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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Screening for cheaters - how to?      Home login  
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 .Selena.
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 10
Screening for cheaters - how to?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I'm wondering does OP want to know if his current girlfriend/wife is cheating, or is he so worried a new woman will cheat that he's looking for clues before they've even given him any indication that they WOULD cheat??? Because if it's the latter, well that's just nuts.



If you see them in bed with someone other then you, they may be cheating.

 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 11
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History
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 4:51:22 PM
You can't screen for them - but chances are when they seem 'too perfect' - they probably have some kind of hidden agenda! I would think that every person who has been played here has a different tale to tell. Unfortunately only experience will make you wiser!
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 12
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:14:18 PM
Msg: 21,


You can't screen for them - but chances are when they seem 'too perfect' - they probably have some kind of hidden agenda! I would think that every person who has been played here has a different tale to tell. Unfortunately only experience will make you wiser!


In other words, if it is too good to be true, it probably is?


Msg: 20,


I'm wondering does OP want to know if his current girlfriend/wife is cheating, or is he so worried a new woman will cheat that he's looking for clues before they've even given him any indication that they WOULD cheat??? Because if it's the latter, well that's just nuts.


It is neither.
If it was the first, then I would ask myself "Why do I have these suspicions?" The answer is obvious. In this case my initial post would have read something like, "How can you tell if your spouse is cheating on you?".

It isn't the second. I'm not worried a new woman will cheat on me. If I knew she will then why would I be asking the question? I'm interested weather a woman exhibiting certain attitude might . Do you see the difference? See my response to msg 18. That is what prompted me to ask the question.


Msg: 19,
Silent Thunder, I'm interested in personality/attitude, not a particular action. Why? Because your interpretation of their actions is based on your understanding of their personality - or so I think. Do you agree?


Msg: 18,


Also... A friend always tells me, once you have been cheated on or cheated you can spot a cheater from a mile away. You just have to not ignore it when you get that feeling! Which is what a whole lot of people do!


EXACTLY! Now only if someone can put this knowledge into words.
If your friend can do that, then there is something s/he recognizes in each and every cheater! It follows that there is something common among all cheaters. Which is exactly why I asked the question!

Judging by the posts thus far, some of you are not even aware that such a thing is possible. What's even more troubling is that some of you claim, it isn't!
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 13
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/10/2007 6:42:46 PM
Msg: 5,


Screening for cheaters? No such thing! If all you ever look for is the worst in someone, thats all you'll ever find.


Wouldn't it be better to look for the good AND the bad in a person so that you can compare the two? Even gangsters do the occasional good deed! Should one label them "good"?
 arizonadeb
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 14
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:07:23 AM
Its impossible to "screen for cheaters", but if that little voice tells you something
feels wrong, than go with it.. Its usually right.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 15
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 11/11/2007 7:45:56 AM
Screening for Married cheaters - how to?



1) Ask them for thier home phone number... this will weed 95% of the cheaters out, they won't give it out because they don't wan't you to reach the other half at home.

2) Call them on a weekend (so more likely to be home).

3) Ask them out on a weekend (again, moma's in the house!).

To screen cheaters... cheating is a form of deception... only date people who have more integrity than you do (this is assuming you are not a cheater yourself).

Dating is simple, when you know how it works.
 SandOfTime
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 16
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:25:45 PM
I don't agree with the entrapment idea. Guilty until proven innocent. Entrapment is also a good way to make absolutely certain to scare away anyone legitimately interested in a relationship. It is usually too obvious when it happens (be it a male or female trying to set the traps).
 ADKSTARGAZER
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 17
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:53:41 PM
Please read msg # 5. This poster is right on the money. I could not put it in better words. So many of you Guys/Gal are still fighting the war. It will only drag you down. Be positive, look for good, look towards the future. You dont need little tests, if a person is not right for you, it will quickly surface. And if a good person figures out your running little tests on them......well for me that would be good by !

Things like running tests just instills more fear upon fear in meeting someone new. If you look hard enough, you will even hate Santa ha ha ha
 lonelyman154
Joined: 12/30/2005
Msg: 18
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Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:03:34 PM
You can't screen for cheaters DUMA** I've had people ask me it the past.....could you not see what was going on? NO because when you trust someone the last thing on your mind is them cheating.....When you trust someone and you find out they have been cheating ....you think....How could I have been so blind........You trusted them.......I'm not picking on women this has happen to Men and Women.... But If I can't trust a woman I don't need her....I think everyone fells that way.........
 horses44
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 19
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Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 12/18/2007 5:36:48 PM
Oh, ain't that the truth!!!!! Gut reaction is sooo important. I was going out with a guy for a while (didn't meet here) who I INSTANTLY knew was a player - didn't stop me though - he was tooo cute!!! He faded away, and that was the only time I have dated someone where I thought, "Hmmmm, I wonder what will come up if I google him?" Yikes, it wasn't good!!!

But I also believe the "vibe" you give will determine what kind of people you will attract. Generally speaking, I feel as though I date men who are decent good people. There are VERY few of my ex's that I look back on and go "He was such a creep." It just didn't work out, it happens.

If you find yourself looking over your shoulder waiting for something to go wrong, it just might. People are complicated, they have "stuff". Some stuff is tolerable, some isn't. Determine what stuff you can put up with and what you won't, things will work themselves out
 Sweeet Melissa
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 20
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:39:12 PM
OP
....how do you screen for cheaters?

Go to the "mail control" section of your profile and check the box marked "no cheaters."
Or just put "No cheaters" in your profile."

Seriously, you can not really screen for cheaters unless you have a lot of experience with cheaters and you know what to look for. Maybe if you are a cheater yourself or you are a person who is really good at reading people you can screen but it is difficult.

I am good at detecting cheaters in real life because of my experience in my profession. I am not good at detecting cheaters online. I need to hear tone of voice and see a guys facial reactions in order to correctly read him.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 21
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History
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 9/14/2008 3:16:01 AM
The single greatest predictor of future behavior, is past behavior. Have they cheated in the past? How do they feel about it now? Do they defend it, and how? How do they feel about other people who cheat?
 TragicallyHip
Joined: 11/28/2006
Msg: 22
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 9/14/2008 3:32:01 AM
You grab a Q-Tip, swab the inside of his cheek, and run a DNA test.

Seriously. scientists in the brave new world are studying a monogamy gene:

http://www.healthnews.com/medical-updates/scientists-discover-monogamy-gene-1706.html

What will they think of next?
 scifichicky
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 23
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 3/4/2012 6:05:18 AM
I look at the pictures on here, if their household looks like it was decorated by a woman (frilly handtowels and soaps showing in the reflection of the standard bathroom mirror shot) then they are probably attached. Very few straight men care much about window dressings, guest soaps and whether the shower curtain matches the rug and handtowels... puh-lease.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 24
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 3/4/2012 6:38:26 PM
Oh yeah and if they dont webcam especially in the evenings, or let you call them at home or have their phones on only at certain times. Dont see them much at week ends, Christmas or other holidays. But you cant screen for cheaters. Silly question.
 Timmahh88
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 25
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 3/4/2012 7:30:04 PM
Very very easy to pick out.

I don't know for guys but for women they do spontaneous things to improve their looks, hair colour/start exercising when they had no prior interest. Sex is a big one if they really have no interest in having sex with you she is probably getting it else where, very defensive when asked about absences/text messages.

Listen to your friends usually they aren't wrong if they tell you your partner is fooling around, cheaters also prey on your forgiveness, I wont ever forgive someone for cheating again because she will just go out and do it again.
 Helloitsmeyourlookingfor
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 26
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 3/6/2012 5:17:22 AM

Very few straight men care much about window dressings, guest soaps and whether the shower curtain matches the rug and handtowels... puh-lease


That's pretty harsh. My bathroom is all the same theme, and I have window dressings on all my windows. It's not that hard to go to a bog box store and buy a full set of matching bath accessories.

I would say, the typical profile with no picture (yes I don't have a picture because I am here for the forums only and do not email people for dates), can only talk or text at certain times.... work hours do not count. Seem to be continuously unavailable at certain times, unless they are a single parent and have specific parenting times.

It isn't that hard to figure out.
 Charliewv
Joined: 11/15/2010
Msg: 27
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 3/6/2012 1:48:13 PM
"Trust your gut. it is usually right."

This.

Trying to screen upfront for someone that may be cheating on someone else with you? Many good answers already - Home phone? Go home with them? Check profile pics? I really think the gut is great here.

Do you really want to invest time in something your gut is telling upfront isn't quite right?

Will they cheat on you in future? This is much more difficult. Two things immediately spring to mind. Risk takers/adrenaline junkies and guys with high testosterone (often mis-read as big balls). Married men have lower testosterone than single counterparts and married men with children the least. The anthropological idea being that the lower the T the less aggressive they are and the less likely they are to stray.

Very hard, without knowing their past, to determine how likely anyone is to do it in the future. But my gut has almost never been wrong. I can't count the number of times I let "reason" win only to wish I had listened to my gut.
 341islife
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 28
Screening for cheaters - how to?
Posted: 3/6/2012 11:30:49 PM
trust that gripping feeling inside of your stomach that says yo you that you know that something is wrong. when your partner isn't around snoop in every way to find out what is not right with him. you gut tells you that you know he is lying.
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