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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > yes or no? Friends with benefits!      Home login  
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 76
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I dont have sex with friends! Friends with benefits would include other things but not the s word. That would come with a more serious relationship.

FWB means that you would do things for each other just "passing aquaintances" might not. And yes unless you have agreed to some kind of "commitment" then each person IS free to look. Thats the best part is that you can have your own choices outside of that person. When that choice is removed, its not just "friends" anymore.
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 77
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/15/2005 12:25:54 PM

How do you figure it's dishonest if both people are staright up with their intentions from the get go?

They lie to themselves on many levels from jump like a drunk telling his/herself they don't have a problem. Interesting that you took exception to the dishonest part and not the SELFISH part.

There is NO one right way to have relationships.That's been my argument from the beginning

I would say the most caring,loving,understanding, reasonable,rational,logical healthy way with full cognitive knowledge of long and short term possible and probable ramifications is NOT a FWB type. Like I said FEW if ANY women nor men acknowledge BEFORE even a kiss that they are currently in and have a pattern of FWB relationships.There is reason for that.
Swingers and cheaters too would like to tell people the same thing....problem is....for the MANY who grow into a wiser more mature mindset come out of those situations and say the same WAS A MISTAKE! A mistake made out of the cloud of dysfunction...generally due to hurt pain,and low self esteem.

Simple solution for those with profiles on POF is to simply put "other relationship" in the "Looking for" category and/OR prominantely state in the profile "I'm looking for or very open to FWB types of relationships,NOT ambiguous and somewhat misleading terms and slogans like "I date" "looking to meet new people""looking for "open minded" people Instead,why not be real and say "looking for booty call" "looking for no strings flings".

I don't hate playas.....I just sit back and laugh at the games

Men and women who make a chose to become intimate in such foolish ways then get hurt should NOT EVER complain.
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 78
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:33:56 PM
I think part of the problem people are having here with accepting that a FWB relationship could be workable is their definition of the term.

In previous postings we hashed out what t,d and h calls FWB is what I personally call "dating". So would I have problems with that? Hell no.

So, count this as one woman solidly in favour of FWB ( as defined by t, d and h)
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 79
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:54:18 PM
t d & h and fox I don't agree or disagree. Personally it's never worked for ME, but maybe I'm envious a tad, I have many close male friends who I dearly love and I do mean LOVE. It's my own personal hangup. But I know both of you as caring and loving people of great substance, so kudos to you and yes, to enjoying life and enjoying sex!! I applaud you and respect you.
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 80
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:08:13 PM
maven Fill yer boots?? I love that expression, may I borrow/steal/use it?? That's fabulous darling, as are you!!
OT: FWB if it works and you can do it, more power to ya!!!
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 81
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:08:59 PM
You parade about as the self-proclaimed messiah of logic and common sense and then bash every single person who dares disagree with you and label them dysfunctional liars.

Perhaps,this quote was directed at me... Yet,factually,there are several pages of postings on this thread. I see my posting beginning on the page before this(msg297).I attacked no 1.Made no proclamations of anything except my thoughts as ALL on forums do.
Now, I responded to those who responded directly to me,not in attack but in response. Obviously our opinions do not agree.However,it seems personal for you
Interesting observations from someone who has posted MANY times on this thread attacking those who disagreed with the FWB choice.

you are very clearly wrong about your comment that only men are interested in FWB.

Still,not sure if you are addressing me.....see,THAT is NOT what I stated.Nor did I call you a liar.....however,THE STATEMENT YOU ATTRIBUTED TO ME IS FALSE...Quite frankly you are wrong.

Whatever said,hit a nerve or not enough coffee....matters not...if you wish to debate,simply debate on what merit rather than attempting to make something personal.
As to growing old.......I have my picture posted, you've been here longer than I......I like my odds better
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 82
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:34:04 PM

I do not want the company of someone everyday.

Doc gets it in one.

I work 8 hours a day, commute for 3 and am in the gym workingout 2 1/2-3...hopefully I sleep for another 8...which leaves no time for a Klingon. I do get days off though, so a less demanding kind of situation is workable.
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 83
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/16/2005 6:39:44 AM

I do not want the company of someone everyday

Although limiting....that is a CHOICE to be made.

Doc,can you tell me something? Do regular intimate,committed/"conventional" relationships require company everyday? It seems semantical. Why isn't your idea actually a committed dating relationship in which you simply don't spend time everyday (most don't)?

It seems that the debate then is semantical and you too favor committed dating relationships(in which everyday time is not required) NOT FWBs.
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 84
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/16/2005 8:09:50 AM

Believe me MM, I haven't attacked anyone

I stand by my words because I value honesty and integrity

Lets see....remember,my 1st post was post 297... my next post on this thread was 299, I made mention of the fact that I believe FWBs to be a sign of dysfunction,You may take offense of that if you will.Yet you have no qualms about making the statement that you believe those who think of it as being dysfunctional as being "narrow minded" "bible says" ect.This seems extremely hypocritical.But it is your opinion,as mine is that those who think the ideal of dysfunction is for the narrow minded are in fact narrow minded. On this we may(or may not) agree to disagree. However,an personal attack (which apparently contradicts the quoted statements) is as follows
I don't really care if you disagree with me but calling me a liar and a manipulator is something I find cowardly and disgusting.

Now,if my stating that those who practice FWB lifestyles lie to themselves is what you actually find so personally offensive,"cowardly" and disgusting perhaps this discussion should stop NOW! And of all things "cowardly" ....never been anything remotely associated with me. My take is that it was an unmerited personal attack.

... need the holy sanctity of matrimony under the eyes of God to appreciate it (do these words sound familiar to you at all?).

Now,SURELY an honest man of integrity would NOT be infering by that quote that the statement was something I made....EVER. I've been working 14hrs(yes,I still find time to post), perhaps I misunderstand? Otherwise,a man of integrity would apologize.

you are very clearly wrong about your comment that only men are interested in FWB.

To THAT I responded:"THAT is NOT what I stated." It is NOT. You posted what I said a couple of post later,you could have posted the truth of what I stated before. In context CLEARLY there is a HUGE difference between what I said:"the MAJORITY" and what you falsely CLAIMED I said:"ONLY".
Again,a man of intgrity would acknowledge and apologize.
It seems,your post 311 was mainly an attempt at a personal attack in content and tone based upon the many misleading and false statements directed at 1 PERSON along with personal opinions not even on the topic of FWB.
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 85
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/16/2005 8:29:22 AM

Well I think MM may be striving for an ideal here.That's cool but the ideal is NOT for everybody

Yes,I'm a realistic optimist and strive for an ideal(in MANY areas of life). I stated my observations about FWBs on my post 297. There are many types of interpersonal dysfunction....I would say the couple that fights is among them with or without a comfort for it. I believe people have the right to choose to live as they wish,however that does NOT absolve the choice from criticism(the practice of analyzing, classifying, interpreting, or evaluating).My post 297 was an observation/analyzation/criticsim of the FWB choice.

BTW,congratulations Taurus on your latest choice...I wish you much GOOD LUCK
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 86
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/16/2005 10:17:37 AM

Do regular intimate,committed/"conventional" relationships require company everyday?

I personally don't feel that they require company every day. Unfortunately, the men I talk to expect me to be AVAILABLE to them every day. That is just not going to happen.
Joined: 9/19/2004
Msg: 87
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/16/2005 5:01:17 PM
Yes, it's a good thing... With today's threats of AIDS and STD's, it's much better to stick with one when you have a need.... As long as they understand it's on a day by day basis and you're able to move on and so is he.... To the guys :), nice girls do like sex too !!!! :)
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 88
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/16/2005 5:54:44 PM
My disagreeing with you or taking offence to your ignorant comments does not constitute an attack

That means you never have taken offense by nor disagreed with a comment from me!YOU have YET to have shown 1 statement of MINE to be "ignorant"(lacking knowledge) I said debate me on MERIT..perhaps you should look it up.
You say you are honest and have integrity........instead you have been PROVEN to post lies and misrepresentations.

If it wasn't for your over-blown exaggerations and wouldn't have anything to say.

Interesting that I take the time to find and QUOTE that with which I disagree or agree.
Can't exaggerate or misquote what has been quoted
YOU on the otherhand....have made alot of substance. just negativity.

You choose to deny your god and pretend you never made any comments about the sanctity of marriage and all that....that's between you and him. I don't have much time for either of you. Whether you can find evidence of said quote or not is irrelevant, I remember it very well

Such negativity!!! Such LIES!
I don't pretend I made "no statement of the sanctity of marriage" I have most likely MANY.I DO VERY VERY STRONGLY believe in the sanctity and honor of marriage.However, the statement you attributed to me was NOT mine. I believe in the sanctity of marriage which obviously means I believe marriage is a honorable and wonderful thing to be cherished. I do NOT believe and have NOT believe that marriage is the ONLY place sex should EVER occur or that it is the only place it occurs.I said it on other threads and make no bones about it.My profile as well is CLEAR that I value monogamy. I have been one of few at times posting ANYTHING that has to do with endorsing monogamy. I also am a Christian...I make NO BONES about it. I placed this too in my profile. I also have made MANY post on this in other threads,including the one on religion. Now,what does my spiritual choice have to do with my articulation of ideas when I, DO NO INJECT THEM?......NOTHING. I have not brought up religion nor morals into this discussion.Interesting,that the person that was 1st to call,label someone else "narrow minded" "sanctimony"and inject religion into this discussion of MY post was TDH.That act in of itself is narrow minded and sanctimonious.

That's as close to an apology as you will get

Its to the other posters that you should be apologizing for being so personally negative and for injecting several post in which you make claims without factual support.You've gone to make what seems to be childish rants rather than substanitive post.Certainly you contradict the claim you make to having or displaying integrity.It seems as though it is you who on several post LONG before my 1st post 297,have been trying to convince or dictate to people how to live their lives and condeming those who disagree as "zelots"
Truth is...YOU have OBVIOUS issues that go beyond this topic...afterall.....Taurus and DOC both have disagreed with me...but the ONLY nastiness,the ONLY NEGATIVITY has been from YOU.They and I discuss/debate......YOU,post falsehoods misrepresentations and pontificate.

BTW...has ANYONE called or infered that those who disagreed with them were "LOSERS" on this thread BEFORE TDH?
Does making that claim/rant make you feel better? make ya FEEL more like a winner?
DEBATE me on MERIT..........quote what I say and disagree,otherwise its just childish flaming.
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 89
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 9/18/2005 8:38:31 AM
no sex is meaningless
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 91
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 11/17/2005 3:38:06 PM
It's just easier for me, or maybe I'm just simple minded...hehehe. Friends are friends, period, male or female. I LOVE them I enjoy them. But I wouldn't consider sleeping with them, for me it's an either or. Can't do it myself. But I will say I have friends who do, and it's a live and let live. I don't either condemn or condone it. Just not for me.
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 92
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 12/26/2005 1:01:42 AM
been there, done that unwittingly, unintentionally.
not doing it again.

i held false hopes.
you really get what you *settle* for and am not *settling* for anything.
I am now *choosing*.
Joined: 12/18/2005
Msg: 94
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 12/26/2005 1:20:22 PM
Okay i read what a few of you have to say about this topic! Some of you say "whats the point to have a bf or gf or wife or husband". A friend with benifets is strictly (I think) for those who are not ready or want a serious relationship with someone. Now the way to make it work is to make sure that you are just friends with this person. Dont start a fwb relationship with someone that you have feelings for cause its a failed mission at the start if you do!! Make sure that you both understand that its is what it is!! SEX!! If you start to get feeling for the other let them know right away. If they dont feel the same end it. GIRLS!! There is no point in makeing something out of something its not!! Thats where guys seem to think that us girls are CRAZY!! Yes we all know that we're not!! MEN, stop telling us sweet little things just to get some ass and then act scared when we start to care!!
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 95
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 12/27/2005 11:19:13 AM
[/It shouldn't be this complicated.People just need to be straight up with their intentions with no underlying intentions.If one is looking for an FWB,say so out right!Avoid the confusion and hurt and act accordingly.
I agree; well stated.
However, while I can not speak for all women, I do know that when I say to a man that I want to be his friend, I mean it as. Nothing more. So does the rest of women I know.
I don't intend this to be a gender debate but on the contrary, men who have FWB in mind will always say they want you to be their *friend* then slowly work their way into something else. Again, just be upfront, not "slimy".
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 96
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/7/2006 4:37:46 PM
I think you may need a change. Someone to take time on you and in you!
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 97
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/7/2006 5:11:56 PM
I personally do not see much difference between friends with benefits and dating. As far as I can tell, it is the same thing.
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 98
view profile
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 5/7/2006 5:34:39 PM
I almost did that once. I mean, sometimes it get really lonly. I almost did that once. But would I meet someone on here or any other dating site, chat and e-mail for a few weeks and then meet and consider her a friend. I don't think so. I think it takes a lot to consider someone a friend. A friend has helped me through the rough times and has been there when I was at my worst. A friend is someone I love dearly and who loves me dearly. That kind of friendship can not be developed through e-mail and chat. It can't be developed after a few dates. My three best friends are women. I have known one of them for 2 years, one for 5 years and the other for 6 years. They are honorable, dependable true friends. (yes, they all know each other)They have been there and continue to be there through all my ups and downs. And I will always be there for them. I am not in any kind of a relationship at this time. If, in a time of loneliness one of my friends need me in that way, I would give it all to her. No strings attached. Maybe I am just a sick f**k. But sometime it gets lonely and it would be nice to cuddle up to a beloved friend and comfort each other "in that way." Peace.
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 99
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/23/2006 8:22:17 PM
I believe that friends with benefits can be a great thing. At present I have one and it's an excellent relationship. For assorted reasons, neither of us wants to be in a committed BF/GF relationship at present. We enjoy each others company frequently and are not interested in casual sex (one nighters).

I can safely say that she is my best friend and has been for some time, the friendship is great as is the sex. It's a heck of a lot safer and much more pleasant than picking up someone in a club.
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 100
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 6/27/2006 6:33:35 AM
I think having a fwb is a great thing, not because I dont want a committed relationship. My fwb and I both are in a relationship, but just sneak around. I think thats what makes it so fun, we are great friends, can talk about anything, are attracted to one another sexually. Its a sense of freedom. It just kills me to know that one day this will all have to end...Does anyone else have a b/f and a fwb?????
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