st and so no "relationship"....THAT in of itself is a SIGN that the person isn't open NOR honest and is subject to playing selfish games at someone else's expense. RUN! Can we say TALK SHOW! MAURY P!

6)Relationship building is like anything else,you must learn and become skilled at the fundementals....THIS leads to sustained FUN.
YOU are what YOU DO. Can't tell me you are not a thief after stealing a car TODAY!I don't care how many years someone was faithful to another at the time of cheating he/she is a cheat. Possible to do better but at that time that person is a CHEAT!
Lets say dating is like searching for emploment. MOST employers want to know references and details of employment history in the last 2-5years.Rightfully so,they know that GENERALLY what a person has been on their last few jobs is a direct reflection on what they will likely have. For those who say "my sex life is my own personal biz"...... THE PRESENT AND POTENTIAL SEXUAL INTERACTION IS PERSONAL.GREAT sign that the detachment and baggage from dysfunctional relationships still are present in the psychology and philosophy.

7)STDs...THERE are 2 kinds of STDs....HIV,AIDS,GonorrheaSyphilis,HPV,Chlamydia,Genital Herpes to name a few(out of 20) are alive and increasing their numbers of infections.One of two sexually active college-age students(50%!!!!) will obtain a sexually transmitted disease by the time he or she is 25 years old, according to a recent study conducted at the University of North Carolina. Some cannot be cured NONE are pleasant! But THOSE are the Sexually transmitted diseases.
Then their is the other STD that doesn't get discussed and often is waved off.....Spiritually Transmitted Diseases. Ever hear the old saying "if you lay down with dogs you're bound to get fleas"? Similar concept. When we work with someone who is negative or abusive it affects us in a negative mannor. Luckily we can go home and regroup and be strong enough so as to limit its affect. I have heard of MANY people who are affected so much by their work invironment that they lash out at home or have some abnormal(for them behavior) and DO NOT REALISE IT.In PERSONAL relationships the affect is MUCH more telling BECAUSE its closer,deeper sexual and/or romantic. Deal with a liar,thief,abuser,addict,complainer/whinner,hypocrite,someone who's outlook is generally and usually jaded and many more negative personallity triats and you are BOUND to be affected therefore INFECTED. These things do NOT simply brush off. Getting into another relationship typically only exacerbates the situation. EvER wonder WHY people fall into a pattern of dysfunctional relationships? Ever wonder WHY women and men often complain about finding cheaters,users,liars ect? WHOMP!!... THERE IT IS!

I have no problem with those who practice whatever lifestyle,but I have EVERY right to know from the start of what I'm getting into BEFORE making a decsion to date. The problem is,MOST people currently involved in FWB situations and looking for something "more substantial" LIE,decieve or become VERY defensive to QUESTIONS about sex UNLESS its about "what position do you like","what turns you on" "Do you like porn"? THINK about THAT for a moment....see through it? Why/how would recent sexual partner history be any more personal than "What positions do you like most"? Personally, if a woman says she is currently in a FWB situation or is "ending 1",my immediate decision is that IF there are good connections for the possiblity for friendship...THAT is what it will be, not a dating situation.
As for me? I wish to stay DRAMA and sucka FREE!
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