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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > "I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you..."      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 tithen_loth_nim
Joined: 5/2/2007
Msg: 51
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I've had three boyfriends in 9 years.. and each of the three have given me that exact same line... I still don't get it, but that's ok, I guess I'm not supposed to.

I think the days of true love are over...

(can you tell i'm not that long out of a nice painful breakup?)
 PassionatelyLonely
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 52
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/24/2007 9:21:06 PM
True love is out there. Hard to find but its there. I believe it is but then again I am a hopeless romantic.

People use the line I love you too lightly.. If not in love say I like you ot I am really into you..

I love you if not in love does some really damaging stuff to people. I am one in example. Should you give up on lookin no theres more out ther and one to love you as much as you love them...
 Bridge Jumper
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 53
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/24/2007 9:27:56 PM
I think it means they have no desire to have sex with you. They aren't attracted to you anymore and they want out.
 PassionatelyLonely
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 54
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/24/2007 10:21:16 PM
I know some to have said that but still want the benefits of the sex just not the commitment of the relationship... Have to remember lust isnt love... Being attracted to a person dont mean you are in love with... I've known people to be just friends and havin sex They love each other to death but not in the way to be with each other as a couple .. So sex isnt really always the issue..
 1hunny4u
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 55
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/26/2007 7:12:12 PM
johnny you couldnt have said it better!
 spunki77
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 56
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:55:33 PM
Well, I think if it is a "way out of a relationship, it is a lame one! Let's get real. Just be honest and tell the other party you want out. Plain and simple.
 InSiGhT_62
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 57
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/26/2007 10:07:56 PM
I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND.... I'm either not physically attracted to you or emotionally connected with you.

I love you like I love my ice cream on a hot summer's night.....

I'm in love with you = I want to share my mind, body, soul with you .... you break my heart I end up on POF for the rest of my life
 evie1955
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 58
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/26/2007 11:40:25 PM
i have a different feeling on this,,due to getting burnt so many times i don't think I could ever be "in love" again, that doesn't mean i can't love someone and be perfectly happy for the rest of my life...to me being in love makes me feel too vulernable..


Evie
 evie1955
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 59
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/26/2007 11:43:48 PM
amen and well said
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 60
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/26/2007 11:46:47 PM
again, nothing wrong with feeling that way for someone , I'm sure we've all had that as a relationship dies , the feelings don't just die immediately (well usually hah)
but it's such an unfair thing to say to someone whose heart you are about to break.
it gives a false sense of hope when there really isn't any.
Someone thinks to themself "hey (self hah) he/she said they still loved me, that must mean theres a chance right?" wrong.... it's over!

and friendship after breakups are entirely possible, I should know, I've remained friends with every guy I've dated, with one exception...
 Christie129
Joined: 8/30/2003
Msg: 61
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/27/2007 12:12:47 AM
People change, as well as their feelings. It means that though they care for you, they are not ready to commit or have met someone else they feel more compatible with. If anyone ever tells you that, it's not because of anything you did or didn't do....it's just them. It could also be related to an emotional or mental crisis they are dealing with and feel the need to be alone.
 dasistalles
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 62
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/27/2007 12:26:41 AM
I didn't use this line on her, but that's definitely how it was with my first serious girlfriend. I was exceptionally infatuated with her..but I couldn't STAND who she really was, therefore I wasn't IN LOVE with her.

There are few things as painful...except being left for someone short, fat, bald, AND poor..after 14 years of marriage.

Well I've stopped trying to make sense of it...just keep shaking my head !

 BuddhaNature
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 63
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:50:54 PM
Once again I'm going to reverse things on everyone...

"Loving someone" is a higher form called unconditional love. This generally lasts a lifetime.

Being "In Love with someone" is a lower form as it is very exclusive and consists of completing each other's egos. When they negatively affect your ego, you dump them. Basically the participants are saying "I trade you very much." Buddhists call this a "special" relationship.
 faithful42
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 64
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/1/2007 12:07:08 AM
True, but then we are supposed to love all other humans as well as the world around us.
Do we?

Well said:)
 Clematis
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 65
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/1/2007 12:11:34 AM
Oh boy. I love you, I don't love you. I want you, I don't want you. I need you, I don't need you.

What a merry-go-round...

Wait until you feel at home with someone. Wait until you could live in an igloo or a grass shack and still want to be with that person. All the rest is pretty much games, imo.

Trouble is, life is short. We hate to miss opportunities. On the other hand, don't waste time with a lame duck.

 rwcul
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 66
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/1/2007 12:56:09 AM
yeah thats the suckiest part about loving someone like that. and i think that line hurts more than the actual breaking up

but then again. i have many female friends that i love dearly but i am not "in love" with them. after a relationship it can hurt really bad tho when they say that
 femefatal80
Joined: 5/24/2007
Msg: 67
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/1/2007 1:02:36 AM
Well ok being in a similar situation myself.....It is not necessarily mean you found or are looking for someone else. Being hurt among many other issues in relationships can cause a person to "fall out of love". Love can not always heal hurt. And yes it is hard on both ends when this happens because you may not be "In Love with the person" But you still care deeply for them because you were close to them and friendship took hold before the heart went out. There is no easy way to make sense of the comment "I love you but, I am not in love with you". Ir maybe confusing but it happens to the best of us!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just cherish the friendship even if you no longer hold the person's heart.

~Jackie
 SunsetStorm
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 68
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/1/2007 3:04:49 AM
Yes Im guilty of using It if telling the truth makes me guilty haha. It means just what u say - as you spent years and a great chunk of your life with this person you do feel love for them ( as you would a mother, brother, friend ect ) but this form of love Is no longer enough to keep you happy. You have no romantic love left for this person for you have grown apart or they neglected you so long that your love simply faded but hate never grew. Ie you think they are a good person but no longer can give you what you need emotionally.

I actually think Its the only way a relationship comes to a good and unprovoked end. Ie the person still thinks highly of you and respects you they simply cannot recreate the romantic love. Better that than them leaving you for someone else ect .. as this Is where the affairs start.

I know you may not be able to see It now, but someone even better with more love than you have ever known will come Into your life somewhere down this road
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 69
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History
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 7:08:24 PM

True, but then we are supposed to love all other humans as well as the world around us.
Exactly the point. So saying "I love you", without the "I'm in love with you" is tantamount to saying "You're just like the billions of humans on this planet that I'm not in love with either. Back on the shelf, baby."
In reality, it means one of 2 things:

You have no romantic love left for this person for you have grown apart
I've moved on, and found a new someone special. Usually a 2o-year-old, or the tennis coach.

they neglected you so long that your love simply faded but hate never grew.
You treated me like dirt, but I'm still too scared to say that, in case you get mad and treat me even worse. So I'll just say it nicely, till I move to Australia.


you think they are a good person but no longer can give you what you need emotionally.
Can we say ME, ME, ME?
Love is about the other person, not yourself. If you feel true love for any person in the entire world, you stop thinking only of yourself. With anybody, not just your partner. So you wouldn't say this to anyone, without explaining why.

This is just sugar-coating, to avoid being honest. Anyone who says this is a liar. It goes deeper than that. But we don't want to say it, because we are afraid of the repercussions. So fear breeds dishonesty, and dishonesty breeds confusion. Unfortunately, most people forget that confusion breeds more in the one who causes it, not in the one who it is done to. So their next relationship is even more f***ed up than you and they were. Now, ain't that nice?
 iago_lives
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 70
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 7:21:31 PM

This is just sugar-coating, to avoid being honest. Anyone who says this is a liar.


You are SO correct. That " I love you, I'm just no IN love with you" statement is the biggest load of shit that can ever be said to someone. It's a way of assuaging guilt, a cop out, a candy a*s way of telling someone they mean shit to you compared with the person you are leaving them for.
 Devenjohn
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 71
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:27:11 PM

That " I love you, I'm just no IN love with you" statement is the biggest load of shit that can ever be said to someone. It's a way of assuaging guilt, a cop out, a candy a*s way of telling someone they mean shit to you compared with the person you are leaving them for.


I disagree. I love my ex-wife, but I am by no means in love with her. And I didn't leave her for someone else. We just married very young and grew apart as we grew older. We are both a good deal different than the people who married at 18 and 19.
 JellyBean32882
Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 72
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:51:55 PM
I've heard them words before from my ex, but I was already in love with him when he told me, luckily I turned that all around and hate his guts now and I was going nowhere with him anyway, LOL..
 wholesomeheart
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 73
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:56:13 PM
I've compiled a list of the most heard quotes. I assume I don't have them all, but I do suspect those on here that were dumped by their partner heard several of the below.

I love you, I'm just not IN love with you.
I still love you, just not like a husband/wife
I still care for you.
I don't want to hurt you.
I am really, really, really sorry.
I really want you to have a happy life.
This will give you an opportunity to do all the things you've always wanted to do.
You will meet your special someone someday, it’s just not me.
I hope we can stay friends.
Look at it as a growing opportunity.
You will look back at this someday and thank me for this.
He/she has nothing to do with it. I was gone a long time ago.
You deserve someone who can make you happy and share your hopes and dreams!
People do this every day what is the big deal?
Kids need adversity in their life or how will they learn to deal with problems.
I just need to see what is on the other side of the bend for me.
I am so sorry for hurting you.
I think I was too young when I said I’d marry you
I’m doing what is best for everyone.
I want/need to find myself.
I’m doing this for you, not to you.
I'm doing this because I know I've not been in love with you for the past 6 years...and I'm not sure I've ever been in love with you...."
I don’t think you know what true love is.
I need some space.
This is not what I really want, but I think it's best for everyone.
I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you.
I'm a dumbshit and don't deserve you.
I can't stand seeing your face and living with the guilt of what I did to you.
It's not you, it's me.
You deserve so much better than me
This is the first thing that I have ever done for myself EVER
I don't want to be a wife/husband and a mother/father anymore.
We just aren’t compatible.
Look, just get over it and move on would you!
 JellyBean32882
Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 74
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:57:52 PM
Holy cow, I've heard alot of those, lol..
 Devenjohn
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 75
I LOVE you......I'm just not IN LOVE with you...
Posted: 6/10/2007 10:21:54 PM
It's not you, it's me.


The people saying this are lying. Either to themselves, or to the person it is directed at.

It's not you(let's call them person "A"), it's me(and this is person"B").

If A were C who was more compatible with B, then B wouldn't be saying this to A. But A is A and can't turn into C, therefore it is them.


I just re-read that and concluded it is time for bed. No clue if that will make sense to anyone other than my sleep deprived self ;)
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