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 AUTHOR
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 11
Sex and relationshipsPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
"That man would make me break all my rules"

There is my point - dead center.

"this guy" is not *enough* to make her break her rules.

In a REAL two way match ..... the rules go right out the window.

If I am around some gal that says "just a minute - I need to check page 5 of my personal rule book". Since YOU are just "some guy" like any other guy to me ..... the rules apply to you too - just like ANY GUY. I would wonder if she even knew my name or could even pick me out of a line up.

Now ..... anyone want to talk about "friends first" ....... lol.
 RiverGirl74
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 13
Sex and relationships
Posted: 10/29/2007 12:32:30 PM
Of course she did the right thing and she should not feel bad or allow him to put a guilt trip on her.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Sex and relationships
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:04:47 PM

In a REAL two way match ..... the rules go right out the window.


As much as I hate to admit it, you have a very good point Ron. The truth is if I am really into a guy in all ways, I may bend or break some of my "rules'. I'm thinking that what a lot of us are looking for is the guy where the rules go right out the window. We keep the rules with the guys we aren't sure of, or the level isn't there. I think the level is sometimes there right away, but, it's rare in my experience. Sometimes it takes a little while to get there. But, IMO, it shouldn't take that long..and for me, if I don't want him so bad I can't stand it by a reasonable amount of time, it isn't going to happen. This is when sex can become a weapon, and that is the last thing I want, is sex that isn't the result of desire. Can't stand it desire.

So, back to the OP..though I think she was right to stick to her feelings, I think her feelings weren't strong enough for this guy. If they were, she wouldn't be able to wait either. (Barring a strong religious conviction, which depending on her age and experience, isn't always applicable either.)

My three cents....
 becca210
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 16
Sex and relationships
Posted: 10/29/2007 4:45:45 PM
No one wants to be given an ultimatum about anything. Not knowing all the details especially sexual backgrounds, it is hard to have firm opinions here.
The main thing that people seem to forget is that at a certain age, we expect most adults to have a sexual life. For some people, to be deprived of what has been normal for them is difficult. If you are a virgin, you can hold out. I understand not wanting to act on sexual impulses too quickly, but a few months is a long time to expect most adults to wait.
I think most women can tell where the guy is coming from pretty soon after meeting.
If you don't have sexual urges after a few dates, this might not be a match for you.
We all talk about chemistry.......sexual chemistry is a very important part of the relationship. If it is missing........the relationship will not work.
IMHO
Becca
 vetteboi88
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 17
Sex and relationships
Posted: 10/29/2007 7:00:56 PM
It's pretty simple.

Women feel loved when their partner showers them with kindness, appreciation, nuturing, and support. These things strengthen the bond between the woman and man.

Men feel love through the act of making love. It's not necessarily the orgasm or even the act of making love, but the connection formed through the passion and intimacy expressed during the act. These things strengthen the bond between man and woman.

The hardest part of a relationship is balancing these two polar examples of bonding and not feeling like one is putting more effort into the relationship than thier partner.
 im2cuteferu
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 18
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History
Sex and relationships
Posted: 10/29/2007 7:26:56 PM
"If a woman doesn't give me sex on the first date, I would think that she is "just not that into me"."

Would it even occur to you that you are a complete STRANGER to her? Maybe she isn't into sex with STRANGERS?
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 19
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History
Sex and relationships
Posted: 10/29/2007 7:53:30 PM

If a guy is a "playah", he'll either leave long before the relationship includes sex, or he'll wait for it, then bail right after. Making a guy wait for sex is not gonna turn him from a "playah" into a "keeper".


The voice of maturity..thank you arlo...
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 20
Sex and relationships
Posted: 10/29/2007 8:10:33 PM
It is NOT THE WAIT - that has nothing to do with it.

It is the “desire” or not.

Just how in the hell is a guy going to feel “desirable” in her eyes - if the gal is throwing her silly azz rules in his face.

“oh its not YOU Chuckie - if it was YOU - I would boink you ........... but look - it is right here in the rule book”

When I was about 20 - I looked like the poster child for rug burn. Me and Susie dry hunched our way thru an entire 18 months and never did get to actual nOOkieville but ............ I kept coming back. Her desire was just as high as mine was - her upbringing prevented it.

I may still be going to Susie’s house for hours of rug/couch burn if she had not have moved to Japan for some big job.

I really do not blame a gal for “holding out”. I personally got turned off big time at all the fast sex out there these days. BUT ....... if this gal is able to “pass” - it is not a real two way match.

If this gal is 15yo yeah ..... if she is 21yo + .......... it is NOT a match period.

And ........ the guy should not have gave her and either/or (if he really did) - he should have accepted the fact that she is not turned on by him and wished her well and left ...... for good.

Again - sex is EVERYWHERE ..... it is not the sex. Even us old farts get sex pushed in our face.

It is NOT a two way match.

I am as far from a horndog as you can get. I have NO INTEREST at all in casual sex. I did when I was real young but even then I passed it often.

My ex wife and me bOinked our brains out the first time we met in person. Twenty one years later we STILL like each other - divorced or not. There was a reason - it was an instant 2 way match.

I’ve never had a girl friend - whip out some silly rule. But ...... every relationship I’ve ever had (not that many but long lasting) was an instant two way match. I just don't get in relationships if I am not serious about the gal. I would rather keep looking. I realize some are different.

My first wife was a virgin ...... I had to push her some but still.

Oh yeah ....... she told him up front no nOOkie and the ********NORMAL GUY********* keeps trying - shoot him. He is not being disrespectful at all. He is being normal. The poor smuck should be wondering if she is really his girl friend.

News flash ....... MOST guys want to have sex with their girlfriend ........ duh.

I don't even date (causal dating don't make any sense to me) .... I have no idea why some silly azz rules crank me up so much lol.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 22
Sex and relationships
Posted: 10/30/2007 7:04:48 AM
Every relationship that doesn't progress it is bound to fail. I've seen this dilemma here a lot and it always ends in disaster. I can also speak from personal experience. I went out with this one girl and she was very physical, yet didn't want to go there. I am the type of person that don't believe in getting sex by guilt. Not my style, but after spending many encounters practically grinding and fondling each other, I had to drop her, that it wasn't going to work out.

What I've also seen a lot is that the girl is going to wait, the guy puts up with it and in the process becomes the doormat of the girl because he things that pleasing her will get him closer. It doesn't work that way, most of the time, she will meet some dude in one of her girls night out, sleeps with the guy and now she can only see the guy as friends. I see this over and over again. The girl even gets confused because she feels for the guy, but it's not sexual attraction.

So my philosophy and you guys can chastise me for this, but if there's no sex by fourth or fifth date more than likely it ain't going to happen.
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