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 Overdrv
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 26
How to ask about STD'sPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I would think that was alittle tackless but it is important info.
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 27
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/6/2007 10:00:35 AM

Absolutely agree. But I haven't done anything unprotected since then... so I guess no worries


Don't be too comfortable here. A condom is not a 100% preventative against an STD. Genital warts and herpes can be anywhere in the vicinity, not just on/in the area covered by a condom. Condoms also break and leak. Pre-ejaculate can carry the HIV virus. A condom is a good idea, but don't let it lull you into a false sense of security.
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 28
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/6/2007 3:28:13 PM
akastar,

I didn't judge you a bit. My comments were in reference to your statement, yes, but the information was for anyone reading the thread. I really have no interest in your sexual experiences. I am a trained mental health worker and hold a certificate in HIV training. I educate others in many areas, including safe sex.
 SunsetStorm
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 29
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/6/2007 4:52:50 PM
LOL he certainly did handle It rather yukky and no I doubt I would continue to see him either Problem Is theres not a lot of point in even asking someone as they all think they are std free and most think condoms created that when they protect against no skin born disease and many people are carriers with no symptoms .

So personally I find It easier to suss how free and easy they are putting It around. Still no guarantee clearly as It takes but one .. but less odds then the free lovin type. Only other option Is to both book In for a ton of testing before sleeping together. I prefer to just try to avoid the ones givin It away for thrills to anyone so to speak and hoping for the best
 Sigi
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 30
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 12:05:31 AM

Don't be too comfortable here. A condom is not a 100% preventative against an STD. Genital warts and herpes can be anywhere in the vicinity, not just on/in the area covered by a condom. Condoms also break and leak. Pre-ejaculate can carry the HIV virus. A condom is a good idea, but don't let it lull you into a false sense of security.


^^ Op, you are correct. One note about HPV (genital warts) though....since HPV is so common and USUALLY causes no symptoms, most men and women can get HPV – and pass it on - without realizing it. People can have HPV even if years have passed since they had sex.

Currently, there is NO test designed to find HPV in men.

So...even if your 'hubby' is showing you the results of the last STD test....it doesn't guarantee much.
 drmmergy
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 31
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 12:58:44 AM
Then how do you suggest the subject to be brought about? granted not on you're first date and obviously not how he did it. But When things start picking up speed, and you've been together for the right amount of time.You don't want to bring it up right before hand no? Personally I've had every test under the sun, not because I had anything,but to make sure I didn't.
For my own piece of mind you could say,but exactly how does one discuss the subject with a partner? so it's done and out of the way. We are both adults and to not discuss those matters these days is really taking a risk.I guess when you come to that bridge you find a way across it. I've always been a one woman guy, and had been married for the better part of 6 years.And I've never tapped the vein so....
 dolphin_3303
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 32
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 1:00:27 AM
Some useful information in this thread...

One should also note that some STIs/STDs (herpes I believe is one) can be passed by contact with the genital area or surrounding areas such as your thigh. (Which is not covered by a condom.)

However - to refer to the OP: That question was asked in about as crass a manner as I can think of. Its a good subject to bring up - although probably NOT on the first date. But the manner in which it is brought up will tell you a lot about the person. And that particular individual mentioned in the OP is crass and juvenile. (Lol - although since I probably would have also done something similar like sniff my armpits and say with a big grin YUP, I'm not sure I'd be winning the mature award either. But you get what you give!)




Don't be too comfortable here. A condom is not a 100% preventative against an STD. Genital warts and herpes can be anywhere in the vicinity, not just on/in the area covered by a condom. Condoms also break and leak. Pre-ejaculate can carry the HIV virus. A condom is a good idea, but don't let it lull you into a false sense of security.


^^ Op, you are correct. One note about HPV (genital warts) though....since HPV is so common and USUALLY causes no symptoms, most men and women can get HPV – and pass it on - without realizing it. People can have HPV even if years have passed since they had sex.

Currently, there is NO test designed to find HPV in men.

So...even if your 'hubby' is showing you the results of the last STD test....it doesn't guarantee much.
 dolphin_3303
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 33
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 1:04:05 AM

Then how do you suggest the subject to be brought about? granted not on you're first date and obviously not how he did it. But When things start picking up speed, and you've been together for the right amount of time.You don't want to bring it up right before hand no? Personally I've had every test under the sun, not because I had anything,but to make sure I didn't.
For my own piece of mind you could say,but exactly how does one discuss the subject with a partner? so it's done and out of the way. We are both adults and to not discuss those matters these days is really taking a risk.I guess when you come to that bridge you find a way across it. I've always been a one woman guy, and had been married for the better part of 6 years.And I've never tapped the vein so....


The manner will really depend on the individual and their own way of speaking. Some like humour, some like serious. Some clearly like crass (well not people on this forum.) Its an individual thing really. And the way that it is handled - well if the asking about it is not compatible, then neither are the people! There are some GREAT suggestions on page 1 though. Think it was by stephanie? (Didn't scroll back to check)

 drmmergy
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 34
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 1:33:10 AM
When I use the the term "tapped the vein",what I mean is I've never been an
Intravenous drug user.No Heroin,crystal,oxycotin or what ever sh*t they can
suck up in a needle and stick themselves. I don't want to come across as crass either,
I'm still a big kid at heart but,I'm also an adult and would'nt want to seem juvenile
about something I think is very serious.
 jst_a_mskgn_grl
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 35
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:54:07 AM
A great time to ask is for sure prior to intimacy, but maybe he is just lacking tack. Best bet - always use a condom. Men don't always have symptoms; therefore, can pass an STD without knowledge. Let's say, after a few months of condom use, you are both working out and decide to go without, what's wrong with getting a quick check at the doctors or health clinic? Better safe that sorry.
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 36
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 7:23:39 AM
You could always donate blood together. The blood bank will contact you if you have HIV. The other stuff is harder to detect unless you have an active sore. Herpes and HPV can lie dormant for years; some people never show symptoms. It's a calculated risk we take when we are sexually active. You can never be 100% sure.

I appreciate the feedback on my original question. I really was curious how people discuss this.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 37
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 7:34:03 AM
STD tests are only as good as the day they were taken... some STD's take over 6 months to show up.... Herpes and HPV and HIV and Hep are not part of standardized STD testing... so if they didn't ask to be tested for them they won't be.... and as someone else said there is no test for HPV in men at this time unless they have actual warts.... also, something like 80 percent of people with herpes are not symptomatic... and have no clue they have it... and most doc's don't think they need to test for it if the person has no symptoms... condoms are the most effect form of protection... but that doesn't protect you 100 percent.... any area that the condom doesn't cover that has HPV or Herpes can still transmit it... and you don't have to be showing signs to pass it...

bottomline... test results are great.... but in the end... they aren't 100 percent sure unless you both have gone years without sex....

and if he or she can't figure out how to talk about this with me... I am pretty sure I don't want to get naked with them... when you are at a point where you want sex in a relationship... you should be at the point where you can talk about this with out being offensive...
 cupholder
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 38
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:20:35 AM
"Any abnormal growths or small friends hopping around on your genital situation?"

Pretty simple.
 writer59
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 39
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How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:26:49 AM
Well, if he asked you "Are you clean", with a nod to his head at your crotch area, then too bad you didn't think of responding with, "Yes, I'm clean, but I have to be honest: "I've had all my shots because I'm a pre-op Tranny!" Let him do the runnin'!!
 Minnow1954
Joined: 10/24/2007
Msg: 40
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/8/2007 8:10:22 AM
I think a lot of good answers were given to this question already and YES everyone should be concerned about this. It isn't something that we think about while happily being married for 25+ years to one other, but that no longer being the case - it is out there - and awareness is good.
Now - to your question:
If I am asked this question on a first time meeting(ie:coffee) I will imediately assume this person is out to meet for ONE reason - he is looking for sex, and not for anything else! I don't say anything, just look at him as if he just came out of a sewer drain, and change the conversation to something totally different with the excuse of an appoinment I have to get to. OR, I ask him if he feels this was an extremely RUDE question to ask a perfect stranger!(all the while, looking him straight in the eye!) Next time he contacts - he is BLOCKED! In my mind - he is not interested in getting to know me - but only wishes to play the 'game' and it is the bedroom he wishes to see the most. If I wish to have an alley cat in my presence - I will go to the pound and adopt one. (four-legged variety)
Yes! I am old fashioned, but I know where I have been - I know where I am going - I have my priorities straight and I have my pride. If this person takes offense to my prudishness - he is definitely not the person for me.
 boisegoodbadboy
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 41
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/8/2007 8:17:39 AM

How to ask about STD's


got crabs?
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 42
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:55:06 PM
^^^^
How about...

"Got an itch you can't scratch right now?"
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 43
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/9/2007 1:51:56 AM
The best way to minimize the risk of sexually transmitted diseases is by practicing monogamy and marriage.
 CHARLIESFAVANGEL
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 44
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/24/2007 10:33:00 PM
Nowadays it is better to ask for it then be sorry later. Lot of people don't ask cause they are worried about being dump. I do not find it rude for someone who is interested in me to ask. At least I will know he is cautious of his health too.
I will tell you a true story.
A 22 years old virgin girl in POF asked one of the guy in POF for his STDS & medical results. He dumped her for asking. I was introduced to her once, if I met her again, I wanna tell her she did the right thing because she has saved her own life. Anyone who get offended when people asked them for STD result, i can quarantee they must have STD. I will not be offended if someone who is interested in me, ask me for STD result. At least I know he is cautious and clean, too. Sadly, people jump into the sack too fast before asking. They prefer to have fun first then cry later. That is why STD is spreading fast and nowadays people is treating it as a cold. They don't even care and is spreading it around to make everyone as one of them
A suggestion, STD people should mix around with their own kinds, so they will not spread the disease around. Go to STD personal ad.
 eazk
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 45
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/24/2007 10:43:03 PM
Wrap it up every time until you are both ready to talk about it...and frequently the best way to do that is to have a morning coffee date and pop over the the local health department screening...together.

He was asking because he wanted to go bareback. So why should you say yes...you get all the risk and not even sure of the reward.

 Bethlet
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 46
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/25/2007 12:26:33 AM
What? You mean that you DON'T go to first meet with the copy of your latest STD test in your hands?

Hell.
I use it as a bargaining chip.

LOL!
 dragonas85
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 47
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 11/25/2007 12:35:00 AM
its good to be paranoid about getting std's. when i broke up with an ex i went to get an std check because i thought he may have cheated-turns out he apparently didnt-and instead of having anything gross my chinese doctor said to me in a heavy accent no illness-u very very pregnant!!! i actually laughed and called her a liar but if i hadnt of gotten checked then i wouldnt have known for ages i was preggers and withthe heavy lifting and the dangerous work i was doing i wouldve lost my now 6 month old son. there are a whole heap of reasons to get yourself checked. i make sure i get checked at least once a year even if ive had no sexual contact or if id only had the one partner. it just makes sense-u dont always have to have intercourse to pick up illnesses-and a general check can save your life in some cases. it all comes down to how much do u value yourself i think. i know it sounds melodramatic but it really does.
 Blueguy21
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 48
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/25/2007 3:08:35 PM
Don't be too comfortable here. A condom is not a 100% preventative against an STD. Genital warts and herpes can be anywhere in the vicinity, not just on/in the area covered by a condom. Condoms also break and leak. Pre-ejaculate can carry the HIV virus. A condom is a good idea, but don't let it lull you into a false sense of security.


Wow for once I don't have to step in and say this! But yeah I mentioned in another thread a little while ago that herpes and HPV cannot be tested for unless you display the actual symptoms. (In that case you aren't really being tested, more like diagnosed)

Now STD's are very bad for you and are not a fun thing to deal with, when I first became educated on the subject I was extremely paranoid because around that time I just lost my virginity (this was about 3 years ago roughly, give or take a bit).

Anyways I went and got tested, never got phoned back (which is supposed to mean you are clean), but I didn't like the idea that I couldn't be tested for everything. Unfortunately that's how STD's work. Only some of them can be tested for, but a hpv and herpes are not detectable with current methods at this time. However there is good news but bad news(not too bad).

First off with the bad news:

STI's are like any other infection on your body, it just happens to be on your genitalia...For example people get cold soars on their lips, this is herpes complex-1 (complex-2 is on your genitals) , they go away in time, they might blister, itch, etc etc. If you perform oral sex on someone while having a cold soar it is possible to transmit complex-2 to the other persons genitals, which is why oral sex isn't safe (and they mean that when they say that), cold soars don't always have to be enlarged and visible to be transmitable to another person, all it takes is a speck of the virus to be active and on the lip. So oral sex isn't necessarily "safer".

Herpes and HPV are not curable, there are treatments to deal with the symptoms but no cures for the viruses. Which is why it is a very good idea to take vitamin supplements and eat healthy and exercise and keep the immune system strong. Why? Well that's the good news.

Although our medical science has not et evolved to the point that we can cure a virus (yet), we can give our bodies a chance to naturally fight off the infection(s) in our body. So our body CAN naturally kill off a virus from the system, that is why some people do not show symptoms because they probably have a natural immunity to the virus and are slowly removing the virus from their system without even realizing it. (That or the virus is simply hiding and waiting for it's time to "strike").

So basically, for STD's, they suck, they can be embarrassing and a hassle to deal with but they aren't that bad once you educate yourself on the subject. The ones that ARE curable are VERY bad for you however (ironic eh? Conspiracy theories anyone? Just kidding ;)) Those ones (that are curable) can destroy your reproductive systems, cause some serious health problems and so on, and they can be tested for via urine/blood test.

So basically if you catch AIDS, you are in serious trouble, the drugs to control the disease are expensive as hell and the virus destroys your immune system (which is supposed to fight off infections/disease in your body).

Herpes: Apparently a pain in the ass to deal with but I read that as time goes on the out breaks do not occur as often (most likely due to the fact that the body is slowly but gradually eliminating the virus from the body/developing an immunity to it).

All the curable STD's like chlamydia and gonnarhea , etc. : Curable but left untreated can give you some annoying/painful health problems or even severe ones as well. But as long as you get tested for these early on and get cured you don't have to worry, these ones on average take about 30-60 days to show up in your system

Yeah thats another thing, getting tested the next day after you just slept with someone probably won't do any good because the virus is still incubating in your system (if you caught one that is). So it's good not to sleep around with multiple partners and good to wait a while before getting into the sack with someone else.


"Any abnormal growths or small friends hopping around on your genital situation?"

Pretty simple.


It is not that simple. There are a wide variety of causes/explanations for "changes/problems" of the genitalia. Someone might get warts, but they might not be related to HPV, they can be molluscum warts , or if they don't have warts and their penis has random reddish "blemishes" they might have balantitus which is a skin disorder of the penis(when men do not wash and dry properly down there), etc etc. HPV is not easily diagnosed when the symptoms are very minimal or vague. Now if the person is getting full fledged flaring bumps then you can safely say that they most likely have an STD or just a few too many ingrown hairs.

Yeah watch out for that, some people try to cover up std's by claiming it is something else like a pimple,ingrown hair,etc. My sister told me about her friend who caught genital warts off some random guy who said it was just a "pimple", on his penis? cmon.

Sometimes people can catch yeast infections aka "thrush" (yes these can be sexually transmitted) , and can be easily be mistaken for an STD.

So yeah always wear a condom anyways to REDUCE the risk and if you do catch an STD just pray that it isn't AIDS, any other std isn't the end of the world, not saying to go out and catch one, I'm just saying to be responsible and if anyone catches an STD to relax and visit the doctor.


The best way to minimize the risk of sexually transmitted diseases is by practicing monogamy and marriage.


Very very smart! And they say us "right wingers" are crazy,which I think is retarded. more like logical if anything. If people practiced old fashioned concepts like monogamy more often like the gentlemen above stated, STD's wouldn't be such a wide spread problem to begin with.




 kayliecat
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 49
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History
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/25/2007 3:41:01 PM
I thought about this a lot years and years ago in college when so many guys and gals I knew had contracted STDs.

My conclusion was this. Use condoms the first few times. Don't go w/out until you have the conversation.

I know that condoms are far from foolproof. But I also figure, if you ask a guy does he have an std just as he's about to get in your pants, do you really expect he'll be honest? I mean, maybe he would. But likely he wouldn't. I guess I was pretty cynical back then.

Well, follow this. My boyfriend, S, was best friends w/my friend's boyfriend, T. My boyfriend, S, knew that hers had genital warts. He (S) told me. BUT the friend's boyfriend, T, didn't tell her...in fact he lied and said he was clean. Me, being a good friend, told my friend the truth.

They were using condoms at the time.

Well, after a month or so, they started talking about her going on the pill..which of course would be a big no no if he has warts. So my boyfriend, S, told T that he HAD to tell her the truth and get treated. So my friend's boyfrined, T, told my friend that he thought he should get checked out before she went on the pill, "just in case". THen of course he came home and told her that sadly, he had warts.

It all ended ok, I guess. But it was a tricky situation. Why the hell he wasn't already treated for them, I don't know. Not much I could do about it but let my friend know her risk.

So I figured after that, use condoms in the beginning no matter what...have the talk, but dont' ahve it just once. ANd before going condom-less, maybe both get a checkup?

K
 Blueguy21
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 50
How to ask about STD's
Posted: 12/25/2007 5:15:49 PM
^

You can't be cured from genital warts, you can only get the actual warts removed but the virus that causes HPV is still in your system. Warts *could* potentially come back. A lot of sexually active people have HPV (the virus that causes genital warts) but most people (according to the CDC) do not have any symptoms and think they are clean, also you cannot be tested for HPV. So prevention is important, they also have an HPV vaccine out now that is advertised towards women but I'd recommend it for men as well just in case, I was thinking about getting it just in case but it's an expensive 500$. I'm not sexually active right now anyways so it's not like it's a high priority right now or anything.
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