|YOU IDIOT!!Page 6 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)|
|Thanks again soulmate. |
idiots have such fun...
It sure has been fun reading everyone's confessions of 'you idiot' moments. Are we all agreed that Caves wins?
Laughing at yourself is healthy. Coming on here and inviting everyone else to laugh too is awesome.
Posted: 2/9/2009 2:01:46 AM
|I lay sprawling under subterranean earthly correction. Verily I believe I cannot attain the lauded title of idiot. Having been an ex-iodine addict not only am I no longer an axilotal but I have also subverted cretinism....my only defense is.........to and run for cover. Which as established as incapable of being an idiot means that I am doomed to be found on this thread...ergo I must be a genius.|
I refuse however to retract intelligent and cute. So wear it with pride.
Posted: 2/9/2009 2:28:21 AM
I refuse however to retract intelligent and cute.
Then I'll see you in Court!!
The fact that it's a pretend Court made out of a cardboard box, and my son's plastic Spiderman is the judge, is irrelevant.
Posted: 2/9/2009 4:55:02 PM
|bieng a newly converted Salamandor of the non born again kind. Seems that I can an insect or relative thereof. Pah I chew and spit the spiderman judge out but find that the cardboard box is a tad more difficult to get out from under. Am working on morphing to a mole.|
Posted: 2/9/2009 5:14:13 PM
|No no no... please don't morph into a mole! |
Come out in the open. With us here, you may frolic amongst your own kind. Here, in this special place, for 'special' people, we roam freely amongst the idiots... safe in the knowledge that we are no longer alone.
Or, we could just start a b!tch fight for the titillation of the guys. Right here, right now... we could name a time and place and get it on! Mud bath arena provided, but BYO wet t-shirt and/or bikini.
Posted: 2/9/2009 6:29:36 PM
|have decided that moledom could lead to cancer of the thought but sadly though I would luxuriate in a mudbath fight....there's no point in the wet t shirt part, my scapulas are bigger and as ex so prosiacaly put it.....real men know which cleavage is important. However as for the **** fight....YOU"RE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and now I have vanquished Pofaddiction I will go whoops sorry forgot to pick up my left tit. It's there under that amoeba. Sod it I"ll nick one of your's.|
Posted: 2/11/2009 6:49:59 AM
|Outside some of the travel agencies, there is the mannequin of a pilot there, i once went over and asked him for directions, it was only when people started laughing that i realised.|
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:10:54 PM
|I'd say, on average, I say to myself, "you idiot" at least twice daily. It's a sort of generalised idiocy that I suffer from. However, I have been thinking hard (it hurt, so I eventually stopped), and I have finally thought of my very own, forum worthy, 'you idiot!' moment!|
Picture this: I am 20 years old, a dancer, booked to perform a 'schools show' with a dance company. There will be hundreds of kids as our audience - its an obligation of many dance companies to 'educate and reach the wider community' if they want their grant money. Anyway, we are to perform at the Claremont Superdome (or is it drome? What the heck is a 'drome'?). WA people would know it, it's a huge sporting complex. Having never been there before, I made sure to allow plenty of time to find it.
I arrive waaaay early. It's open but no one seems to be around. I've got costumes with me so I look for a likely looking dressing room. Ah ha! I find the perfect place - it has toilets, showers, hooks on the wall - so I hang up my costumes and proceed to the loo.
So, I'm sitting there, doing the usual, then 'bang!'... the doors crash open and the room is flooded with the voices of burly men. Oh God! It's the West Coast Eagles! You see, this venue used to be where the they trained. "What's this ballet shit doing in here?", one of them sneers. So here I am, locked behind the loo door, sweating and praying no one notices I'm in here. I was lucky... oh yes... because they headed right past the toilet section... into the showers!
Now, at the time, I was the most shy little creature you could imagine. I waited until the boys were likely to all be busy showering, unlocked my door and bolted, right out of there as fast as my little pointe shoes could carry me. The sound of running water... hot steam filling the room... 20 naked footballers within 4 metres of where I am. And I ran away?
What a collosal idiot!!
Posted: 2/13/2009 12:52:40 AM
|Heard this beeping sound this arvo,walked around for 10 minutes checking things.Scratching the head to think what it could be,washing machine.Power on...check,controls set...check,powder in...check,water on...bugger,turn the water on you idiot.|
Posted: 2/13/2009 3:08:47 AM
|On a recent road trip I was driving as the sun set. The shadows were getting longer and it was getting quite dark but the headlights didn't seem to be making much difference. Luckily before the situation got too serious, the passenger pointed out that I still had my sunglasses on.|
Posted: 2/18/2009 2:16:21 AM
|Good one dimeadozen, also on a trip home from holidays after being on the road for 5 days with no major hassles except for hitting a crow just as the antenna was fully extended and damaging the antenna I get home in rainy Townsville I managed to bog the car right out front of my house.|
My excuse was the ground was softer than when I went on holidays.
This was obvious as when I went on holidays the wet season hadn't started and when I returned it had been raining for over a week
Posted: 2/18/2009 2:42:09 AM
my biggest "moment" from the past week?
tried to start my car.......just a chug, chug, chug.......had another try.......same result.
i thought, oh well........possibly a new battery needed, may be something wrong with the starter motor.
made a phone call to the r.a.c.q..........waited 45 minutes for the serviceman to arrive.
i used the wrong key.
Posted: 2/19/2009 7:07:52 AM
|My Dad's got a brilliant 'You idiot!' moment. |
When he was a young man in the late 60's - married, child on the way, just bought a block of land and started building, in debt and committed to working hard and establishing a secure base for his family, all that jazz - he was out driving one day and picked up a hitchhiker, a young man.
It was a fairly long drive and they got chatting, had a laugh together and found they 'clicked' (in a totally not-gay way, ok?). My Dad, an unusual thinker (you have no idea!) and a bit eccentric, found a kind of 'soulmate' in this stranger. As Dad dropped this bloke where he wanted to get out, the young man offered him his contact details in England. He'd talked about this TV show he and a couple mates were hoping to get started on. This guy reckoned Dad was just their type (not gay!) and he hoped Dad could make it over to England and contribute. Dad explained the impossibility of this (just started a family, committed, etc.) and wished him luck with his plans.
That show was 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' and the guy was the-one-I-never-remember-the-name-of-but-he-did-the-funny-cartoony-cut-out-animation-stuff. Yeah, him.
So, OMFG! Dad - you idiot!!
Actually, he doesn't think of it as an idiot moment as a 'such is life' thing. He's just so damned buddhist about things. Whereas, this story makes me do this >>>>
Posted: 3/8/2009 8:07:36 PM
|I just bought an exercise bike on ebay in the quest to combat spreading butt and jelly thighs syndrome.|
Now it can sit unused and clutter up my spare room. Still at least it will have an unused treadmill and weights to keep it company.
Soon I will have a complete home gym to sit and look at while I eat my nightly packet of chocolate biscuits.
What a Fcuking tool.
Posted: 3/8/2009 11:26:05 PM
|Long story.. short version...|
18yrs old leg in plaster I was attending south bris college tafe, had a few weeks off tafe. Home alone getting bored , girlfriend come visit, staying home wasnt so bad after all..
After a few visits from GF , I noticed that I was extra itchy around my groin and around my thigh, im scratching away with a ruler, it was so irritating..( you know wot im thinking)... the phone rings at home Its my GF ringing to tell me she has crabs and wanted to know if I had them also, Of course I do but i didnt have em before last week ....
. Anyways after we sorted out whos crabs they were...
I had other problems to deal with now... and that was how to treat them without any1 in the family knowing about it.. yes very tricky situation....
Here I am making my way down the street with a full cast on, and I couldnt go to our local pharmacy , so I had to make my way to the next suburb or 2 ...
I approach pharmacy and sheepishly look around for a male assistant to help a brother out, instead a female assistant approaches me and asks if im ok, I was so embarrassed , and all i could say is im looking for some toothpaste pls... This went on in 2 other pharmacies I approached..
Untill i came across one with a male assistant, who helped me out and lead me to the correct product and saw that i was carrying 3 tubes of toothpaste and asked me why, i told him my delimma and he pissed himself.. and then proceeded to tell me that I may have to get my cast off to apply to product for the bities... WTF..
I am Luke " Lord Of All Idiots"
Posted: 3/27/2009 2:06:29 AM
|This isn't me, this I swear on my nanna's grave...|
I was talking to a friend who shall remain nameless and who has the responsibility of transporting kids to and from school.
Goes to work early in the morning, lights are turned on because it is a tad dark, ten minutes into the drive sun is up and the brightness of day is all about.
Delivers said kids to their place of learning and then goes home to await the hour of transporting the lovely little school kids home.
The appointed hour arrives and my dear friend goes out to the bus and discovers that the blasted thing won't start.
The way the bus was finally started is another story but lesson 4 with driving vehicles early in the morning was learnt; turn the headlights off before leaving said vehicle.
Just as well I only cook for Uni students and nobody I work with can pass on stories like this.
Now that I have spilled the beans, I think I should and seek before I get hurt and
Now I will go and hide
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:07:18 PM
|Sitting in a auto showroom watching the news while waiting for my next client ( being a finance manager) I spotted this sensual, beautiful woman coming over to hear the news on the TV. I quickly went into the macho hunker mode to impress her. With business folders in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other I simply looked up and said "Hi" in my most sultry way. She blurted out a laugh and looked directly at my crouch. The end of my tie was in the coffee cup soaking it up a few inches. yeah, I'm cool!|
Posted: 4/28/2009 9:07:04 AM
|Coupla weeks ago I breathed in a feather. (Keeping chickens, and excessive pillow fighting, are both extremely dangerous pastimes.) I coughed and spluttered and it didn't reappear. With images of being slowly suffocated by a feather lodged in my lungs (which would, annoyingly, interfere with my more long term plan of drowning my lungs in tar), and when I could speak again I called the local doctor (feeling like a complete idiot) and asked if it was likely to be a problem. They said naaah, you would have chest pain if there was a feather in there cos lungs are so very sensitive. So I felt a bit dumb, as per usual, but then...|
...the other day I hear on the news that there was a guy who must have breathed in a seed at some point cos he was found to have a seedling of a tree that had actually sprouted inside his lung.... (Obviously an extremist supporter for the regeneration of forests....I am growing trees in my lung, what are YOU doing for the planet.) ...A tree growing in his lung??? Pffft, lungs are sensitive my ar$e. So now I am thinking I've probably got an entire aviary in mine. (in my lungs, not my ar$e )
Bugger this quitting smoking lark...I'm gonna focus on quitting breathing in feathers.
*Sounds of Darth Vader-esque breathing*
Posted: 4/28/2009 11:26:10 PM
a seedling of a tree that had actually sprouted inside his lung.... Naamah! Are you telling me all the stuff you breathe in is still there breeding? I've breathed in a couple of dozen flies over the summer. Eeeek! Where's that Mortein?
Posted: 4/29/2009 12:12:56 AM
|Ok, I got one that I can and never will be able to live down or play down in its blatant stupidity.|
When I hit high school, we had a guy who had been kept back a year in our class (chronic disruption to his fellow classmates). He would be forever going on about this fictional character/figment of his imagination
named Donnie. His stories would go along the lines of;
"Donnie was playing on the train tracks, but he didn't hear the train and he got slammed. He was fornicated."
Now me, red cheeked and used to being being the big fish, didn't think to simply ask him about the meaning of this new and foreign word. Instead I did some word association.
Train, hitting a human form, would probably cause irrepairable damage..... Basically poor Donnie would be Fvcked.... Too bad my naivety didn't allow the full comprehension of the literal meaning behind it. I was fat dumb and happy beleiving that Donnie was just plain and simply fvcked up.
This wasn't a problem until about year 9 (form 3 for you old timers hahaha) when I had some friends over to my house for the first time for a bit of a sleep over thing. We had a ball, I shot one of my mates in the eye with a nail gun, and we spent most of the weekend trapping and skinning rabbits (Naamah, You have no idea how much I laughed at your Gutted Rabbit analogy... or maybe it was Hilly's).
We were all good until one of my mates mum... mum's (what is the plural???) came to pick him up and asked (with my own mother in tow)
"so what have you boys been up to this weekend then??"
Now, me fully realising the sensitivity of some folk's ears, I didn't want to be brutally honest and say I had been showing her son how to properly skin and gut a rabbit without the use of a knife or blade..... the end result is never a good mental picture.
So I replied nonchalantly....
"Oh we've just been catching rabbits and fornicating them"
The stunned silence was enough to make me realise that there was something not QUITE right with that choice of words.
Posted: 5/1/2009 4:15:00 AM
|I've heard the words "You Idiot" so many times I have to remind myself what my real name is.|
If my ex saw this site she would write a book.
I remember I was in a mood one day and didnt want to do gardening but because I am away so much when I returned home my ex would insist on getting some of the hard labouring jobs done. Stupidly, in an immature manner I asked her "how do I plant a plant" she gave me this look that clearly said "you idiot" then calmly replied dig a hole and green on top.
Another time we were swapping cars at her work place, I was to drop the skyline off and pick up the falcon getting the keys from reception at her office, I rang her asking her what should I do with the skyline, the silence clearly said "You idiot" and then she proceeded to tell me to leave it in the boot. Argh the sarcasm. I guess she meant leave the keys at reception.
I locked her out of the house unintentionally so many times she got the lock changed to a pin code keyless. Needless to say her patience ran out and I am single.
Posted: 5/1/2009 7:41:26 AM
|My most idiotic moment needs some explaining... I used to frequent a chat room that would have huge get togethers (re: p!ssups) at a camping ground in the sticks, and one year me and another were incredibly tanked and thought it'd be funny to dance the lambada at this other guy in a kamikaze do-or-die fashion, which became known as the dry-hump.|
So two years later, after it'd become a long running gag, one chatter took control of the sound sysytem, playing some godawful music, and I threatend to dry-hump the hood of his prized car if he didn't turn it off and change the music. It ended up being a progression of at least 15 people who were soon "wooing" his car much to his distress.
Anyways, later in the wee hours, I found myself alone with this other chatter who's best described as drop-dead gorgeous, and one who many other chatters sought after. We were standing there just talking and smoking when she brought up the whole fiasco with the car and said she found it funny.
She then said to me, nodding into the distance where there was nothing but trees, "Maybe we should go for a walk... You might find something else you can (suggestive pause) dry-hump..."
And I, being a clueless sod at the best of times let alone when I've been drinking all night replied with no trace of irony, "Nah... No one parks their cars over there...."
Posted: 5/21/2009 4:36:24 AM
|I had a health scare the other day.|
I got up at 5am, pulled my PJ top off and threw it on the floor. I was about to hop into the shower when I glanced down and saw that my PJ top was COVERED in blood stains. Fark! In a panic I picked the top up to match the location of the blood stains to my body..................and realised that it wasn't blood stains on my top ...............it was blobs of melted chocolate.
Note to self: Stop lying in bed reading and eating chocolate.
Amended note to self: Nothing wrong with eating chocolate in bed - it's the missing the mouth that is the concerning part.
Additional note to self: Never diagnose a life threatening condition at 5am when it's dark and I'm half asleep!
Posted: 5/23/2009 3:13:32 AM
|^^^What's the bet the guys on this thread got as far as "pulled my pj top off" and didn't take in anything you wrote after that? |
Note to self: Try to make some kind of comment that is vaguely on topic now...
Ammended note to self: Damn, I can't think of anything...
Additional note to self: I'm being an idiot now, does that count?
Posted: 5/23/2009 4:51:05 AM
|not my idiot moment ,but got this email today ,thought it was worthy of this thread |
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.
From the Daily News comes this story of a Stockton-on-Tees couple who drove their car to Asda, only to have their car break down in the car park.
The husband told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The RAC mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead