|YOU IDIOT!!Page 5 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)|
|was sitting at a set of lights down the gold coast last week+ was watching a bloke in his 30,s walking one of those prancy little dogs+ thinking, jeez mate, u are game taking that mouse out in public!!! anyway, the dog arches its back+ proceeds to do its business! the bloke bends over with his plastic baggie to pick it up+ must of got too much of a sniff+ throws up all over his hand, the bag+ the dog!!!! i thought i was going to die from laughing!!!!!!|
Posted: 12/6/2008 9:46:20 PM
|On our way to lunch, me and a workmate were crossing the road when we noticed this man in front of us kinda twisting, slowly spinning....to avoid the blowing of the wind and trying to get the most optimum angle as not to rustle his comb-over. I bit my lip so hard as not to embarrass the man....then the wind got stronger and started to lift the clump of hair....but the volumes of hair spray he sprayed on it made it look like a big stiff banner...not too far off to the one the astronauts had during the lunar landing. |
At work, while waiting to use the photocopying machine, someone's sexytary was taking all her sweet time when the machine jammed. She tried fixing it, opening doors here and there, twisting knobs, then as she bent down to open the lower paper drawer, she let out a massive big fart....immediately straightened herself and started coughing!!!! Yer right, I could not really tell the difference......
Posted: 12/29/2008 1:12:15 AM
|We moved house a few weeks ago and now actually have an office area for the computer.After setting it all up and sitting in the room for a while I discovered it was really quite hot in there.I had previously given away my pedestal fan so after putting up with the heat for about a week I decided to invest in another as it was too hot to spend any length of time in front of the computer....and thats where I live after all!|
On arriving home with my new purchase I immediately set it up and it was far more pleasant. A couple of days later on a particularly hot day my daughter walked in as I was typing away and said "Mum, why dont you put the fan on its hot in here".
I nodded towards my new fan and basically took the mickey out of her telling her it was already on and was she blind. Rolling her eyes at me in that particular way only a 10 year old can she said "No Mum, I mean that big one on the ceiling".
Posted: 12/29/2008 1:38:24 AM
| Hilly thats priceless.So how is the big one on the ceiling,work well.|
Posted: 12/29/2008 2:42:29 AM
|manMiss Hilly, that is priceless. Needed a good laugh.|
Was in pub in Woolamalloo....dang spelling, Syndey suburb near Kings Cross. Man was at piano playing very well. Me being "theatre marvelous darling" rock up, compliment him on his skill, join in singing as do some of his friends. Was fun talking about growing up doing amateur dramatics, mum n brother both opera singers etc, even the dreaded Gilbert and Sullivan got sung. Turned out that I had been singing with the cast of Les Miserables all the niave long night....argh!!!!
Or more recently...house mess, teen party night before....cig butts all over back verandah, me no drink well so huge hangover, no clean clothes or underwear, strange man turning up to drop something arty off, caught in shower 2pmish, grab nightdress, put on, then proceed to impress no one with facile comments, asthma outa control so coughing lots, mention of prostitution, gin and tonic and bobs your uncle....another one bites the dust. On lighter note, gfriend who was there, informed later that the bally dress was seethrough and I had patches of yetty leg that had missed the razor. Dang I love cosmic jokes.
Posted: 12/29/2008 3:59:51 AM
|I think I do 'idiot' rather well.|
I bought some new fairy lights for my deck a few weeks before Christmas, and only realised when I went to hang them them that instead of grabbing 2 matching sets I'd accidentally grabbed one set of white, and one set of coloured bulbs. When you live out of town like I do, every trip to run an errand is time consuming, so I was cursing myself that now I had to go all the way back to the shopping centre...especially in the last days before Christmas, do battle to find a park, and contend with the pushing crowds... just to fix my own mistake.
So 2 days before Christmas I headed off to make the swap, and grabbed a sprite from a servo along the way. I didn't open the drink until I was almost at the shopping centre, and cos I was driving I gripped the bottle between my thighs to hold it still while I opened the lid. When I did, the softdrink spurted out all over the legs and crotch of my jeans and ran underneath me and soaked my ar$e too. So it looked very much like...in fact exactly like... I had wet myself. But to turn back around and go all the way back home just to change would have been stupidly time consuming...so I gritted my teeth, and went in. I made no eye contact with anyone and just ran in and ran out with my f#*@%#g fairy lights in hand. Public humiliation is always so very character building.
Posted: 12/29/2008 5:04:57 AM
| Naamah thats priceless as well.So how did the fairy lights look? |
Suppose i should put myself out there.
Putting up the Crissy tree.I have a tree that has 3 sections too it,bottom,middle and top.It tapers up from the bottom narrowing as it goes up.It has individual branches that need to be opened up.Had friends over on the day i was putting it up for some Crissy drinks.When they left i thought too drunk too put the tree up,bugger it i'll do it.Thought i did a great job till i seen it in the morning.I had the middle section on the bottom and the bottom section in the middle,at least i got the top right.The tree wobbled that much i thought it might fall over any minute.Most of the lights were on the top half,the dectorations were,hard to describe,a mess and Santa was about to do a front mickey off the top of the tree.Three hours later it looked a lot better.In future this idiot is going to drink after putting the tree up.
Posted: 1/18/2009 5:53:39 AM
|I was out shopping with my kids on Saturday, we had a couple of bags each and were heading for the exit when I noticed a sale on at Rockmans. (I usually don't shop at rockmans but as it was a sale) |
I was looking at the tops at the front of the store when my daughter picked up a top and said "look at this mum isn't it pretty?" I said "no I don't like it ,it looks like a grandma top". I removed a couple of tops on hangers to look at the ones I liked at the back of the rack. I turned to my duaghter and said "look at this, this is nice"
She said with her 11 year old attitude "no it looks like a grand ma top",, then she told me what I was wearing looked like a grand ma top (obviously she was insulted by my earlier coment). I decided to go saying to the kids come on lets get going.
We headed towards the exit passing about 7 shops when I looked down to sort out the bags I was carrying. To my surprise and absolute amusement I was carrying 2 of the tops, on thier hangers, I had removed earlier from the rack in Rockmans!!! I was so surprised I said at the top of my voice to the kids and everybody else that was within 10 metres of me,,, "OH MY GOD I have just accidently stolen these tops from Rockmans",, I spun around at the same time expecting security or a shop assistant to be running after me,, luckily to my surprise no one was trailing me. I walked back as quick as possible, once I reached the edge of the shop I reached over and hung the tops back on the sale rack.
I was so ammused by my own stupidity that I was peeing myself laughing and only just keeping it together to reach to exit, noticeing the nice looking guy I had smiled at earlier, now I was trying to hide my face as I passed him as I do not do laughing or crying pretty.
Posted: 1/20/2009 11:10:03 PM
|Recently I took one of my employers cars out to work from a clients site for the day. I parked the car in a multi-storey car park and off I toddled to do my work.|
At the end of the day when I got back to the car park I realised that I hadn’t taken note of which level I had parked the car in, and to make things worse, I didn’t have a clue as to what colour or make the car was. Crap! Stood at the entrance of the carpark for a minute or two before it dawned on me that there was only one thing I could do to find the car………….get the lift to every freaking floor and patrol the entire level pushing the unlock button on the key until one of the cars responded. Took frigging ages and got some very strange looks from other people. Sigh.......sometimes I think the blonde hair dye I use seeps into my brain.... 8-)
Posted: 1/20/2009 11:36:33 PM
|My first year in Brisbane I turned up for work on Ekka day. Wondered why the traffic was good and was so engrossed in work I didn't realise no-one else was around for hours.|
Posted: 1/21/2009 2:43:52 AM
|Following the car in front of me one afternoon it seemed we were both heading for the same store she would turn left i would turn left etc.Anyway coming up to our turn off to the store she indicated to turn into the driveway i indicated as well. In front of her was a 4Wd not not going to far in a hurry.We had both pulled off the road behind a parked car with no driver..As it was parked right up near the driveway we both couldnt see it front of it .Here i was wondering what the hold up was talk about feeling like a idiot.|
Posted: 2/5/2009 5:53:38 PM
|every try getting in some one elses car mm you idiot lol|
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:11:14 PM
|I got ring worm once !! (some time ago)|
I thought to myself "I dont need no doctor to prescribe me worm tablets when I can buy dog worm tablets at the super market."
4 tablets for the 10kg and one for every 10kgs after that..
I am 78kilo's, so 10 tablets later and i am wrapped around the bowl.
sometime later I found out ring worm is in fact a fungus. !!
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:22:42 PM
|Ha ha ^^^^..., so you went and purchased a fungicide ?|
When I cant recall someones name..., and feebly say as a greeting ..., 'G'day mate !"
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:25:57 PM
| ^^^ I've followed most of this thread and I'd have to say Caves...you definitely win the 'YOU IDIOT' prize so far with that one.|
And I bet you had a sore ring for a while...[waits for collective groan from the forum]
Posted: 2/6/2009 8:53:58 PM
|I think I could write The dummies guide to being an idiot...................................and when I work out why my keyboard on my laptop is gobbledy gook and I have to keep correcting by highlighting and deleting because backspace is kaputz and I get extra characters when I type..(am trying everything to correct it(<|
Posted: 2/6/2009 8:57:15 PM
|Ah..., Ms. Prawn..., ^^^^ best get yourself a Mac..., then get yourself an "Idiots guide to Macs" |
Posted: 2/6/2009 9:02:46 PM
|aaah freckle that wasnt the whole post.........system zapped it cause I mentioned a website.................I had said that once I made a chocolate cake whilst not having a sense of smell and baked it, the brown colour being provided by gravox instead of cocoa..............................................................and how once my ex came home to the smell of roast in the air and grabbed the spoon resting in the roasting tray on the sink and quickly dragged it across it and shoved it in his mouth only to realise it tasted like tuna after having been used to empty a cat can and had been added to the wash....lol|
Posted: 2/7/2009 7:32:03 PM
|Years ago I used to do some off shore yacht racing with a friend . . he was a mad sailor. The problem for me was that I seemed to suffer from sea sickness. I never actually threw up but the nausea would take the fun out of it . . particularly when I went below for some sleep etc. and couldn't see the horizon.|
I figured I just had to do something about this as some of the longer races were conducted over a number of days. I duly went to the chemist for advice and hopefully some remedy. He gave me some antihistamine tablets and said they should help.
I got the dosage wrong somehow and ended up taking four tablets per hour instead of four per day . . something like that.
Anyway, at sunset the usual procedure is to count the yachts one can see so you have an idea of where you (and they) are during the night and most importantly, how much distance you might have made on them by morning.
I counted about twenty seven yachts and when the skipper told me there were only eighteen in the race, I thought there might be something wrong . . 'cos I'm sharp as a tack.
Only later did I learn from the chemist that an overdose may cause hallucinations.
I wouldn't have minded all that much if the tablets had helped the nausea . . but, nope.
Posted: 2/7/2009 9:00:57 PM
....may cause hallucinations.
"Midshipman FauxPa reporting the count, SAH!"
At ease sailor. What say you?
"27 yachts, SAH!"
"27 yachts, a Newspaper Taxi, 3 Loch Ness Monsters, and a Girl with Kaleidoscope Eyes, SAH!"
Very good sailor. Here, you men over there, come and take hold of Midshipman FauxPa and throw him overboard will you....
Posted: 2/7/2009 9:22:16 PM
Kids and kid's friends were trading nits...me going nitcombing crazy.... I had hair down to bum and got nits.....arghhh......natural stuff not working.....buy expensive nuclear blasting stuff for all kids, including friends....none left for me....think Eff it.....buy dog shampoo for fleas cos it cheap at 3 bucks and has pyrethrym in it. My hair was falling out like some cancer victim....solution...chop it....should've done that in the first place.
Posted: 2/8/2009 12:38:33 AM
|I love this thread. It confirms my suspicions that I am in fact a superior being, as I have never been an idiot.|
Posted: 2/8/2009 4:14:53 PM
|correct me if I am wrong but isn't any form of addiction which by its very definition interferes with normal functioning considered idiocy. So Pofaddiction, seems you are the biggest idiot of all. Cute, intelligent but an idiot.|
Posted: 2/8/2009 6:11:29 PM
|yep, winning this thread is like arguing over the internet, either way your still an idiot. |
but hey, not sure how but the dog worming tablets made my ring worm disappear.. just like your hair n nitz..greyingred
well I am off to buy some anti-histamine tablets, 4 in an hour hey faux !!
Posted: 2/8/2009 6:41:21 PM
I love this thread. It confirms my suspicions that I am in fact a superior being, as I have never been an idiot.
given your other posts.. and your keen sense of sensitivity.. i woulda guessed, you were being humorous.. in this statement..
sigh.. yes sometimes you need the laugh icon.. so others get that..
as for admitting your addicted to forums?
once again going from other posts youve written. your only here for the forums... would in context.. be addicted to forums..
and as there are are numerous threads in regards to this very thing... your honesty.. is noted..
id say most who post here often.. regardless of the flack etc, that can occur in enclosed enviournments.. are also addicted to the forums..
see^^^^ said threads.... only here for the forums...
as for addiction = idiot?.. some of the greatest minds have dabbled with certain mind altering substance.. that enhanced their thinking... might of = an addiction.. but certainly not = being an idiot..
sir auther connan doyle?. for eg.. had an intensely brilliant mind.. and i think every child should ......have some of his books on the school..'must read list'..
dear sherlock.. ..the logic.. the intelligence.. the teaching of... thinking... yes thinking for self.. the latteral thinking.. the thinking backwards..
now my memory might be gone.. but i think he had a cocaine addiction?..
until the war on drugs..propaganda.. infected minds with judgement... (and im not saying drugs are cool or ok... ). but both sides of an argument... until judgement.. determined all who took drugs as evil outcasts.... without an open mind.. to non judgement...
if you look through out history.. many great minds dabbled in .. cocaine./heroin.. alcohol...
many great songs were written with mary jane..
and many tribes and sharmans.. expanded conciousness to .. be able to affect dna..yes fully change someones dna capabilities for a time...
alot of herbs were outlawed and people burnt for the knowledge of said mind altering and healing plants....
and now when you look at latest russian research... re how dna responds to pictures/words/frequencies.... it confirms.. what these sharmans could do..
addiction does not = an idiot... why my mate in uk.. tells me the irish pert near can buy a drink from any business.......... its in their dna... to judge a whole tribe/nation etc.. nope dosent add up logically..
dna can affect addiction.. many people who have addictions.. even today have keen/intelligent minds..
and some would say the brainwashing of religions etc=would equal idiot..
but i dont.. the human being as a collective is deep on many levels and to label any behaviour whilst .. might make it easier.. is closed..
theres always both sides to every equation..
and.. pofaddiction a tender soul.. a mighty heart and a keen humour...
thanx for the laugh.. pofaddiction..