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 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 1106
yes or no? Friends with benefits!Page 46 of 47    (7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47)
****Well maybe I'm just disagreeing about the words used. ****

Yeah slang or socially accepted terminology shouldn't really be evaluated for literal translation. Because slang or social norms don't adhere to strict definition.

Friends - the male/female friendship is an odd and generally short lived experience as eventually the other person enteres a relationship with a jealous partner. That and the premise of how the friendship is generally formed, isn't relative to how men and women interact on 1 on 1 basis. Either friend by friend zone, or friend of a friend/family/social circle, but rarely friend being the only association.

With - self explanatory as it really brings the term together. "That rug really tied the room together."

Benefits - Ah, now this is the least descriptive - but socially preferred method of avoiding the more descriptive four letter word. Benefits can be anything, provided by friend? Yes - not descriptive outside of the terminology being commonly understood in society - which is really what matters.

I think the more vexing application of socially accepted slang is "baby mana" "baby daddy" - I mean it is so grammatically defective. There is no harmony, which isn't necessary in composition, but couldn't hurt - But the sloppy way it is put together - really an eyesore of a couple of words to describe a - too dumb to buy condoms situation.
 awesome50mansyndrome
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 1107
Friends with benefits, do you have moral opinions about it?
Posted: 1/2/2015 9:52:13 PM
Friends with benefits, do you have moral opinions about it?

Reading some replies, it seems like some people might have some kind of moral opinion about "Friends with benefits"?
There are certainly problems that could arise with this type of relationship but there are problems with all kinds of relationships.

So, is "Friends with benefits" some kind of deviant behaviour to some?
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1108
view profile
History
Friends with benefits, do you have moral opinions about it?
Posted: 1/4/2015 2:00:45 PM

So, is "Friends with benefits" some kind of deviant behaviour to some?

I don't think of it as deviant behaviour... At least in some ways it's better than some options...
The only thing though is what happens to said "friend" afterwards...?
Chances are your next SO is not going to be ok with you keeping your past sex partner as a friend... so then you'll end up having to choose the new person or dispose of your friend...
So, unless the FWB progresses to a long term relationship and generally that doesn't happen, then you will end up eventually probably having to end the friendship....

Then too, it's not likely people are going to say to the FWB, "I met this person... so we can't have sex anymore" if the new person is still in the casual dating stages... so at one point or another, there could be some overlap with sleeping partners...
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 1109
Friends with benefits, do you have moral opinions about it?
Posted: 1/4/2015 2:24:45 PM

I don't have an issue with it as long as people are mature and safe about it. Sometimes people are not in a good place to have a "relationship", we're humans and have needs and desires, to be touched/kissed, to have adult company and conversations, someone to do activities with on a friendship basis. Not to say this kind of arrangement is for everyone, but if you find someone that you connect with on a physical and intellectual level who you like being around, what is the harm?


Perfect summary. totally agree, and that's why I'm open to FWBs if I happen to meet the right person for that.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 1110
Friends with benefits, do you have moral opinions about it?
Posted: 1/4/2015 2:40:39 PM
Years ago I thought to try it. It was with someone I was friends with, but not "interested" in. I learned that for me separating sex and emotions are difficult. Nope, this is yet another thing I'm not good at so it won't be happening again.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 1111
Friends with benefits, do you have moral opinions about it?
Posted: 1/4/2015 3:20:38 PM
I don't have an issue with it as long as people are mature and safe about it. Sometimes people are not in a good place to have a "relationship", we're humans and have needs and desires, to be touched/kissed, to have adult company and conversations, someone to do activities with on a friendship basis. Not to say this kind of arrangement is for everyone, but if you find someone that you connect with on a physical and intellectual level who you like being around, what is the harm?


Very true. Perhaps a person ended a long term relationship or marriage and (s)he wasn't ready to enter another relationship yet. Or person didn't want to invest time or energy into a serious relationship because of other things going on in his/her life. When I had FWB relationships, at least one of these things applied to her.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 1112
Friends with benefits, do you have moral opinions about it?
Posted: 1/4/2015 5:11:40 PM
trustinkarma
You had that FWB with a guy for 18 months, who was younger. You now say that he doesn't contact you or answer your texts. Didn't have the decency to let you know that he was moving on, despite you having a good connection etc.?? Okay you were perhaps moving towards a more serious situation in your mind, so he may have decided to disappear or find someone to have a family with. I guess that it was just an FWB he could treat you in this casual fashion? It is immature and reprehensible in my view. Or to be fair do you know that he is still alive??
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 1113
Friends with benefits, do you have moral opinions about it?
Posted: 1/4/2015 7:47:48 PM
petula, yes, he is still alive. He updates his Facebook, so I know he's fine. Why he chooses not to write or even respond to a Happy New Year is beyond me, but I"m not heart broken. I said this before, but he is not looking to get married or have kids. He is deathly afraid to get a woman pregnant and prefers older women with kids who wont pressure him to get married and have kids. Who knows what's up. I'm not mad at him, just a little concerned. I've been out on dates, so it's all good. I've dated guys who claimed to be serious or interested in a relationship who did the same thing as he did, so no, it's not FWB specific.
 XTC1977
Joined: 7/9/2014
Msg: 1114
Friends with benefits, do you have moral opinions about it?
Posted: 1/5/2015 7:27:07 AM
I've recently mutually decided with a lady that the FWB set-up is best for us at the moment. I've never done this sort of thing, so I'm going to see how it goes. The basic rule is that if we meet someone else we plan on dating and maybe having physical contact with, we cut the FWB thing off until we're "single" again. Nah, nothing bad could come of this. *gulp*
 oneNHman
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 1115
view profile
History
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/5/2015 10:14:41 AM
I've had this "arrangement" a number of times... the only thing I've learned... the vast majority of women can't separate their vagina from their feelings... Seriously, no matter what happens, someone always gets hurt... and it's usually her.

Good luck...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 1116
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/5/2015 10:33:19 AM

The basic rule is that if we meet someone else we plan on dating and maybe having physical contact with, we cut the FWB thing off until we're "single" again.


What exactly do you mean by "cut the FWB thing off until we're single again"? Does that mean staying in contact as friends only for the time being, or end all contact with the FWB and see how it goes with the new person? Keeping a FWB on stand-by in case things don't work out with a new person doesn't seem like the best of plans, unless the FWB is very desperate and is willing to wait for you. It could turn out that you and the new person don't hit it off, but in the meantime, your FWB has moved on to someone else, so that you have no FWB to run back to.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 1117
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/5/2015 10:39:48 AM
I don't have an issue with it as long as people are mature and safe about it. Sometimes people are not in a good place to have a "relationship", we're humans and have needs and desires, to be touched/kissed, to have adult company and conversations, someone to do activities with on a friendship basis. Not to say this kind of arrangement is for everyone, but if you find someone that you connect with on a physical and intellectual level who you like being around, what is the harm?

The (potential) harm is the complications. Usually one person is (or will be shortly) into the other person to at least want to be Dating -- but they roll with the FWB because they mistakenly think they're on the same page since they have no yearning to settle down in the sunset with them or anything. Problem is, the Other person doesn't even want That -- and while being Actual friends, things get Fuzzy. You can't have too close a friendship, otherwise it fits the mold of boyFRIEND and girlFRIEND.

Having a 1-on-1 true Friendship + sex = boyfriend/girlfriend. That's why things get complicated. Sh!t gets fuzzy if it rolls on for a while. People just want a backdoor to jump out of and not have the hassle of any breakups, drama, etc. But if you're going to be 1-on-1 friends, with benefits, you're going to get drama.

The more affordable FWB situation is to be group/social friends + benefits. Or two people who live apart, keep in touch, chit-chat thru text & IM now and again, and while being single, will occasionally meet up and swap fluids.

Doing the truly 1-on-1 "FWB" ends up being one thing and calling it another. And that's where it becomes dangerous for hurt feelings, wtf's, etc.

What exactly do you mean by "cut the FWB thing off until we're single again"? Does that mean staying in contact as friends only for the time being, or end all contact with the FWB and see how it goes with the new person?

That's the other complication:
Sally: Bob, this is Walter, a friend of mine.
Bob: Hi Walt
Walter: Hi Bob
Sally: Bob's a great guy I've been dating for a little while now
Walter: Yeah, that's what you've told me. Nice meeting you, Bob...
(Sally and Bob sit down)
Bob: So does Walter work with you?
Sally: No, but I've known him for several years
Bob: Oh, how?
Sally: Well, we kinda dated for a little bit but decided to just be friends
Bob: Okay.... Just friends? He seemed to posture himself a little differently than the others...
Sally: Yeah, we're just friends right now.
Bob: Right now? Like, you guys are more than just friends at other times?
Sally: Yes, right now. But yeah, I don't want to get into a Relationship with him or anything. We are soo different, and it would never work. But yeah, you could say we're FWB when we're both single.
Bob: Okay.... (scratching head).... so he pumps his man-meat in you when you're both single, but when either of you are seeing someone, like you and I are, you both back off For The Time Being, right?
Sally: Yes, exactly.
Bob: And if we end up parting ways, and if he's single at the same time, he's going to hike up your dress and ravage you with his pork-sword, right?
Sally: Yep! He did that up until you and I had our 3rd date! But I told him I'm seeing someone, so now he's just a friend who I talk and text to every other day or so.
Bob: Oh, cool! I'm totally cool with all of this!!
 awesome50mansyndrome
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 1118
Back to reality - FWB
Posted: 1/5/2015 3:27:11 PM
Funny conversation.
A comedy script of a conversation that would never happen in reality.

Reality

People who engage in the "Friend with Benefits" relationship generally keep that business to themselves.
It is none of anyone's business.

And any idiot (female or male) who asks how many sex partners you have had or whether you have engaged in FWBs or whatever other "private" issue is someone you want to avoid.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1119
view profile
History
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/5/2015 4:06:01 PM

That's the other complication:
Sally: Bob, this is Walter, a friend of mine.
Bob: Hi Walt
Walter: Hi Bob
Sally: Bob's a great guy I've been dating for a little while now
Walter: Yeah, that's what you've told me. Nice meeting you, Bob...
(Sally and Bob sit down)
Bob: So does Walter work with you?
Sally: No, but I've known him for several years
Bob: Oh, how?
Sally: Well, we kinda dated for a little bit but decided to just be friends
Bob: Okay.... Just friends? He seemed to posture himself a little differently than the others...
Sally: Yeah, we're just friends right now.
Bob: Right now? Like, you guys are more than just friends at other times?
Sally: Yes, right now. But yeah, I don't want to get into a Relationship with him or anything. We are soo different, and it would never work. But yeah, you could say we're FWB when we're both single.
Bob: Okay.... (scratching head).... so he pumps his man-meat in you when you're both single, but when either of you are seeing someone, like you and I are, you both back off For The Time Being, right?
Sally: Yes, exactly.
Bob: And if we end up parting ways, and if he's single at the same time, he's going to hike up your dress and ravage you with his pork-sword, right?
Sally: Yep! He did that up until you and I had our 3rd date! But I told him I'm seeing someone, so now he's just a friend who I talk and text to every other day or so.
Bob: Oh, cool! I'm totally cool with all of this!!


Followed by:

So later, Walter and Sally meet for a coffee...

Walter: "So, Bob seems 'nice' ".
Sally: "What do you mean nice'?".
Walter: "Well, Bob seems a little too laid back. Somehow I always pictured you with a different kind of guy."
Sally: "What kind of guy? Bob's a great guy and I told you I've been dating for a little while now."
Walter: "Yeah, that's what you've told me. But Bob? I honestly think you could do better. Maybe you shouldn't rush into things with him. There's something about him"
Sally: "We haven't rushed into things. We're taking things slow."
Walter: (sigh of relief) "Thats good."
Walter: "Bob just doesn't seem 'right' for you. He's going to end up hurting you, I can tell with guys like that."
Walter: "Well, listen, I'm going to miss those cosy nights with you. I always wondered if we could be 'more'. I've missed you."
Sally: "More? I thought we'd agreed to keep it as a FWB only."
Walter: "Yeah, I know, but, I always left it open in my mind. Think about what I've said."

A few days later:
Sally: "Hi Walter, listen, I thought a lot about what you said, I broke it off with Bob. Why don't you come over for a while?"
Later in Bed:
Sally: "So, Walter, what about you and I giving it a try as a couple?"
Walter: "I think we'd best keep it as FWB for now... Let me get on top this time..."
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 1120
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/5/2015 9:07:39 PM
People who engage in the "Friend with Benefits" relationship generally keep that business to themselves. It is none of anyone's business.

Well, it may or may not be. I agree it's none of their business of their True Past. But if you're out on your first dates with someone, yeah, it is your business to know if they Currently have a FWB... or if they Currently Have a relatively close friend who they Are FWBs with when they don't have dates with others lined up. One can make an argument worth considering that one should Lie about it if/when asked.

Like, say I have a FWB. I'm not in the dating mood at the time. But I come across a knockout that strikes a chord with me, I ask her out, and she says yes. Now, I know I am NOT going to be with my FWB -- and I know that that FWB is no longer going to be a Real Friend -- just someone in the "back of the room" so to speak... on the level of a friend of a friend. I don't want to have to explain this to the Date if/when she asks me. She's understandably looking out for herself. And there's no way I'd let even a friendship with Average Alice, my FWB, get in the way. She's instant-acquaintance -- unless this hottie kicks me to the curb, then I'll start getting in touch with her again if she's still single -- which is warranted. So yeah -- to lie to the question of: "Do you have any FWBs, or any semi-recent FWBs who you're still friends with?" by saying "Nope." -- I can't argue against doing that, to avoid explaining it and having her 100% believe you, a guy she just met. But you better be damn Right that the FWB isn't going to be a part of your life, instantly.

I don't find it wrong for a gal to have had a FWB, or a semi-recent one. I find it wrong for said gal to keep him as a true friend -- in the picture -- while she and I are even just on initial dates. And some gals "looking out for themselves" will do that. Which is why I, like just about everyone else, would Prefer her Not to have any recent FWBs at all -- but in the end, a requirement of mine (and many others at Least) is that she's going to have to really Convince me that none of her past FWBs are even actual friends with her currently.

So later, Walter and Sally meet for a coffee...

Walter: "So, Bob seems 'nice' ".
Sally: "What do you mean nice'?".
Walter: "Well, Bob seems a little too laid back. Somehow I always pictured you with a different kind of guy."
Sally: "What kind of guy? Bob's a great guy and I told you I've been dating for a little while now."
Walter: "Yeah, that's what you've told me. But Bob? I honestly think you could do better. Maybe you shouldn't rush into things with him. There's something about him"
Sally: "We haven't rushed into things. We're taking things slow."
Walter: (sigh of relief) "Thats good."
Walter: "Bob just doesn't seem 'right' for you. He's going to end up hurting you, I can tell with guys like that."
Walter: "Well, listen, I'm going to miss those cosy nights with you. I always wondered if we could be 'more'. I've missed you."
Sally: "More? I thought we'd agreed to keep it as a FWB only."
Walter: "Yeah, I know, but, I always left it open in my mind. Think about what I've said."

A few days later:
Sally: "Hi Walter, listen, I thought a lot about what you said, I broke it off with Bob. Why don't you come over for a while?"
Later in Bed:
Sally: "So, Walter, what about you and I giving it a try as a couple?"
Walter: "I think we'd best keep it as FWB for now... Let me get on top this time..."

Yep, definitely. It's an influencing factor... which is why it's fine to have a FWB -- but both the actual Friendship AND the Benefits need to go out the window when you start dating. When you are FWB and want to stick with being just FWB -- you should end up dooming the friendship once one of you starts getting some good worthy dates. A FWB isn't a platonic relationship. It's a non-platonic relationship that's in a different & notably low gear. If it's too close a relationship, being 1-on-1, it ends up not just being friends w/ benefits, but a girl-friend or boy-friend (whether they believe it or not; albeit likely not a serious one or healthy one). I think on the typical Dating Field, it's a date's right to know if one has a current FWB -- or a relatively close friend who they are FWBs with on-again-off-again.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 1121
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/6/2015 6:39:37 AM
the vast majority of women can't separate their vagina from their feelings... Seriously, no matter what happens, someone always gets hurt... and it's usually her.


FWBs didn't work out for these particular women. But it doesn't mean it can't work out for other people in the right situation. This was mentioned earlier. But I believe some people will already have feelings for the other person before starting the FWB relationship. They are secretly hoping that it will lead to something more. A FWB ( or any type of relationship ) will not work when a person is not honest about their intentions. Plus people can often get hurt in marriages or LTRs as well.


The more affordable FWB situation is to be group/social friends + benefits. Or two people who live apart, keep in touch, chit-chat thru text & IM now and again, and while being single, will occasionally meet up and swap fluids.


When I had FWB relationships, we would hang out maybe 1-2 times a month. But we didn't have daily contact.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 1122
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/6/2015 4:05:03 PM
I guess a Couple of Posters have shown what kind of Friend they are. In the above story Walter wasn't a True Friend at all....

Then people who are Users are going to Use Their Friends for Personal Gain...... Doesn't sound like much of a Friend at all....
 tomterrific460
Joined: 6/9/2014
Msg: 1123
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/12/2015 4:48:47 PM
As the song say, "Ain't nothin' like the real thing, baby."
 the_biggavell
Joined: 6/6/2014
Msg: 1124
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/13/2015 1:31:43 AM
I think its a good thing.. great stress reliever. Id like another one
 oldie_but_hottie
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 1125
view profile
History
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/13/2015 10:58:01 AM
What I'm wondering is how many FWBs at a given time are acceptable? One of the shortcomings of having an FWB is that they ususally have many other priorities in their life unlike a "real"relationship where your partner (and/or family) is always #1. So if we 're not in a relationship I find it handy to have about three FWBs and see each about twice a week and have a day of rest, could be more or could be less but I find three is a manageable number to get through the lonely times ...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 1126
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/13/2015 11:34:07 AM
^^^I could imagine how awkward it could get if you have multiple FWB's, and you're at a party or other social gathering where the other FWB(s) show up, even with the mindset that they are all your friends first and foremost and the benefits are just a minor detail. Or when FWB number 2 or 3 calls and asks what are you up to when you're with FWB no. 1. Would it matter if the FWB also had a collection of FWB's other than you?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 1127
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/13/2015 1:38:29 PM
What I'm wondering is how many FWBs at a given time are acceptable?

Best "rules of engagement" when single, is to only be SleepIng with just One person within the same general timeframe. It doesn't have to be Exact to avoid trouble, but pretty much that should be standard-operating-procedure. When you're FWB -- you're Likely SleepIng together. And you're Certainly Not a Booty Call.

A FWB is Not a booty-call. A booty-call isn't an actual Friend. It's a number in your phone to dial-up when you're single, to pork (or get porked). It's like your friend's friend who knows how to get a reservation at the great restaurant. And you know how to get some free shots at a neighborhood bar. You're not real Friends (although you could evolve into being actual friends) -- they're an acquaintance -- someone you know. That's the context of a Booty Call. A Booty Call *can* evolve into a FWB, if evolving into engaging too frequently, bonding, etc... but it by itself, is not.

You could Technically have more than one FWB at the same time -- if say, they're LD friends which is why you're FWB. You may only hook up with them every once in a great while, nothing's a given -- but it'd be not-quite-true to say you're Just Friends, as that "naughty door" is always open when both are single.

But as far as how many FWBs to have in the same time-frame, when the Benefits part of it for all of them are also Activated (and not in "hibernate" mode)? Just 1 is kosher, IMO.

But most FWBs is someone one's currently Sleeping with -- even if only once every 7-10 days. You mix and match them at the same time, you'll likely run into trouble. Even though they're not a BF/GF -- they're still a Friend. If they're cool with that And you're cool with that -- then sure, no probs (but most will have issues about it).
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 1128
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/13/2015 2:00:58 PM

I could imagine how awkward it could get if you have multiple FWB's, and you're at a party or other social gathering where the other FWB(s) show up, even with the mindset that they are all your friends first and foremost and the benefits are just a minor detail. Or when FWB number 2 or 3 calls and asks what are you up to when you're with FWB no. 1. Would it matter if the FWB also had a collection of FWB's other than you?


First 1979-1980 was a different time, & they were Activity Friends or Acquaintances. We all hung out at the same Bars, having Fun Dancing & Listening to Local Bands. The other thing was We weren't the Jealous Types. I could have settled down with a few of them, but they weren't ready for that. So I had Fun, as did they & you didn't know at the beginning of the Night where it might lead.. Such was the Life of a Tourist Town Ski Area...
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1129
view profile
History
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/13/2015 2:15:53 PM

I find it handy to have about three FWBs and see each about twice a week and have a day of rest, could be more or could be less but I find three is a manageable number to get through the lonely times ...

I have a few friends who have FWB's... usually around 2 or 3 ongoing...
They all seem to be about the same as you... See the FWB(s) about once or twice a week... and then go bar-hopping for the weekends to meet other women...
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 1130
yes or no? Friends with benefits!
Posted: 1/13/2015 11:41:16 PM
No, I only have the emotional and physical desire to become intimate with people I love and I would always be in a relationship with said person first
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